Anyboday can use a mobile phone to answer work and personal calls at any time, 7 day a week. Does this development have more positive or negative effects on both individuals and society?

In the past few decades, the world has been radically tramsformed with the use of mobile phones. Everyone can use their mobie phone to seek work or personal needs at any time daily. It has also raised concenrs over the disruption and harmfull effects, it can have in our day to day lives. This essay will shed light on both the positive and negative effects of mobile phones.
To begin with, the ability to communicate with someone over large distance in a matter of seconds has obvious merits. This helps people who work away from home easily contact eith their family. Most office workers will often cary a mobile phone with them specifically to stay in contact with their company. Thus, they can communicate easily and avoid scheduling meetings which can be costly in both time and money. In additional mobile phone are critical emergencies, for example, the events of accident, there is no guarantee that help is always nearby. With a mobile phone, medical and police response can be contacted in just a few seconds.
These advantages are worthwhile, however they are not without some definite drawbacks. The annoyance of a ringing phone is sometime many people have had to put up with. This is a major problem in environment which call for silent atmosphere, such a classroom and cinema. Although, mobile phone helps also many their life but there are several reasons why it leads to health concenrs. People who use their phone frequently often suffer from headache and eye strain from at the screen. This is easily harmful effects to health and spirit.
In conclusion, everyone can use mobile phone to support for their work and activities daily, this bring a lot of benefits to their work and life, but, however, using mobile device affect also to health of them.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"radically tramsformed" -> "radically transformed"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "tramsformed" to "transformed" ensures the use of the correct word, enhancing the professionalism and accuracy of the text.
"mobie phone" -> "mobile phone"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "mobie" to "mobile" ensures the proper spelling of the term, maintaining the academic tone.
"concerns" -> "concerns"
Explanation: The word "concerns" should be plural to match the context of multiple issues being discussed.
"harmfull" -> "harmful"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "harmfull" to "harmful" ensures the use of the correct adjective form.
"day to day lives" -> "daily lives"
Explanation: Replacing "day to day" with "daily" streamlines the phrase and aligns better with formal academic language.
"cary" -> "carry"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "cary" to "carry" ensures the proper spelling of the verb.
"eith" -> "with"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "eith" to "with" ensures the proper spelling of the preposition.
"office workers will often cary" -> "office workers often carry"
Explanation: Removing the unnecessary "will" and correcting "cary" to "carry" improves the sentence structure and clarity.
"In additional" -> "In addition"
Explanation: Correcting the phrase "In additional" to "In addition" fixes a grammatical error and improves the flow of the sentence.
"the events of accident" -> "accidents"
Explanation: Simplifying "the events of accident" to "accidents" makes the phrase more direct and appropriate for formal writing.
"sometime" -> "sometimes"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "sometime" to "sometimes" ensures the correct usage of the adverb.
"environment which call for silent atmosphere" -> "environments that require a silent atmosphere"
Explanation: Replacing "environment which call for" with "environments that require" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances clarity.
"mobile phone helps also many their life" -> "mobile phones also help many people’s lives"
Explanation: Correcting the awkward and grammatically incorrect phrase to "mobile phones also help many people’s lives" improves clarity and grammatical correctness.
"but, however" -> "however"
Explanation: Removing the redundant "but" before "however" streamlines the sentence and maintains a formal tone.
"using mobile device affect also to health of them" -> "the use of mobile devices also affects their health"
Explanation: Correcting the grammatical structure and replacing "affect" with "affects" ensures subject-verb agreement and clarity.

These corrections and improvements enhance the academic tone and precision of the essay, aligning it with formal writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the positive and negative effects of mobile phones, which is a requirement of the prompt. The author discusses advantages such as ease of communication and emergency contact, while also acknowledging drawbacks like distractions and health concerns. However, the discussion could be more balanced; the positive aspects are elaborated on more than the negative ones, which could lead to an impression that the essay favors one side over the other.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should ensure that both positive and negative effects are given equal weight. This can be achieved by expanding on the negative effects with more examples and details, potentially including societal impacts such as decreased face-to-face interactions or increased stress levels due to constant connectivity.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general position that mobile phones have both benefits and drawbacks. However, the clarity of this position could be improved. Phrases like "this bring a lot of benefits" and "using mobile device affect also to health of them" are somewhat vague and do not strongly convey the author’s stance. The conclusion also lacks a definitive statement that encapsulates the overall argument.
- How to improve: The author should explicitly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Using clear and decisive language will help solidify the position. For example, instead of saying "this brings a lot of benefits," the author could say, "While mobile phones offer significant advantages, their negative effects cannot be overlooked."
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the convenience of communication and the potential health risks associated with mobile phone use. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the mention of health concerns is brief and lacks specific examples or statistics that could strengthen the argument. Additionally, the transitions between points could be smoother to enhance the flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the author should provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. Including specific instances, such as studies on health effects or statistics about mobile phone usage, would provide stronger support for the claims. Additionally, using transitional phrases can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the effects of mobile phones on individuals and society. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the discussion of health concerns, which could be more directly tied back to the overall impact on society. For example, the mention of "annoyance of a ringing phone" could be tied to broader societal implications, such as workplace productivity or social interactions.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the prompt. When introducing a new idea, it should be clearly linked to the overall discussion of positive or negative effects. Additionally, the author could benefit from outlining the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph serves a clear purpose in relation to the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both positive and negative effects, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the topic and the intention of the essay. The first body paragraph logically discusses the advantages of mobile phones, while the second addresses the disadvantages. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother; the shift from advantages to disadvantages feels abrupt. For example, the phrase "These advantages are worthwhile, however they are not without some definite drawbacks" could benefit from a more explicit transition.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that better connect the ideas between paragraphs. For instance, you might introduce the second paragraph with a phrase like, "Despite these benefits, there are significant drawbacks that must be considered." This would help to create a more cohesive narrative throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. The introduction sets the stage, and each body paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the topic. However, the paragraphs could be more clearly defined in terms of topic sentences and supporting details. For instance, the second body paragraph begins with "These advantages are worthwhile," which is somewhat misleading as it transitions to discussing drawbacks.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that reflects the main idea of that paragraph. For example, the second paragraph could begin with a statement like, "While mobile phones offer numerous advantages, they also present several significant drawbacks." This would clarify the focus of the paragraph and guide the reader more effectively.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "to begin with," "however," and "for example," which help to link ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "With a mobile phone, medical and police response can be contacted in just a few seconds" could be rephrased for better clarity and flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, you could use "Furthermore" to add information, "In contrast" to highlight differences, or "Consequently" to indicate results. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used correctly and enhance the clarity of your sentences. For example, rephrasing "this bring a lot of benefits to their work and life" to "this brings numerous benefits to both their professional and personal lives" would improve clarity and cohesion.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and maintains a logical structure, improvements in transitions, paragraph clarity, and the range of cohesive devices could elevate the overall coherence and cohesion of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary. Phrases like "mobile phone," "work," and "personal needs" are repeated without variation. For instance, the phrase "mobile phone" appears multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions. Additionally, terms such as "critical emergencies" and "major problem" are somewhat generic and do not showcase a broader lexical range.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider incorporating synonyms or related expressions. For example, instead of repeating "mobile phone," alternatives like "cellular device," "smartphone," or "communication device" could be used. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives and adverbs can enrich the vocabulary. For instance, instead of "major problem," one could say "significant issue" or "serious concern."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "in additional mobile phone are critical emergencies" is unclear and seems to misplace the intended meaning. The term "harmful effects" is also vague and could be more specific, such as "negative health impacts" or "adverse psychological effects."
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. For instance, clarify phrases by restructuring sentences. The problematic sentence could be revised to: "In addition, mobile phones are critical in emergencies." This not only corrects the grammar but also improves clarity. Furthermore, ensure that terms used are appropriate for the context; for example, instead of "annoyance of a ringing phone," one might say "disruption caused by ringing phones."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from the overall quality. Words such as "tramsformed" (transformed), "mobie" (mobile), "concerns" (concerns), "harmfull" (harmful), "eith" (with), "cary" (carry), "sometime" (sometimes), "such a" (such as), "concenrs" (concerns), and "headache" (headaches) are misspelled. These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, practice writing and proofreading. Utilize tools like spell checkers or grammar checkers to catch errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, consider keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly. Reading more widely can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and improving spelling accuracy—the overall lexical resource score can be significantly enhanced.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance clarity and engagement. For example, phrases like "the ability to communicate with someone over large distance in a matter of seconds has obvious merits" reflect a basic structure. There are few instances of complex sentences, which could help convey more nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of phrases like "this is a major problem in environment which call for silent atmosphere" shows a tendency to repeat similar structures without variation.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "This helps people who work away from home easily contact eith their family," the writer could say, "This helps people who work away from home to easily contact their family, which can significantly reduce feelings of isolation." Practicing the use of relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied conjunctions will enhance the overall grammatical range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "tramsformed" should be "transformed," "mobie" should be "mobile," and "harmfull" should be "harmful." Additionally, the phrase "it can have in our day to day lives" is awkwardly constructed. Punctuation errors include the incorrect use of commas, such as in "the disruption and harmfull effects, it can have," where a period or semicolon would be more appropriate. The use of "in additional" should be "additionally," and "sometime many people have had to put up with" is grammatically incorrect and unclear.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work to catch spelling and grammatical mistakes. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also help identify errors. Furthermore, practicing sentence construction and punctuation rules will aid in developing a more accurate writing style. Regularly reviewing common grammatical structures and their correct usage can enhance overall writing proficiency.

In summary, while the essay presents relevant ideas, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence variety and meticulous proofreading will greatly enhance the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the past few decades, the world has been radically transformed with the use of mobile phones. Everyone can use their mobile phone to seek work or personal needs at any time daily. It has also raised concerns over the disruption and harmful effects it can have in our daily lives. This essay will shed light on both the positive and negative effects of mobile phones.

To begin with, the ability to communicate with someone over large distances in a matter of seconds has obvious merits. This helps people who work away from home easily contact their family. Most office workers often carry a mobile phone with them specifically to stay in contact with their company. Thus, they can communicate easily and avoid scheduling meetings, which can be costly in both time and money. In addition, mobile phones are critical in emergencies; for example, in the event of an accident, there is no guarantee that help is always nearby. With a mobile phone, medical and police response can be contacted in just a few seconds.

These advantages are worthwhile; however, they are not without some definite drawbacks. The annoyance of a ringing phone is something many people have had to put up with. This is a major problem in environments that require a silent atmosphere, such as classrooms and cinemas. Although mobile phones also help many people in their lives, there are several reasons why they lead to health concerns. People who use their phones frequently often suffer from headaches and eye strain from looking at the screen. These are easily harmful effects on health and well-being.

In conclusion, everyone can use mobile phones to support their work and activities daily. This brings a lot of benefits to their work and life; however, the use of mobile devices also affects their health.