Amount of waste produced by three companies over a period of 15 years
Amount of waste produced by three companies over a period of 15 years
The line graph provides information regarding the number of tonnes in wasted production in 3 different companies between 2000 and 2015. The figures are measured in tonnes.
Overall, companies A and B have a similar trend in the after period, they both decrease but had a little difference at the beginning. Meanwhile, company C saw an increase and they have highest the number of waste in tonnes.
Beginning at company C, the data considerately increase from roughly 3 to 6 tonnes in first 10 years before a sharp rise by the end of period.
Moving to company A, the number of tonnes in wasted production was the highest tonnes at the beginning but decreased during the final time. Similarly, in Company B, there was a rapid increase in 5 years then going down from 2005 to 2015.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"provides information regarding" -> "presents data on"
Explanation: "Presents data on" is more concise and formal than "provides information regarding," enhancing clarity and academic tone. -
"the figures are measured in tonnes" -> "the figures are quantified in tonnes"
Explanation: "Quantified" is a more precise term that conveys the idea of measurement in a formal context. -
"they both decrease but had a little difference at the beginning" -> "both exhibit a decreasing trend, although they initially differed slightly"
Explanation: This revision uses more formal language and clarifies the comparison between the two companies, improving coherence. -
"company C saw an increase and they have highest the number of waste in tonnes" -> "Company C experienced an increase and recorded the highest volume of waste in tonnes"
Explanation: "Experienced" is a more formal term than "saw," and "recorded the highest volume" is clearer and more precise than "have highest the number of waste." -
"the data considerately increase" -> "the data increased significantly"
Explanation: "Considerately" is not appropriate in this context; "increased significantly" conveys the intended meaning more accurately and formally. -
"in first 10 years" -> "in the first ten years"
Explanation: Adding "the" clarifies the time frame, and spelling out "ten" is more appropriate in formal writing. -
"before a sharp rise by the end of period" -> "before a sharp rise at the end of the period"
Explanation: "At the end of the period" is grammatically correct and enhances clarity. -
"the number of tonnes in wasted production was the highest tonnes at the beginning" -> "the volume of waste production was highest at the beginning"
Explanation: "Volume of waste production" is more precise, and "was highest" is clearer than "was the highest tonnes." -
"decreased during the final time" -> "decreased during the final years"
Explanation: "Final years" is a more specific and formal expression than "final time." -
"there was a rapid increase in 5 years then going down from 2005 to 2015" -> "there was a rapid increase over five years, followed by a decline from 2005 to 2015"
Explanation: "Over five years" is more precise, and "followed by a decline" is clearer and more formal than "then going down."
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5
Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay also presents the key features of the data, but it does not adequately cover them. For example, the essay states that "company A and B have a similar trend in the after period, they both decrease but had a little difference at the beginning," but it does not provide any specific details about the trends.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific details about the key features of the data. For example, the essay could state that "company A’s waste production decreased from 12 tonnes in 2000 to 8 tonnes in 2015, while company B’s waste production decreased from 8 tonnes in 2000 to 3 tonnes in 2015." The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the trends in the data. For example, instead of saying "a little difference," the essay could say "a slight difference."
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe trends for the three companies, the connections between ideas are not always clear. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion. For example, phrases like "they both decrease but had a little difference at the beginning" lack clarity and coherence. Additionally, the paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the transitions between the discussion of each company could be smoother.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly organizing the information in a logical sequence. Using more varied and precise cohesive devices can help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and logically flows into the next will improve overall coherence. Finally, refining the use of language to avoid inaccuracies and repetition will strengthen the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the trends in waste production, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, lacking the sophistication expected at higher band levels. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the after period" and "the highest tonnes," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, spelling and word formation errors, such as "considerately" instead of "considerably," further detract from clarity and precision.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items that are relevant to the topic. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures can help avoid repetition. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate spelling and word formation errors will improve overall clarity. Engaging with more sophisticated vocabulary related to data analysis and trends will also elevate the essay’s quality.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors are present, particularly in sentence construction and punctuation, which can cause difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "the after period" and "they have highest the number of waste" indicate issues with clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of "considerately increase" is incorrect, suggesting a misunderstanding of word choice.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:
- Variety in Sentence Structures: Incorporate more complex sentences and subordinate clauses to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
- Error Correction: Proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and word choice.
- Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules to ensure clarity and improve the overall flow of the writing.
- Vocabulary Precision: Use more precise vocabulary to convey ideas clearly and accurately, avoiding awkward phrases.
Bài sửa mẫu
The line graph provides information regarding the amount of waste produced in tonnes by three different companies between 2000 and 2015. The figures are measured in tonnes.
Overall, Companies A and B exhibit a similar trend in the latter period; both show a decrease, although they had slight differences at the beginning. Meanwhile, Company C experienced an increase and had the highest amount of waste in tonnes.
Beginning with Company C, the data significantly increased from roughly 3 tonnes to 6 tonnes in the first 10 years before a sharp rise at the end of the period.
Turning to Company A, the amount of waste produced was the highest at the beginning but decreased during the final years. Similarly, Company B saw a rapid increase in the first five years, followed by a decline from 2005 to 2015.
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