It is inevitable that as technology advances, it is transforming the way families interact. In what ways are families affected ? What measures can be taken to handle this

Some people believe that with the advent of technology, it has permeated education, finance, social life, and careers. Technological immersion impacts the quality of family relationships, particularly between parents and their children. From my own perspective, I think technological drawbacks surpass its benefits in forming family dynamics. Technical advancements impacted on family affection in many different ways, especially when iPhone was introduced in 2007. First and foremost, this is a hard challenge in maintaining parent-child communication when parents have to work for a long time. This means child might spend time alone which often called “latchkey kids”. Children have tend to be drawn by modern devices which could connect like game or social media platforms, increasing peer or stranger connection over parental guidance. Moreover, parents have difficulty in keeping up with trends of the later generation. With the rapid technical improvements, it requires parents to constantly learn about new devices, apps, social media, or “languages” like emoji meanings. Caretakers have to know how to balance between family, work, household duties, social activities, making the time for tech limited. Lastly, generation gap is very vital. Embracing and mastering technology is also a challenge for older generations who weren’t grown up with tech whereas children are digital natives. To address consquences of technology, protecting family time from technology's influence is essential for maintaining close, loving family relationships. In conclusion, technology offers great advancements but poses significant risks to family connection

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people believe" -> "It is widely believed"
Explanation: "It is widely believed" introduces a more formal and authoritative tone, enhancing the academic style of the essay by implying a broader consensus without attributing the belief to a specific group of people.
"it has permeated" -> "it has penetrated"
Explanation: "Penetrated" is more precise in this context, suggesting a deeper and more thorough influence of technology on various aspects of life, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"Technological immersion impacts" -> "Technological immersion affects"
Explanation: "Affects" is more commonly used in academic contexts to describe the influence of technology on human experiences, making it a more natural choice than "impacts."
"From my own perspective" -> "From my perspective"
Explanation: Removing "own" simplifies the phrase without losing meaning, aligning better with formal academic writing by avoiding unnecessary redundancy.
"Technical advancements impacted on" -> "Technical advancements have impacted"
Explanation: Changing "impacted on" to "have impacted" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with the present perfect tense used in the sentence, enhancing the sentence structure.
"iPhone was introduced in 2007" -> "the iPhone was introduced in 2007"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "iPhone" clarifies the reference and is more formal, typical of academic writing.
"this is a hard challenge" -> "this presents a significant challenge"
Explanation: "Presents a significant challenge" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquialism "hard challenge."
"child might spend time alone which often called” -> "children may spend time alone, often referred to as"
Explanation: "May" is more formal than "might," and "referred to as" is more precise and formal than "often called."
"Children have tend to be drawn" -> "Children tend to be drawn"
Explanation: Removing "have" corrects the grammatical error and simplifies the sentence structure, making it more direct and formal.
"could connect like game or social media platforms" -> "connect to games or social media platforms"
Explanation: "Connect to" is more precise and grammatically correct than "connect like," which is informal and vague.
"increasing peer or stranger connection over parental guidance" -> "increasing connections with peers and strangers over parental guidance"
Explanation: "Connections with peers and strangers" is clearer and more formal than "peer or stranger connection," and it avoids the awkward phrasing of "over."
"parents have difficulty in keeping up with trends of the later generation" -> "parents face challenges in keeping up with the trends of the younger generation"
Explanation: "Face challenges" is more formal and specific than "have difficulty," and "younger generation" is more precise than "later generation."
"it requires parents to constantly learn about new devices, apps, social media, or “languages” like emoji meanings" -> "it necessitates parents’ constant learning about new devices, apps, social media, and the nuances of emoji"
Explanation: "Necessitates" is more formal than "requires," and "nuances of emoji" is more precise than "languages like emoji meanings," which is awkward and unclear.
"Caretakers have to know how to balance" -> "caregivers must balance"
Explanation: "Caregivers" is a more specific term than "caretakers," and "must balance" is more direct and formal than "have to know how to balance."
"making the time for tech limited" -> "limiting the time for technology"
Explanation: "Limiting the time for technology" is more direct and formal, avoiding the awkward construction of "making the time for tech."
"Embracing and mastering technology is also a challenge" -> "Embracing and mastering technology also poses a challenge"
Explanation: Adding "poses" clarifies the subject-verb agreement and enhances the formality of the sentence.
"To address consquences of technology" -> "To address the consequences of technology"
Explanation: "The consequences of technology" is grammatically correct and more formal than "consquences," which is a typographical error.
"protecting family time from technology’s influence" -> "protecting family time from the influence of technology"
Explanation: "The influence of technology" is more formal and precise than "technology’s influence," aligning better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing how technology affects family relationships and suggesting measures to handle these effects. However, it does not fully explore the second part of the question regarding what measures can be taken. The discussion primarily focuses on the negative impacts of technology on family dynamics, such as communication challenges and generational gaps, but fails to provide concrete measures or solutions to mitigate these issues.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should explicitly outline specific measures that families can take to counteract the negative effects of technology. For example, the writer could suggest establishing technology-free family times, encouraging open communication about technology use, or engaging in activities that promote face-to-face interaction. Including these suggestions would ensure that all parts of the question are comprehensively addressed.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the drawbacks of technology outweigh its benefits in terms of family dynamics. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. While the introduction and conclusion effectively state this viewpoint, some body paragraphs introduce ideas that could be interpreted as neutral or even positive regarding technology, which may confuse the reader about the overall stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should ensure that all arguments and examples directly support the main thesis. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each point back to the central argument and avoiding any ambiguous statements that might suggest a more balanced view of technology’s impact.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the impact of technology on family relationships, such as the challenges of maintaining communication and the generational gap. However, these ideas are not thoroughly developed or supported with specific examples or evidence. For instance, the mention of "latchkey kids" is a relevant point, but it lacks elaboration on how this phenomenon specifically affects family dynamics.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. This could include statistics on the effects of technology on family interactions, anecdotes, or studies that illustrate the challenges faced by families. Additionally, extending ideas with further analysis would enhance the depth of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the effects of technology on family relationships. However, there are moments where the discussion could veer slightly off-topic, particularly when addressing the challenges parents face in keeping up with technology. While relevant, this point could be more tightly connected to how it specifically impacts family interactions.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central theme of family interactions and the effects of technology. A helpful strategy would be to outline the main points before writing the essay, ensuring that each paragraph contributes to answering the prompt without diverging into unrelated areas.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the essay needs to comprehensively address all parts of the prompt, maintain a consistent position, provide thorough support for ideas, and stay focused on the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the impact of technology on family relationships, structured around several key points. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs logically follow, each addressing a specific aspect of the issue. For instance, the transition from the general impact of technology to specific challenges faced by parents and children is smooth. However, the flow could be improved by ensuring that each point builds more explicitly on the previous one, creating a stronger narrative thread throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using topic sentences that clearly outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, linking phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help to clarify the relationship between ideas and ensure a more cohesive progression of thought.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer separation of ideas. For example, the discussion about "latchkey kids" and the challenges of keeping up with technology could be split into two distinct paragraphs to allow for deeper exploration of each point. This would also help to maintain clarity and focus within each section.
- How to improve: Implement a more structured approach to paragraphing by ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details. Consider using a separate paragraph for the conclusion that summarizes the main points and reinforces the thesis, rather than merging it with the last body paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "moreover," and "lastly," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the essay could benefit from a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance the flow and connection between ideas. For instance, the use of pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts could improve coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a mix of conjunctions (e.g., "although," "however"), referencing techniques (e.g., using synonyms or paraphrasing), and transitional phrases (e.g., "as a result," "in contrast"). This will not only improve the essay’s cohesion but also demonstrate a higher level of linguistic proficiency.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a coherent argument, but by focusing on enhancing logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can elevate their score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "technological immersion," "parent-child communication," and "digital natives" effectively conveying the main ideas. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, the phrase "hard challenge" could be replaced with "significant challenge" to enhance the expression. Additionally, the repetition of words such as "technology" and "parents" could be reduced by using synonyms or paraphrasing.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, consider incorporating more varied expressions and synonyms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "technology," you could use terms like "digital advancements," "technological innovations," or "modern tools." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can help expand your lexical repertoire.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are areas where word choice is imprecise or awkward. For instance, the phrase "impacted on family affection" could be more accurately expressed as "affected family relationships." Additionally, the term "caretakers" may not be the best choice in this context; "parents" or "guardians" would be more appropriate. The phrase "have tend to be drawn" is also grammatically incorrect and should be revised to "tend to be drawn."
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. Review the context of your sentences to ensure that the words you choose convey the correct nuances. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and precision can help in this area. Additionally, consider peer reviews or feedback sessions to identify and correct imprecise language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "consquences" (which should be "consequences") and "iPhone" (which should be capitalized as "iPhone"). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can affect clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, implement a proofreading strategy where you review your work for common spelling mistakes before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a list of frequently misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, reading your essay aloud can help catch errors that may be overlooked during silent reading.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy—you can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion for IELTS Task 2 essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For example, the sentence "This means child might spend time alone which often called ‘latchkey kids’" attempts to incorporate a complex idea but lacks clarity due to grammatical issues. The use of phrases like "technological immersion impacts the quality of family relationships" shows an understanding of more sophisticated structures. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a tendency to rely on simpler structures, which limits the overall range.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences with subordinate clauses and varied sentence openings. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "This means" or "Moreover," the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses, such as "As a result," or "In addition to this," to create smoother transitions and a more engaging flow. Additionally, integrating more conditional sentences (e.g., "If parents do not engage with their children, they may feel isolated") could further diversify the grammatical range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity and coherence. For instance, "child might spend time alone which often called ‘latchkey kids’" should be corrected to "children might spend time alone, which is often referred to as ‘latchkey kids.’" The phrase "have tend to be drawn" is incorrect and should be simplified to "tend to be drawn." Punctuation issues, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences and after introductory phrases, also detract from the overall readability. For example, "To address consquences of technology, protecting family time from technology’s influence is essential" could be improved with clearer punctuation.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles and prepositions. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas are used correctly in complex sentences will enhance clarity. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and correct mistakes before final submission.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the highlighted weaknesses will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people believe that with the advent of technology, it has penetrated various aspects of life, including education, finance, social interactions, and careers. Technological immersion affects the quality of family relationships, particularly between parents and their children. From my perspective, I think the drawbacks of technology surpass its benefits in shaping family dynamics. Technical advancements have impacted family affection in numerous ways, especially since the iPhone was introduced in 2007.

First and foremost, this presents a significant challenge in maintaining parent-child communication, particularly when parents have to work long hours. This means that children might spend time alone, often referred to as “latchkey kids.” Children tend to be drawn to modern devices that connect them to games or social media platforms, leading to increasing connections with peers and strangers over parental guidance. Moreover, parents face challenges in keeping up with the trends of the younger generation. With rapid technological improvements, it necessitates parents’ constant learning about new devices, apps, social media, and the nuances of emoji meanings. Caregivers must balance family time, work, household duties, and social activities while limiting the time spent on technology.

Lastly, the generation gap is very significant. Embracing and mastering technology also poses a challenge for older generations who did not grow up with such advancements, while children are digital natives. To address the consequences of technology, protecting family time from its influence is essential for maintaining close, loving family relationships.

In conclusion, while technology offers great advancements, it also poses significant risks to family connections.