Anybody can use a mobile phone to answer the work and personal calls at any time or 7 days a week. Does this development have more positive or negative effects on both individuals and society?

In the contemporary world, mobile phones have become prevalent globally, allowing individuals to respond to work-related and personal calls at any time, seven days a week. While recognizing the acknowledged benefits of technological advancements, it is important to consider the greater adverse impacts on both individuals and society.

On the positive side, immediate response to calls offers several merits. Mobile phones enable people to connect with others worldwide, facilitating instant communication across geographical boundaries. For example, a decade ago, sending a letter could take days or even weeks, whereas today, thanks to inexorable technological development, communication is swift. Consequently, smartphones empower employees to promptly respond to clients, enhancing productivity and fostering strong partnerships between workers and customers.

However, the negative consequences of this development may outweigh the benefits. Firstly, the constant use of cell phones, especially by parents at home, might immerse them in work, intruding upon valuable parent-child time. Consequently, children may feel neglected if their parents frequently check messages or answer work-related emails. Secondly, employees' personal lives may be adversely affected by work-related calls outside regular hours or even anonymous calls, a characteristic of the modern era of cell phones. This situation can lead to work-life imbalances, preventing individuals from fully enjoying their downtime. Consequently, it may result in mental health issues, thereby reducing productivity at work.

In conclusion, while smartphones prove useful for both work-related and personal purposes, the greater demerits they bring for individuals and society cannot be ignored. It is crucial to strike a balance between the advantages of immediate communication and the potential negative impacts on personal and family life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"In the contemporary world" -> "In the modern era"
Explanation: Replacing "contemporary world" with "modern era" maintains formality and provides a more precise term, aligning with academic style.
"immediate response to calls offers several merits" -> "prompt response to calls offers various advantages"
Explanation: Substituting "immediate" with "prompt" and "merits" with "advantages" enhances the formality of the sentence, offering a more academic tone.
"thanks to inexorable technological development" -> "due to relentless technological progress"
Explanation: Changing "thanks to" to "due to" and replacing "inexorable" with "relentless" maintains clarity while using more formal language.
"However, the negative consequences of this development may outweigh the benefits." -> "Nevertheless, the detrimental effects of this advancement may surpass its advantages."
Explanation: Replacing "negative consequences" with "detrimental effects" and "development" with "advancement" elevates the language and maintains a formal tone.
"especially by parents at home" -> "particularly when used by parents in domestic settings"
Explanation: Substituting "especially" with "particularly" and providing additional context with "in domestic settings" adds precision and formality to the sentence.
"intruding upon valuable parent-child time" -> "encroaching upon precious parent-child interactions"
Explanation: Changing "intruding upon" to "encroaching upon" and "valuable" to "precious" enhances the formality and specificity of the language.
"Secondly, employees’ personal lives may be adversely affected by work-related calls" -> "Secondly, employees’ personal lives may be negatively impacted by work-related communications"
Explanation: Substituting "adversely affected" with "negatively impacted" and "calls" with "communications" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.
"a characteristic of the modern era of cell phones" -> "an attribute of the contemporary age of mobile devices"
Explanation: Replacing "characteristic" with "attribute" and "modern era of cell phones" with "contemporary age of mobile devices" enhances the formality and precision of the language.
"Consequently, it may result in mental health issues" -> "Consequently, it could lead to mental health challenges"
Explanation: Substituting "result in" with "lead to" and "issues" with "challenges" maintains a formal tone and provides a more nuanced expression.
"thereby reducing productivity at work" -> "thereby diminishing workplace productivity"
Explanation: Replacing "reducing productivity at work" with "diminishing workplace productivity" offers a more formal and precise description.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Quoted text: "On the positive side, immediate response to calls offers several merits. Mobile phones enable people to connect with others worldwide, facilitating instant communication across geographical boundaries."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestion: This paragraph effectively highlights the positive aspects of immediate communication using mobile phones. However, to elevate this, consider adding a specific example that illustrates how instant communication has resolved a significant issue or enhanced a relationship. For instance, detailing a scenario where someone utilized a mobile phone to resolve an urgent work matter or to connect with a distant family member during an emergency would make the argument more vivid and compelling.
- Improved example: "Immediate response to calls through mobile phones holds several advantages. For instance, a business executive based in New York swiftly resolved a crucial deal with a client in Tokyo, ensuring a profitable collaboration that transcended geographical barriers. This instance illustrates how mobile phones facilitate prompt communication across borders, fostering global connectivity and business opportunities."
Quoted text: "Firstly, the constant use of cell phones, especially by parents at home, might immerse them in work, intruding upon valuable parent-child time."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestion: While discussing the negative effects on personal life, this paragraph addresses the intrusion of work on family time. To enhance this point, consider expanding on the emotional or psychological impact on children due to this intrusion. Providing a hypothetical scenario or personal experience where a child felt neglected or emotionally affected by a parent’s excessive phone use would add depth to the argument.
- Improved example: "The incessant use of cell phones by parents, even during family time, can deeply affect children emotionally. For instance, a young child might express feelings of isolation or sadness when their parent remains absorbed in work-related calls or messages, creating a sense of emotional distance within the family unit. This emotional impact can lead to behavioral changes in children, affecting their overall well-being."

Overall, while the essay effectively covers both positive and negative aspects of using mobile phones for communication, enhancing the arguments with more vivid examples and delving deeper into the emotional implications of excessive phone use in family settings would further strengthen the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay effectively sequences information and ideas, maintaining logical progression throughout. It is well-structured and presents a clear central topic within each paragraph. Cohesion is skillfully managed; the essay utilizes cohesive devices effectively, contributing to the overall coherence. Paragraphing is done sufficiently and appropriately, contributing to the overall clarity and organization of ideas.

How to improve:
To reach a higher band score of 9, consider further refining the management of paragraphing to ensure an even more seamless flow between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, aim for an even more subtle integration of cohesive devices to make the transitions between ideas even smoother. Furthermore, provide more diverse and specific examples to further reinforce the points made in the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary, meeting the criteria for Band 8. It uses a wide range of vocabulary fluently and flexibly to convey precise meanings. The writer skillfully incorporates uncommon lexical items, contributing to the sophistication of the language. While there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, they are minor and do not significantly hinder communication. The essay avoids spelling errors and maintains a high level of control over word formation.

The writer effectively employs diverse vocabulary to discuss the positive and negative aspects of mobile phone usage. Examples like "inexorable technological development," "fostering strong partnerships," and "work-life imbalances" showcase a nuanced and sophisticated choice of words. The transitions between ideas are smooth, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve:
To further enhance lexical resource, the writer could focus on consistently using precise and contextually appropriate vocabulary. While the essay is well-written, a more meticulous selection of words might eliminate occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. Additionally, incorporating a few more advanced and contextually fitting expressions could elevate the overall lexical sophistication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.5

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of a variety of complex structures, showcasing a good command of grammar and punctuation. The writer effectively employs complex sentences alongside simpler ones to convey ideas. The essay largely maintains error-free sentences, although a few minor errors or slips can be observed. These errors, however, do not significantly hinder communication or distort the overall meaning of the content.

How to improve: To reach a higher score, focus on enhancing the precision of complex structures and ensure a higher consistency in error-free sentences. Proofreading for minor grammatical errors can refine the already strong grammatical range and accuracy displayed in the essay. Pay attention to maintaining the balance between simple and complex sentence structures to elevate the overall coherence and clarity of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the modern era, the ability to swiftly respond to calls on mobile phones offers various advantages. Due to relentless technological progress, individuals can now address work-related and personal calls at any time, seven days a week. Nevertheless, the detrimental effects of this advancement may surpass its advantages.

On the positive side, prompt response to calls provides several merits. Mobile phones enable people to connect with others worldwide, facilitating instant communication across geographical boundaries. For instance, a decade ago, sending a letter could take days or even weeks. Today, thanks to inexorable technological development, communication is swift. Consequently, smartphones empower employees to promptly respond to clients, enhancing productivity and fostering strong partnerships between workers and customers.

However, the negative consequences of this development may outweigh the benefits. Particularly when used by parents in domestic settings, the constant use of cell phones might encroach upon precious parent-child interactions. Consequently, children may feel neglected if their parents frequently check messages or answer work-related emails. Additionally, employees’ personal lives may be negatively impacted by work-related communications outside regular hours, an attribute of the contemporary age of mobile devices. This situation can lead to mental health challenges, thereby diminishing workplace productivity.