The charts below show the number of tourists to australia from three countries in 1995 and 2005, and the types of travels between 1995 and 2005

The bar chart demonstrates the quantity of visitors to Autralia from three distinct nations over separate of 2 years ( 1995 and 2005) . The graph depicts 2 different kinds of travels from 1995 to 2000.
Overall people in the US and the UK have a preference for travelling to Australia.In addition, backpacking witnessed an downward trend during the period shown.
To begin with in 1995, the highest number of visitors belonged to Japan, with the figure reaching 1.500.000, which tripled the figure of the US at exactly 500.000 tourists compared to 800.000 people of the Uk.After 1 decade, the figures for the UK and the US shared the similar data at around 1.500.000 tourists.At the same time, the number of japanese tourist was significantly lower at about 800.000.
Regarding to the second chart, we can evidently see that in the year 1995, the quantity of backpackers stood at 1.600.00 while the figure for visitors stayed at resorts was much lower at exactly 300.000. In the following 10 years, both fields of travels shared the same data at about 1.100.000 tourists.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the quantity of visitors" -> "the number of visitors"
Explanation: "Quantity" is often used for uncountable nouns, while "number" is more appropriate for countable nouns like "visitors."
"from three distinct nations over separate of 2 years" -> "from three distinct nations over a span of two years"
Explanation: "Separate of" is incorrect; "over a span of" is a more formal and precise way to express the duration.
"the graph depicts 2 different kinds of travels" -> "the graph depicts two distinct types of travel"
Explanation: "2" should be written out as "two" in formal writing, and "types of travel" is more precise and appropriate than "kinds of travels."
"witnessed an downward trend" -> "experienced a downward trend"
Explanation: "Witnessed" is too informal and implies passive observation; "experienced" is more active and appropriate for describing trends.
"the highest number of visitors belonged to Japan" -> "the highest number of visitors was from Japan"
Explanation: "Belonged to" is awkward in this context; "was from" clearly indicates the origin of the visitors.
"which tripled the figure of the US at exactly 500.000 tourists compared to 800.000 people of the Uk" -> "which was three times greater than the figure for the US, which was 500,000 tourists, compared to 800,000 visitors from the UK."
Explanation: This revision clarifies the comparison and corrects the numerical formatting (using commas instead of periods for thousands).
"shared the similar data" -> "shared similar data"
Explanation: "The" is unnecessary and makes the phrase awkward; removing it improves the flow.
"the number of japanese tourist was significantly lower" -> "the number of Japanese tourists was significantly lower"
Explanation: "Japanese" should be capitalized as it is a proper adjective, and "tourist" should be pluralized to match the context.
"Regarding to the second chart" -> "Regarding the second chart"
Explanation: "Regarding to" is incorrect; simply "regarding" is sufficient and grammatically correct.
"the quantity of backpackers stood at 1.600.00" -> "the number of backpackers stood at 1,600,000"
Explanation: "Quantity" is inappropriate here; "number" is more suitable, and the numerical formatting should use commas for clarity.
"the figure for visitors stayed at resorts was much lower" -> "the figure for visitors staying at resorts was much lower"
Explanation: "Stayed" is incorrect in this context; "staying" correctly describes the ongoing action.
"both fields of travels shared the same data" -> "both categories of travel shared similar data"
Explanation: "Fields of travels" is awkward; "categories of travel" is clearer and more formal.

These changes enhance the precision, clarity, and academic tone of the essay while maintaining a natural flow.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay recounts detail mechanically with no clear overview. The essay presents, but inadequately covers, key features/bullet points. There is a tendency to focus on details.

How to improve: The essay needs to provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also focus on highlighting the key features of the data, rather than simply recounting details. For example, the essay could state that the number of tourists from Japan decreased significantly between 1995 and 2005, while the number of tourists from the US and the UK increased. The essay could also highlight the fact that backpacking witnessed a downward trend during the period shown.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are notable issues with overall progression and clarity. While it attempts to compare the number of tourists from different countries and the types of travel, the structure is somewhat disjointed. The introduction lacks clarity in distinguishing between the two charts, and the transitions between ideas are not always smooth. There are instances of repetitive phrasing and inaccuracies in the use of cohesive devices, which detracts from the overall coherence. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not effectively utilized, leading to confusion in the flow of information.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly defining the relationship between the two charts in the introduction. Using more varied cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic would help improve clarity. Additionally, ensuring that the data is presented in a logical sequence with appropriate transitions will aid in creating a smoother flow of ideas. Lastly, careful proofreading to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure will contribute to a more coherent essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about tourist numbers and trends, there are noticeable errors in spelling (e.g., "Autralia," "japanese," "downward trend," "stood at 1.600.00") and word formation that may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, the use of phrases such as "the highest number of visitors belonged to Japan" and "shared the similar data" indicates a lack of precision and flexibility in vocabulary usage. Overall, the essay does not fully meet the criteria for higher bands due to these limitations.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range, particularly by incorporating more precise and varied terms related to tourism and data description. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct spelling and grammatical errors is essential. Practicing the use of synonyms and less common lexical items, while ensuring accuracy in word choice and collocation, will also contribute to a stronger performance in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex sentences. However, the accuracy of these structures is inconsistent, with frequent grammatical errors that can cause difficulty for the reader. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("the highest number of visitors belonged to Japan"), incorrect article usage ("the quantity of visitors to Autralia"), and punctuation errors (missing commas and incorrect spacing). These errors detract from the overall clarity of the essay.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of grammatical structures by incorporating more complex sentences and ensuring that these structures are used accurately. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct grammatical and punctuation errors will enhance clarity and coherence. Practicing the use of varied sentence forms and seeking feedback on written work can also contribute to improvement in grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart demonstrates the number of visitors to Australia from three distinct nations over two separate years (1995 and 2005). The graph depicts two different types of travel from 1995 to 2005. Overall, people from the US and the UK have a preference for traveling to Australia. In addition, backpacking experienced a downward trend during the period shown.

To begin with, in 1995, the highest number of visitors came from Japan, with the figure reaching 1,500,000, which was three times the number of visitors from the US, at exactly 500,000 tourists, compared to 800,000 from the UK. After a decade, the figures for the UK and the US were similar, at around 1,500,000 tourists each. At the same time, the number of Japanese tourists was significantly lower, at about 800,000.

Regarding the second chart, it is evident that in 1995, the number of backpackers stood at 1,600,000, while the figure for visitors staying at resorts was much lower, at exactly 300,000. In the following ten years, both types of travel showed a decline, with both categories reaching approximately 1,100,000 tourists.