An increasing number of 18-year-olds are moving out of their parents' homes so they can live on their own after finishing high school. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

Nowadays, there are many young people want to leave family when they enough eighteen years old. Today I am going to discuss about the benefits and drawbacks of this trend.

On the one hand, when they leave their family to go somewhere else, especially city or capital, they will be provided with better employment. Because there are not many work opportunity for young people in the countryside, they mainly focus on agriculture. In addition, when they live away from family they can learn how to take care of yourself. So they become more mature, they have many life skills like take care of yourself, ability to make money.

On the other hand, young people live away from family can make them feel homesick and stressed, some people are used to living with family and they always feel bored. For example, in the past they do everything together with their family but now they have to do everything alone, it is difficult for them. Moreover, young people are moving out of their parents' homes is very easy participate in bad and dangerous activities because they no longer have parental control.

In conclusion, the thing about leaving family when they are old enough has both bad and good things. In my view, I think we should live away from family because it can help us have many work opportunity and learn new things.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays, there are many young people want to leave family when they enough eighteen years old." -> "Currently, many young people wish to leave their families when they reach the age of eighteen."
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal temporal indicator than "Nowadays." "Wish to" is more formal than "want to." "Leave family" is vague; "leave their families" specifies the subject. "Enough eighteen years old" is incorrect; "reach the age of eighteen" is the correct phrase.
"Today I am going to discuss about the benefits and drawbacks of this trend." -> "Today, I will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of this trend."
Explanation: Removing "am going to" makes the sentence more formal and direct. "Discuss about" is grammatically incorrect; "discuss" is sufficient without "about."
"they will be provided with better employment" -> "they will have better employment opportunities"
Explanation: "Better employment" is vague; "better employment opportunities" specifies the type of employment. "Provided with" is less direct than "have," which is more straightforward in academic writing.
"Because there are not many work opportunity for young people in the countryside" -> "Because there are limited job opportunities for young people in rural areas"
Explanation: "Not many work opportunity" is grammatically incorrect and informal; "limited job opportunities" is grammatically correct and more formal. "Countryside" is less formal than "rural areas."
"they can learn how to take care of yourself" -> "they can learn to take care of themselves"
Explanation: "Take care of yourself" is grammatically incorrect in this context; "take care of themselves" is the correct form.
"So they become more mature, they have many life skills like take care of yourself, ability to make money." -> "Thus, they become more mature, acquiring various life skills such as self-care and financial management."
Explanation: "So" is too informal for academic writing; "Thus" is more formal. "Many life skills like take care of yourself, ability to make money" is awkward and informal; "acquiring various life skills such as self-care and financial management" is more precise and formal.
"young people live away from family can make them feel homesick and stressed" -> "young people living away from their families may feel homesick and stressed"
Explanation: "Can make them" is passive and less direct; "may feel" is more appropriate for academic writing. "Family" should be "families" to match the plural subject.
"some people are used to living with family and they always feel bored" -> "some individuals are accustomed to living with their families and often feel bored"
Explanation: "Some people" is vague; "some individuals" is more specific. "Used to" is informal; "accustomed to" is more formal. "Always feel bored" is too absolute; "often feel bored" is more accurate.
"young people are moving out of their parents’ homes is very easy participate in bad and dangerous activities" -> "young people leaving their parents’ homes find it easy to participate in bad and dangerous activities"
Explanation: "Moving out of their parents’ homes is very easy participate in" is grammatically incorrect and awkward; "leaving their parents’ homes find it easy to participate in" corrects these issues.
"the thing about leaving family when they are old enough has both bad and good things" -> "the issue of leaving family at an appropriate age has both positive and negative aspects"
Explanation: "The thing about" is informal and vague; "the issue of" is more precise. "Bad and good things" is informal and imprecise; "positive and negative aspects" is more formal and specific.
"In my view, I think we should live away from family because it can help us have many work opportunity and learn new things." -> "In my opinion, I believe that living away from family can provide numerous employment opportunities and facilitate learning new skills."
Explanation: "In my view, I think" is redundant; "In my opinion, I believe" is more concise. "We should live away from family" is too direct and informal; "living away from family" is more formal. "Have many work opportunity" is grammatically incorrect; "provide numerous employment opportunities" is correct. "Learn new things" is vague; "facilitate learning new skills" is more specific and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both the advantages and disadvantages of young people moving out of their parents’ homes. However, the discussion is somewhat superficial and lacks depth. For instance, while the essay mentions better employment opportunities and personal growth as advantages, it does not elaborate on how these factors specifically benefit young individuals or society. Similarly, the disadvantages are mentioned but not sufficiently explored; the points about homesickness and lack of parental control could be expanded with examples or further explanation.
- How to improve: To more comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should aim to provide specific examples and detailed explanations for each point. For instance, discussing particular job sectors that young people might enter or describing specific life skills they acquire would enhance the argument. Additionally, considering the broader implications of these advantages and disadvantages would provide a more rounded response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that favors living away from family, stating that it helps individuals gain work opportunities and learn new things. However, this position is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The discussion of disadvantages appears somewhat detached from the overall stance, which can confuse the reader regarding the writer’s true perspective.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly link the advantages and disadvantages back to their main argument. For example, after discussing the disadvantages, they could reiterate how the benefits outweigh these challenges. Using transitional phrases to signal shifts in perspective can also help clarify the writer’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks sufficient development and support. For example, the mention of "better employment" is vague and not substantiated with examples or statistics. Similarly, the claim about young people learning life skills is made but not elaborated upon, leaving the reader wanting more information about what these skills are and how they are beneficial.
- How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should include specific examples, anecdotes, or data that illustrate their points. For instance, discussing how living independently can lead to better financial management skills or enhanced social networks would provide depth. Additionally, using topic sentences to clearly introduce each paragraph’s main idea can help guide the reader.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of young people moving out. However, some sentences are unclear or poorly structured, which can detract from the overall focus. For example, the phrase "some people are used to living with family and they always feel bored" is vague and does not clearly relate to the topic of moving out.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the writer should ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the discussion of advantages and disadvantages. Avoiding vague language and ensuring clarity in expression will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, organizing the essay into clear sections—advantages in one paragraph and disadvantages in another—can enhance coherence.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should aim for greater depth in their analysis, clearer articulation of their position, more robust support for their ideas, and improved clarity and coherence throughout the text.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For example, the transition from discussing the advantages of moving out to the disadvantages feels abrupt. The points made in the body paragraphs are relevant but could be better connected to enhance the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, linking phrases such as "In contrast" or "Conversely" can be employed to signal shifts between advantages and disadvantages more effectively. This will help the reader follow the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, separating the discussion of advantages and disadvantages. However, the paragraphs could be more developed. For instance, the first paragraph contains multiple ideas crammed together without sufficient elaboration, which affects clarity. The second paragraph also lacks a clear structure, as it introduces several points without fully explaining them.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea and provide supporting details. For instance, in the advantages paragraph, you could expand on how living independently enhances maturity by providing specific examples or anecdotes. Similarly, in the disadvantages paragraph, consider breaking down the points about homesickness and lack of parental control into separate sentences for clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to delineate the two sides of the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied and sophisticated linking words. For example, phrases like "Furthermore," "Additionally," or "In addition" could be used to connect ideas within paragraphs more fluidly.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. This can be done by reviewing common cohesive devices and their appropriate contexts. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device used serves a clear purpose in linking ideas, which will enhance the overall flow of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements in logical organization, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices will help elevate the coherence and cohesion of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication in word choice. Phrases like "leave family" and "better employment" are somewhat simplistic and repetitive. The use of "many young people" and "work opportunity" shows an attempt to convey ideas, but the vocabulary does not extend beyond basic terms.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer could incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. For instance, instead of "leave family," one might say "separate from their familial home" or "gain independence from parental care." Additionally, using terms like "employment prospects" instead of "work opportunity" would elevate the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the essay. For example, the phrase "take care of yourself" is repeated, which could be more effectively expressed as "develop self-sufficiency" or "cultivate independence." The sentence "they have many life skills like take care of yourself, ability to make money" is awkward and unclear, as it mixes phrases without proper grammatical structure.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For example, instead of "ability to make money," one could say "financial management skills." Practicing the use of collocations and idiomatic expressions can also help in achieving more precise language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "want" instead of "wants," "when they enough eighteen years old" instead of "when they are eighteen years old," and "easy participate" instead of "easy to participate." These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases and spelling mistakes. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words could be beneficial for improving overall spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay meets the basic requirements of the task, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, simple sentences like "they will be provided with better employment" and "they can learn how to take care of yourself" dominate the text. While there are some attempts at complex sentences, such as "when they leave their family to go somewhere else," the overall variety is insufficient. The use of conjunctions and relative clauses is minimal, which restricts the essay’s grammatical complexity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences. For example, they could combine ideas using subordinating conjunctions (e.g., "Although young people may feel homesick, living independently can help them develop important life skills"). Additionally, using a mix of declarative, interrogative, and conditional sentences can create a more engaging narrative.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, the phrase "there are many young people want to leave family" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "there are many young people who want to leave their families." Additionally, the phrase "when they enough eighteen years old" lacks the verb "are" and should read "when they are eighteen years old." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas, also detract from clarity, particularly in complex sentences where clauses are joined.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles and prepositions. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors, especially in compound and complex sentences, will help enhance clarity and coherence. Using tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also assist in identifying and correcting these mistakes.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria of the IELTS Task 2 essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, there are many young people who want to leave their families when they reach eighteen years old. Today, I am going to discuss the benefits and drawbacks of this trend.

On the one hand, when they leave their families to go somewhere else, especially to a city or capital, they will be provided with better employment opportunities. Because there are not many job opportunities for young people in the countryside, they mainly focus on agriculture. In addition, when they live away from their families, they can learn how to take care of themselves. Thus, they become more mature, acquiring various life skills like self-care and financial management.

On the other hand, young people living away from their families may feel homesick and stressed. Some individuals are accustomed to living with their families and often feel bored. For example, in the past, they did everything together with their families, but now they have to do everything alone, which can be difficult for them. Moreover, young people moving out of their parents’ homes find it easy to participate in bad and dangerous activities because they no longer have parental control.

In conclusion, the issue of leaving family at an appropriate age has both positive and negative aspects. In my opinion, I believe that living away from family can provide numerous employment opportunities and facilitate learning new skills.