Advertising is becoming more and more common in everyday life.Is it a positive or negative development?

In today’s business environment, marketing products through advertisements has become a dominant strategy. However, from my perspective, I believe it has detrimental effects on the population.
First and foremost, advertising can be misleading as it tends to exacerbate introductions about the benefits of products. Indeed, the ads on TV or through the Internet are colorful with appealing animations, some even use celebrity endorsement to promote sales. However, the real quality of those things may not be carefully enquired and verified. In this case, not only will the customers’ financial budgets but the reputation of the companies will also be adversely affected. Take the adverts of self-made medicine on Youtube as an example. Despite the uncertain sources of those drugs, numerous people still believe in exaggerated words of the brand representatives, potentially leading to unpredictable consequences.
Secondly, advertisements affect people’s concentration and reduce their productivity while working. For instance, a student who is using the Internet to collect information for his assignments would certainly be distracted by some fascinating ads or anything that pop-ups which are designed to draw his attention. Finally, this marketing strategy also has negative impacts on teenagers and children, who spend most of their time on online platforms. By this I mean, many advertisers have taken advantage of the loose censor of the Internet to promote harmful products like cigarettes, alcohol or illegal activities like gambling. As a result, adolescents, who are still not self-conscious enough, may not reist on drifting to those social hazards.
In conclusion, although the rapid development of advertising in the community is undeniable, I personally hold the opinion that it is a negative trend due to numerous drawbacks it brings to society in terms of unqualified products, distraction and potentially bad behaviors.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"advertisements has become" -> "advertising has become"
Explanation: Correcting subject-verb agreement by changing "advertisements has become" to "advertising has become."
"from my perspective, I believe" -> "from my perspective, I contend"
Explanation: Substituting "I believe" with "I contend" introduces a more formal and assertive tone, enhancing the academic style.
"exacerbate introductions" -> "exaggerate claims"
Explanation: Replacing "exacerbate introductions" with "exaggerate claims" clarifies the sentence, conveying the idea that advertisements tend to exaggerate the benefits of products.
"colorful with appealing animations" -> "vibrant with enticing animations"
Explanation: Substituting "colorful with appealing animations" with "vibrant with enticing animations" maintains a descriptive tone while introducing more sophisticated and varied vocabulary.
"not be carefully enquired and verified" -> "not be thoroughly scrutinized and verified"
Explanation: Replacing "not be carefully enquired and verified" with "not be thoroughly scrutinized and verified" improves precision and formality.
"financial budgets" -> "financial resources"
Explanation: Using "financial resources" instead of "financial budgets" is more precise and aligns better with academic language.
"self-made medicine" -> "over-the-counter remedies"
Explanation: Substituting "self-made medicine" with "over-the-counter remedies" offers a more accurate and formal description.
"uncertain sources of those drugs" -> "questionable origins of those medications"
Explanation: Changing "uncertain sources of those drugs" to "questionable origins of those medications" maintains clarity and elevates the language.
"fascinating ads or anything that pop-ups" -> "intriguing advertisements or pop-up content"
Explanation: Replacing "fascinating ads or anything that pop-ups" with "intriguing advertisements or pop-up content" provides a more refined and specific description.
"negative impacts" -> "adverse effects"
Explanation: Substituting "negative impacts" with "adverse effects" introduces a more formal and precise expression.
"loose censor of the Internet" -> "limited regulation of the Internet"
Explanation: Changing "loose censor of the Internet" to "limited regulation of the Internet" enhances accuracy and formality.
"may not reist on drifting" -> "may not resist drifting"
Explanation: Correcting the typo "reist" to "resist" and adjusting the phrasing to "may not resist drifting" improves grammatical accuracy and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Quoted text: "In today’s business environment, marketing products through advertisements has become a dominant strategy. However, from my perspective, I believe it has detrimental effects on the population."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestion: Your introduction effectively sets the stage for discussing the impact of advertising. However, it would be beneficial to explicitly state your position on whether advertising is a positive or negative development. This clarity in the introduction will guide your reader and create a stronger foundation for your subsequent arguments.
- Improved example: "In today’s business environment, marketing products through advertisements has become a dominant strategy. From my perspective, I believe it has detrimental effects on the population, making it a negative development."
Quoted text: "First and foremost, advertising can be misleading as it tends to exacerbate introductions about the benefits of products. Indeed, the ads on TV or through the Internet are colorful with appealing animations, some even use celebrity endorsement to promote sales."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestion: Your first point is well-articulated, highlighting the potential misleading nature of advertisements. To strengthen your argument, consider providing a specific example or personal experience related to misleading advertising. This will add depth and authenticity to your claim, aligning with the criteria for fully extended and well-supported ideas.
- Improved example: "First and foremost, advertising can be misleading as it tends to exacerbate introductions about the benefits of products. For instance, I once purchased a beauty product endorsed by a celebrity, only to find that its promised benefits were exaggerated, leading to a disappointing experience."
Quoted text: "However, the real quality of those things may not be carefully enquired and verified."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestion: While your point about the lack of quality verification is valid, consider expanding on this idea by explaining why it is essential for consumers to be vigilant. Provide a real-world scenario or a personal anecdote where the absence of quality verification had negative consequences. This will enhance the development of your idea.
- Improved example: "However, the real quality of those things may not be carefully enquired and verified. Consumers should be cautious, as I once encountered a situation where the lack of quality verification led to not only financial loss but also potential health risks."
Quoted text: "For instance, a student who is using the Internet to collect information for his assignments would certainly be distracted by some fascinating ads or anything that pop-ups which are designed to draw his attention."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestion: Your point about advertisements affecting concentration is well-made. To further develop this idea, consider providing a personal example or elaborating on the consequences of such distractions on academic performance. This will strengthen your argument and align with the criteria for well-developed ideas.
- Improved example: "For instance, a student who is using the Internet to collect information for his assignments would certainly be distracted by some fascinating ads or anything that pop-ups, significantly impacting the quality of research and overall academic performance."
Quoted text: "Finally, this marketing strategy also has negative impacts on teenagers and children, who spend most of their time on online platforms."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestion: Your point about the negative impacts on teenagers and children is valid. To enhance this argument, provide specific examples of harmful products or activities promoted through online advertisements and discuss the potential consequences on the behavior and well-being of young individuals.
- Improved example: "Finally, this marketing strategy also has negative impacts on teenagers and children, who spend most of their time on online platforms. Exposure to advertisements promoting harmful products like cigarettes, alcohol, or illegal activities like gambling can influence their behavior and pose long-term risks to their well-being."
Quoted text: "In conclusion, although the rapid development of advertising in the community is undeniable, I personally hold the opinion that it is a negative trend due to numerous drawbacks it brings to society in terms of unqualified products, distraction and potentially bad behaviors."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestion: Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint. To further strengthen it, consider briefly reiterating your main points and connecting them back to the overall impact of advertising on society. This will provide a cohesive ending to your essay.
- Improved example: "In conclusion, although the rapid development of advertising in the community is undeniable, I personally hold the opinion that it is a negative trend due to numerous drawbacks it brings to society, such as the proliferation of unqualified products, increased distractions, and the potential promotion of detrimental behaviors."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear organization with a logical progression of ideas throughout each paragraph. There is a discernible introduction, body, and conclusion structure. The use of cohesive devices is generally appropriate, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. The writer effectively employs linking words and phrases, facilitating smooth transitions between sentences and ideas. The central topic within each paragraph is evident, enhancing the clarity of the essay’s structure.

However, there are instances of underuse and overuse of cohesive devices, and there is room for improvement in maintaining a more consistent balance. The essay could benefit from slightly more varied and precise cohesive devices to enhance overall coherence further.

Paragraphing is generally sufficient and appropriate, contributing to the overall organization of the essay. Each paragraph introduces and develops a specific point related to the overall topic. Nevertheless, there are moments where paragraphing could be more logically executed, particularly in the transition between ideas.

How to improve:

Refine the use of cohesive devices: Ensure a consistent and balanced use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Aim for a more varied selection of linking words and phrases to enhance coherence.
Fine-tune paragraphing: Pay attention to the logical flow between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas within each paragraph are logically connected.
Enhance overall balance: Strive for a more even distribution of cohesive devices and maintain a consistent balance between underuse and overuse.

By addressing these points, the essay’s coherence and cohesion can be elevated, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable use of vocabulary, incorporating a range of words with a satisfactory level of flexibility and precision. There is evidence of less common lexical items, contributing to a relatively diverse vocabulary. The essay displays some awareness of style and collocation, enhancing the overall lexical resource. While there are occasional errors in word choice and spelling, they do not significantly impede communication. The language used is generally clear, and the writer successfully conveys ideas through well-constructed sentences and paragraphs.

How to improve:
To elevate the band score, the writer could focus on refining word choice and minimizing errors in spelling. Additionally, enhancing the use of more sophisticated and precise vocabulary, especially in discussing the detrimental effects of advertising, could further elevate the lexical resource. Attention to consistency in style and collocation would also contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay. Overall, maintaining a balance between vocabulary variety and accuracy is key for improvement.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable command of grammar and a variety of sentence structures. There is a good mix of simple and complex sentences, contributing to a coherent and well-organized essay. The use of vocabulary is appropriate, and the writer effectively conveys ideas. Although there are some errors, they are infrequent and do not significantly impede communication. The essay shows a good understanding of grammar and punctuation rules, contributing to a smooth reading experience.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, pay attention to minor errors such as verb tense consistency ("I personally hold" could be refined to "I personally believe"). Additionally, ensure that articles are appropriately used, and there is consistency in singular/plural forms. Finally, aim for greater precision in word choices to elevate the overall language proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s business world, using advertisements to market products has become a prevailing strategy. However, in my view, this trend has adverse effects on the population.

Primarily, advertising can mislead by exaggerating the benefits of products. TV or online ads, often vibrant with appealing animations and celebrity endorsements, might not accurately reflect the actual quality of these products. Consequently, customers’ budgets and companies’ reputations can suffer. Consider self-made medicine adverts on platforms like YouTube. Despite the questionable origins of these drugs, many people trust the exaggerated claims made by the brand, potentially leading to unforeseen consequences.

Additionally, advertisements disrupt people’s concentration and diminish their productivity, particularly when working or studying online. For example, a student researching assignments online may easily be distracted by captivating ads or pop-ups intended to seize attention. Moreover, this marketing approach negatively impacts teenagers and children, who extensively engage with online platforms. Advertisers exploit the internet’s lax censorship to promote harmful products like tobacco, alcohol, or illegal activities such as gambling. Consequently, impressionable adolescents might unknowingly gravitate toward these social hazards due to inadequate self-awareness.

In conclusion, despite the undeniable proliferation of advertising in society, I firmly believe it represents a negative trend due to various drawbacks, including the promotion of unverified products, distractions, and potential encouragement of undesirable behaviors.