Advertisement is becoming more and more common in our everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development ?
Advertisement is becoming more and more common in our everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development ?
Nowadays, in order to sell many products in an efficient way, a variety of enterprises use Advertisements to introduce their goods and services. That is why there is a growing prevalence of such advertisements on our regular basis. From my perspective, I suppose that its positive impacts are more than its negative ones.
It can be clearly seen that Advertising exerts several adverse influences on consumers. To begin with, in some cases, the businesses just concentrate on advertising the outer image of their products and skip its quality, which leads to some misleading information to their users and gradually breaks their buyers’ trust when such goods do not live up to their expectations. Added to this is the fact that the products with low quality on these advertisements are likely to affect on consumer’s health if they are related to beauty, for example.
Despite the negatives above mentioned, I believe that Advertising is a welcome development for various reasons. Firstly, thanks to advertisements, consumers can have a chance to know more about the value of the goods that they have interests in. As a result, they have time to take into account and make informed choices to purchase qualified and good products. Secondly, the increasing growth of advertisement also decreases the unemployment situation or it means increased job opportunities for individuals in that industry, which can assist them in making money and upgrade their living standards.
In conclusion, besides such aforementioned drawbacks of advertising such as false introduction of products and bad influences on consumers’ health due to the mind of some businesses, I assume that advertisements still bring worth values to consumers and result in a decline in unemployment.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
-
"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays." -
"in an efficient way" -> "effectively"
Explanation: "Effectively" is a more concise and formal adverb that directly conveys the intended meaning without the redundancy of "in an efficient way." -
"a variety of enterprises use Advertisements" -> "a range of businesses employ advertising"
Explanation: "Employ" is more formal than "use," and "advertising" should be used as an uncountable noun, aligning with the context better than "Advertisements." -
"on our regular basis" -> "on a regular basis"
Explanation: "On a regular basis" is the correct idiomatic expression, which is more natural and appropriate for formal writing. -
"I suppose" -> "I believe"
Explanation: "I believe" is a more assertive and academically appropriate expression than "I suppose," which can imply uncertainty or doubt. -
"clearly seen" -> "evident"
Explanation: "Evident" is a more formal and precise term that directly describes the visibility of the effects, avoiding the colloquial "clearly seen." -
"the businesses just concentrate on" -> "businesses primarily focus on"
Explanation: "Primarily focus on" is more formal and precise than "just concentrate on," which is somewhat informal and vague. -
"skip its quality" -> "neglect its quality"
Explanation: "Neglect" is a more formal and precise term than "skip," which is too casual for academic writing. -
"such goods do not live up to their expectations" -> "such products fail to meet their expectations"
Explanation: "Fail to meet" is a more formal and precise phrase than "do not live up to," which is somewhat colloquial. -
"affect on consumer’s health" -> "affect consumers’ health"
Explanation: "Affect" should be followed by the possessive form "consumers’" to correctly indicate the impact on the health of consumers. -
"thanks to advertisements" -> "owing to advertising"
Explanation: "Owing to" is a more formal expression than "thanks to," which is somewhat informal and conversational. -
"have a chance to know more about" -> "have the opportunity to learn more about"
Explanation: "Have the opportunity to learn more about" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "have a chance to know more about." -
"take into account and make informed choices" -> "consider and make informed decisions"
Explanation: "Consider and make informed decisions" is a more formal and precise expression than "take into account and make informed choices." -
"increasing growth of advertisement" -> "increased advertising"
Explanation: "Increased advertising" is grammatically correct and more formal than "increasing growth of advertisement." -
"decreases the unemployment situation" -> "reduces unemployment"
Explanation: "Reduces unemployment" is a more direct and formal way to express the impact on joblessness. -
"it means increased job opportunities" -> "it leads to increased job opportunities"
Explanation: "Leads to" is a more precise and formal transitional phrase than "means," which can be vague in this context. -
"worth values" -> "value"
Explanation: "Value" should be singular to match the singular context of the benefits discussed, replacing the incorrect plural "worth values." -
"result in a decline in unemployment" -> "lead to a reduction in unemployment"
Explanation: "Lead to a reduction in" is a more formal and precise expression than "result in a decline in," which is slightly less formal and less direct.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
-
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of advertising. The introduction clearly states the writer’s perspective that the positive impacts outweigh the negatives. The body paragraphs provide specific examples of both sides, such as misleading advertisements and the potential health risks associated with low-quality products, as well as the benefits of informed consumer choices and job creation in the advertising industry.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could delve deeper into the negative impacts by providing more specific examples or statistics to support claims. Additionally, discussing the societal implications of advertising, such as its influence on consumer culture or mental health, could provide a more comprehensive view of the topic.
-
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that advertising is a positive development overall. The writer consistently supports this stance throughout the essay, particularly in the second body paragraph where the benefits of advertising are elaborated upon. However, the transition between discussing negatives and positives could be smoother to reinforce the overall argument.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the negative aspects to the positive ones, perhaps acknowledging the negatives before transitioning to the positives. This would create a more cohesive argument and reinforce the writer’s viewpoint.
-
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas related to advertising, such as its impact on consumer trust and job creation. Each idea is supported with reasoning, but some points could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the claim about job creation is mentioned but not deeply explored, leaving the reader wanting more detail on how advertising specifically contributes to employment.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to extend their ideas by providing additional examples or elaborating on the implications of their points. For instance, discussing specific industries that benefit from advertising or providing case studies could enhance the depth of the argument.
-
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the effects of advertising as requested by the prompt. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the mention of "bad influences on consumers’ health" could be more explicitly tied back to the main argument regarding the overall impact of advertising.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to the central question of whether advertising is a positive or negative development. They could also consider using a concluding sentence in each paragraph that ties back to the main thesis, reinforcing the relevance of each point made.
Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-reasoned argument. With some refinements in depth and clarity, it could achieve an even higher score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
-
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both negative and positive aspects of advertising, and a conclusion. The writer effectively contrasts the negative impacts of advertising with its benefits, which demonstrates a logical progression of ideas. For instance, the transition from discussing the adverse effects to the positive contributions is handled well, allowing the reader to follow the argument easily. However, some points could be better connected; for example, the transition between the second negative point and the first positive point could be smoother to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect contrasting ideas. For instance, after discussing the negative impacts, a phrase like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" could be used to signal the shift to positive aspects. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
-
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph addresses the negative impacts, while the second focuses on the positive aspects of advertising. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in terms of length and depth; the negative impacts are discussed in more detail than the positive ones, which may lead to an imbalance in the argument.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each body paragraph is of similar length and depth. This could involve expanding on the positive aspects of advertising with more examples or explanations. For instance, when discussing job creation, providing specific examples or statistics could strengthen the argument and create a more balanced discussion.
-
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "to begin with," "added to this," and "despite the negatives above mentioned." These devices help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from a broader variety of linking words and phrases to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of connectors, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "consequently." This will not only improve the flow of ideas but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately; for example, "affect on consumer’s health" should be corrected to "affect consumers’ health" for grammatical accuracy.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of coherence and cohesion, addressing the suggestions above can help elevate the score further. Focus on enhancing logical connections, balancing paragraph content, and diversifying cohesive devices to improve the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
-
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "advertisements," "misleading information," and "qualified products." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with the use of "advertising" and "advertisements," which appears frequently without variation. Phrases like "growing prevalence" and "welcome development" show an attempt to use more sophisticated language, but overall, the range is limited.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "advertisements," you could alternate with "promotions," "commercials," or "marketing campaigns." Additionally, incorporating more varied adjectives and adverbs could enrich the descriptions, such as using "deceptive" instead of "misleading" or "beneficial" instead of "positive."
-
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the products with low quality on these advertisements" could be more clearly expressed as "the low-quality products advertised." The phrase "affect on consumer’s health" is also incorrect; it should be "affect consumers’ health." Such inaccuracies can lead to confusion and detract from the overall clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring that vocabulary is used in the correct context. Review the sentence structures and consider whether the chosen words convey the intended meaning accurately. Practicing paraphrasing sentences can also help in developing a better understanding of word usage and context.
-
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "Advertisments" (should be "Advertisements") and "its quality" (should be "their quality"). These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can impact the reader’s perception of the writer’s proficiency.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and maintaining a list of frequently used vocabulary can aid in improving spelling skills over time.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and enhancing spelling practices, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
-
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional phrases. For example, the use of "In order to sell many products in an efficient way" and "Despite the negatives above mentioned" shows an ability to construct sentences that convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as the frequent use of "to begin with" and "firstly," which can make the writing feel formulaic. Additionally, some sentences could benefit from more varied introductory phrases to enhance engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied transition phrases and introductory clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Firstly," you could use "To start with," "Another point to consider," or "Additionally." Experimenting with different ways to express contrast or addition, such as using "On the other hand" or "Moreover," can also enhance the fluidity of your writing.
-
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some noticeable errors. For instance, the phrase "the products with low quality on these advertisements are likely to affect on consumer’s health" contains an incorrect preposition; it should be "affect consumer’s health." Additionally, the sentence "which leads to some misleading information to their users" could be improved by changing "to" to "for," resulting in "misleading information for their users." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are some areas where commas could enhance clarity, such as after introductory phrases.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it would be beneficial to review common prepositional phrases and their correct usage. Practicing sentence revision can help identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, consider using a grammar-checking tool or seeking feedback from peers to catch mistakes that may be overlooked. For punctuation, pay attention to the placement of commas, especially in complex sentences, to ensure clarity and readability.
By addressing these areas for improvement, you can enhance the overall quality of your writing, potentially raising your band score in future assessments.
Bài sửa mẫu
Nowadays, in order to sell many products effectively, a variety of enterprises use advertisements to introduce their goods and services. That is why there is a growing prevalence of such advertisements on a regular basis. From my perspective, I believe that its positive impacts are more significant than its negative ones.
It can be clearly seen that advertising exerts several adverse influences on consumers. To begin with, in some cases, businesses primarily focus on advertising the outer image of their products and neglect their quality, which leads to misleading information for their users and gradually breaks buyers’ trust when such goods fail to meet their expectations. Added to this is the fact that products of low quality in these advertisements are likely to affect consumers’ health if they are related to beauty, for example.
Despite the negatives mentioned above, I believe that advertising is a welcome development for various reasons. Firstly, thanks to advertisements, consumers have the opportunity to learn more about the value of the goods that they are interested in. As a result, they have time to consider and make informed decisions to purchase qualified and good products. Secondly, the increased advertising also reduces unemployment, as it leads to increased job opportunities for individuals in that industry, which can assist them in making money and upgrading their living standards.
In conclusion, despite the aforementioned drawbacks of advertising, such as the false introduction of products and negative influences on consumers’ health owing to the mindset of some businesses, I assume that advertisements still bring valuable benefits to consumers and lead to a reduction in unemployment.