Automated teaching can replace traditional ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The digital age has ushered in a complete overhaul of all sectors of life, including education. With this trend in mind, people have predicted that traditional education will be replaced with its technology-based counterpart through automation. This essay aims to refute this view by exploring its questionable effectiveness and lack of human touch.
To commence, the uncertain efficacy of automated teaching is one of its primary shortcomings. While it can provide a higher degree of freedom for students, it is impossible for this method to guarantee knowledge acquisition. This is because most students are inclined towards enjoying themselves instead of focusing on their studies. Given the freedom of this method, such an inclination is aggravated to the point of negligence of studies. No matter how rigorously designed this system is to prevent this, it is bound to be defeated. As a case in point, should such a system utilize an anti-distraction mechanism, students will eventually find a way to circumvent it, however well-developed it is. Therefore, no forms of automated education will completely ensure the absorption of knowledge.
In addition to that, the lack of human touch in this method is also a cause for concern. Such an automated system is intrinsically a replacement for teachers who, with their emotions, add life to their lessons. This is in stark contrast to a machine, which lacks the human essence, thereby reducing students' motivation to learn. Moreover, no contact with human teachers means that students have little opportunity to be taught about public etiquette as well as create long-lasting memories. Such a deficiency is guaranteed to hamper a student's social and emotional growth, for they have no ability to behave in public and no memories to cherish. With all the information above, it is easily seen that traditional teaching still holds a niche to which its modern counterpart cannot reach.
To conclude, conventional education is not to be substituted with an automated one because of the latter’s dubious effectiveness and lack of the “human” aspect. In light of that, we must carefully blend the two together, so that the benefits of each can be reaped to the fullest.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The digital age has ushered in a complete overhaul of all sectors of life" -> "The digital age has brought about a comprehensive transformation across all sectors of life"
Explanation: The phrase "brought about a comprehensive transformation" is more precise and formal than "ushered in a complete overhaul," which sounds slightly colloquial and vague.
"people have predicted" -> "experts have forecast"
Explanation: Replacing "people" with "experts" specifies the source of the prediction, enhancing the academic tone by implying a more authoritative and informed perspective.
"questionable effectiveness" -> "questionable efficacy"
Explanation: "Efficacy" is a more precise term in academic contexts when discussing the effectiveness of methods or systems, making it more suitable for formal writing.
"uncertain efficacy" -> "variable efficacy"
Explanation: "Variable efficacy" better captures the idea of potential variations in effectiveness, which is more accurate and formal than "uncertain."
"impossible for this method to guarantee knowledge acquisition" -> "impossible for this method to ensure knowledge acquisition"
Explanation: "Ensure" is more specific and formal than "guarantee" in this context, aligning better with academic language.
"enjoying themselves" -> "engaging in leisure activities"
Explanation: "Engaging in leisure activities" is a more formal and precise way to describe students’ behavior, avoiding the colloquial tone of "enjoying themselves."
"aggravated to the point of negligence of studies" -> "exacerbated to the point of neglecting their studies"
Explanation: "Exacerbated" is more precise in describing how a situation worsens, and "neglecting their studies" is a clearer and more formal expression than "negligence of studies."
"no forms of automated education will completely ensure the absorption of knowledge" -> "no automated educational systems can fully guarantee knowledge absorption"
Explanation: "Guarantee" is more formal than "ensure," and "knowledge absorption" is a more academic term than "the absorption of knowledge."
"the lack of human touch" -> "the absence of human interaction"
Explanation: "Absence of human interaction" is a more formal and precise term than "lack of human touch," which is somewhat vague and colloquial.
"Such an automated system is intrinsically a replacement for teachers" -> "Such an automated system inherently replaces teachers"
Explanation: "Inherently replaces" is more direct and formal, avoiding the awkward construction of "is intrinsically a replacement for."
"no contact with human teachers means that students have little opportunity to be taught about public etiquette" -> "no interaction with human teachers deprives students of opportunities to learn about public etiquette"
Explanation: "Deprives students of opportunities to learn" is more formal and precise than "means that students have little opportunity to be taught," which is somewhat awkward and informal.
"no memories to cherish" -> "no lasting memories"
Explanation: "No lasting memories" is a more formal and concise way to express the idea, avoiding the colloquial "cherish."
"we must carefully blend the two together" -> "it is essential to carefully integrate the two"
Explanation: "It is essential to carefully integrate the two" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better than "we must carefully blend the two together."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a disagreement with the notion that automated teaching can fully replace traditional methods. The introduction sets the stage for this argument, and the body paragraphs provide specific reasons supporting this position. The points made regarding the questionable effectiveness of automated teaching and the lack of human interaction are relevant and directly linked to the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the potential advantages of automated teaching. While the author refutes the idea of complete replacement, briefly discussing any merits of automated teaching would provide a more balanced view and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the replacement of traditional education with automated methods. The stance is consistent throughout, with each paragraph reinforcing the argument. The conclusion succinctly reiterates this position, effectively summarizing the main points made.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could improve by using more varied language to express agreement or disagreement. Phrases like "I strongly disagree" or "It is my belief that" could add emphasis to the position and engage the reader more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are well-structured and supported with logical reasoning. The author provides specific examples, such as the potential for students to circumvent anti-distraction mechanisms and the emotional benefits of human teachers, which effectively extend the argument.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the support for ideas, the essay could include more empirical evidence or studies that illustrate the effectiveness of traditional teaching methods compared to automated ones. This would add credibility to the arguments and provide a more robust foundation for the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, with each point directly related to the discussion of automated versus traditional teaching. There are no noticeable deviations from the main argument, which helps maintain clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: To ensure continued focus, the author could benefit from outlining the essay before writing. This would help in organizing thoughts and ensuring that each paragraph contributes directly to the central argument, avoiding any potential tangents.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the Task Response criteria, with clear strengths in addressing the prompt and maintaining a consistent position. By incorporating a more balanced view of automated teaching, using varied language for emphasis, providing empirical support for claims, and possibly outlining the essay beforehand, the author could elevate their response to an even higher level.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical organization of ideas. It begins with an introduction that sets the context and states the writer’s position. Each body paragraph addresses a specific argument against automated teaching, with the first focusing on its questionable effectiveness and the second on the lack of human interaction. This structure allows the reader to follow the writer’s reasoning easily. For instance, the transition from discussing the efficacy of automated teaching to the emotional aspects of traditional education is smooth and coherent.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer could include more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis statement. This would reinforce the connection between the arguments and the overall position. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases between paragraphs could further guide the reader through the progression of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point. The introduction and conclusion are clearly delineated from the body paragraphs, which helps in maintaining a structured approach. Each body paragraph is well-developed, containing a clear main idea supported by examples and explanations.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the writer could benefit from ensuring that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. This would not only improve clarity but also reinforce the structure of the argument. Additionally, the conclusion could be expanded slightly to summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs, providing a more comprehensive wrap-up of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "in addition to that," "for example," and "therefore," which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the text, allowing the reader to follow the argument without confusion. The use of cohesive devices is varied and appropriate for the context.
- How to improve: To further diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "conversely," or "on the other hand," to enhance the connections between contrasting ideas. Additionally, varying the placement of cohesive devices within sentences could add more sophistication to the writing style. For example, starting a sentence with a cohesive device can create a more dynamic flow.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing and connecting ideas. With some minor adjustments in paragraph structure and the use of cohesive devices, the clarity and sophistication of the writing could be further improved.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms like "overhaul," "counterpart," "efficacy," and "intrinsically" showcasing a good command of language. These choices reflect an ability to articulate complex ideas effectively. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "automated" and "traditional" could be supplemented with synonyms or related terms to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or paraphrasing. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "automated," terms like "mechanized," "digital," or "technological" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "conventional methods" instead of "traditional" can add variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with a good degree of precision. Phrases like "higher degree of freedom" and "lack of human touch" accurately convey the intended meanings. However, there are moments of slight imprecision, such as "enjoying themselves instead of focusing on their studies," where the phrase could be more succinctly expressed as "prioritizing leisure over academics."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, focus on clarity and conciseness in word choice. For example, rephrasing sentences to eliminate unnecessary words can sharpen the message. Instead of saying "is bound to be defeated," consider "is likely to fail," which is more direct and clear.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling throughout the essay is accurate, with no noticeable errors. Words like "education," "effectiveness," and "motivation" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong grasp of standard English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and further improve spelling accuracy, regular practice with spelling exercises and reading widely can be beneficial. Engaging with diverse texts can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written material.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a Band 7. To reach a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and continuing to practice spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "While it can provide a higher degree of freedom for students, it is impossible for this method to guarantee knowledge acquisition" effectively combine contrasting ideas, showcasing the writer’s ability to manage complex grammatical forms. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, such as "should such a system utilize an anti-distraction mechanism," adds depth to the argument. However, the essay could benefit from more varied introductory phrases and transitions to enhance cohesion further.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words to connect ideas smoothly. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "In addition to that," the writer could use alternatives like "Furthermore," or "Moreover," to create a more engaging flow. Additionally, employing a mix of shorter, impactful sentences alongside longer, more complex ones can create a dynamic rhythm in the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "no forms of automated education will completely ensure the absorption of knowledge" is grammatically correct and clearly articulated. However, there are a few instances where punctuation could be improved, such as the use of commas in complex sentences. For instance, in the sentence "As a case in point, should such a system utilize an anti-distraction mechanism, students will eventually find a way to circumvent it, however well-developed it is," the placement of "however" could be reconsidered for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, the writer should review the rules for comma usage, particularly in complex sentences. Practicing the placement of commas in clauses and after introductory phrases can help clarify meaning. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors and ensuring that punctuation enhances readability will contribute to a more polished final product. Engaging with grammar exercises focused on common pitfalls can also be beneficial.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a clear argument against the complete replacement of traditional education with automated teaching. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation, the writer can elevate their writing to an even higher standard.

Bài sửa mẫu

To commence, the variable efficacy of automated teaching is one of its primary shortcomings. While it can provide a higher degree of freedom for students, it is impossible for this method to ensure knowledge acquisition. This is because most students are inclined to enjoy themselves instead of focusing on their studies. Given the freedom of this method, such an inclination is exacerbated to the point of neglecting their studies. No matter how rigorously designed this system is to prevent this, it is bound to be defeated. As a case in point, should such a system utilize an anti-distraction mechanism, students will eventually find a way to circumvent it, however well-developed it is. Therefore, no forms of automated education will completely guarantee the absorption of knowledge.

In addition to that, the absence of human interaction in this method is also a cause for concern. Such an automated system inherently replaces teachers who, with their emotions, add life to their lessons. This is in stark contrast to a machine, which lacks the human essence, thereby reducing students’ motivation to learn. Moreover, no interaction with human teachers deprives students of opportunities to learn about public etiquette as well as create lasting memories. Such a deficiency is guaranteed to hamper a student’s social and emotional growth, for they have no ability to behave in public and no lasting memories to cherish. With all the information above, it is easily seen that traditional teaching still holds a niche to which its modern counterpart cannot reach.

To conclude, conventional education is not to be substituted with an automated one because of the latter’s questionable efficacy and lack of the “human” aspect. In light of that, it is essential to carefully integrate the two, so that the benefits of each can be reaped to the fullest.