Anybody can use a mobile phone to answer the work and mobile phone calls at any time for 7 days a week. Is this development more positive or negative?

It is true that people increasingly respond regularly to work and unplanned calls through a mobile phone whenever needed. This essay attempts to shed light on both the merits and demerits before concluding that the former is more significant.

On the one hand, the growing popularity of mobile phones is fraught with pitfalls. Firstly, this tendency could result in people’ unexpected accidents. To illustrate, using a phone could interfere with the course of doing something that requires sole focus, such as driving. This could impede drivers from reacting in time, resulting in tragedy due to carelessness. Secondly, phone users may face being disturbed by telemarketing. This is because some companies now implement technological advertising strategies that may involve directly calling consumers, which seems annoying for officers in working time. Consequently, not only does this negatively affect receivers’ emotions, it also reflects badly on them, impinging on the enterprises’ reputation.

On the other hand, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that having a mobile phone at people’s disposal is advantageous. One rationale is that it may act as a life-saver in case of emergency. For instance, when hikers are lost in the middle of a strange region, they can contact immediately the rescuing force to ask for aid through a call on the phone. This, in turn, could somewhat contribute to the protection of them from risky factors. Another justification is that the availability of this hi-tech gadget could promote the improvement in cross-border communication. It is understandable because some messaging apps, such as Telegram and Messenger, have been available on phones, which could facilitate the connection between users of different countries through a shared database, notwithstanding geographical barriers. As a result, this connection could bring benefits to the international development of many aspects of our society.

To conclude, while the downsides of phones’ omnipresence are irrefutable, I would contend that they could be overshadowed by its advantages to individuals and society.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"people increasingly respond regularly" -> "individuals increasingly respond frequently"
Explanation: "Individuals" is a more formal term than "people," and "frequently" is more precise than "regularly" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.
"whenever needed" -> "as needed"
Explanation: "As needed" is a more concise and formal expression, suitable for academic writing.
"shed light on" -> "explore"
Explanation: "Explore" is a more precise and academically appropriate verb for discussing the analysis of a topic.
"merits and demerits" -> "advantages and disadvantages"
Explanation: "Advantages and disadvantages" is a more commonly accepted and formal term in academic discourse than "merits and demerits."
"fraught with pitfalls" -> "riddled with challenges"
Explanation: "Riddled with challenges" is a more precise and formal way to describe the difficulties associated with a situation.
"people’ unexpected accidents" -> "unforeseen accidents involving individuals"
Explanation: "Unforeseen accidents involving individuals" is more specific and formal, avoiding the awkward possessive form "people’."
"using a phone could interfere" -> "using a phone may interfere"
Explanation: "May" is more appropriate than "could" in formal academic writing, indicating possibility rather than potential.
"impede drivers from reacting" -> "impede drivers’ reaction"
Explanation: "Impede drivers’ reaction" is grammatically correct and more direct, improving clarity and formality.
"phone users may face being disturbed" -> "phone users may be disturbed"
Explanation: Removing "face being" simplifies the sentence and maintains a formal tone.
"seems annoying for officers in working time" -> "is perceived as inconvenient during working hours"
Explanation: "Is perceived as inconvenient during working hours" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "seems annoying."
"impinging on the enterprises’ reputation" -> "affecting the reputation of the enterprises"
Explanation: "Affecting the reputation of the enterprises" is more formal and avoids the awkward construction "impinging on."
"having a mobile phone at people’s disposal" -> "having mobile phones available to individuals"
Explanation: "Having mobile phones available to individuals" is more formal and avoids the awkward possessive form "at people’s disposal."
"act as a life-saver" -> "serve as a lifesaver"
Explanation: "Serve as a lifesaver" is a more formal expression, commonly used in academic writing.
"could somewhat contribute to the protection" -> "could contribute significantly to the protection"
Explanation: "Could contribute significantly" adds emphasis and specificity, enhancing the academic tone.
"the availability of this hi-tech gadget" -> "the availability of this advanced technology"
Explanation: "Advanced technology" is a more formal and precise term than "hi-tech gadget."
"could facilitate the connection" -> "could facilitate connections"
Explanation: "Connections" is a more general and formal term than "connection," fitting better in an academic context.
"notwithstanding geographical barriers" -> "despite geographical barriers"
Explanation: "Despite" is a more formal transitional phrase than "notwithstanding," which is less commonly used in modern academic writing.
"bring benefits to the international development" -> "contribute to international development"
Explanation: "Contribute to international development" is a more concise and formal expression, suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both the positive and negative aspects of mobile phone usage, as required by the prompt. The introduction clearly states the intention to discuss both merits and demerits, and the body paragraphs are well-structured to reflect this dual focus. The negative impacts are discussed in the first paragraph, highlighting issues such as accidents and telemarketing disturbances. The second paragraph presents the advantages, including emergency communication and improved cross-border interaction. However, while both sides are acknowledged, the conclusion leans more towards the positive side without fully weighing the negative aspects, which could be seen as a slight imbalance.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could provide a more nuanced analysis of the negative impacts, perhaps by including additional examples or discussing potential solutions to mitigate these issues. This would ensure a more balanced exploration of both sides.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the advantages of mobile phones outweigh the disadvantages. This is evident in the conclusion, where the author explicitly states their stance. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the body paragraphs. While the negative impacts are introduced, they are not as strongly countered by the positive aspects in terms of depth and detail.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the author could integrate counterarguments within the body paragraphs, directly addressing the negative points while reinforcing the positive ones. This could involve acknowledging the validity of the concerns raised about mobile phone usage, followed by a strong rebuttal that emphasizes the outweighing benefits.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas effectively, particularly in the discussion of the advantages of mobile phones. The examples provided, such as the use of phones in emergencies and for facilitating international communication, are relevant and well-explained. However, the negative aspects could benefit from more elaboration. The discussion on telemarketing, for instance, could include more detail about its impact on productivity or mental well-being.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for both the positive and negative points. This could involve discussing statistics or studies related to mobile phone usage and its effects, which would lend more credibility and depth to the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely on topic, focusing on the implications of mobile phone usage for work and personal communication. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the mention of telemarketing, while relevant, could be more directly tied to how it affects work-life balance or productivity, which is a key aspect of the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain tighter focus on the topic, the author should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of whether the development of mobile phone usage is more positive or negative. This could involve explicitly linking each example back to the implications for work and personal life, thereby reinforcing the relevance of each point made.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some adjustments to balance the analysis, enhance the depth of examples, and maintain focus on the prompt, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs (one discussing the negative aspects and the other the positive aspects of mobile phone use), and a conclusion. Each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that outlines the main idea, which helps guide the reader through the argument. However, the connection between ideas within paragraphs could be strengthened. For example, the transition from discussing accidents caused by mobile phone use to telemarketing feels somewhat abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that would help the reader follow the argument more smoothly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that signal shifts in ideas or reinforce connections between points. For instance, after discussing accidents, a sentence like "In addition to safety concerns, mobile phone usage also leads to other significant issues, such as…" could create a smoother transition to the next point.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, which is a strength. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer internal organization. The points about emergencies and cross-border communication are both valid but could be better linked to the overarching theme of advantages.
- How to improve: Consider structuring each paragraph with a clear internal hierarchy. For example, within the second body paragraph, you could introduce the first point about emergencies, elaborate on it, and then transition to the second point about communication with a linking sentence that emphasizes the overall benefit of mobile phones in enhancing safety and connectivity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "On the other hand," which help to organize the argument and indicate relationships between ideas. However, there is a limited variety of cohesive devices used, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive. For instance, the phrases "this could" and "this, in turn," are used multiple times without much variation, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "this could," consider alternatives like "this not only enhances" or "this ultimately leads to." Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "in contrast" or "furthermore," can enhance the sophistication of the writing and improve the overall coherence.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion, ultimately leading to a more effective and persuasive argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "fraught with pitfalls," "technological advertising strategies," and "cross-border communication." These phrases show an ability to use varied language to express complex ideas. However, some vocabulary choices are somewhat repetitive, particularly in the discussion of negative impacts, where terms like "disturbed" and "annoying" could be enhanced with synonyms or more sophisticated alternatives.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "disturbed," you could use "disrupted" or "interrupted." Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to technology and communication could further enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "people’ unexpected accidents" should be corrected to "people’s unexpected accidents" to convey the intended meaning accurately. Furthermore, the term "life-saver" is somewhat informal; while it conveys the idea effectively, a more formal alternative like "crucial tool for emergencies" might be more appropriate in an academic context.
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring grammatical accuracy in possessive forms and consider the formality of vocabulary. When discussing serious topics, opt for more formal language to maintain the essay’s academic tone. Reviewing common collocations and idiomatic expressions can also help in using vocabulary more precisely.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy overall, with only minor errors. However, the phrase "people’ unexpected accidents" contains a spelling error in the possessive form, which detracts from the overall impression of accuracy. Additionally, "hi-tech" is correctly spelled but could be presented as "high-tech" for consistency with standard usage.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully, focusing on common spelling rules and the correct use of apostrophes. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing spelling through writing exercises can also help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay achieves a solid band score of 7 for Lexical Resource, there are areas for improvement, particularly in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, ensuring grammatical correctness, and proofreading for spelling errors, the essay could reach a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional phrases. For instance, the use of phrases like "this tendency could result in people’ unexpected accidents" and "when hikers are lost in the middle of a strange region" shows an ability to construct sentences that convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence patterns, such as starting multiple sentences with "this" or "another," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and transitions. For example, instead of repeatedly starting with "this" or "another," the writer could use phrases like "Moreover," "In addition," or "Furthermore," to introduce new points. Additionally, experimenting with different sentence types, such as questions or exclamatory sentences, could add dynamism to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "people’ unexpected accidents" should be corrected to "people’s unexpected accidents" to properly indicate possession. Furthermore, the sentence "not only does this negatively affect receivers’ emotions, it also reflects badly on them" lacks parallel structure, which can confuse the reader. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are areas where commas could enhance readability, such as before "which could facilitate the connection" to separate clauses.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly with possessive forms and parallel structures. It may also be beneficial to practice writing sentences that require complex punctuation, ensuring that clauses are clearly delineated. Engaging in exercises that emphasize the use of commas and conjunctions can also help in achieving greater precision in writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the identified weaknesses will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that individuals increasingly respond frequently to work and unplanned calls through a mobile phone whenever needed. This essay attempts to explore both the advantages and disadvantages before concluding that the former is more significant.

On the one hand, the growing popularity of mobile phones is riddled with challenges. Firstly, this tendency could result in unforeseen accidents involving individuals. To illustrate, using a phone may interfere with activities that require sole focus, such as driving. This could impede drivers’ reaction times, resulting in tragedies due to carelessness. Secondly, phone users may be disturbed by telemarketing calls. This is because some companies now implement technological advertising strategies that involve directly calling consumers, which is perceived as inconvenient during working hours. Consequently, not only does this negatively affect receivers’ emotions, but it also affects the reputation of the enterprises involved.

On the other hand, there are a host of compelling reasons why I am convinced that having mobile phones available to individuals is advantageous. One rationale is that they can serve as a lifesaver in case of emergencies. For instance, when hikers are lost in an unfamiliar area, they can immediately contact rescue services for assistance through a phone call. This, in turn, could contribute significantly to their protection from risky situations. Another justification is that the availability of this advanced technology could facilitate connections across borders. It is understandable because messaging apps, such as Telegram and Messenger, have become accessible on phones, allowing users from different countries to connect despite geographical barriers. As a result, this connection could contribute to international development in many aspects of our society.

To conclude, while the downsides of phones’ omnipresence are irrefutable, I would contend that they could be overshadowed by their advantages to individuals and society.