As major cities in the world are growing today, so do their problems. What are the problems for young people who are living in the cities as the result of continued growth? What are the solutions for these problems?

In the fast-paced world today, the rapid growth of metropolises has become increasingly widespread despite numerous issues. This could be associated with multiple problems, which will be analyzed in the essay below, together with some solutions that could result in practical outcomes.

There are two consequences when huge cities all over the world have developed quickly in recent times. The most striking one is its escalation of living expenses due to modernity and convenience. Some prime examples of those are youngsters in Vietnam who have to cover various expenses, such as accommodation, food, shopping, bills, or even going on a luxury holiday, which could be synonymous with striving to maintain their livelihoods. There is a high probability that those people could have financial pressure and mental issues to earn a living by virtue of the fierce rivalry of the labor market nowadays, giving rise to serious illnesses, namely depression, mental breakdown, and anxiety in the worst-case scenario. Coupled with this is the growth of urban areas due to the increasing popularity of density. This is very likely to be prone to job scarcity and a housing crisis by virtue of not only the influx of immigrants but also the deterioration in the quality of products, leading to the heavy reduction of quality people’s lives.

Unfortunately, the issues mentioned above can be mitigated thanks to the following methods. To begin with, national authorities should impose stricter regulations to protect the environment on the grounds that a huge number of irresponsible people have destroyed the natural resources of the environment. Given the environmental problems attributable to human activities, it is essential that they could adopt possible solutions, such as imprisoning those who exploit forests illegally. This could act as a deterrent for those intending to have similar activities. In addition to this, the governmental bodies should allocate a significant amount of money for job creation programs due to which individuals could satisfy the basic necessities comfortably, such as sustenance, healthcare, and education. This is very likely to allow them to have a joyful life as well as worsen peer pressure in academic and professional settings.

In conclusion, the fact that the increasing emergence of major cities may cause multiple repercussions. To alleviate these, there need to be different measures taken seriously by the authorities.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In the fast-paced world today" -> "In the rapidly evolving contemporary world"
Explanation: "Rapidly evolving contemporary world" provides a more precise and formal description of the current era, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"the rapid growth of metropolises has become increasingly widespread" -> "the rapid expansion of metropolitan areas has become increasingly widespread"
Explanation: "Expansion" is a more precise term than "growth" in this context, as it specifically refers to the increase in size or scope of urban areas, aligning better with the academic style.
"This could be associated with multiple problems" -> "This may be linked to various challenges"
Explanation: "May be linked to" is a more tentative and academically appropriate phrase than "could be associated with," which sounds less formal and more speculative.
"which will be analyzed in the essay below" -> "which will be examined in the following analysis"
Explanation: "Examined in the following analysis" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better than "analyzed in the essay below," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"huge cities all over the world have developed quickly" -> "major cities globally have rapidly expanded"
Explanation: "Major cities globally" is more specific and formal than "huge cities all over the world," and "rapidly expanded" is a more precise verb choice than "developed quickly," which is somewhat redundant.
"Some prime examples of those are youngsters in Vietnam" -> "Examples of this include young people in Vietnam"
Explanation: "Examples of this include" is more formal and precise than "Some prime examples of those are," which is awkwardly phrased and informal.
"could be synonymous with striving to maintain their livelihoods" -> "may be equivalent to struggling to sustain their livelihoods"
Explanation: "May be equivalent to struggling to sustain" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial tone of "could be synonymous with striving to maintain."
"There is a high probability that those people could have financial pressure" -> "It is likely that these individuals may experience financial pressure"
Explanation: "It is likely that these individuals may experience" is more formal and avoids the repetition of "those people" and "could," which can sound informal and vague.
"giving rise to serious illnesses, namely depression, mental breakdown, and anxiety" -> "resulting in serious illnesses, including depression, mental breakdown, and anxiety"
Explanation: "Resulting in" is more direct and formal than "giving rise to," and "including" is more precise than "namely," which can sound overly formal and less natural in this context.
"the growth of urban areas due to the increasing popularity of density" -> "the expansion of urban areas due to the increasing density"
Explanation: "Expansion" is more specific than "growth," and "due to the increasing density" is clearer and more direct than "due to the increasing popularity of density," which is awkward and unclear.
"This is very likely to be prone to job scarcity and a housing crisis" -> "This may lead to job scarcity and a housing crisis"
Explanation: "May lead to" is a more formal and precise expression than "is very likely to be prone to," which is awkward and overly complex.
"the deterioration in the quality of products" -> "the decline in product quality"
Explanation: "The decline in product quality" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea, avoiding the redundancy of "the deterioration in the quality of products."
"the heavy reduction of quality people’s lives" -> "a significant deterioration in the quality of life"
Explanation: "A significant deterioration in the quality of life" is a more precise and formal expression than "the heavy reduction of quality people’s lives," which is awkward and unclear.
"national authorities should impose stricter regulations" -> "national authorities should implement stricter regulations"
Explanation: "Implement" is a more precise verb choice than "impose" in this context, as it directly relates to the act of putting regulations into effect.
"a huge number of irresponsible people have destroyed the natural resources of the environment" -> "numerous individuals have irreparably damaged the environment"
Explanation: "Numerous individuals have irreparably damaged the environment" is more concise and formal, avoiding the vague and informal "a huge number of irresponsible people have destroyed the natural resources of the environment."
"imprisoning those who exploit forests illegally" -> "punishing those who illegally exploit forests"
Explanation: "Punishing" is a more formal and precise term than "imprisoning," which may imply a specific type of punishment that is not necessarily appropriate in all contexts.
"allocate a significant amount of money for job creation

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying problems faced by young people in growing cities, such as rising living expenses and job scarcity. However, the discussion of solutions is less developed. While the author mentions stricter regulations and job creation programs, these solutions could be elaborated further to demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the issues.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each identified problem is matched with a specific, detailed solution. For example, when discussing job scarcity, the essay could explore various job creation strategies, such as vocational training or incentives for businesses to hire young people. This would provide a more balanced approach to both parts of the question.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the challenges faced by young people in urban environments. However, the conclusion lacks a definitive statement that reinforces the main argument, which can leave the reader uncertain about the author’s stance on the effectiveness of the proposed solutions.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to restate their position in the conclusion more assertively, summarizing the key points discussed and emphasizing the importance of implementing the proposed solutions. This could involve a final sentence that clearly articulates the necessity of action from authorities to address the issues highlighted.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the problems and potential solutions, but the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while the author mentions mental health issues resulting from financial pressure, there is a lack of statistical evidence or real-life examples to substantiate these claims. The solutions proposed also need more depth to demonstrate how they would effectively address the problems.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should include specific examples or data to support their claims. For instance, referencing studies on the impact of high living costs on mental health or citing successful job creation programs in other cities could enhance the credibility of the arguments. Additionally, expanding on how the proposed solutions would be implemented would provide a clearer picture of their feasibility.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the problems and solutions related to urban growth. However, there are moments where the discussion veers slightly off course, such as the mention of environmental issues without a clear connection to how they specifically affect young people.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the experiences of young people in urban areas. If discussing environmental issues, it would be beneficial to explicitly link these to how they impact young people’s quality of life or job opportunities. This would help in maintaining a tighter focus on the prompt throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing problems and solutions, and a conclusion. However, the logical progression of ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing living expenses to mental health issues lacks a clear connection. While the points made are relevant, they could be better linked to enhance the overall flow. The mention of job scarcity and housing crises appears abruptly and could benefit from a smoother transition from the previous point about living expenses.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing living expenses, you might say, "In addition to financial pressures, young people also face mental health challenges, which are exacerbated by…" This would create a clearer relationship between the points and improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph has a clear focus, with the first addressing problems and the second proposing solutions. However, the paragraphs could be more distinctly defined. The second body paragraph, which discusses solutions, could be split into two separate paragraphs—one focusing on environmental regulations and the other on job creation. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each solution and improve clarity.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea and supporting details. Consider starting a new paragraph when introducing a new solution or when shifting from one aspect of a problem to another. This will help readers follow your argument more easily and enhance the overall clarity of your essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "coupled with this" and "in addition to this," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and some phrases feel repetitive. For example, the phrase "by virtue of" appears multiple times, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the writing. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to enhance the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases such as "furthermore," "moreover," "consequently," and "as a result." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in logical organization, paragraphing, and the use of cohesive devices could elevate the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "metropolises," "escalation of living expenses," and "financial pressure" showcasing the writer’s ability to use varied language. However, some phrases, like "the most striking one is its escalation," could be more effectively expressed. The use of "by virtue of" is somewhat repetitive and could be replaced with synonyms to enhance variety.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should strive to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "by virtue of," alternatives like "due to" or "as a result of" could be employed. Additionally, using more idiomatic expressions or collocations related to urban issues could enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of precise vocabulary, such as "financial pressure," which accurately conveys the intended meaning. However, phrases like "giving rise to serious illnesses, namely depression, mental breakdown, and anxiety" could be seen as slightly vague. The term "quality people’s lives" is also imprecise; it would be clearer to specify what aspects of quality are being referred to.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should aim to clarify vague terms and ensure that all vocabulary used directly relates to the point being made. For example, instead of "quality people’s lives," the writer could specify "the quality of life for residents" or "the standard of living." Additionally, ensuring that terms are contextually appropriate will improve clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling accuracy, with no major spelling errors noted. Words like "accommodation," "sustenance," and "healthcare" are correctly spelled, contributing to the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers or engaging in regular vocabulary exercises can help reinforce correct spelling. Additionally, practicing writing frequently can help solidify spelling skills over time.

Overall, the essay shows a solid command of vocabulary, with room for improvement in variety, precision, and continued attention to spelling. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences are effectively used, such as “There is a high probability that those people could have financial pressure and mental issues to earn a living by virtue of the fierce rivalry of the labor market nowadays.” This showcases the writer’s ability to connect ideas and convey nuanced thoughts. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of phrases like "by virtue of" and "due to," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied conjunctions and transition phrases, such as “in addition,” “furthermore,” or “consequently.” Additionally, varying the placement of clauses within sentences can create more dynamic sentence structures. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with “There is,” the writer could begin with an action or a descriptive phrase to create more engaging openings.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase “the deterioration in the quality of products, leading to the heavy reduction of quality people’s lives” is awkwardly constructed and could be clearer. Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent; for instance, in the sentence “This could act as a deterrent for those intending to have similar activities,” a comma before “for” would improve readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to sentence clarity and coherence. Revising sentences for clarity can help, such as rephrasing “the heavy reduction of quality people’s lives” to “a significant decline in the quality of life for individuals.” Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance the overall readability of the essay. Practicing sentence restructuring and seeking feedback on grammar can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the fast-paced world today, the rapid growth of metropolises has become increasingly widespread despite numerous issues. This may be linked to various challenges, which will be examined in the essay below, together with some solutions that could result in practical outcomes.

There are two consequences when huge cities all over the world have developed quickly in recent times. The most striking one is the escalation of living expenses due to modernity and convenience. Some prime examples of this include young people in Vietnam who have to cover various expenses, such as accommodation, food, shopping, bills, or even going on a luxury holiday, which may be equivalent to struggling to sustain their livelihoods. There is a high probability that these individuals could face financial pressure and mental issues to earn a living due to the fierce rivalry of the labor market nowadays, resulting in serious illnesses, including depression, mental breakdown, and anxiety in the worst-case scenario. Coupled with this is the expansion of urban areas due to the increasing density. This may lead to job scarcity and a housing crisis due to not only the influx of immigrants but also the decline in product quality, leading to a significant deterioration in the quality of life.

Unfortunately, the issues mentioned above can be mitigated thanks to the following methods. To begin with, national authorities should implement stricter regulations to protect the environment on the grounds that numerous individuals have irreparably damaged the natural resources. Given the environmental problems attributable to human activities, it is essential that they adopt possible solutions, such as punishing those who illegally exploit forests. This could act as a deterrent for those intending to engage in similar activities. In addition to this, governmental bodies should allocate a significant amount of money for job creation programs so that individuals can satisfy their basic necessities comfortably, such as sustenance, healthcare, and education. This is very likely to allow them to have a joyful life while also reducing peer pressure in academic and professional settings.

In conclusion, the increasing emergence of major cities may cause multiple repercussions. To alleviate these, different measures need to be taken seriously by the authorities.