As international travel becomes cheaper, more and more countries are opening their doors to an increasing number of tourists. Do you think the advantages of increased tourism to these countries outweigh the disadvantages?

As international travel becomes cheaper, more and more countries are opening their doors
to an increasing number of tourists.
Do you think the advantages of increased tourism to these countries outweigh the
disadvantages?

It is a prevalent trend that international traveling has become cheaper in the contemporary era, with some stringent legislation supporting this tendency aiming at attracting more tourists. I firmly believe that the merits of promoting international tourists outweigh the drawbacks because of its benefits in promoting nationally economic advancement and creating ample job opportunities personally.
To elucidate the reasons why drawing international travelers plays a pivotal role in promoting economic growth, it is evident that more revenue could be obtained from travelers participating in traveling that contributes a large share to overall economy. This, in turn, results in the construction of more amenities, parallel with the proliferation of residents' quality of life. Danang city serves as this specific example by carrying out some open-door tourism policies, the local authorities successfully gain a significant amount of money from international travelers, contributing to national finances. This example particularly illustrates the importance of tourist attraction for stimulating nationally economic growth.
Beyond the economic advantages, the increase in the number of global tourists brings numerous benefits for themselves, particularly, career prospects. It implies that such tourists may be exposed to others'perspectives and ideas, and they are able to expand their abilities by engaging in such activities. Although traveling outdoor may not bring positive impacts in the short-term that providing jobs for them, in the long-term, its consequences result in the accumulation of such experience such that helps travelers find their way in career path. For example, Chi Pu had been a domestic singer with several underestimated songs before she decided to travel abroad. Then, she found a potential market in China, where she can perform optimally and be herself. By exposing to others'environment, she is currently an international singer, as she is positively affected by diverse perspectives and opinions, which offer a wide range of employment prospects.
In conclusion, I believe that attracting more tourists by open-door regulations not only provides career opportunities for tourist, but also improves the national economy.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is a prevalent trend" -> "It is a prevailing trend"
Explanation: "Prevalent" is more commonly used in academic contexts to describe widespread trends, making it a more precise choice than "prevalent."
"cheaper" -> "more affordable"
Explanation: "More affordable" is a more formal and precise term than "cheaper," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in this context.
"stringent legislation" -> "stringent regulations"
Explanation: "Regulations" is more specific and appropriate in the context of laws and policies related to tourism, whereas "legislation" can refer to the process of making laws, which is less precise here.
"aiming at attracting" -> "aimed at attracting"
Explanation: "Aimed at" is the correct grammatical form for indicating purpose in this context, improving the sentence structure and clarity.
"nationally economic advancement" -> "national economic advancement"
Explanation: "Nationally" is not the correct adverbial form here; "national" is the correct adjective to modify "economic advancement."
"creating ample job opportunities personally" -> "creating numerous job opportunities"
Explanation: "Ample" is somewhat informal and vague; "numerous" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"drawing international travelers" -> "attracting international tourists"
Explanation: "Attracting" is more specific and commonly used in the context of tourism, whereas "drawing" can be less direct and less formal.
"traveling that contributes a large share to overall economy" -> "travel that contributes significantly to the overall economy"
Explanation: "Travel" is the correct noun form, and "significantly" is more precise and formal than "a large share."
"parallel with the proliferation of residents’ quality of life" -> "concurrently with the improvement in residents’ quality of life"
Explanation: "Concurrently" is more precise and formal than "parallel," and "improvement" is more specific than "proliferation," which can be misleading in this context.
"Danang city" -> "Da Nang city"
Explanation: "Da Nang" is the correct spelling of the city’s name, following Vietnamese convention.
"open-door tourism policies" -> "open-door tourism policies"
Explanation: This is a correct and commonly used term in the context of tourism, referring to policies that encourage tourism.
"successfully gain a significant amount of money" -> "successfully generate a significant amount of revenue"
Explanation: "Generate" is more specific and appropriate in the context of economic activities, and "revenue" is the correct term for financial income.
"nationally economic growth" -> "national economic growth"
Explanation: See earlier correction for "nationally economic advancement."
"traveling outdoor" -> "traveling outdoors"
Explanation: "Outdoors" is the correct adverbial form, used to describe activities done outside.
"providing jobs for them" -> "providing employment opportunities"
Explanation: "Employment opportunities" is a more formal and precise term than "jobs," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.
"such that helps travelers find their way in career path" -> "which helps travelers navigate their career paths"
Explanation: "Navigate" is more precise and formal than "find their way in," and "paths" is the correct plural form for referring to multiple career routes.
"Chi Pu had been a domestic singer" -> "Chi Pu was a domestic singer"
Explanation: "Was" is the correct verb tense for describing a past state, improving the grammatical accuracy of the sentence.
"as she is positively affected by diverse perspectives and opinions" -> "as she has been positively influenced by diverse perspectives and opinions"
Explanation: "Has been influenced" is more accurate in describing ongoing or long-term effects, and "influenced" is more appropriate than "affected" in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of increased tourism. However, it primarily emphasizes the advantages, particularly economic growth and job creation, while only briefly acknowledging the potential drawbacks. The mention of disadvantages is minimal and lacks depth, which could lead to an unbalanced argument. For instance, while the essay highlights the economic benefits of tourism in Danang, it does not adequately explore potential negative impacts such as environmental degradation or cultural dilution.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should provide a more balanced view by elaborating on the disadvantages of increased tourism. This could involve discussing specific negative effects on local communities, the environment, or cultural heritage. Including a counterargument would strengthen the overall analysis and demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the advantages of increased tourism outweigh the disadvantages. This stance is consistent throughout the essay, supported by examples such as the economic benefits in Danang and the career opportunities for travelers. However, the position could be made even clearer by explicitly stating the disadvantages at the beginning and then systematically addressing them throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain clarity, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion. Additionally, integrating a brief acknowledgment of the disadvantages in the introduction would provide a clearer framework for the argument, allowing the reader to understand the essay’s direction from the outset.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly regarding economic growth and job creation, and supports these with examples. The example of Danang is relevant and illustrates the point well. However, the development of ideas could be improved; for instance, the discussion about Chi Pu lacks clarity and relevance to the main argument. The connection between her career and the benefits of tourism is not well established, which may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should ensure that all examples are directly relevant to the argument being made. Each idea should be clearly linked back to the main thesis, and examples should be explained in detail to illustrate their significance. Additionally, expanding on the economic impacts with more data or statistics could strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay stays on topic, focusing on the advantages of increased tourism. However, there are moments where the discussion diverges slightly, such as the anecdote about Chi Pu, which, while interesting, does not directly relate to the advantages of tourism for countries. This could distract from the main argument and weaken the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all examples and anecdotes directly support the main argument. It may be beneficial to outline the key points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall thesis. Additionally, avoiding tangential stories that do not clearly connect to the topic will help keep the essay concise and relevant.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could potentially achieve a higher band score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument that supports the idea that the advantages of increased tourism outweigh the disadvantages. The introduction sets the stage effectively, and the body paragraphs follow a logical progression from discussing economic benefits to personal career opportunities. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing economic growth in Danang to the personal benefits of tourism feels abrupt and could benefit from clearer linking phrases that guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas. For example, after discussing the economic benefits, you could introduce the next paragraph with a phrase like, "In addition to economic growth, tourism also offers significant personal benefits." This would help the reader understand how the ideas are interconnected.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, such as economic growth and personal career prospects. However, the paragraphs could be more clearly defined with topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. For example, the second paragraph starts with a general statement about economic growth but could benefit from a more explicit topic sentence that outlines the focus on tourism’s economic impact.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point. This will not only clarify the focus of each paragraph but also help the reader follow the essay’s argument more easily. For instance, you might start the second paragraph with, "One of the primary advantages of increased tourism is its significant contribution to economic growth."
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "this, in turn," and "beyond the economic advantages," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "Although traveling outdoor may not bring positive impacts in the short-term" lacks a cohesive device that ties it back to the previous discussion about economic benefits.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "furthermore," "moreover," or "in contrast" to create clearer connections between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help maintain coherence throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeating "international travelers," you could use "they" or "these tourists" in subsequent references.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving logical transitions, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "prevalent trend," "stringent legislation," "pivotal role," and "open-door tourism policies." These phrases effectively convey complex ideas and contribute to the overall clarity of the argument. However, there are instances of repetition, particularly with the word "tourists" and variations of "traveling," which could be diversified to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeatedly using "tourists," alternatives like "travelers," "visitors," or "holidaymakers" could be employed. Additionally, varying the phrases used to describe economic benefits (e.g., "economic growth," "financial gain," "monetary benefits") would enhance the richness of the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "economic advancement" and "job opportunities," which clearly convey the intended meaning. However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "the accumulation of such experience such that helps travelers find their way in career path," where the phrase "find their way in career path" is awkward and unclear.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and coherence in their phrasing. For instance, revising the aforementioned phrase to "navigate their career paths" would provide a clearer and more idiomatic expression. Additionally, ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct and contextually appropriate will improve overall precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with few errors. However, there are some noticeable mistakes, such as "nationally economic advancement" (should be "national economic advancement") and "others’perspectives" (should have a space: "others’ perspectives"). These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, ideally after a short break to approach the text with fresh eyes. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can also help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary can enhance overall spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary and achieves a Band Score of 7 for Lexical Resource, there are areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, enhancing clarity in expression, and ensuring correct spelling, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases such as "It is a prevalent trend that international traveling has become cheaper" and "the increase in the number of global tourists brings numerous benefits for themselves" showcases an attempt to use varied structures. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and redundancy, such as "the merits of promoting international tourists outweigh the drawbacks because of its benefits in promoting nationally economic advancement," which could be streamlined for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence beginnings and use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, starting sentences with adverbial phrases or using inversion could add variety. Additionally, reducing redundancy and ensuring that each sentence contributes uniquely to the argument will improve clarity and engagement.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall quality. For example, the phrase "the merits of promoting international tourists outweigh the drawbacks because of its benefits in promoting nationally economic advancement" suffers from awkward phrasing and incorrect adjective use ("nationally" should be "national"). There are also punctuation errors, such as missing spaces in "others’perspectives" and "others’environment," which disrupt the flow of reading. Additionally, the use of "that" in "the accumulation of such experience such that helps travelers find their way in career path" is incorrect; it should be "which."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly with punctuation and word choice. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can help identify mistakes. Furthermore, practicing sentence restructuring and ensuring proper adjective use will enhance clarity. Regularly reviewing grammar rules, especially regarding articles and prepositions, will also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there are areas for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and grammatical accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can elevate their writing to achieve a higher band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is a prevailing trend that international travel has become cheaper in the contemporary era, with some stringent regulations supporting this tendency aimed at attracting more tourists. I firmly believe that the merits of promoting international tourism outweigh the drawbacks because of its benefits in promoting national economic advancement and creating ample job opportunities.

To elucidate the reasons why drawing international travelers plays a pivotal role in promoting economic growth, it is evident that more revenue could be obtained from travelers participating in travel that contributes significantly to the overall economy. This, in turn, results in the construction of more amenities, concurrently with the improvement in residents’ quality of life. Da Nang city serves as a specific example; by carrying out some open-door tourism policies, the local authorities successfully generate a significant amount of revenue from international travelers, contributing to national finances. This example particularly illustrates the importance of tourist attraction for stimulating national economic growth.

Beyond the economic advantages, the increase in the number of global tourists brings numerous benefits for themselves, particularly regarding career prospects. It implies that such tourists may be exposed to others’ perspectives and ideas, and they are able to expand their abilities by engaging in such activities. Although traveling outdoors may not bring positive impacts in the short term, such as providing jobs for them, in the long term, its consequences result in the accumulation of experience that helps travelers navigate their career paths. For example, Chi Pu was a domestic singer with several underestimated songs before she decided to travel abroad. Then, she found a potential market in China, where she could perform optimally and be herself. By being exposed to others’ environments, she is currently an international singer, as she has been positively influenced by diverse perspectives and opinions, which offer a wide range of employment prospects.

In conclusion, I believe that attracting more tourists through open-door regulations not only provides career opportunities for tourists but also improves the national economy.