You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: In many countries, a small number of people earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that governments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
In many countries, a small number of people earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that governments should not allow salaries above a certain level.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
Some people believe that earning high salaries of a small number is essential, bout others assume that goverments should not let salaries above a certain level. In this essay, I will analyze both of views of this problem before giving my own opininon.
On the one hand, it is understandable why one of schools think that salaries should not be allowed above certain level. One of the reasons is classifying the satus in the social. For example, in India, the people having much money can have powerful rights, while the poor is treated unfairly. Therefore, a unbalance society is created. Moreover, the workers may be exploited because the salaries is paid which is not worth compared to the workload they have to complete. As a result, the would stop their work leading to the producing process be delayey. This may create many challenges for this factory as well as the national economic.
On the other hand, high salaries is paid for a fewer number of people is necessary. First, having high incomes is synonymous with paying the high taxes, which is contributing to the growth of their nations. Moreover, for people who are jobless, they could live thanks to the allowance which is the taxes. Furthermore, people gaining high salaries are often talented and have a wonderful ability, so this is a way to keep the talents for companies as well as countries.
In conclusion, although not permiting salaries above a certain level because of the fair treat and society, I would lean towards about high salaries is paid for the employees with high skills thanks to the development of companies and nations.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"earning high salaries of a small number" -> "receiving high salaries in limited numbers"
Explanation: The phrase "earning high salaries of a small number" is awkward and unclear. "Receiving high salaries in limited numbers" clarifies the meaning and maintains a formal tone. -
"bout" -> "about"
Explanation: "Bout" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "about" for grammatical accuracy. -
"goverments" -> "governments"
Explanation: "Goverments" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "governments" for proper spelling. -
"opininon" -> "opinion"
Explanation: "Opininon" is a spelling error and should be corrected to "opinion" for accuracy. -
"one of schools think" -> "one school of thought holds"
Explanation: "One of schools think" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "One school of thought holds" is grammatically correct and more precise. -
"classifying the satus in the social" -> "classifying social status"
Explanation: "Classifying the satus in the social" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Classifying social status" is clearer and more formal. -
"the people having much money can have powerful rights" -> "those with significant wealth may wield considerable influence"
Explanation: "The people having much money can have powerful rights" is informal and vague. "Those with significant wealth may wield considerable influence" is more precise and formal. -
"the poor is treated unfairly" -> "the poor are treated unfairly"
Explanation: "The poor is" is grammatically incorrect; "the poor are" corrects the verb agreement. -
"a unbalance society" -> "an unbalanced society"
Explanation: "A unbalance society" is grammatically incorrect. "An unbalanced society" corrects the article and adjective agreement. -
"the salaries is paid which is not worth" -> "the salaries paid are not commensurate"
Explanation: "The salaries is paid which is not worth" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "The salaries paid are not commensurate" is grammatically correct and more formal. -
"the would stop their work leading to the producing process be delayey" -> "they would cease work, thereby delaying the production process"
Explanation: "The would stop their work leading to the producing process be delayey" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "They would cease work, thereby delaying the production process" is grammatically correct and clearer. -
"high salaries is paid for a fewer number of people" -> "high salaries are paid to a smaller number of individuals"
Explanation: "High salaries is paid for a fewer number of people" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "High salaries are paid to a smaller number of individuals" corrects the verb agreement and uses more precise language. -
"having high incomes is synonymous with paying the high taxes" -> "having high incomes is equivalent to paying high taxes"
Explanation: "Is synonymous with" is slightly informal and less precise. "Is equivalent to" is more formal and academically appropriate. -
"people gaining high salaries are often talented and have a wonderful ability" -> "individuals earning high salaries are often talented and possess exceptional abilities"
Explanation: "People gaining high salaries" is less formal and "wonderful ability" is vague. "Individuals earning high salaries" and "possess exceptional abilities" are more precise and formal. -
"not permiting salaries above a certain level" -> "not permitting salaries above a certain level"
Explanation: "Not permiting" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "not permitting" for grammatical accuracy. -
"I would lean towards about high salaries is paid for the employees" -> "I lean towards the payment of high salaries to employees"
Explanation: "I would lean towards about high salaries is paid for the employees" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "I lean towards the payment of high salaries to employees" is grammatically correct and clearer.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding high salaries, acknowledging the arguments against them, such as social inequality and potential exploitation of workers. However, the discussion of the opposing view lacks depth and clarity, particularly in the explanation of why high salaries are beneficial. The essay mentions that high earners contribute to tax revenue and that they are often talented, but these points could be more thoroughly developed with examples or further explanation.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each viewpoint is explored in equal depth. This could involve providing more specific examples or statistics to support each argument. Additionally, the writer should clearly delineate the two perspectives in separate paragraphs to improve clarity.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a personal opinion in the conclusion, leaning towards the idea that high salaries are beneficial. However, the position is not consistently clear throughout the essay. Phrases like "I would lean towards" suggest uncertainty, which undermines the strength of the argument. The introduction also lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should state their opinion explicitly in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. Using definitive language and summarizing the main points in the conclusion can help solidify the writer’s stance.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding both sides of the argument, but many of them are underdeveloped. For instance, the claim that high salaries lead to higher taxes is made, but it is not explained how this benefits society. The examples provided, such as the situation in India, could also be elaborated upon to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples, data, or anecdotes that illustrate the argument more vividly. This could involve discussing the impact of high salaries on economic growth or providing case studies of countries with varying salary structures.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the pros and cons of high salaries. However, some sentences veer off into tangents, such as the mention of worker exploitation without a clear connection to the main argument. The phrasing is sometimes unclear, which can distract from the main points being made.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates directly to the prompt. Additionally, avoiding vague phrases and ensuring that every sentence contributes to the overall argument will help keep the essay on track.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, it requires more depth, clarity, and structure to achieve a higher band score. By focusing on elaborating ideas, maintaining a clear position, and ensuring all parts of the question are thoroughly addressed, the writer can improve the overall effectiveness of their response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the negative aspects of high salaries to the positive aspects feels abrupt. The arguments in each paragraph are relevant but could be better connected to enhance the overall coherence. For example, the first paragraph discusses social inequality, but the connection to economic impacts could be made clearer.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using more explicit linking phrases between ideas, such as "In contrast" or "Similarly." Additionally, ensure that each point directly relates to the thesis statement. A clearer roadmap in the introduction outlining the main points to be discussed could also help guide the reader through the argument.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific viewpoint, which aids readability. However, the paragraphs could be more developed. For example, the first body paragraph introduces several ideas but does not fully elaborate on them, particularly the point about workers being exploited. This lack of depth can make the argument feel less convincing.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on the main idea. Including examples or evidence to back up claims will also strengthen the argument. For instance, when discussing exploitation, providing specific examples or statistics could make the argument more compelling.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to signal contrasting viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the would stop their work leading to the producing process be delayey," which detracts from clarity. Additionally, there are grammatical errors that affect cohesion, such as "the salaries is paid" instead of "salaries are paid."
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," "Conversely," and "Consequently." Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy will enhance clarity and cohesion. Consider practicing sentence structures that combine ideas smoothly, which will help in creating a more fluid narrative.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant arguments, enhancing logical organization, developing paragraphs more fully, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to achieving a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it is somewhat limited in variety. For example, terms like "high salaries," "poor," and "workers" are repeated without much variation. Phrases such as "high incomes" and "talented" are used, but there are opportunities to incorporate synonyms or more complex vocabulary to enhance the richness of the language.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer could use synonyms such as "remuneration" for "salaries," "underprivileged" for "poor," and "employees" instead of "workers." Additionally, incorporating phrases like "economic disparity" or "income inequality" could add depth to the discussion.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "classifying the status in the social" is awkward and unclear. The term "satus" appears to be a misspelling of "status," which affects clarity. Additionally, "the salaries is paid which is not worth" is grammatically incorrect and imprecise.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity. For instance, revising the phrase to "the salaries paid are not commensurate with the workload" would improve both precision and clarity. Additionally, ensuring that all terms are correctly spelled and grammatically correct will strengthen the overall effectiveness of the essay.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its professionalism. Words such as "bout" (but), "goverments" (governments), "satus" (status), "unbalance" (unbalanced), and "delayey" (delayed) demonstrate a lack of attention to spelling. These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers or writing software can help identify and correct spelling errors. Additionally, reading the essay aloud may help catch mistakes that are overlooked during silent reading. Practicing spelling through exercises or flashcards can also reinforce correct spelling of commonly used words.
Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements of the task, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structure, but it is limited. For instance, simple sentences such as "Some people believe that earning high salaries of a small number is essential" and "On the other hand, high salaries is paid for a fewer number of people is necessary" are prevalent. There are attempts at complex structures, but they often lack clarity, as seen in "the would stop their work leading to the producing process be delayey," which is confusing and poorly constructed.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex and compound sentences. For example, instead of saying "the workers may be exploited because the salaries is paid which is not worth," a more effective structure could be, "the workers may be exploited due to salaries that do not reflect their workload." Practicing the combination of clauses and using varied sentence openings can also help in achieving greater complexity.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that hinder clarity and coherence. For example, "bout" should be "but," and "goverments" should be "governments." Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, as in "high salaries is paid," which should be "high salaries are paid." Punctuation errors are also present, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work to catch spelling mistakes and ensure proper subject-verb agreement. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Furthermore, the writer should familiarize themselves with punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences. Reading more academic essays can also provide insight into proper grammar and punctuation usage.
Overall, while the essay presents a relevant discussion on the topic, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence variety and grammatical precision will enhance the overall quality of the writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
Some people believe that receiving high salaries by a small number of individuals is essential, while others argue that governments should not allow salaries above a certain level. In this essay, I will analyze both views on this issue before giving my own opinion.
On the one hand, it is understandable why one school of thought holds that salaries should not be permitted above a certain level. One reason is the classification of social status. For example, in India, those with significant wealth often wield considerable influence, while the poor are treated unfairly. Consequently, an unbalanced society is created. Moreover, workers may be exploited because the salaries paid are not commensurate with the workload they have to complete. As a result, they may cease work, thereby delaying the production process. This can create many challenges for factories as well as the national economy.
On the other hand, high salaries paid to a smaller number of individuals are necessary. First, having high incomes is equivalent to paying high taxes, which contributes to the growth of their nations. Furthermore, for people who are jobless, they could rely on allowances funded by these taxes. Additionally, individuals earning high salaries are often talented and possess exceptional abilities, making it essential to retain such talent for companies and countries.
In conclusion, although some argue against permitting salaries above a certain level due to concerns about fairness and social equity, I lean towards the payment of high salaries to employees with high skills, as this is crucial for the development of companies and nations.
