A friend of yours, who has been living in another country for some time, is going to visit you for a week. Write a letter suggesting what you might do together and what sights you might visit.
A friend of yours, who has been living in another country for some time, is going to visit you for a week. Write a letter suggesting what you might do together and what sights you might visit.
Dear Ana
I'm so excited to hear that you're coming to visit Phu Yen. Au I have planned what we can do together when you're here. I think that you will love it. ba
We can do a lot of fun things together. First. I'll take you" to a coffee shop in the city center. We can see the beach here and if we come early in the morning, we can even watch the sunrise. Then we enjoy fresh seafood like tuna eyes and seafood hotpot. There are also some great street foods like Banh xeo and Banh Canh. I think that you'll enjoy them After that, we're going to the market to buy some ingredients for the evening party. Well, there are many things that I want to confide in with you.
As for sightseeing Thu Yen has many beautiful places we can visit together. I would take you Bai Xep Beach. It's one of the most beautiful and peaceful spots here.
We can relax and take beautiful photos. We can't miss Mui Dien lighthouse. It's the best place to watch the sunrise and enjoy the beautiful scenery and fresh atmospher here. Looking forward to seeing you soon. I'm sure we'll have a great time together. Best wishes.
Glenda
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Dear Ana" -> "Dear Ana"
Explanation: The salutation "Dear" is appropriate for formal letters, but it is missing a comma after it. Adding a comma after "Dear" is necessary for proper punctuation in formal writing. -
"I’m so excited" -> "I am delighted"
Explanation: "I’m so excited" is too informal for academic writing. "I am delighted" maintains a formal tone and is more suitable for a letter. -
"Au I have planned" -> "I have planned"
Explanation: "Au" is likely a typo and should be removed. The correct phrase should be "I have planned." -
"I think that you will love it" -> "I believe you will find it enjoyable"
Explanation: "I think" is somewhat informal and vague. "I believe" is more assertive and academically appropriate. Additionally, "find it enjoyable" is more precise than "love it," which can be overly emotional for formal writing. -
"First. I’ll take you" -> "First, I will take you"
Explanation: The period after "First" is incorrect; a comma is needed to separate the introductory phrase from the main clause. Also, "I’ll" is a contraction and should be expanded to "I will" for formal writing. -
"We can see the beach here" -> "We can observe the beach from here"
Explanation: "See" is too casual and vague; "observe" is more precise and formal. Also, "from here" clarifies the location more accurately. -
"if we come early in the morning" -> "if we arrive early in the morning"
Explanation: "Come" is less formal than "arrive," which is more suitable for a formal context. -
"We enjoy fresh seafood" -> "We will enjoy fresh seafood"
Explanation: "We enjoy" is a statement of ongoing action, which is less formal. "We will enjoy" indicates future action, which is more appropriate in this context. -
"There are also some great street foods like Banh xeo and Banh Canh" -> "Additionally, we can sample street foods such as Banh xeo and Banh Canh"
Explanation: "There are also some great" is informal and vague. "Additionally, we can sample" is more precise and formal, and "such as" is more appropriate than "like" in formal writing. -
"I think that you’ll enjoy them" -> "I believe you will find them enjoyable"
Explanation: Similar to earlier, "I think" is informal and "I believe" is more assertive and formal. "Find them enjoyable" is more precise than "enjoy them." -
"Well, there are many things that I want to confide in with you" -> "Furthermore, there are several matters I wish to discuss with you"
Explanation: "Well" is too informal and conversational for academic writing. "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase. "Matters" is more precise than "things," and "wish to discuss" is more formal than "want to confide in." -
"Thu Yen has many beautiful places" -> "Thu Yen offers numerous scenic attractions"
Explanation: "Has many beautiful places" is vague and informal. "Offers numerous scenic attractions" is more specific and formal. -
"I would take you Bai Xep Beach" -> "I would like to take you to Bai Xep Beach"
Explanation: "I would take you" is grammatically incorrect. "I would like to take you to" corrects the grammar and adds politeness. -
"It’s one of the most beautiful and peaceful spots here" -> "It is one of the most beautiful and serene spots in this area"
Explanation: "It’s" is a contraction and should be expanded to "It is" for formality. "Serene" is a more formal synonym for "peaceful," and "in this area" specifies the location more clearly. -
"We can’t miss Mui Dien lighthouse" -> "We must visit the Mui Dien lighthouse"
Explanation: "Can’t miss" is informal and conversational. "Must visit" is more formal and assertive, and "the" is added for grammatical correctness. -
"It’s the best place to watch the sunrise" -> "It is the optimal location to observe the sunrise"
Explanation: "It’s" is a contraction and should be expanded to "It is" for formality. "Optimal location" is more precise than "best place," and "observe" is more formal than "watch." -
"and fresh atmospher" -> "and the fresh atmosphere"
Explanation: "atmospher" is a typo and should be corrected to "atmosphere." Also, "the"
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by suggesting activities and sights to visit, such as going to a coffee shop, enjoying seafood, and visiting Bai Xep Beach and Mui Dien lighthouse. However, it lacks depth in exploring these suggestions. For instance, while the writer mentions enjoying fresh seafood, there is no elaboration on why these specific foods are enjoyable or what makes the locations special. The mention of an evening party is vague and does not provide any context or details.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should ensure that each suggested activity or sight is accompanied by a brief explanation of its significance or appeal. For example, instead of simply stating "we can see the beach," the writer could elaborate on the beauty of the beach or any activities that could be done there, enhancing the overall engagement with the reader.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The letter maintains a generally positive tone and expresses excitement about the visit, which indicates a clear position. However, the structure is somewhat disorganized, making it difficult for the reader to follow the flow of ideas. The use of informal language and abrupt transitions (e.g., "First. I’ll take you" and "As for sightseeing") disrupts the clarity of the writer’s intent.
- How to improve: To present a clearer position, the writer should organize the letter into distinct sections, such as activities and sightseeing, using transitional phrases to guide the reader. This could involve starting with a brief introduction, followed by a structured list of activities and sights, and concluding with a warm closing statement.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas but fails to extend or support them adequately. For instance, while the writer mentions specific foods and places, there is little elaboration on why these choices are appealing or significant. The phrase "there are many things that I want to confide in with you" is vague and does not add value to the letter.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should provide more context and detail for each suggestion. This could include personal anecdotes related to the activities or descriptions of the sights that convey their beauty or uniqueness. For example, sharing a memorable experience at Bai Xep Beach could make the suggestion more compelling.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on activities and sights for the friend’s visit. However, the mention of wanting to "confide" in the friend introduces an unrelated element that distracts from the main purpose of the letter. Additionally, the informal tone and grammatical errors detract from the overall coherence of the message.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should avoid introducing unrelated ideas and instead concentrate on the planned activities and sights. Ensuring that each sentence contributes to the main theme of the letter will help keep the writing relevant and engaging. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy will enhance clarity and professionalism.
In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on providing more detailed explanations for each suggestion, organizing the content more clearly, and maintaining a consistent and relevant tone throughout the letter.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear sequence of activities planned for the friend’s visit, beginning with coffee and beach activities, followed by food experiences, and then sightseeing. However, the transitions between these sections could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing food to sightseeing lacks a clear connective phrase that would guide the reader through the narrative. The introduction sets a positive tone, but the overall organization could benefit from a more structured approach, such as grouping similar activities together.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases to connect ideas more fluidly. For example, after discussing the coffee shop and beach, you could introduce the next section with a phrase like, "After enjoying our meal, we can explore some of the beautiful sights Phu Yen has to offer." This would create a clearer connection between activities and improve the overall coherence of the essay.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks clear paragraphing, which can make it difficult for the reader to follow the different sections of the letter. Currently, the entire letter is presented as a single block of text, which can overwhelm the reader and obscure the main points. Each new idea or activity should ideally start a new paragraph to enhance readability and structure.
- How to improve: Implement paragraph breaks to separate different ideas. For instance, start a new paragraph after the introduction to discuss the planned activities, and another paragraph for sightseeing suggestions. This will not only improve clarity but also allow the reader to digest each point more effectively.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "First," "Then," and "As for," which help to indicate the order of activities. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel abrupt or disconnected. For example, the phrase "Well, there are many things that I want to confide in with you" appears somewhat out of place and does not connect well with the preceding content.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Moreover," "In addition," or "Furthermore" to add information, and "On the other hand" or "However" to present contrasting ideas. Additionally, ensure that all cohesive devices are contextually appropriate and contribute to the overall flow of the essay.
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a stronger overall score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in the context of describing activities and food. Phrases like "fresh seafood," "street foods," and "beautiful places" show an attempt to use varied language. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, with phrases like "beautiful" and "great" appearing multiple times without variation. Additionally, the use of "fun things" is vague and lacks specificity.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider incorporating synonyms and more descriptive adjectives. For example, instead of repeating "beautiful," you could use "stunning," "picturesque," or "charming." Additionally, instead of "fun things," specify the activities, such as "exciting adventures" or "enjoyable experiences."
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the vocabulary used is generally understandable, there are instances of imprecise language. For example, "tuna eyes" is likely a miscommunication or error, as it is not a common dish. Furthermore, phrases like "confide in with you" are awkward and do not convey the intended meaning clearly.
- How to improve: Aim for clarity and accuracy in word choice. Replace "tuna eyes" with a more appropriate term, such as "tuna sashimi" or "grilled tuna." Instead of "confide in with you," consider saying "share my thoughts with you" or "catch up on everything." This will enhance the precision of your vocabulary.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Au" instead of "I," "ba" at the end of the first paragraph, and "Thu Yen" instead of "Phu Yen." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the letter and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a moment to read through the essay carefully, checking for any spelling mistakes. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help catch errors before submission. Practicing spelling common words and phrases relevant to the essay topic can also be beneficial.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary choices, ensuring precise word usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the overall quality of the writing can be significantly improved.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, simple sentences like "I think that you will love it" and "We can do a lot of fun things together" are prevalent. There are also some compound sentences, such as "We can see the beach here and if we come early in the morning, we can even watch the sunrise." However, the use of complex sentences is limited, which reduces the overall variety. The essay could benefit from more varied structures to enhance fluency and coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "We can see the beach here," you might say, "Although we can see the beach here, I think the view from Bai Xep Beach is even more stunning." Additionally, varying the sentence beginnings can help create a more engaging narrative.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, "Au I have planned what we can do together" should be corrected to "I have planned what we can do together." The use of "First." is incorrect; it should be "First," with a comma instead of a period. The phrase "I’ll take you" to a coffee shop" includes an unnecessary quotation mark. Additionally, there are missing commas in sentences like "I think that you’ll enjoy them After that," which should be corrected to "I think that you’ll enjoy them. After that," to separate the two independent clauses properly.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully. Focus on punctuation, particularly the use of commas and periods. Practicing sentence structure through exercises that emphasize correct punctuation can also be beneficial. Furthermore, reviewing common grammatical rules, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of conjunctions, will help in reducing errors.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there are significant areas for improvement. By diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical and punctuation accuracy, the overall quality of the writing can be significantly elevated.
Bài sửa mẫu
**Dear Ana,**
I am delighted to hear that you’re coming to visit Phu Yen! I have planned some wonderful activities for us to enjoy together during your stay. I believe you will find it enjoyable.
We can do a lot of fun things together. First, I will take you to a coffee shop in the city center. We can observe the beach from here, and if we arrive early in the morning, we can even watch the sunrise. Then, we will enjoy fresh seafood, such as tuna eyes and seafood hotpot. Additionally, we can sample street foods like Banh xeo and Banh Canh. I believe you will find them enjoyable! After that, we’re going to the market to buy some ingredients for our evening party. Furthermore, there are several matters I wish to discuss with you.
As for sightseeing, Thu Yen offers numerous scenic attractions we can visit together. I would like to take you to Bai Xep Beach. It is one of the most beautiful and serene spots in this area, where we can relax and take stunning photos. We must visit the Mui Dien lighthouse as well; it is the optimal location to observe the sunrise and enjoy the beautiful scenery and fresh atmosphere.
I am looking forward to seeing you soon. I’m sure we’ll have a great time together!
Best wishes,
Glenda