A number of tertiary courses require students to undertake a period of unpaid work at companies or organisation as part of their programs. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this type of course requirement?

Learning with practice is becoming more and more popular in educational programs. A classic example is internship in different organizations and institutions, without worthy student payment. It is reasonable to mention the huge benefits these programs bring to the students.
There would be some negative aspects of this type of course. One of the most considerable issues is the risk of labor exploration if the students are required to do chores that cannot provide a substantive learning experience. The more this situation occurs, the more time and knowledge in the official class are wasted unreasonably; similarly, undermining the value of the internships.
Many reasons can be attributed to why students should participate in companies and organizations despite none of the wage payments. They offer trainees with unique opportunities for practicing and developing in the professional environment. The practical experience that they provide not only helps the interns develop essential skills but also applies the theoretical knowledge, that they have learned in class, to real-work settings. If not mentioned, this is a suitable time to decide on risk assessment. For instance, the recent career is chosen just based on their interests or hobbies; however, they cannot claim for certain that their choices are the most suitable on time and pressure in office areas.
To sum up, although this common learning has unfinished aspects, it is essential to remember that the value of real work experience cannot be replaced. Salary always goes hand in hand with qualification, thus practical knowledge is the highest earning for a beginner.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Learning with practice is becoming more and more popular" -> "The integration of practical learning is increasingly prevalent"
Explanation: The phrase "Learning with practice is becoming more and more popular" is redundant and informal. "The integration of practical learning is increasingly prevalent" refines the expression and aligns better with academic style by using a more precise and formal term.
"A classic example is internship in different organizations and institutions, without worthy student payment" -> "A notable example is the internship program in various organizations and institutions, which does not provide compensation to students"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and unclear. The revised version clarifies the meaning and removes the informal "without worthy student payment," replacing it with a more formal and precise description.
"It is reasonable to mention the huge benefits these programs bring to the students" -> "It is pertinent to acknowledge the significant benefits these programs offer to students"
Explanation: "It is reasonable to mention" is somewhat informal and vague. "It is pertinent to acknowledge" is more formal and academically appropriate, emphasizing the importance of recognizing the benefits.
"One of the most considerable issues is the risk of labor exploitation" -> "One of the most significant concerns is the risk of labor exploitation"
Explanation: "considerable issues" is less precise than "significant concerns," which is more commonly used in academic writing to describe important issues.
"the more this situation occurs, the more time and knowledge in the official class are wasted unreasonably" -> "the more frequent this occurs, the more time and resources in the official classroom are unnecessarily wasted"
Explanation: "the more this situation occurs" is informal and vague. "the more frequent this occurs" is more precise and formal. Also, "knowledge" is replaced with "resources" to specify the type of waste being discussed.
"Many reasons can be attributed to why students should participate in companies and organizations despite none of the wage payments" -> "Several reasons justify student participation in companies and organizations despite the absence of wage payments"
Explanation: "Many reasons can be attributed to why" is verbose and informal. "Several reasons justify" is more concise and formal. Also, "none of the wage payments" is awkwardly phrased; "the absence of wage payments" is clearer and more formal.
"They offer trainees with unique opportunities for practicing and developing in the professional environment" -> "They provide trainees with unique opportunities for practicing and developing within a professional environment"
Explanation: "offer trainees with" is awkwardly phrased. "provide trainees with" is more direct and formal. Also, "in the professional environment" is replaced with "within a professional environment" for grammatical correctness.
"If not mentioned, this is a suitable time to decide on risk assessment" -> "If not mentioned, this is an opportune moment to assess risks"
Explanation: "If not mentioned, this is a suitable time to decide on risk assessment" is awkward and unclear. "If not mentioned, this is an opportune moment to assess risks" simplifies and clarifies the statement, making it more suitable for academic writing.
"the recent career is chosen just based on their interests or hobbies" -> "recent career choices are often made solely based on interests or hobbies"
Explanation: "the recent career is chosen" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "recent career choices are often made" corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning, making it more formal and precise.
"they cannot claim for certain that their choices are the most suitable on time and pressure in office areas" -> "they cannot be certain that their choices are suitable for the demands of office environments"
Explanation: "claim for certain" is informal and unclear. "be certain" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. Also, "on time and pressure in office areas" is vague and informal; "for the demands of office environments" is more specific and formal.
"Salary always goes hand in hand with qualification, thus practical knowledge is the highest earning for a beginner" -> "Salary is often linked to qualifications, making practical knowledge the most valuable asset for beginners"
Explanation: "Salary always goes hand in hand with qualification" is informal and imprecise. "Salary is often linked to qualifications" is more accurate and formal. Also, "the highest earning for a beginner" is awkwardly phrased; "the most valuable asset for beginners" is clearer and more formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of requiring unpaid work in tertiary courses. It mentions benefits such as practical experience and skill development, and disadvantages like potential exploitation and time wastage.
- How to improve: To enhance completeness, ensure each point is elaborated with specific examples. For instance, expand on how unpaid work might lead to exploitation by detailing examples or studies where this has been observed.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay takes a balanced approach by discussing both advantages and disadvantages without leaning heavily towards one side. The stance is generally clear but could benefit from stronger emphasis on the essay’s perspective.
- How to improve: Strengthen the clarity of the essay’s standpoint by explicitly stating the writer’s opinion in the introduction and conclusion, reinforcing it with supporting arguments throughout each body paragraph.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, discussing benefits and drawbacks with basic elaboration. It supports these points with general statements and examples.
- How to improve: Improve depth by providing more specific examples or case studies to illustrate the points made. This will add credibility and richness to the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of unpaid work in tertiary education.
- How to improve: Ensure all examples and arguments directly relate to the prompt. Avoid tangential discussions that do not directly contribute to the analysis of the topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and effectively discusses both sides of the issue. To achieve a higher band score, focus on providing more specific examples, maintaining a consistently clear position, and ensuring all content directly supports the main topic of discussion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction that introduces the topic of unpaid work experience and outlines the advantages and disadvantages. Body paragraphs discuss both positive and negative aspects in separate sections, albeit with some occasional disjointed transitions between ideas. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Each paragraph should clearly connect to the preceding one, maintaining a cohesive progression of ideas. Consider using topic sentences to explicitly state the focus of each paragraph, helping readers to navigate the essay’s structure more easily.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: Paragraphing is generally adequate, with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion sections. However, some paragraphs could be more effectively structured. For instance, the paragraph discussing the disadvantages of unpaid work starts with a general statement rather than a clear topic sentence, which weakens its coherence.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by beginning each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Ensure each paragraph develops this idea cohesively with supporting details and examples. For instance, in the paragraph discussing disadvantages, start with a specific claim about potential exploitation and then elaborate with examples or evidence to strengthen the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses a moderate range of cohesive devices, including transitions like ‘however’, ‘similarly’, ‘to sum up’, and ‘for instance’. These help connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the variety and effectiveness of these devices could be improved to create a more seamless flow.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used, such as using more diverse transition words (e.g., ‘nevertheless’, ‘in contrast’, ‘consequently’) to indicate relationships between ideas more precisely. Ensure each cohesive device is used correctly and effectively to maintain coherence and guide the reader through the essay’s argumentation.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a balanced view on the advantages and disadvantages of unpaid work experience, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices would elevate its coherence and cohesion to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is a mix of basic and somewhat more sophisticated vocabulary throughout. For instance, phrases like "learning with practice," "huge benefits," "substantive learning experience," and "real-work settings" show attempts at varied vocabulary use. However, there is a lack of consistency in employing more complex or precise terminology, which limits the range.
- How to improve: To enhance your score in this criterion, strive to incorporate more diverse and nuanced vocabulary. Instead of using general terms like "huge benefits," consider specific advantages such as "significant advantages" or "profound benefits." Additionally, introduce more specialized vocabulary related to educational programs and professional environments where appropriate. For example, instead of "practical knowledge," use terms like "practical expertise" or "applied knowledge."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay sometimes uses vocabulary precisely, such as in distinguishing between "learning with practice" and "substantive learning experience." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise, such as the use of "huge benefits" without specifying what these benefits entail precisely.
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and specificity in your vocabulary choices. For instance, when discussing advantages or disadvantages, clearly define each term to avoid ambiguity. Use precise adjectives and adverbs to convey exact meanings. For example, instead of saying "significant benefits," specify whether they are academic, professional, or personal advantages to provide a clearer picture of your argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate throughout the essay. There are minor errors like "practicing" instead of "practice" and "they have learned in class, to real-work settings" where "real-work" could be hyphenated as "real-work settings."
- How to improve: To further improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your work carefully to catch minor errors. Pay attention to homophones (words that sound alike but have different meanings) and ensure consistent use of hyphens and other punctuation marks where needed. Using spell-check tools can also be beneficial in identifying and correcting spelling errors.

In conclusion, while your essay demonstrates a satisfactory use of vocabulary with generally correct spelling, there is room for improvement in both the range and precision of vocabulary used. By incorporating more varied and precise terminology and ensuring thorough proofreading for spelling accuracy, you can enhance the lexical quality of your writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. It includes simple sentences ("A classic example is internship…"), compound sentences ("There would be some negative aspects…"), complex sentences ("The practical experience that they provide not only helps…"), and some attempts at more sophisticated structures ("If not mentioned, this is a suitable time to decide on risk assessment."). However, there is room for improvement in using more complex and varied sentence structures consistently throughout the essay to enhance coherence and clarity.
- How to improve: To improve, aim for more variety in sentence structures by incorporating more complex sentences that include clauses (both dependent and independent), and varying sentence lengths for better rhythm and readability. For example, integrate subordinate clauses to provide additional information and complexity. Practice combining ideas into more intricate sentences without sacrificing clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There are some minor errors and inconsistencies that slightly affect clarity and precision. For instance, in the sentence "For instance, the recent career is chosen just based on their interests or hobbies; however, they cannot claim for certain that their choices are the most suitable on time and pressure in office areas," there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("career is chosen"), clarity ("on time and pressure in office areas"), and awkward phrasing that could be refined for better precision.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement, especially in complex sentences. Review the use of prepositions and conjunctions to ensure they connect ideas effectively. For punctuation, pay attention to the correct use of commas and semicolons to clarify relationships between ideas and improve readability. Proofreading for sentence clarity will also help to refine expression and ensure that each sentence contributes clearly to the overall argument.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and a reasonable range of sentence structures, there is scope for improvement in both areas to achieve a higher band score. Focus on refining sentence structures for complexity and clarity, and ensure meticulous attention to grammar and punctuation rules to enhance overall coherence and precision in future writing tasks.

Bài sửa mẫu

Learning through practical experience is increasingly emphasized in educational programs. A prime example of this is student internships in various organizations and institutions, often without financial compensation. It is important to recognize the significant benefits these programs offer to students.

However, there are some drawbacks to this approach. One of the most significant concerns is the potential for exploitation when students are tasked with menial work that does not contribute meaningfully to their learning. The more frequently this occurs, the more it undermines the value of classroom learning and the internships themselves.

There are several reasons why students may choose to participate in these programs despite not being paid. They provide invaluable opportunities for trainees to gain practical experience and develop within a professional environment. This hands-on experience not only enhances essential skills but also bridges the gap between theoretical knowledge acquired in the classroom and real-world applications. This is also a suitable time to assess potential risks. For example, students often base their career choices solely on personal interests or hobbies, without assurance that these align with the demands of professional settings.

In conclusion, while there are some inherent limitations to unpaid internships, it is crucial to acknowledge the irreplaceable value of real-world work experience. Salary often correlates with qualifications, making practical knowledge indispensable for newcomers to the workforce.