An increasing number of people change their career and place of residence several times during their lifetime. Is this a positive or negative development?

The constantly changing personal career and workplace of citizens has become a pressing concern in recent times. While this propensity offers certain advantages for demanding of personal, I believe that the disadvantages should not be overlooked.
Certainly, there are several benefits of changing career and workplace of individuals in many times in their lifespan. Firstly, it provides an opportunity to explore a variety of career pathways. Through access with numerous different fields and living environments, individuals will gain the significance of knowledge and experiences. This merit will allow employments find out what jobs and places that suits with their interests, abilities and goals, leading to more satisfied and fulfilled with their jobs. Secondly, fostering personal adaptation is the most vital of changing job and place. By allow individuals connecting with many temporary challenges in their lifespan, it a effective way for their escape themselves limits and become the better and best version.
However, it is deniable that the constant changes of personal job and place will fail into personal economic. If individuals spend large amount of time for seeking perfect career that prioritize with their goals and context their wish, it can extremely affect to personal finance, results in reducing the financial of individuals, particularly, the cycle of personal poverty remained unchanged. Moreover, changing career and workplace overtimes can fostering a sense of pressure. By spending time and personal effort for changing job without bring personal fulfillment, individuals will easily boring and nervous themselves, leading to antisocial and break their relationship.
In conclusion, while the changing career and workplace of individuals in many times in their lifespan will engage with numerous benefits such as exploring career pathways and fostering personal adaptation, however it also will face with reducing personal finance and sense of pressure.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"demanding of personal" -> "personal demands"
Explanation: The phrase "demanding of personal" is awkward and lacks clarity. Replacing it with "personal demands" maintains the intended meaning while improving readability.
"in many times" -> "repeatedly" or "on multiple occasions"
Explanation: "In many times" is not idiomatic in formal writing. "Repeatedly" or "on multiple occasions" are more precise and appropriate alternatives.
"gain the significance of knowledge and experiences" -> "acquire significant knowledge and experience"
Explanation: "Gain the significance of knowledge and experiences" is unclear and awkward. Replacing it with "acquire significant knowledge and experience" enhances clarity and conciseness.
"employments find out" -> "individuals find"
Explanation: "Employments find out" is grammatically incorrect. Using "individuals find" clarifies the subject and improves the sentence structure.
"suits with" -> "aligns with"
Explanation: "Suits with" is informal and imprecise. "Aligns with" is a more appropriate and formal alternative.
"more satisfied and fulfilled with their jobs" -> "experience greater job satisfaction and fulfillment"
Explanation: "More satisfied and fulfilled with their jobs" can be expressed more precisely as "experience greater job satisfaction and fulfillment" in formal writing.
"the most vital of changing job and place" -> "the most crucial aspect of changing jobs and locations"
Explanation: "The most vital of changing job and place" is awkward and lacks clarity. Replacing it with "the most crucial aspect of changing jobs and locations" improves readability and precision.
"By allow individuals connecting with" -> "By allowing individuals to connect with"
Explanation: "By allow individuals connecting with" is grammatically incorrect. Using "By allowing individuals to connect with" corrects the grammar and improves clarity.
"many temporary challenges in their lifespan" -> "numerous temporary challenges over their lifespan"
Explanation: "Many temporary challenges in their lifespan" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Numerous temporary challenges over their lifespan" is a more precise and grammatically correct alternative.
"it a effective way for their escape themselves limits" -> "it is an effective means to transcend their limitations"
Explanation: "It a effective way for their escape themselves limits" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "It is an effective means to transcend their limitations" conveys the intended meaning more clearly and formally.
"become the better and best version" -> "become better versions of themselves"
Explanation: "Become the better and best version" is awkward and lacks precision. "Become better versions of themselves" is clearer and more idiomatic.
"it is deniable" -> "it is undeniable"
Explanation: "It is deniable" contains a typographical error. "It is undeniable" is the correct form.
"fail into personal economic" -> "impact personal finances"
Explanation: "Fail into personal economic" is unclear and awkward. "Impact personal finances" is a clearer and more precise alternative.
"context their wish" -> "match their aspirations"
Explanation: "Context their wish" is unclear and lacks precision. "Match their aspirations" conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
"can extremely affect to personal finance" -> "can greatly affect personal finances"
Explanation: "Can extremely affect to personal finance" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Can greatly affect personal finances" is more grammatically correct and precise.
"results in reducing the financial of individuals" -> "resulting in a reduction of individuals’ financial stability"
Explanation: "Results in reducing the financial of individuals" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Resulting in a reduction of individuals’ financial stability" is clearer and more precise.
"fostering a sense of pressure" -> "exacerbating feelings of pressure"
Explanation: "Fostering a sense of pressure" is awkward. "Exacerbating feelings of pressure" is more precise and formal.
"spending time and personal effort for changing job without bring personal fulfillment" -> "investing time and effort in changing jobs without achieving personal fulfillment"
Explanation: "Spending time and personal effort for changing job without bring personal fulfillment" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Investing time and effort in changing jobs without achieving personal fulfillment" is clearer and more precise.
"easily boring and nervous themselves" -> "easily become bored and anxious"
Explanation: "Easily boring and nervous themselves" is awkward and unclear. "Easily become bored and anxious" is more concise and clear.
"antisocial and break their relationship" -> "become antisocial and strain their relationships"
Explanation: "Antisocial and break their relationship" is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. "Become antisocial and strain their relationships" is more precise and formal.
"while the changing career and workplace of individuals in many times in their lifespan will engage with numerous benefits" -> "while frequent changes in career and workplace offer numerous benefits"
Explanation: The original phrase is convoluted and lacks clarity. "Frequent changes in career and workplace offer numerous benefits" is more concise and clearer in meaning.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the positive and negative aspects of changing careers and places of residence. It discusses the advantages such as exploring career pathways and fostering personal adaptation, as well as the drawbacks like financial impacts and pressure.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure a more balanced discussion by providing equal weight to both sides. Additionally, consider elaborating further on each point to enhance the depth of analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that changing careers and places of residence can have both positive and negative consequences. However, there are moments where the argument could be more nuanced or explicitly stated.
- How to improve: Strengthen the thesis statement to clearly outline the author’s position from the outset. Use transitions and topic sentences in body paragraphs to reinforce this position consistently.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth and development in some areas. For instance, while discussing the advantages, it briefly mentions exploring career pathways and personal adaptation without providing detailed examples or analysis.
- How to improve: Extend ideas by providing specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes to support arguments. Develop each point with analysis and explanation to strengthen the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic but could benefit from more focused and concise arguments. Some parts, like the discussion on personal finance, could be more directly related to the main topic.
- How to improve: Ensure that every argument or example directly relates to the main topic of changing careers and places of residence. Avoid tangents or overly broad statements that may distract from the central theme.

Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and presents arguments on both sides of the issue. To improve, focus on depth of analysis, clearer positioning, and tighter relevance to the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages. However, the transition between ideas within paragraphs and between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance coherence. For instance, the shift from discussing benefits to drawbacks lacks a clear transition, making the progression of ideas feel somewhat disjointed.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, ensure that each paragraph builds upon the previous one and transitions smoothly to the next. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader and maintain a cohesive flow of ideas throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, but the structure and effectiveness of these paragraphs could be improved. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea or argument, supported by relevant details or examples. However, some paragraphs in this essay cover multiple ideas without clear delineation, leading to confusion and a lack of coherence. For example, the second paragraph discusses both the benefits of exploring different career pathways and fostering personal adaptation, making it difficult for the reader to follow the author’s argument.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. Support this main idea with relevant evidence or examples, and use transitions to smoothly connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Consider breaking down complex paragraphs into shorter, more focused ones to improve clarity and coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "firstly," "secondly," "however," "in conclusion"). However, the variety and effectiveness of these cohesive devices could be improved to enhance coherence. Additionally, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices is inconsistent or ineffective, which weakens the overall cohesion of the essay. For example, transitions between ideas within paragraphs are sometimes abrupt or lacking, disrupting the flow of the argument.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used in the essay to include a variety of transition words and phrases (e.g., "furthermore," "on the other hand," "in addition"). Ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and effectively to connect ideas and create a cohesive narrative structure. Practice integrating cohesive devices seamlessly into sentences and paragraphs to improve overall coherence and cohesion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in organizing information logically, using paragraphs effectively, and employing a wider range of cohesive devices. By focusing on these areas and implementing the suggested improvements, the essay can enhance its clarity, coherence, and overall effectiveness in conveying ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt at incorporating a variety of vocabulary. For instance, phrases like "propensity," "pressing concern," "suits with their interests," and "personal adaptation" contribute to lexical diversity. However, there are instances where simpler vocabulary choices or repetitive phrases are used, which slightly limits the range. For example, "personal career" could be substituted with alternatives like "professional trajectory" or "vocational path" for added variety.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, aim to incorporate more nuanced and contextually appropriate vocabulary throughout the essay. This can be achieved by actively seeking out synonyms and varied expressions for commonly used terms. Additionally, utilizing domain-specific terminology or idiomatic phrases related to career transitions and lifestyle changes can enrich the vocabulary further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally employs vocabulary effectively, there are instances where precision could be improved. For instance, the phrase "deniable that the constant changes of personal job and place will fail into personal economic" could be clarified for better precision and clarity. Here, replacing "fail into" with "impact" or "affect" and rephrasing "personal economic" as "financial stability" would enhance precision.
- How to improve: Focus on selecting words and phrases that accurately convey the intended meaning without ambiguity. Utilize specific terminology related to career transitions and economic consequences to ensure clarity and precision. Proofreading the essay carefully to identify and refine imprecise language can also be beneficial.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates inconsistent spelling accuracy. While some words are spelled correctly, such as "pressing," "individuals," and "opportunity," there are notable instances of spelling errors throughout, such as "propensity," "employments," "deniable," and "overtimes." These errors detract from the overall coherence and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: Employing spelling and grammar check tools can help identify and correct spelling errors. Additionally, dedicating time to proofread the essay thoroughly before submission can significantly improve spelling accuracy. Developing a habit of double-checking spellings of unfamiliar or complex words can also contribute to enhanced spelling proficiency over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout the essay. However, there is a tendency towards simpler sentence structures, which affects the overall sophistication of the writing. For instance, there is limited use of complex sentence structures or varied sentence beginnings. The essay lacks diversity in sentence patterns, leading to a somewhat monotonous reading experience.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentence constructions such as compound-complex sentences and sentences with varied beginnings (e.g., participial phrases, subordinate clauses). This can be achieved by consciously varying sentence lengths and structures while ensuring coherence and clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("it a effective way"), article usage ("access with numerous different fields"), and preposition placement ("fostering a sense of pressure"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors such as missing commas after introductory phrases and incorrect comma usage in compound sentences. While the errors do not significantly impede comprehension, they detract from the overall clarity and precision of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, the writer should focus on reviewing and practicing key grammar concepts such as subject-verb agreement, article usage, and correct punctuation rules. Proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help identify and correct errors. Additionally, seeking feedback from peers or instructors can provide valuable insights into areas needing improvement. Finally, studying model essays and analyzing how they effectively use grammar and punctuation can serve as a useful learning tool.

Bài sửa mẫu

The ever-changing nature of personal careers and workplaces has become a significant concern in recent times. While this trend presents certain advantages in meeting personal demands, I believe it’s important to consider its drawbacks as well.

Undoubtedly, there are numerous benefits to changing careers and workplaces multiple times throughout one’s life. Firstly, it offers the opportunity to explore a variety of career paths. By experiencing different fields and living environments, individuals can acquire significant knowledge and experience. This enables them to discover which jobs and locations align with their interests, abilities, and goals, ultimately leading to greater job satisfaction and fulfillment. Secondly, it fosters personal growth and adaptation, which is crucial when navigating the changes that life presents. By facing numerous temporary challenges over their lifespan, individuals can transcend their limitations and become better versions of themselves.

However, it is undeniable that frequent changes in career and workplace can have a negative impact on personal finances. If individuals invest significant time and effort in seeking the perfect career without achieving personal fulfillment, it can greatly affect their financial stability, potentially leading to a cycle of poverty. Moreover, the constant flux can exacerbate feelings of pressure. Spending time and effort on changing jobs without finding fulfillment can easily lead to boredom and anxiety, ultimately causing individuals to become antisocial and strain their relationships.

In conclusion, while frequent changes in career and workplace offer numerous benefits such as exploring career pathways and fostering personal growth, they also have the potential to negatively impact personal finances and increase feelings of pressure. Therefore, it is important for individuals to carefully consider the implications before making such changes.