nowadays, mobile phones should be banned in public places, such as libraries, shops and public transport. do you agree or disagree

some individuals are of the opinions that a ban should be established regarding the use of cellphones in public places, such as supermarkets, buses and libraries. Personally, I agree with this view based on several reasons that are explained in this essay.

On the one hand, there are some reasons that the prohibition on mobile phones can be highly beneficial. Public places offer a sense of community, meaning that people can access them for different purposes, including studying, moving and relaxing and thus, a common awareness should be taken to avoid conflicts between people. However, smartphones are known as for its modern features, including automatic notifications and rings, which seem to be annoying for some if their sounds are loud. Furthermore, as the internet becomes more dominant, people’s data has been commercialized, meaning that it can be exploited to generate profit. Thus, people become more conscious of their privacy, especially in public places where their smartphones that often contain important personal information can effortless be stolen.

On the other hand, I believe that banning people of using mobile phones in public places will be injustifiable. As convenient functions, such as calls and messages would be installed available on smartphones, they can allow people to ensure safety and stay updated with information in crowded places, especially if there are emergencies. For example, when a child is lost in the market, it will be effortless for his parents to contact with him if he has a cellphone in his hand, preventing his family from further worries and dangers. Additionally, In this day and age, novel inventions, like wireless headphones have been launched, helping them access information personally and alleviate noise for people surrounding in public places.

In conclusion, although a ban on smartphones should be essential for its reduced noise and restricted exploitation of data, this modern device still benefits during emergencies and some problems associated with disturbances can be avoided thanks to earphones.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"some individuals are of the opinions" -> "some individuals hold the opinion"
Explanation: The phrase "are of the opinions" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Hold the opinion" is the correct idiomatic expression, which is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"a ban should be established" -> "a ban should be implemented"
Explanation: "Established" implies the creation of something new, whereas "implemented" correctly conveys the introduction of a policy or regulation, which is more precise in this context.
"based on several reasons that are explained in this essay" -> "for several reasons that will be discussed in this essay"
Explanation: "Based on" is vague and informal; "for" is more direct and formal. Additionally, "explained" is passive; "discussed" is more active and suitable for academic writing.
"meaning that people can access them for different purposes" -> "enabling individuals to access them for various purposes"
Explanation: "Meaning that" is informal and vague; "enabling" is more precise and formal, and "various" is more specific than "different."
"a common awareness should be taken" -> "a collective awareness should be raised"
Explanation: "A common awareness should be taken" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "A collective awareness should be raised" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"smartphones are known as for its modern features" -> "smartphones are known for their modern features"
Explanation: "As for its" is incorrect; "for their" is the correct possessive form, and "its" should be "their" to agree with the plural noun "features."
"which seem to be annoying for some if their sounds are loud" -> "which can be annoying to some if their sounds are loud"
Explanation: "Seem to be" is passive and less direct; "can be" is more assertive and suitable for academic writing.
"people’s data has been commercialized" -> "personal data has been commercialized"
Explanation: "People’s data" is redundant; "personal data" is the standard term in this context, and "has been" is more formal than "has."
"people become more conscious of their privacy" -> "individuals become more aware of their privacy"
Explanation: "People" is too informal and general; "individuals" is more specific and formal. "Conscious" can be replaced with "aware" for a more precise academic tone.
"will be injustifiable" -> "cannot be justified"
Explanation: "Will be injustifiable" is incorrect; "cannot be justified" is the correct negation of justification, which is necessary in this context.
"calls and messages would be installed available" -> "calls and messages are available"
Explanation: "Would be installed available" is awkward and incorrect; "are available" is straightforward and correct.
"it will be effortless for his parents to contact with him" -> "it will be easy for his parents to contact him"
Explanation: "Effortless" is an exaggeration and informal; "easy" is more appropriate and formal. "Contact with him" should be "contact him" for grammatical correctness.
"preventing his family from further worries and dangers" -> "preventing further worry and danger to his family"
Explanation: "Preventing his family from further worries and dangers" is awkward and verbose; "preventing further worry and danger to his family" is more concise and formal.
"In this day and age" -> "currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a cliché and informal; "currently" is more concise and formal.
"alleviate noise for people surrounding in public places" -> "reduce noise for those around in public places"
Explanation: "Alleviate noise for people surrounding in public places" is awkward and grammatically incorrect; "reduce noise for those around in public places" is grammatically correct and more formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting both sides of the argument regarding the ban on mobile phones in public places. The writer states their agreement with the ban and provides reasons supporting this view, such as the need for a peaceful environment and privacy concerns. However, the essay also acknowledges the counterargument, suggesting that mobile phones can be beneficial in emergencies. This balanced approach demonstrates an understanding of the task, but the exploration of the counterargument could be more developed.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides are explored in greater depth. This could involve providing more specific examples or statistics to support the argument for banning mobile phones, as well as addressing the counterargument with equal weight. Additionally, a clearer distinction between the two perspectives could help in fully answering all parts of the question.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that supports the ban on mobile phones in public places. The writer states their agreement in the introduction and reiterates this stance throughout the essay. However, the introduction of the counterargument could create some confusion about the writer’s ultimate position, especially since it is not explicitly rebutted.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer could explicitly state their stance in the conclusion and briefly summarize why the benefits of a ban outweigh the drawbacks. This would reinforce their position and help the reader follow the argument more easily.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of a ban for community peace and privacy concerns. However, some ideas lack sufficient development. For instance, the point about privacy could be expanded with examples of how mobile phones can lead to data theft in public spaces. Additionally, the argument for the benefits of mobile phones in emergencies is somewhat underdeveloped and could use more elaboration.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. This could involve discussing specific scenarios where mobile phones have caused disturbances or where they have been crucial in emergencies. Using statistics or studies could also strengthen the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of mobile phone use in public spaces. However, some sentences could be clearer in their relevance to the main argument. For example, the mention of "novel inventions, like wireless headphones" feels somewhat tangential and could distract from the main focus of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central argument of whether mobile phones should be banned. If introducing new technology, it should be clearly tied back to the main argument or omitted if it does not serve the overall purpose of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents a clear position, there is room for improvement in the depth of argumentation and clarity of ideas. By elaborating on points, providing more examples, and ensuring all content remains relevant to the prompt, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument for both sides of the debate regarding the banning of mobile phones in public places. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, stating the author’s agreement with the ban. The body paragraphs are organized into two distinct sections: one supporting the ban and the other opposing it. However, the transition between these points could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of a ban to the drawbacks lacks a clear linking sentence that would enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the shift in argument. For example, phrases like "Conversely," or "On the contrary," can help clarify the relationship between opposing viewpoints. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea will strengthen the overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of banning mobile phones, while the second addresses the reasons against such a ban. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. The first paragraph is somewhat longer and contains multiple ideas that could be more clearly delineated.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, aim for more balanced lengths and ensure that each paragraph explores a single idea in depth. For instance, the first paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the social aspects of public spaces and the other on privacy concerns related to mobile phone usage. This would allow for a more thorough exploration of each point and enhance clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal the structure of the argument. However, there is a limited range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. For example, while there are some linking words, the essay could benefit from a wider variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more fluidly.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "In addition," and "However," to connect ideas within paragraphs. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help avoid repetition and create smoother transitions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "mobile phones," consider using "these devices" or "smartphones" in subsequent references.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices can elevate the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "prohibition," "commercialized," and "injustifiable." The writer uses synonyms effectively, such as "cellphones" and "smartphones," which helps to avoid repetition. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, the phrase "common awareness" could be replaced with "shared understanding" for a more nuanced expression.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more advanced synonyms and phrases. For instance, instead of "important personal information," consider using "sensitive personal data." Additionally, exploring idiomatic expressions or collocations related to the topic could enrich the essay further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices. For example, the phrase "banning people of using mobile phones" is awkward; it would be more precise to say "banning the use of mobile phones by individuals." Additionally, the term "effortless" is misused in the context of "can effortless be stolen," where "easily" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on context-appropriate vocabulary. Reviewing phrases for clarity and correctness is essential. For instance, replacing "injustifiable" with "unjustifiable" would enhance accuracy. Furthermore, the writer should consider the context of usage to ensure that the chosen words convey the intended meaning effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the spelling in the essay is quite accurate, with only a few minor errors. The word "injustifiable" is spelled correctly, but "installed available" is awkward and could confuse readers. The phrase should be revised for clarity and correctness.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on commonly confused words and phrases. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or quizzes can reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary, ensuring precise word choices, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "some individuals are of the opinions that" and "I believe that banning people of using mobile phones in public places will be injustifiable" shows an attempt to incorporate more complex constructions. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "banning people of using mobile phones," which should be "banning people from using mobile phones." This indicates a need for more natural and varied sentence constructions.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could practice using different sentence openings and integrating clauses more effectively. For instance, starting sentences with adverbial phrases (e.g., "In crowded places, mobile phones can provide safety") or using conditional clauses (e.g., "If mobile phones are banned, people may feel less secure") could add depth and complexity to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors. For example, "smartphones are known as for its modern features" should be corrected to "smartphones are known for their modern features." Additionally, the phrase "meaning that it can be exploited to generate profit" lacks clarity, as "it" does not clearly refer to any noun. Punctuation is generally used correctly, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before conjunctions in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and pronoun usage. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, would be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for clarity and coherence can help catch awkward phrases and punctuation mistakes. Reading well-structured essays can also provide insight into proper grammar and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the identified weaknesses will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals hold the opinion that a ban should be implemented regarding the use of mobile phones in public places, such as supermarkets, buses, and libraries. Personally, I agree with this view for several reasons that will be discussed in this essay.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why the prohibition of mobile phones can be highly beneficial. Public places offer a sense of community, enabling individuals to access them for various purposes, including studying, moving, and relaxing. Thus, a collective awareness should be raised to avoid conflicts between people. However, smartphones are known for their modern features, including automatic notifications and ringtones, which can be annoying to some if their sounds are loud. Furthermore, as the internet becomes more dominant, personal data has been commercialized, meaning that it can be exploited to generate profit. Consequently, individuals become more aware of their privacy, especially in public places where their smartphones, which often contain important personal information, can be easily stolen.

On the other hand, I believe that banning the use of mobile phones in public places cannot be justified. With convenient functions, such as calls and messages readily available on smartphones, they allow people to ensure safety and stay updated with information in crowded areas, particularly during emergencies. For example, when a child is lost in a market, it will be easy for his parents to contact him if he has a cellphone in his hand, preventing further worry and danger to his family. Additionally, currently, novel inventions like wireless headphones have been launched, helping individuals access information personally and reduce noise for those around in public places.

In conclusion, although a ban on smartphones should be considered for its potential to reduce noise and limit the exploitation of data, this modern device still provides significant benefits during emergencies, and many problems associated with disturbances can be avoided thanks to earphones.