Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible.
Do you think this is a positive or negative development

There has been a worldwide consideration of working and studying from home as the price of technology and its development become more affordable. This situation has surely carried along with it both advantages and disadvantages, and this essay will look at both the pros and cons of this development.
One of the main benefits of working and learning from home is that it helps people save time. They can decide when or where they work, and they do not have to waste their time travelling. This scenario could also be valuable in terms of productivity and quality; tasks and lessons can be done and learned more efficiently due to the help of technology and their comfort when they are on their own.
Turning to the other side of the matter, the obvious drawback is that people spend more time staying inside than going out. This leads to an unhealthy and inactive lifestyle, which is harmful. A further common disadvantage is that technology such as computers, laptops, and mobile phones has a bad effect on your eyes and may distract the user.
In conclusion, the shift to working and studying from home has advantages such as time savings and increased productivity, but it also presents challenges like a sedentary lifestyle and potential health issues from technology usage. Finding a balance is essential as we navigate these changes.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "There has been a worldwide consideration of working and studying from home" -> "There has been a global trend towards working and studying from home"
   Explanation: The phrase "worldwide consideration" is vague and awkward. "Global trend" is more precise and commonly used in academic contexts to describe widespread phenomena.

2. "the price of technology and its development become more affordable" -> "the cost of technology and its development has become more affordable"
   Explanation: The verb tense should be consistent throughout the sentence. Changing "become" to "has become" aligns with the present perfect tense used in the context.

3. "This situation has surely carried along with it" -> "This development has undoubtedly entailed"
   Explanation: "Carried along with it" is colloquial and imprecise. "Entailed" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing, and "undoubtedly" is a stronger, more academic adverb than "surely."

4. "the pros and cons of this development" -> "the advantages and disadvantages of this trend"
   Explanation: "Pros and cons" is informal and somewhat colloquial. "Advantages and disadvantages" is more formal and commonly used in academic discourse.

5. "helps people save time" -> "enables individuals to save time"
   Explanation: "Helps people" is somewhat informal and vague. "Enables individuals" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.

6. "They can decide when or where they work" -> "They can choose their work schedule and location"
   Explanation: "Decide when or where they work" is informal and lacks specificity. "Choose their work schedule and location" is more precise and formal.

7. "waste their time travelling" -> "spend time commuting"
   Explanation: "Waste their time travelling" is slightly informal and imprecise. "Spend time commuting" is more specific and formal, suitable for academic writing.

8. "This scenario could also be valuable in terms of productivity and quality" -> "This arrangement could also enhance productivity and quality"
   Explanation: "Scenario" is less specific than "arrangement," which directly relates to the context of working and studying from home. "Enhance" is a more precise verb than "be valuable."

9. "tasks and lessons can be done and learned more efficiently" -> "tasks and lessons can be completed and learned more efficiently"
   Explanation: "Done and learned" is awkward and redundant. "Completed and learned" is more natural and precise.

10. "the help of technology and their comfort" -> "the assistance of technology and their comfort"
    Explanation: "The help of" is less formal and slightly vague. "The assistance of" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style.

11. "has a bad effect on your eyes" -> "can have adverse effects on the eyes"
    Explanation: "Has a bad effect" is informal and imprecise. "Can have adverse effects" is more formal and scientifically accurate.

12. "may distract the user" -> "may distract the user from their tasks"
    Explanation: Adding "from their tasks" clarifies what the distraction is related to, enhancing the precision of the statement.

13. "Finding a balance is essential" -> "Achieving a balance is crucial"
    Explanation: "Finding" is less formal and slightly vague. "Achieving" is more active and formal, and "crucial" is stronger than "essential" in emphasizing the importance of balance.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of working and studying from home. However, it does not explicitly state whether the author believes this trend is a positive or negative development, which is a critical component of the task. The introduction mentions "both advantages and disadvantages," but it lacks a clear stance on the overall impact of this development.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should clearly articulate their position in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. For example, stating "I believe this trend is largely positive due to…" or "In my opinion, the negative impacts outweigh the positives because…" would provide clarity and direction.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay fails to maintain a clear position throughout. While it mentions both pros and cons, it does not consistently emphasize a specific viewpoint. The conclusion reiterates both sides without leaning towards one, which can confuse the reader about the author’s true stance.
  • How to improve: The author should choose a side and consistently support that viewpoint with evidence and reasoning. For instance, if the author believes the trend is positive, they should focus on elaborating the benefits and downplaying the negatives, or vice versa. This can be achieved by using phrases like "Despite the drawbacks, I argue that…" to guide the reader.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as time-saving and productivity benefits, as well as health issues related to technology use. However, these points are not sufficiently developed or supported with examples or detailed explanations. For instance, the productivity claim is made but not elaborated on with specific scenarios or data.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the author should provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. For instance, discussing how remote work can lead to better work-life balance, or citing studies that show the effects of prolonged screen time on health would add depth and credibility to the arguments.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of working and studying from home. However, some points, such as the mention of distractions caused by technology, could be more directly tied to the overall argument regarding whether this trend is positive or negative.
  • How to improve: The author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of whether this development is positive or negative. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each argument back to the thesis statement and ensuring that all examples serve to reinforce the chosen position.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the author should focus on clearly stating their position, developing and supporting their ideas with specific examples, and ensuring that all content remains relevant to the prompt. Additionally, addressing the word count issue by expanding on ideas will also be beneficial.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by outlining the topic and indicating that both sides will be explored. The body paragraphs are organized thematically, with one focusing on the benefits and the other on the drawbacks. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother; for instance, the phrase "Turning to the other side of the matter" feels somewhat abrupt and could benefit from a more fluid transition.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that better connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, you could use phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" to indicate a shift in focus. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific aspect of the topic. The first paragraph introduces the topic, the second discusses the advantages, and the third addresses the disadvantages. However, the conclusion could be more clearly separated from the body paragraphs to emphasize its role in summarizing the discussion.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion is visually distinct from the body paragraphs, perhaps by starting it on a new line or using a clear transition phrase that signals the end of the discussion. Additionally, consider expanding the body paragraphs with more detailed examples or evidence to support the points made, which would not only enhance the content but also reinforce the structure.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "One of the main benefits" and "A further common disadvantage," which help to guide the reader through the points being made. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied language to enhance the connections between ideas. For instance, the use of "this scenario" and "this leads to" could be diversified to avoid repetition.
  • How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "In addition," "Consequently," and "As a result." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help create cohesion without sounding repetitive.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a coherent argument, enhancing the transitions between ideas, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "advantages," "disadvantages," "productivity," and "sedentary lifestyle" effectively conveying the main ideas. However, the vocabulary is somewhat basic and lacks variety. For instance, phrases like "working and learning from home" and "time savings" could be expressed with more diverse synonyms or phrases to enhance the lexical richness.
  • How to improve: To elevate the vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated phrases. For example, instead of repeating "working and learning from home," alternatives like "remote work and education" or "telecommuting and online learning" could be used. Additionally, using expressions such as "efficiency gains" or "the convenience of remote arrangements" would contribute to a more varied vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "the price of technology and its development" could be misleading, as it suggests that the development itself has a price, rather than referring to the affordability of technology. Furthermore, the term "bad effect" is vague and could be replaced with more precise terms like "adverse effects" or "negative impacts."
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey the intended meaning more accurately. For instance, instead of "bad effect," using "detrimental effects on health" would provide clarity. Additionally, rephrasing "the obvious drawback" to "a significant drawback" would strengthen the argument by emphasizing the severity of the issue.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the text. Words such as "technology," "affordable," and "productivity" are spelled correctly, which reflects a solid understanding of spelling conventions.
  • How to improve: To maintain and further improve spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch any potential errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can enhance overall spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory command of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy. By diversifying word choices, selecting more precise vocabulary, and continuing to practice spelling, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the opening sentence effectively uses a complex structure: "There has been a worldwide consideration of working and studying from home as the price of technology and its development become more affordable." This showcases the ability to connect ideas. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence beginnings and the use of more advanced structures, such as conditional sentences or passive voice, to enhance complexity.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and using different grammatical forms. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "This" or "One of the main benefits," try beginning with adverbial phrases (e.g., "In recent years," "Due to advancements in technology,") or using conditional clauses (e.g., "If people work from home, they may find…"). This will add sophistication and keep the reader engaged.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, with few errors. For example, the phrase "the price of technology and its development become more affordable" correctly uses the present tense, but it should be "has become" to match the subject. Additionally, punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as after introductory phrases or before conjunctions in compound sentences.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and tense consistency. For instance, revise "the price of technology and its development become" to "the price of technology and its development have become." Furthermore, practice using commas correctly, especially in complex sentences. Reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where pauses are needed, indicating where commas should be placed for better clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

There has been a worldwide trend towards working and studying from home as the price of technology and its development has become more affordable. This situation has surely entailed both advantages and disadvantages, and this essay will look at both the pros and cons of this development.

One of the main benefits of working and learning from home is that it enables people to save time. They can choose their work schedule and location, and they do not have to waste their time commuting. This arrangement could also enhance productivity and quality; tasks and lessons can be completed and learned more efficiently with the assistance of technology and their comfort when they are on their own.

Turning to the other side of the matter, the obvious drawback is that people spend more time staying inside than going out. This leads to an unhealthy and inactive lifestyle, which is harmful. A further common disadvantage is that technology such as computers, laptops, and mobile phones can have adverse effects on the eyes and may distract the user from their tasks.

In conclusion, the shift to working and studying from home has advantages such as time savings and increased productivity, but it also presents challenges like a sedentary lifestyle and potential health issues from technology usage. Achieving a balance is crucial as we navigate these changes.