As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that the firms should contribute to society while making a profit. Personally, I totally agree with this idea because of the following reasons.

On the one hand, there are two main reasons why making money is believed to play a crucial role in business development. First, given that the businesses need money to pay for both physical facilities and human resources. In fact, it is undoubtedly a huge financial burden that each corporation intends to pay a large amount of expenses in rent, taxes, and employee salary as well. Second, if the companies want to develop stably in the competitive market, they need to significantly invest in technological advancements. As a result, the owners have to push revenue which is the best way for the businesses to catch up with the competitors with higher cutting-edge technology.

On the other hand, the importance of fulfilling the society's duties must not be underestimated by paying taxes to the state company. Thanks to this budget, the governments have enough expenses to invest in medical treatment places, public transportation, public children ground-play, etc. This means that the businesses have a great contribution in cultivating a healthy community when they implement full responsibility of paying taxes. Furthermore, the companies should have an awareness of protecting the environment throughout their internal and external activities, contributing to curb climate change. By manufacturing the environmentally-friendly products instead of plastic ones, the firms not only limit the pollution problems but they will have more chances to build their eco-friendly brand awareness to customers.

In conclusion, financial goals and societal missions matter to a company in equal measures. Therefore, it needs to strike a balance between the two to achieve sustainable development.

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Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question by presenting arguments for both sides of the issue. It discusses the necessity of making money for business development and also emphasizes the importance of fulfilling social responsibilities.
- How to improve: While the essay does present both perspectives, the discussion on the importance of making money is more detailed compared to the discussion on social responsibilities. To improve, ensure a more balanced treatment of both aspects of the question by providing equal depth of analysis for each viewpoint.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by expressing total agreement with the idea that businesses have social responsibilities, as stated in the introduction and reinforced in the conclusion.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, reinforce the position in each body paragraph with explicit topic sentences that clearly state the writer’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, with examples to support them. For instance, it discusses the financial burdens businesses face and provides examples of societal contributions through tax payments and environmental protection efforts.
- How to improve: To extend ideas further, provide more detailed examples and evidence to support arguments. Additionally, ensure a smoother flow between ideas by using transitions effectively.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the relationship between businesses, making money, and fulfilling social responsibilities. However, there are slight deviations, such as the discussion on technological advancements, which could be more directly tied to social responsibilities.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all points made directly relate to the prompt. When discussing aspects like technological advancements, clearly connect them to the overarching theme of social responsibility to avoid tangents.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, there is room for improvement in providing a more balanced discussion of both sides, extending ideas with richer examples, and maintaining a tighter focus on the topic throughout. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can further enhance its coherence and depth of analysis, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of ideas. It begins with an introduction that clearly states the author’s position, followed by body paragraphs that present reasons supporting this stance. The first body paragraph discusses the importance of making money for business development, while the second paragraph discusses the importance of fulfilling social responsibilities, such as paying taxes and protecting the environment. Finally, the essay concludes with a brief summary of the main points.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider improving the transition between paragraphs. Use linking words or phrases to better connect ideas and create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction and conclusion are distinct, and the body paragraphs each discuss a different reason supporting the author’s position.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. Additionally, make sure that each paragraph contains enough supporting details and examples to fully develop the main idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "On the one hand," "Furthermore," "In conclusion"), pronouns (e.g., "this idea," "these reasons"), and repetition of key terms (e.g., "financial goals and societal missions"). These cohesive devices help to connect ideas and create a cohesive argument.
- How to improve: To further improve cohesion, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices, such as synonyms, parallel structure, and referencing previous ideas within the essay. This can help to create a more nuanced and cohesive argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of coherence and cohesion, with a logical organization of ideas, effective use of paragraphs, and a range of cohesive devices. To improve, focus on enhancing the transition between paragraphs and using a wider range of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms relevant to the discussion of business, finance, societal responsibilities, and economic development. For instance, terms like "business development," "competitive market," "technological advancements," "sustainable development," and "eco-friendly brand awareness" showcase a breadth of lexical choices.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating more specialized terminology related to business ethics, corporate social responsibility, economic theory, and environmental sustainability. This could involve using terms such as "corporate citizenship," "stakeholder engagement," "socially responsible investing," "resource allocation," "carbon footprint," or "sustainable business practices" where appropriate.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision, effectively conveying ideas related to the topic. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "huge financial burden" could be refined to specify the nature of the expenses (e.g., operational costs, overheads) to provide a clearer picture to the reader. Similarly, the term "technological advancements" might be substituted with a more specific term like "research and development initiatives" or "innovation strategies" to offer a more nuanced description.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, focus on selecting vocabulary that precisely conveys intended meanings and nuances. Consider using domain-specific terminology accurately and avoiding vague or ambiguous language. Additionally, strive to provide specific examples or details to clarify abstract concepts or general statements.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates acceptable spelling accuracy, with no glaring spelling errors detracting from overall comprehension. However, there are a few instances where minor errors occur, such as "children ground-play" instead of "children’s playground" and "eco-friendly brand awareness to customers" where a preposition is missing ("for customers").
- How to improve: To further improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools or proofreading techniques to identify and correct any overlooked errors. Additionally, paying close attention to word forms, suffixes, and prepositions can help minimize spelling mistakes. Developing a habit of reviewing written work attentively before submission can also aid in catching and rectifying any spelling inaccuracies.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of vocabulary, effectively conveying ideas related to the interplay between financial objectives and social responsibilities in the business context. By refining vocabulary choices for precision and ensuring spelling accuracy, the writer can further elevate the clarity and coherence of their arguments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable effort in employing various sentence structures. It utilizes both simple and complex structures, such as compound sentences ("Personally, I totally agree with this idea because of the following reasons."), complex sentences with subordination ("On the one hand, there are two main reasons why making money is believed to play a crucial role in business development."), and conditional sentences ("if the companies want to develop stably in the competitive market, they need to significantly invest in technological advancements."). However, there’s room for improvement in the sophistication and diversity of structures. For instance, incorporating more parallel structures, inverted sentences, or rhetorical questions could enhance the richness of expression.
- How to improve: To further diversify your sentence structures, consider incorporating parallel structures to create a sense of balance and rhythm in your writing. Additionally, experiment with inverted sentences to add variety and emphasis to your ideas. Introducing rhetorical questions strategically can also engage the reader and reinforce your arguments effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances where grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies detract from the clarity of expression. For example, in the sentence "In fact, it is undoubtedly a huge financial burden that each corporation intends to pay a large amount of expenses in rent, taxes, and employee salary as well," there’s a lack of parallelism in the phrase "a huge financial burden that each corporation intends to pay a large amount of expenses," and a missing comma after "salary." Additionally, in the sentence "On the other hand, the importance of fulfilling the society’s duties must not be underestimated by paying taxes to the state company," the phrase "by paying taxes to the state company" seems awkward and could be clarified.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to parallelism in your sentences to ensure consistency and clarity in your expression. Review your use of commas to ensure they are appropriately placed for clarity and readability. Consider revising awkward or unclear phrases to improve the flow and coherence of your writing. Additionally, proofreading your work carefully can help identify and correct any lingering grammatical or punctuation errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

As well as generating profits, businesses are also expected to fulfill social responsibilities. I wholeheartedly agree with this notion for several reasons.

Firstly, making money is essential for the growth of businesses due to various factors. Primarily, businesses require financial resources to cover expenses such as rent, taxes, and employee salaries. This financial burden is inevitable, and companies must ensure they have sufficient funds to sustain their operations. Additionally, in today’s competitive market, investing in technological advancements is imperative for staying relevant and competitive. Therefore, generating revenue becomes pivotal as it enables companies to invest in cutting-edge technology to keep up with their rivals.

Conversely, the significance of meeting societal obligations cannot be overlooked, particularly in contributing taxes to the government. These tax revenues play a crucial role in funding essential public services such as healthcare, transportation infrastructure, and recreational facilities. By fulfilling their tax obligations, businesses contribute significantly to the well-being of society, fostering a healthier community for all. Moreover, businesses should prioritize environmental protection in their operations, thereby mitigating the adverse effects of climate change. By transitioning to eco-friendly practices and manufacturing sustainable products, companies not only reduce pollution but also enhance their brand reputation among environmentally-conscious consumers.

In conclusion, achieving a balance between financial objectives and societal responsibilities is paramount for sustainable development. Businesses must recognize the importance of both aspects and strive to integrate them into their operations effectively. Only by harmonizing profit-making with social contribution can companies ensure long-term success and positive impact on society.