As well as making money, buinesses should also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Along with creating profits, enterprises also need to contribute to improve social dificulties. This essay agrees with this statement because such contributions will help widen their brand to everyone and attract more excellent workers.
Firstly, well implementing social responsibilities can promote company’s reputation towards community. People are often positively affected by businesses’s actions towards environment, funding for infrastructure improvement and especially for charities. For example, from 2018, Vinamilk, a big Vietnamese corporation specializes in providing products related to milk, has carried out a campain supplying milk for mountainous children and those from isolated areas. This charity therefore helped Vinamilk succeed in broadening their business in community and receiving good impressions from investors and partners.
Secondly, cooperations can atract a large number of talented workforce thank to their contributions to society. Such social activities will strengthen the companies’ reputation,position and reliability which become basis for employing dedicated and qualified workers. Nowadays, more and more young people tend to apply to big businesses having out-standing backgrounds and significant community contributions. As a result, social responsibilities, along with sustainable development, is one of the most important elements maintaining their attractiveness on labor market.
In conclusion, to operate a business, besides maximize profit, entrepreneur should handle social responsibilities so that their business can be trusted by citizens and have advantages in recruiting potential employees..

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Errors and Improvements:

"improve social dificulties" -> "address social issues"
Explanation: "Social difficulties" is vague and doesn’t clearly convey the idea of societal problems. "Address social issues" is clearer and more precise in an academic context.
"widely their brand to everyone" -> "enhance their brand visibility"
Explanation: "Widen their brand to everyone" is unclear and informal. "Enhance their brand visibility" is more formal and directly conveys the idea of increasing recognition.
"Firstly, well implementing social responsibilities" -> "Firstly, effectively implementing social responsibilities"
Explanation: "Well implementing" is awkward and informal. "Effectively implementing" maintains the meaning while using more precise and formal language.
"can promote company’s reputation towards community" -> "can enhance the company’s reputation within the community"
Explanation: "Towards community" is less precise than "within the community." "Enhance" is a more academically appropriate term than "promote."
"positively affected by businesses’s actions" -> "positively impacted by businesses’ actions"
Explanation: "Affected" can imply both positive and negative outcomes, while "impacted" specifically denotes a positive effect in this context.
"funding for infrastructure improvement" -> "investment in infrastructure improvements"
Explanation: "Funding for" is less precise than "investment in." "Improvements" is more appropriate than "improvement" in this context.
"especially for charities" -> "especially charitable causes"
Explanation: "Charities" can be interpreted as the organizations themselves, whereas "charitable causes" refers to the beneficiaries of charitable actions.
"Vinamilk succeed in broadening their business in community" -> "Vinamilk succeed in expanding its presence in the community"
Explanation: "Broadening their business in community" is unclear and awkward. "Expanding its presence in the community" is more precise and formal.
"a large number of talented workforce thank to their contributions" -> "a large pool of talented workforce due to their contributions"
Explanation: "Talented workforce thank to their contributions" is grammatically incorrect. "A large pool of talented workforce due to their contributions" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"reputation, position and reliability which become basis" -> "reputation, position, and reliability, which serve as the basis"
Explanation: Adding commas and restructuring the sentence for clarity and formal correctness.
"having out-standing backgrounds" -> "with outstanding credentials"
Explanation: "Out-standing backgrounds" is not idiomatic in English. "Outstanding credentials" is a more appropriate term in this context.
"In conclusion, to operate a business, besides maximize profit" -> "In conclusion, in addition to maximizing profit in operating a business,"
Explanation: "Besides maximize profit" is not grammatically correct. "In addition to maximizing profit in operating a business" is clearer and more formal.

These improvements enhance the clarity, precision, and formality of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by expressing agreement with the idea that businesses should have social responsibilities in addition to making profits. It discusses the benefits of such responsibilities, focusing on reputation building and talent attraction.
- How to improve: While the essay takes a clear stance and provides examples to support its argument, it could further enhance its response by exploring potential counterarguments or discussing the extent to which businesses should prioritize social responsibilities over profit-making.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position in agreement with the prompt, asserting that businesses should fulfill social responsibilities alongside making profits. This stance is evident throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, the essay could explicitly state its position in the introduction and conclusion, ensuring that the reader understands the writer’s viewpoint from the outset.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the importance of social responsibilities for businesses and supports them with a relevant example from Vinamilk, illustrating how such actions can enhance reputation and attract talent.
- How to improve: To extend ideas further, the essay could provide additional examples or statistics to bolster its arguments. Furthermore, deeper analysis of the implications and long-term benefits of corporate social responsibility would enrich the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the importance of businesses fulfilling social responsibilities alongside profit-making. However, there are minor deviations, such as the brief mention of sustainable development, which, while related, slightly veer off topic.
- How to improve: To maintain strict relevance to the prompt, the essay should focus solely on discussing the social responsibilities of businesses and avoid introducing tangential concepts unless directly tied to the main argument.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a coherent argument in favor of businesses having social responsibilities. To improve, it could delve deeper into its analysis, provide additional examples or counterarguments, and maintain strict relevance to the topic throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It begins with an introduction that presents the writer’s stance, followed by two body paragraphs supporting their argument, and finally a conclusion summarizing the main points. However, there are some issues with coherence in the body paragraphs, particularly in the transition between ideas. For instance, the second paragraph abruptly shifts from discussing the impact of social responsibilities on a company’s reputation to its influence on attracting talented workers, lacking a smooth transition.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure each paragraph maintains a clear focus on one main idea and use transitional phrases or sentences to smoothly connect different points. Additionally, consider providing a brief preview of upcoming points at the end of each paragraph to guide the reader through the essay’s structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument, starting with an introduction and followed by two body paragraphs, each supporting a different aspect of the thesis statement. However, there is room for improvement in paragraph coherence and unity. For example, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more specific examples or analysis to support the argument.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis statement and supports the overall argument of the essay. Additionally, aim for consistency in paragraph length to maintain balance and readability throughout the essay. Consider expanding on ideas or providing additional evidence to strengthen the argument presented in each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a moderate range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve coherence. Examples include transition words like "firstly" and "secondly" to indicate the sequence of arguments, as well as cohesive phrases such as "such contributions" and "as a result" to link related concepts within and between paragraphs. However, the variety and effectiveness of cohesive devices could be enhanced for smoother transitions and clearer connections between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify and improve the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of transition words and phrases to signal relationships between ideas more explicitly. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices within sentences and paragraphs to ensure they effectively guide the reader through the essay’s logical progression. Experiment with different cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and adverbs to add nuance and coherence to the essay’s structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some varied expressions such as "contributions to improve social difficulties," "implementing social responsibilities," "campaign supplying milk," and "sustainable development." However, there is a lack of sophistication and diversity in vocabulary usage throughout the essay. For instance, the repetition of phrases like "social responsibilities" and "big businesses" could be replaced with more nuanced synonyms to enrich the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should explore synonyms and alternative phrases to avoid repetition. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to business ethics, corporate social responsibility, and societal impact could elevate the lexical richness of the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally precise use of vocabulary, with clear communication of ideas. However, there are instances where imprecise language weakens the clarity of expression. For example, the phrase "social difficulties" is vague and could be more precisely replaced with terms like "social challenges" or "community issues." Furthermore, the term "out-standing backgrounds" could be more accurately expressed as "impressive backgrounds" or "remarkable achievements."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should carefully select vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. Consulting a thesaurus or dictionary to find more precise synonyms and refining expressions for clarity can help eliminate ambiguity and strengthen the overall effectiveness of communication.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors detracting from readability. However, there are minor spelling mistakes such as "buinesses" instead of "businesses," "dificulties" instead of "difficulties," and "cooperations" instead of "corporations." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, they detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should prioritize proofreading and spell-checking their work meticulously before submission. Developing a habit of reviewing written pieces for spelling errors and consulting language resources when uncertain about spellings can contribute to greater precision and professionalism in writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, there are simple declarative sentences ("This essay agrees with this statement"), compound sentences ("Such social activities will strengthen the companies’ reputation, position, and reliability"), and complex sentences with subordinate clauses ("Nowadays, more and more young people tend to apply to big businesses having outstanding backgrounds and significant community contributions").
- How to improve: While the essay showcases a good range of sentence structures, further diversification could enhance its sophistication. Introducing more complex compound-complex sentences or employing rhetorical devices such as parallelism or inversion can elevate the quality of expression.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits generally accurate grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inconsistencies that slightly detract from clarity. For example, "campaign" is misspelled as "campain," and there are minor punctuation errors like missing commas in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, thorough proofreading is crucial to catch and correct errors. Additionally, reviewing grammar rules related to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and punctuation guidelines can help refine the essay further. Incorporating complex sentence structures necessitates a keen eye for detail in ensuring coherence and correctness.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical structures and punctuation conventions. With attention to detail and continued practice, further refinement can elevate the essay’s grammatical precision, enhancing its overall effectiveness.

Bài sửa mẫu

In addition to generating profits, businesses should also shoulder social responsibilities. This essay firmly agrees with this notion due to its potential to augment a company’s reputation and appeal to a broader pool of talented individuals.

Firstly, effectively implementing social responsibilities can enhance the company’s reputation within the community. People are often positively impacted by businesses’ actions, such as environmental initiatives, investment in infrastructure improvements, and especially charitable causes. Take, for instance, Vinamilk, a prominent Vietnamese corporation specializing in dairy products. Since 2018, Vinamilk has embarked on a campaign to provide milk to children in remote and mountainous regions. This charitable endeavor has not only contributed to Vinamilk’s success in expanding its presence in the community but has also garnered positive impressions from investors and partners.

Secondly, businesses can attract a large pool of talented workforce due to their contributions to society. Such social activities bolster the company’s reputation, position, and reliability, which serve as the basis for attracting dedicated and qualified employees. In today’s competitive job market, many young individuals gravitate towards companies with outstanding credentials and significant community contributions. Consequently, integrating social responsibilities into business operations becomes imperative for maintaining attractiveness in the labor market.

In conclusion, in addition to maximizing profit in operating a business, entrepreneurs should prioritize social responsibilities. This ensures that their business is trusted by citizens and gains an edge in recruiting potential employees.