A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not well managed. Whta are the advantages and disadvantages?

It is true that many countries around the world have only tourism as the crucial source of income. I think while there are some advantages of this trend, I would argue that its disadvantages are more significant.
On the one hand, many country depends on tourism as a major source of earning, may be a source of issues if it is not properly organized. Firstly, the good side of tourism is that it creates job opportunities for unemployed people including employment in the restaurants, hotels, transportation, …. At the same time, the number of unemployment was improved from the nation. Secondly, the good point when tourist come to their country they spend their money on accommodations, food, shopping, transportation and other activities, that a good effect on the economy of this country.
On the other hand, tourism also have some downsides. The main is it causes environment pollution. For example, tourists often throw many harmful things like bottles, plastic bags to the rivers, lakes. Another issue is that they may disrespect local culture when they visit historical places like temples, historical sites. Before entering the temple, local people remove their footwear but sometime foreigners wear their shoes inside, which would not be respectful for local community.
In conclusion, while tourists bring a number of benefits into the country, it can also lead to environmental pollution and be the reason to disrespect local cultures.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is true that many countries around the world have only tourism as the crucial source of income." -> "It is indeed the case that many countries rely heavily on tourism as their primary source of income."
Explanation: "It is indeed the case that" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a statement, and "rely heavily on" is more accurate than "have only" in describing the dependence on tourism.
"I think while there are some advantages of this trend, I would argue that its disadvantages are more significant." -> "While there are some advantages to this trend, I contend that its disadvantages are more significant."
Explanation: "I contend" is a more assertive and academic term than "I think," and "to this trend" is more grammatically correct than "of this trend."
"many country depends on tourism as a major source of earning" -> "many countries rely on tourism as a major source of income"
Explanation: "Rely" is the correct verb form for the passive construction, and "income" is the correct term for financial earnings.
"may be a source of issues if it is not properly organized" -> "may pose issues if not properly managed"
Explanation: "Pose issues" is a more precise and formal expression than "be a source of issues," and "managed" is more specific than "organized" in the context of tourism.
"the good side of tourism is that it creates job opportunities" -> "one advantage of tourism is that it generates job opportunities"
Explanation: "One advantage" is more formal and specific than "the good side," and "generates" is a more precise verb than "creates" in this context.
"the number of unemployment was improved from the nation" -> "unemployment rates decreased nationwide"
Explanation: "Unemployment rates decreased nationwide" is a more accurate and formal way to express the reduction in unemployment.
"the good point when tourist come to their country" -> "the advantage when tourists visit their country"
Explanation: "The advantage" is more formal than "the good point," and "visit" is the correct verb form for tourists.
"they spend their money on accommodations, food, shopping, transportation and other activities, that a good effect on the economy of this country" -> "they spend their money on accommodations, food, shopping, and transportation, thereby positively impacting the country’s economy"
Explanation: "Thereby positively impacting" is a more formal and precise way to describe the effect on the economy, and "and" is correctly used instead of "and other activities," which is redundant.
"tourism also have some downsides" -> "tourism also has some drawbacks"
Explanation: "Has" is the correct subject-verb agreement for "tourism," and "drawbacks" is a more formal term than "downsides."
"The main is it causes environment pollution" -> "The primary issue is environmental pollution"
Explanation: "The primary issue" is grammatically correct and more formal, and "environmental pollution" is the correct noun phrase.
"they may disrespect local culture when they visit historical places like temples, historical sites" -> "they may disrespect local culture when visiting historical sites such as temples"
Explanation: "Visiting" is more grammatically correct than "visit," and "such as" is more formal than "like."
"Before entering the temple, local people remove their footwear but sometime foreigners wear their shoes inside" -> "Before entering the temple, locals remove their footwear, but sometimes foreigners wear their shoes inside"
Explanation: "Locals" is a more precise term than "local people," and "sometimes" is grammatically correct in this context.
"which would not be respectful for local community" -> "which is disrespectful to the local community"
Explanation: "Is disrespectful to the local community" is a more direct and formal expression than "would not be respectful for local community."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both the advantages and disadvantages of tourism, as required by the prompt. However, it lacks depth in discussing the advantages, only mentioning job creation and economic benefits without providing sufficient detail or examples. The disadvantages are somewhat better articulated, particularly regarding environmental pollution and cultural disrespect, but they still lack comprehensive exploration. The phrase "may be a source of issues if it is not properly organized" is vague and does not clearly explain how tourism can lead to problems.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are explored in a balanced manner. Each point should be supported with specific examples and explanations. For instance, when discussing job creation, the essay could elaborate on the types of jobs created and their impact on local communities. Additionally, the writer should clarify how tourism can lead to issues, perhaps by discussing over-tourism or the strain on local resources.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states a clear position in the introduction, indicating that the disadvantages of tourism outweigh the advantages. However, this position is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The transition between discussing advantages and disadvantages is abrupt, and the conclusion does not effectively summarize or reiterate the stance taken in the introduction.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use transitional phrases to connect ideas and reinforce their argument. For example, after discussing the advantages, a phrase like "Despite these benefits, it is important to consider the significant drawbacks" could help transition into the disadvantages. The conclusion should also restate the main argument clearly, summarizing the key points made in the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas related to the advantages and disadvantages of tourism, but they are not well-developed. For example, the mention of job opportunities is a good start, but it lacks extension—there is no discussion of the quality of these jobs or the potential for seasonal employment. The disadvantages are mentioned but not sufficiently supported with evidence or examples that illustrate the impact of these issues.
- How to improve: To enhance the development and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing statistics, real-world examples, or case studies that illustrate the effects of tourism on local economies and cultures. Each paragraph should ideally contain a topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing tourism and its effects. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the discussion of advantages. The phrase "the number of unemployment was improved from the nation" is unclear and distracts from the main point about job creation. Additionally, the mention of environmental pollution could be more directly linked to tourism rather than presented as a standalone issue.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by clearly linking examples to the topic of tourism. For instance, when discussing environmental pollution, the writer could specify how increased tourist numbers lead to more waste and pollution, thereby reinforcing the connection to tourism.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should aim for a more balanced exploration of advantages and disadvantages, maintain a clear and consistent position throughout, develop and support ideas more thoroughly, and ensure that all points stay directly relevant to the topic of tourism. Additionally, addressing the word count requirement will also be crucial for achieving a higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages is somewhat abrupt. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of tourism, but the second body paragraph begins with "On the other hand," which could be more effectively linked to the previous paragraph’s ideas. Additionally, the points within each paragraph could be better organized; for example, the mention of job opportunities and economic benefits could be combined for a stronger argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs, such as "In addition to the economic benefits, there are also significant drawbacks." Furthermore, grouping related ideas together within paragraphs can help create a more cohesive argument. For example, discussing job creation and economic spending in one paragraph would strengthen the overall argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with a clear distinction between the advantages and disadvantages of tourism. However, the paragraphs themselves could be more developed. The first body paragraph, while it introduces two advantages, lacks depth in explanation and examples. The second body paragraph also presents two disadvantages but could benefit from more elaboration on each point.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, aim to develop each point with specific examples and explanations. For instance, when discussing job opportunities, provide statistics or specific examples of how tourism has positively impacted employment in a particular country. Similarly, when addressing environmental pollution, consider discussing specific measures that could mitigate this issue, which would provide a more balanced view.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "At the same time," and "On the other hand," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "that a good effect on the economy of this country" is awkward and lacks clarity, indicating a need for more precise language.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Furthermore," "In contrast," and "Consequently." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used correctly and enhances the clarity of the argument. For example, instead of saying "that a good effect on the economy of this country," you could say "which positively impacts the country’s economy," to improve clarity and coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of tourism, improvements in logical organization, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices could enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "crucial source of income," "job opportunities," and "environment pollution." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks sophistication. For instance, the phrase "good side of tourism" is simplistic and could be replaced with more varied expressions like "beneficial aspects" or "positive contributions." Additionally, the use of "many country" should be corrected to "many countries" to reflect proper pluralization.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "good," they could use "advantageous," "beneficial," or "favorable." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary lists related to tourism and economics could provide more options to diversify language use.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "may be a source of issues" which is unclear and awkwardly phrased. The phrase "the number of unemployment was improved from the nation" is also imprecise; it would be clearer to say "the unemployment rate decreased in the nation." Furthermore, the term "environment pollution" should be corrected to "environmental pollution" for grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. They should review their sentences for clarity and correctness, ensuring that terms are used in their proper context. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and revising sentences for precision can help in this area.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Whta" instead of "What," "country" instead of "countries," and "sometime" instead of "sometimes." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy before submission. This could include reading the essay aloud, using spell-check tools, or writing practice essays and focusing on commonly misspelled words. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and uses some relevant vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. For example, the use of "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduces contrasting ideas. However, the essay lacks more complex structures, such as conditional sentences or varied subordinate clauses. Phrases like "may be a source of issues if it is not properly organized" show an attempt at complexity but are awkwardly phrased and could be clearer.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences that include dependent clauses. For instance, instead of saying "tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not well managed," the writer could use a structure like "If tourism is not well managed, it can lead to significant problems." Additionally, varying the sentence beginnings and using a mix of active and passive voice can add depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "many country depends" should be "many countries depend," indicating a subject-verb agreement error. The phrase "the good side of tourism is that it creates job opportunities for unemployed people including employment in the restaurants, hotels, transportation, …." is awkward and contains a punctuation error; it should be rephrased for clarity and correctness. The ellipsis at the end is also inappropriate in formal writing. Additionally, the sentence "the number of unemployment was improved from the nation" is unclear and grammatically incorrect; it should be revised to "the unemployment rate improved in the nation."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that plural nouns are matched with plural verbs. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly on common errors, can be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should review the rules for commas and periods, ensuring they are used correctly to separate clauses and list items. Reading more academic essays can also help the writer internalize proper punctuation and grammatical structures.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and structure, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the writing quality and potentially increase the band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is indeed the case that many countries around the world rely heavily on tourism as their primary source of income. While there are some advantages to this trend, I contend that its disadvantages are more significant.

On the one hand, many countries depend on tourism as a major source of income, which may pose issues if not properly managed. Firstly, one advantage of tourism is that it generates job opportunities for unemployed individuals, including positions in restaurants, hotels, and transportation services. As a result, unemployment rates have decreased nationwide. Secondly, when tourists visit their country, they spend their money on accommodations, food, shopping, and transportation, thereby positively impacting the country’s economy.

On the other hand, tourism also has some drawbacks. The primary issue is environmental pollution. For example, tourists often dispose of harmful items such as bottles and plastic bags in rivers and lakes. Another concern is that they may disrespect local culture when visiting historical sites like temples. Before entering the temple, locals remove their footwear, but sometimes foreigners wear their shoes inside, which is disrespectful to the local community.

In conclusion, while tourism brings a number of benefits to a country, it can also lead to environmental pollution and contribute to a lack of respect for local cultures.