Average monthly rainfall in one Asian city, 1950-2000

The bar chart provides information about the average precipitation of months during the year from 1950 to 2000 in an Asian city.
Looking from an overall perspective, it is discernible that there was a significant increase in monthly rainfall between January and September, with the figure in May experiencing a sudden rise, while rainfall per month from October to December decreased remarkably. In addition, the highest rainfall was recorded in September, whereas the lowest one was in the first month of the year.
The monthly rainfall from January to September witnessed a significant increase from just 5 mm to 188mm. In three months of the spring, the average precipitation stood at 5mm, 8mm, and 13mm, respectively, which were the lowest figures in the year. After dropping consistently from 112mm in May to 81mm in June, the monthly rainfall increased by 107mm over the next 4 months.
From September to December, the amount of rainfall per month saw a sharp decrease, with the greatest decrease being in November, which was only 58mm compared to the previous month’s 160 mm of rainfall. The figure then continued to decline to 17mm in December.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"provides information about" -> "depicts data regarding"
Explanation: "provides information about" is a common phrase but using "depicts data regarding" adds sophistication and clarity to the description of what the chart displays.
"Looking from an overall perspective" -> "From an overarching viewpoint"
Explanation: "Looking from an overall perspective" can be replaced with "From an overarching viewpoint" to elevate the formality and elegance of the sentence.
"discernible" -> "evident"
Explanation: While "discernible" is appropriate, "evident" is a more concise and commonly used synonym, enhancing readability without sacrificing meaning.
"significant increase" -> "substantial rise"
Explanation: Replacing "significant increase" with "substantial rise" adds variation to the vocabulary and maintains the impact of the sentence.
"experiencing a sudden rise" -> "undergoing a sudden surge"
Explanation: "experiencing a sudden rise" can be replaced with "undergoing a sudden surge" to introduce a more dynamic and vivid description of the increase in rainfall.
"remarkably" -> "considerably"
Explanation: "remarkably" can be substituted with "considerably" to convey a similar degree of change while enhancing the sophistication of the language.
"witnessed a significant increase" -> "observed a notable surge"
Explanation: By replacing "witnessed a significant increase" with "observed a notable surge," the language becomes more nuanced and expressive, capturing the reader’s attention.
"stood at" -> "amounted to"
Explanation: While "stood at" is grammatically correct, "amounted to" adds a touch of formality and precision to the description of the average precipitation.
"figures" -> "values"
Explanation: "figures" is a common term, but "values" is more precise in this context, referring specifically to the numerical data represented in the chart.
"After dropping consistently" -> "Following a consistent decline"
Explanation: "After dropping consistently" can be replaced with "Following a consistent decline" to enhance the flow of the sentence and maintain clarity.
"saw a sharp decrease" -> "experienced a sharp decline"
Explanation: "saw a sharp decrease" can be replaced with "experienced a sharp decline" to introduce variation in vocabulary and add emphasis to the reduction in rainfall.
"The greatest decrease" -> "The most significant decline"
Explanation: "The greatest decrease" can be replaced with "The most significant decline" to emphasize the magnitude of the reduction in rainfall.
"continued to decline" -> "further decreased"
Explanation: "continued to decline" can be replaced with "further decreased" to convey the ongoing nature of the decline in rainfall over the mentioned period.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the average monthly rainfall from 1950 to 2000 in an Asian city. It effectively highlights key features such as the increase in rainfall from January to September, the peak in May, and the decrease from October to December. The information presented is relevant and coherent, with clear organization and progression.

How to improve:
To enhance the response and potentially achieve a higher band score, the essay could provide more detailed analysis or interpretation of the data. This could include discussing possible reasons for the observed trends or exploring any patterns that emerge over the 50-year period. Additionally, ensuring that all key features are fully extended and elaborated upon may further strengthen the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. It effectively uses cohesive devices to connect sentences and paragraphs, contributing to coherence. Each paragraph focuses on a central topic, enhancing clarity and cohesion. The essay’s structure aids in conveying the information about the average monthly rainfall over the years in a systematic manner, with a clear introduction and conclusion.

How to improve: To further improve coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring their consistent and appropriate use throughout the essay. Additionally, pay attention to paragraphing to ensure that each paragraph presents a unified topic or idea and transitions smoothly to the next.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, discussing various aspects of rainfall trends over time. The vocabulary used is suitable and generally conveys the intended meaning. There are attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "discernible" and "precipitation," but some inaccuracies in word choice are present, such as "significant increase" and "remarkably," which could be refined for clearer communication. Additionally, there are some errors in word formation and spelling, such as "the figure in May experiencing" (should be "the figure for May experienced") and "the greatest decrease being in November" (could be "the most significant decrease occurred in November").

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, focus on enhancing vocabulary variety and accuracy. Aim for greater precision in word choice and use less common lexical items where appropriate. Review spelling and word formation to minimize errors that may affect clarity and comprehension. Additionally, strive for consistency in expression throughout the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay effectively utilizes a variety of complex sentence structures to convey information about the average monthly rainfall in an Asian city from 1950 to 2000. The essay employs a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, demonstrating an attempt at varied sentence structures. There is good control of grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, with the majority of sentences being error-free. Complex structures are used to describe trends and comparisons, contributing to a coherent presentation of information.

How to improve: To further improve the grammatical range and accuracy, consider incorporating more diverse sentence structures and vocabulary. Additionally, pay close attention to punctuation and sentence clarity to ensure precision in conveying information. Continuing to refine sentence structures and grammar will enhance the overall coherence and fluency of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart illustrates the average monthly precipitation in an Asian city spanning the years 1950 to 2000.

Broadly speaking, there was a notable upsurge in rainfall from January to September, with May experiencing a particularly sharp increase, while precipitation tapered off significantly from October to December. September registered the highest rainfall, whereas January saw the lowest.

During the first nine months, there was a substantial rise in monthly rainfall from a mere 5 mm to 188 mm. Across the spring months, precipitation remained relatively low, ranging from 5 mm to 13 mm. Following a consistent decline from 112 mm in May to 81 mm in June, rainfall surged by 107 mm over the subsequent four months.

Conversely, from September to December, there was a marked decline in monthly rainfall, with November witnessing the most substantial drop to 58 mm from the preceding month’s 160 mm. This trend continued into December, with precipitation dwindling to 17 mm.