As countries develop, more and more people buy and use their own cars. Do you think the advantages of this trend for individuals outweigh the disadvantages for the environment?

It is the fact that the more parts of the world become developed, the more people tend to use their own cars. from my perspective, the benefits of owning private cars outweigh its drawback.
on the one hand, owning a private car is a positive development. first and foremost, it is significantly practical for work travel employees. in other words, they could be able to control the path by their schedule while not following the route of public transportation. second, some individuals to keen on traveling often buy cars to travel because of its convenience for long-term journeys or faraway. for example, it has certain amenities, which are more comfortable if people travel by their own transport instead of public ones.
one the other hand, when using personal cars, several problem can be anticipated. first of all, the issue of environmental pollution would become more serious if a huge increase number of cars are operated. in particular, the carbon dioxide from the engine of each car would cause air pollution. next, the traffic jams would grow if it has too much cars on the path. as a result, it leads to delays in the time of people and difficult in moving. finally, the resources of nature would able to no longer stay due to overexploitation by humans for materials.
In conclusion, it seem to me that the disadvantages of owning private cars are more considerable than its advantages

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is the fact that" -> "It is a fact that"
Explanation: "It is the fact that" is redundant. "It is a fact that" is more concise and maintains the formal tone of academic writing.
"the more parts of the world become developed" -> "the more regions of the world become developed"
Explanation: "parts of the world" is vague and less precise. "Regions of the world" is more specific and appropriate for academic contexts.
"the more people tend to use their own cars" -> "the more people tend to use their own vehicles"
Explanation: "cars" is too informal and specific for this context. "Vehicles" is more encompassing and formal.
"from my perspective" -> "from my perspective"
Explanation: This phrase is correct as it is, but it could be removed to maintain a more formal tone, as it is implied by the use of "I" in the essay.
"owning a private car is a positive development" -> "the ownership of private cars is a positive development"
Explanation: "owning a private car" is a bit informal and vague. "The ownership of private cars" is more formal and precise.
"it is significantly practical for work travel employees" -> "it is significantly practical for employees traveling to work"
Explanation: "work travel employees" is awkward and unclear. "Employees traveling to work" is clearer and more formal.
"could be able to control" -> "can control"
Explanation: "could be able to" is redundant. "Can control" is more direct and appropriate for formal writing.
"some individuals to keen on traveling" -> "some individuals keen on traveling"
Explanation: "to keen on" is grammatically incorrect. "Keen on" is the correct phrase.
"buy cars to travel because of its convenience for long-term journeys or faraway" -> "purchase cars for long-term journeys or travel to distant locations due to its convenience"
Explanation: "buy cars to travel because of its convenience for long-term journeys or faraway" is awkward and unclear. The suggested revision clarifies the purpose and is more formal.
"one the other hand" -> "on the other hand"
Explanation: "one the other hand" is a typographical error. "On the other hand" is the correct phrase.
"several problem can be anticipated" -> "several problems can be anticipated"
Explanation: "problem" should be plural to match "several," and "problem" should be "problems" for grammatical correctness.
"a huge increase number of cars are operated" -> "a significant increase in the number of cars operated"
Explanation: "a huge increase number of cars are operated" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The suggested revision corrects these issues and enhances clarity.
"the carbon dioxide from the engine of each car would cause air pollution" -> "the carbon dioxide emissions from each vehicle would contribute to air pollution"
Explanation: "the carbon dioxide from the engine of each car" is verbose and informal. "The carbon dioxide emissions from each vehicle" is more precise and formal.
"it leads to delays in the time of people and difficult in moving" -> "it leads to delays for individuals and difficulties in movement"
Explanation: "delays in the time of people and difficult in moving" is awkward and unclear. The suggested revision clarifies and formalizes the expression.
"the resources of nature would able to no longer stay" -> "the natural resources would no longer be available"
Explanation: "the resources of nature would able to no longer stay" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "The natural resources would no longer be available" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"it seem to me that" -> "it seems to me that"
Explanation: "it seem" is a grammatical error. "It seems" is the correct form of the verb.

These changes enhance the formality, clarity, and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of owning private cars. However, it does not fully explore the implications of these points in relation to the environmental impact, which is a crucial part of the question. For instance, while the essay mentions environmental pollution and traffic jams, it fails to adequately connect these disadvantages to the overall argument about whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The conclusion also incorrectly states that the disadvantages are more considerable than the advantages, which contradicts the writer’s initial position.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should ensure that each part of the prompt is addressed comprehensively. This includes explicitly weighing the advantages against the disadvantages in a balanced manner and providing a clear rationale for their stance. Additionally, the essay should include more specific examples that illustrate how the advantages benefit individuals while also considering the environmental drawbacks.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay starts with a clear position that the benefits of owning a private car outweigh its drawbacks. However, this position is undermined in the conclusion, where the writer states the opposite. The inconsistency creates confusion about the writer’s true stance. Furthermore, the argument lacks a strong, consistent thread throughout the essay, as the points made do not cohesively support the initial claim.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently reinforce their argument throughout the essay. This can be achieved by restating the main thesis in the conclusion and ensuring that all points made align with that thesis. The writer should also avoid introducing contradictory statements that could confuse the reader.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the advantages and disadvantages of car ownership, such as convenience for work travel and environmental pollution. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient detail. For example, the mention of "certain amenities" lacks elaboration, and the environmental issues are only briefly touched upon without deeper analysis or examples.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing specific examples or statistics that illustrate the benefits of car ownership, as well as a more thorough discussion of the environmental consequences. Each point should be clearly linked back to the main argument to strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the use of private cars and their implications. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly when discussing the disadvantages. The mention of "resources of nature would able to no longer stay" is vague and does not directly relate to the main topic of car ownership and its environmental impact.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made are directly relevant to the prompt. Avoiding vague statements and instead providing clear, specific examples related to car ownership will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, the writer should regularly refer back to the main question to ensure that all arguments remain relevant to the discussion of advantages versus disadvantages.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on clearly addressing all parts of the prompt, maintaining a consistent position, developing and supporting ideas more thoroughly, and ensuring that all content remains relevant to the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother. The phrase "one the other hand" is a typographical error and should be "on the other hand," which disrupts the flow. Additionally, the advantages are presented first, which is appropriate, but the connection between points could be stronger. For example, the mention of "convenience for long-term journeys" could be linked more explicitly to the practical benefits discussed earlier.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer transitional phrases between points and ensuring that each point builds on the previous one. For example, after discussing the practicality of cars for work, you could add a sentence that connects this practicality to the convenience of travel, such as, "This practicality also extends to leisure travel, where convenience plays a crucial role."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate ideas, with one paragraph for advantages and another for disadvantages. However, the paragraphs could be more clearly defined. The first paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be better organized into distinct sentences. For instance, the point about employees controlling their travel paths could be separated from the convenience of long-distance travel to avoid confusion. The conclusion also lacks a clear summary of the main points discussed.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea. For example, start the advantages paragraph with a sentence like, "There are several advantages to owning a private car, particularly in terms of practicality and convenience." Additionally, the conclusion should briefly restate the key points made in the body paragraphs to reinforce the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost" and "for example," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some transitions are awkward or incorrect. For instance, "next" is used, but it could be replaced with "additionally" or "furthermore" for better flow. The use of "it has certain amenities" is vague and could be more specific to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Moreover," "In addition," or "Conversely" to introduce new points or counterarguments. Additionally, ensure that references to previous ideas are clear; instead of saying "it has certain amenities," specify what amenities are being referred to, such as "private cars often come equipped with air conditioning and spacious seating, enhancing the travel experience."

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately improving the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "environmental pollution," "traffic jams," and "convenience" being appropriately used. However, there are instances where vocabulary is repetitive or lacks variation, such as the repeated use of "private cars" and "owning cars." Additionally, phrases like "positive development" and "certain amenities" could be expanded with more specific or varied vocabulary to enhance the richness of the language.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "private cars," alternatives like "personal vehicles," "automobiles," or "individual transport" could be employed. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives and adverbs can help convey ideas more vividly. For instance, instead of "positive development," one might say "beneficial advancement" or "constructive change."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its intended meaning, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the more parts of the world become developed" could be more clearly stated as "as more countries develop." Additionally, the phrase "it has certain amenities" is vague and could be better articulated to specify what amenities are being referred to.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity. For example, instead of saying "certain amenities," the writer could specify "features such as air conditioning and spacious seating." Furthermore, using phrases like "the advantages of private car ownership" instead of "the benefits of owning private cars" can clarify the subject matter.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "from" (should be capitalized at the beginning of a sentence), "one the other hand" (should be "on the other hand"), "problem" (should be pluralized to "problems"), and "it seem" (should be "it seems"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common words and phrases can build confidence and reduce mistakes in future writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. While there are some complex sentences, such as "first and foremost, it is significantly practical for work travel employees," the majority of the sentences are simple or compound, lacking variety. Furthermore, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "some individuals to keen on traveling often buy cars," which detracts from the overall fluency of the writing. The use of phrases like "on the one hand" and "one the other hand" indicates an attempt to structure the argument, but the overall complexity of the sentence structures remains low.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "first and foremost, it is significantly practical for work travel employees," the writer could say, "First and foremost, owning a private car is significantly practical for employees who need to travel for work, as it allows them to manage their schedules more effectively." Additionally, using a wider range of linking words and phrases can help to create more sophisticated sentence connections.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "from my perspective, the benefits of owning private cars outweigh its drawback" should use "their drawbacks" to maintain plural agreement. The phrase "one the other hand" is a typographical error and should be "on the other hand." Furthermore, the sentence "the issue of environmental pollution would become more serious if a huge increase number of cars are operated" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "if a huge number of cars are operated." Punctuation is also inconsistent, with missing capital letters at the beginning of sentences and a lack of commas where they would clarify meaning.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and pluralization, ensuring that singular and plural forms are used correctly. Practicing sentence construction with a focus on common grammatical structures can also help. For punctuation, the writer should review basic rules, such as capitalizing the first word of each sentence and using commas to separate clauses. Reading more academic texts can provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation usage, which can be emulated in their writing.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should work on diversifying their sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Regular practice and review of grammatical rules, along with reading quality writing, can significantly enhance their writing skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is a fact that the more regions of the world become developed, the more people tend to use their own vehicles. From my perspective, the ownership of private cars is a positive development that outweighs its drawbacks.

On the one hand, owning a private car is a beneficial trend. First and foremost, it is significantly practical for employees traveling to work. In other words, they can control their route according to their schedule, rather than following the fixed paths of public transportation. Second, some individuals keen on traveling often purchase cars for long-term journeys or to reach distant locations due to its convenience. For example, private vehicles offer certain amenities that make travel more comfortable compared to public transport.

On the other hand, several problems can be anticipated with the increased use of personal cars. First of all, the issue of environmental pollution would become more serious if a significant increase in the number of cars operated occurs. In particular, the carbon dioxide emissions from each vehicle would contribute to air pollution. Next, traffic jams would grow if there are too many cars on the road. As a result, this leads to delays for individuals and difficulties in movement. Finally, natural resources would no longer be available due to overexploitation by humans for materials.

In conclusion, it seems to me that the advantages of owning private cars are more considerable than their disadvantages.