A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In contemporary society, such values related to moral quality seem to be obsolete and no longer be suitable as people currently are judged by their money and appearance. I agree partly with this opinion due to several reasons, however, I still believe that inner values still remain an integral part in society.

On the one hand, it is oblivious that a number of people prioritise the benefit of monetary possessions. One significant cause is the sharply increasing development of the economy, leading to the higher cost of necessities including accommodation, also resulting in the increasing competition among employees. This growth might mean that richer groups are likely to become more powerful and have more opportunities in their lives. As a result, a good treatment to the richer people can enable individuals to gain various benefits by money received from their purchasing for workers or job opportunities. Moreover, it is proved that affluent residents tend to be talented, persistent or at least fortunate. Therefore, they desire to receive more respect from others.

On the other hand, I believe that ethical qualities still remain a vital key in our modern society. The reason is that in many countries, citizens are still taught to be equal and be kind to others, and the core values of people are still believed to be better than their budget. This belief is so deeply ingrained in people’s consciousness that superficial interests can hardly change it. Furthermore, examples of good people meeting good things still appear a lot in life. Opponents say that such fortunate stories only appear with a low percentage in life and that human value should still be measured by property value. Nevertheless, I still believe that people are born with good qualities, and society will still promote human inner values. Through countless videos and readings on social platforms, it can be seen that positive deeds are still recognized above all.

To conclude, while it is reasonable to deduct people from their money due to the importance of it in modern lives, my opinion remains that the society still prioritises such old-fashioned values.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"such values related to moral quality seem to be obsolete" -> "such moral values appear to be outdated"
Explanation: Replacing "values related to moral quality" with "moral values" simplifies the phrase and enhances clarity. "Outdated" is a more precise term than "obsolete" in this context, aligning better with the academic style by avoiding the slightly archaic connotation of "obsolete."
"no longer be suitable" -> "are no longer suitable"
Explanation: Correcting the grammatical error from "no longer be" to "are no longer" ensures proper verb agreement and maintains the formal tone.
"I agree partly with this opinion" -> "I partially agree with this perspective"
Explanation: "Partially agree" is a more formal expression than "agree partly," and "perspective" is a more academic term than "opinion," which enhances the formality of the statement.
"it is oblivious that" -> "it is evident that"
Explanation: "Oblivious" incorrectly implies unawareness, whereas "evident" correctly conveys that something is clear or obvious, which is the intended meaning in this context.
"a number of people prioritise the benefit of monetary possessions" -> "many individuals prioritize financial gain"
Explanation: "Financial gain" is a more precise and formal term than "the benefit of monetary possessions," and "individuals" is more formal than "people."
"sharply increasing development of the economy" -> "rapid economic development"
Explanation: "Rapid economic development" is a more concise and formal way to describe the phenomenon, avoiding the redundancy of "sharply increasing."
"a good treatment to the richer people" -> "favoritism towards the affluent"
Explanation: "Favoritism towards the affluent" is a more precise and formal way to describe the phenomenon of treating the wealthy better, avoiding the awkward and informal "a good treatment to."
"money received from their purchasing for workers or job opportunities" -> "remuneration for workers or job opportunities"
Explanation: "Remuneration" is a more formal and precise term than "money received," and it avoids the awkward construction "from their purchasing."
"affluent residents tend to be talented, persistent or at least fortunate" -> "affluent individuals often possess talent, persistence, or good fortune"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "residents," and "possess" is more precise than "tend to be," which is vague. Also, "good fortune" is a more formal expression than "fortunate."
"be kind to others" -> "treat others with kindness"
Explanation: "Treat others with kindness" is a more formal and idiomatic expression than "be kind to others."
"the core values of people are still believed to be better than their budget" -> "the core values of individuals are still considered superior to their financial status"
Explanation: "Financial status" is a more precise term than "budget," and "considered superior" is more formal than "believed to be better."
"superficial interests can hardly change it" -> "superficial interests are unlikely to alter it"
Explanation: "Are unlikely to alter" is a more formal and precise expression than "can hardly change," which is somewhat colloquial.
"people are born with good qualities" -> "individuals are endowed with inherent qualities"
Explanation: "Endowed with inherent qualities" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "born with good qualities," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"Through countless videos and readings on social platforms" -> "Through numerous videos and articles on social media platforms"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more precise than "countless," and "articles" is more specific than "readings," which is vague. Also, "social media platforms" is a more specific term than "social platforms."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by acknowledging both sides of the argument regarding the importance of social status and material possessions versus traditional values. The writer states a partial agreement with the notion that material wealth is prioritized, while also asserting the continued relevance of ethical qualities. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit exploration of the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement. The phrase "I agree partly" is somewhat vague and does not clearly define the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should clearly delineate their position at the outset and throughout the essay. For instance, they could specify whether they lean more towards agreement or disagreement and provide a stronger rationale for this stance. Including a more nuanced discussion of how both views coexist in society would also improve the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that acknowledges both sides but lacks consistency in the expression of this position. The initial statement suggests a partial agreement, yet the conclusion leans towards a stronger affirmation of traditional values. This inconsistency may confuse readers regarding the writer’s true stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to their main argument throughout the essay. Using phrases like "I believe" or "In my view" at strategic points can help reinforce their position. Additionally, summarizing their viewpoint in the conclusion with a definitive statement would clarify their stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the impact of economic development on social values and the importance of ethical qualities. However, some arguments lack depth and specific examples. For instance, the claim that "affluent residents tend to be talented, persistent or at least fortunate" is not substantiated with concrete examples or evidence, which weakens the argument.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include specific examples or case studies that illustrate their points. For instance, referencing studies or real-life instances where ethical values have led to positive outcomes could provide stronger support for their claims. Additionally, expanding on each point with more detailed explanations would enhance the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the relevance of social status and material possessions in contrast to traditional values. However, some sections, particularly the discussion about the economic development, could be more directly tied back to the main question. For example, the connection between economic growth and the devaluation of ethical qualities could be made clearer.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the prompt. They could achieve this by explicitly linking their points to the question at hand, using phrases like "This relates to the prompt because…" or "In the context of the question, this illustrates…". This will help keep the essay tightly aligned with the task requirements.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, it would benefit from clearer positioning, more detailed support for ideas, and a tighter focus on the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, while the body paragraphs are organized to present contrasting viewpoints. However, the logical progression of ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing the prioritization of monetary possessions and the importance of ethical qualities could be smoother, as the connection between these contrasting ideas is somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the impact of monetary possessions, a phrase like "Conversely" or "In contrast" could help signal the shift to the importance of ethical qualities. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea will further guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the societal emphasis on wealth, while the second addresses the enduring value of ethical qualities. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer internal structure. For example, the first body paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be better organized into separate sentences for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea followed by supporting details. Consider breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones to enhance readability. For instance, the sentence "This growth might mean that richer groups are likely to become more powerful and have more opportunities in their lives" could be split into two sentences for clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting points. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "Moreover" is used, but the subsequent sentence lacks a clear connection to the previous idea, making the flow feel disjointed.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Additionally," or "In addition," to enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help create a more cohesive narrative. For instance, instead of repeating "affluent residents," using "they" in subsequent sentences can improve cohesion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on enhancing logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms such as "monetary possessions," "affluent residents," and "ethical qualities" being used appropriately. However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or lacks variation. For example, the phrase "good treatment to the richer people" could be expressed in a more varied manner, such as "favorable treatment towards affluent individuals."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "rich" or "affluent," consider alternatives like "wealthy," "prosperous," or "well-off." Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "socioeconomic status" or "materialism," could elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices that can lead to confusion. For instance, the phrase "oblivious that a number of people prioritise the benefit of monetary possessions" is awkward; "oblivious" typically means unaware, which does not fit the context. A more precise term could be "evident" or "clear." Additionally, "deduct people from their money" is incorrect; "judge people based on their wealth" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should review vocabulary choices and ensure they align with the intended meaning. Utilizing a thesaurus can help find more accurate words. Furthermore, practicing paraphrasing sentences can aid in developing a clearer expression of ideas.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors. However, there are notable mistakes, such as "oblivious" (should be "obvious") and "deduct" (should be "judge"). These errors can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Reading more extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will help elevate the overall quality of the writing and potentially increase the band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the writer effectively uses complex sentences such as "One significant cause is the sharply increasing development of the economy, leading to the higher cost of necessities including accommodation, also resulting in the increasing competition among employees." This showcases an ability to convey detailed ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures, such as conditional sentences or varied clause placements, which could enhance the overall complexity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and use different grammatical forms, such as conditional clauses (e.g., "If society continues to prioritize wealth…") or participial phrases (e.g., "Having recognized the importance of inner values, many…"). Additionally, varying the length of sentences can create a more engaging rhythm in the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "no longer be suitable" should be "no longer suitable" to maintain grammatical accuracy. Additionally, there are awkward constructions, such as "a good treatment to the richer people," which should be revised to "good treatment of wealthy individuals." Punctuation is generally correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, particularly in longer sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For example, "the society" should simply be "society." Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common mistakes can help. Furthermore, proofreading for punctuation, especially in complex sentences, can help clarify meaning. Reading the essay aloud may also assist in identifying awkward phrasing and grammatical errors.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and a good command of language, focusing on enhancing sentence variety and addressing grammatical inaccuracies will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, such values related to moral quality seem to be obsolete and are no longer suitable as people are currently judged by their money and appearance. I partially agree with this opinion due to several reasons; however, I still believe that inner values remain an integral part of society.

On the one hand, it is evident that a number of people prioritize the benefit of monetary possessions. One significant cause is the sharply increasing development of the economy, leading to higher costs of necessities including accommodation, which also results in increasing competition among employees. This growth might mean that richer groups are likely to become more powerful and have more opportunities in their lives. As a result, good treatment of wealthier individuals can enable others to gain various benefits from the remuneration for workers or job opportunities. Moreover, it is proven that affluent residents tend to be talented, persistent, or at least fortunate. Therefore, they desire to receive more respect from others.

On the other hand, I believe that ethical qualities still remain a vital key in our modern society. The reason is that in many countries, citizens are still taught to be equal and to treat others with kindness, and the core values of individuals are still considered superior to their financial status. This belief is so deeply ingrained in people’s consciousness that superficial interests are unlikely to alter it. Furthermore, examples of good people experiencing positive outcomes still appear frequently in life. Opponents say that such fortunate stories only occur with a low percentage in life and that human value should still be measured by property value. Nevertheless, I still believe that individuals are endowed with inherent qualities, and society will continue to promote human inner values. Through numerous videos and articles on social media platforms, it can be seen that positive deeds are still recognized above all.

To conclude, while it is reasonable to judge people based on their money due to its importance in modern life, my opinion remains that society still prioritizes such old-fashioned values.