as in the picture ở task 1

The given diagram illustrates the way in which recycled paper is manufactured.

Overall, there are four main steps in this process, which starts with producing pulp and ends when the paper is made.

Initially, the first stage happens when used paper is collected into a conveyor belt. Then, the paper is transferred into a mixed water and chemicals machine to break it down.

Following that, the previous pulp mixture is subjected to screening.What people do in the next step is cleaning, where the pulp is particularly washed with water and soap. At the same time, the air is fed into the pulp so that impurities such as ink can be removed. Following that, the pulp undergoes a step of another water and chemical treatment.

As a consequence, the pulp is put on a conveyor belt and passed through heated rollers, which press and dry the pulp into paper. The paper is subsequently rolled up, which leads to recycled paper ready for distribution and use.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the way in which" -> "how"
Explanation: Replacing "the way in which" with "how" simplifies the sentence without losing any meaning, making it more concise and direct.
"starts with producing pulp" -> "begins with pulp production"
Explanation: Using "begins with pulp production" instead of "starts with producing pulp" enhances the formality of the sentence by employing a more sophisticated structure.
"the previous pulp mixture" -> "the pulp mixture"
Explanation: Removing "previous" from "the previous pulp mixture" does not alter the meaning but makes the sentence more concise and eliminates unnecessary repetition.
"What people do in the next step is cleaning" -> "The next step involves cleaning"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence to "The next step involves cleaning" improves clarity and formality by presenting the information in a more direct and professional manner.
"so that impurities such as ink can be removed" -> "to facilitate the removal of impurities like ink"
Explanation: Replacing "so that impurities such as ink can be removed" with "to facilitate the removal of impurities like ink" maintains clarity while using a more advanced vocabulary choice.
"leads to recycled paper ready for distribution and use" -> "results in recycled paper that is ready for distribution and use"
Explanation: Changing "leads to recycled paper ready for distribution and use" to "results in recycled paper that is ready for distribution and use" improves the sentence’s flow and formality by using a more precise and descriptive phrase.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay addresses the requirements of the task by outlining the four main steps in the process of manufacturing recycled paper. It provides an overview of the process with information appropriately selected. The key features of the process are presented and highlighted, such as producing pulp, screening, cleaning, and drying the pulp into paper. However, some details may be irrelevant or lacking depth, such as the specific chemicals used in the process or the exact temperatures involved.

How to improve:
To improve the essay and potentially achieve a higher band score, consider providing more specific details about each step in the process. Include information about the types of chemicals used, the specific machinery involved, and any environmental benefits of recycling paper. Additionally, ensure that the information presented is accurate and relevant to the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes the information and ideas in a clear progression from the collection of used paper to the final product of recycled paper. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, with transitions such as "Following that" and "As a consequence" helping to connect the steps in the process. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic related to a specific step in the manufacturing process.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to further enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, ensure that the paragraphing is consistent and logical throughout the essay. Make sure to maintain a clear progression of ideas and avoid any under- or over-use of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with attempts to use less common vocabulary. There are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "previous pulp mixture" and "the pulp undergoes a step of another water and chemical treatment." Additionally, there are errors in word formation, such as "what people do in the next step is cleaning." However, these errors do not impede communication and the overall vocabulary range is sufficient for the task.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, focus on using more precise and accurate vocabulary. Pay attention to word choice and collocation to ensure that the language used is appropriate for the context. Additionally, work on word formation to avoid errors that may impact the clarity of the message. Expanding the range of vocabulary used and incorporating more sophisticated lexical features will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates the use of a variety of complex structures, such as passive voice ("the paper is transferred," "the pulp is particularly washed"), conditional sentences ("if the air is fed into the pulp"), and sequencing words ("following that"). The majority of sentences are error-free, with good control of grammar and punctuation. There are only a few minor errors, such as missing articles ("the air is fed into the pulp") and awkward phrasing ("the previous pulp mixture is subjected to screening").

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on ensuring consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay. Pay attention to articles (a, an, the) and make sure they are used correctly. Additionally, try to vary sentence structures even more by incorporating complex compound sentences for added clarity and sophistication. Overall, continue practicing writing to enhance grammatical accuracy and fluency.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagram illustrates the process of recycled paper manufacturing.

In general, there are four primary steps involved in this process, commencing with the production of pulp and concluding with the creation of paper.

Initially, the first phase involves the collection of used paper onto a conveyor belt. Subsequently, the paper is conveyed into a machine containing a mixture of water and chemicals to break it down.

Following this, the pulp mixture undergoes a screening process. The subsequent step involves cleaning, where the pulp is thoroughly washed with water and soap. Simultaneously, air is introduced into the pulp to remove impurities such as ink. This is followed by another water and chemical treatment of the pulp.

Consequently, the pulp is placed on a conveyor belt and passed through heated rollers, which press and dry the pulp into paper. The paper is then rolled up, resulting in recycled paper that is ready for distribution and use.