Behaviour in schools is getting worse. Explain the causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. Use the essay plan in class to finish this exercise

Behaviour in schools is getting worse. Explain the causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. Use the essay plan in class to finish this exercise

Currently , the tendency to misbehave in schools is increasing and has become a serious problem .The solutions to this problem may be considered according to the reasons that lead to it – lack of discipline, flexible rules and internet are the causes for bad behaviour in schools.
Some Parents spoil their children substantially and do not show their children how to behave properly in schools. The reasons for that are either difficulty in giving a birth to a child or time availability . For instance, some women in some families are having problems in becoming pregnant and therefore having a child is a considerable present when it comes. These parents think that they would not be able to breed another child which might lead to unfavourable consequences in bringing up the child like bad behaviour and not obeying the rules and regulations of the school because the parents are linen , follow child demands and do not told their children off if they are indiscipline for example.
Moreover, internet games are another issue that motivates children to neglect the moral values of society. These games teach children to be violent and indiscipline .the consequences are not only to the children who watch these programmes but also their peers at school- children have the tendency to imitate their colleagues if they behave in a positive or in a negative way. Moreover , TV games like MP3, Wii are also had a negative impact on child behaviour because he/she would not listen to what parents tend to teach them.

It is important to organise a schemes from schools or the schools councils to tackle this problem. This solution is considered in the UK in the UK- although there are many indiscipline children in the UK schools , most schools have family advisers in order to tackle any anti social behaviour of children at schools . The role of these advisers is to work with parents whom children ethics need to change and to improve. Schemes from councils may have a positive influence in encouraging parents ,who are having one child ,to be strict and not flexible with their child.
To conclude, it is essential to tackle the anti social behaviour of children at schools by implementing a joint effort between schools and parents and legitimise teachers to punish disruptive children .

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Currently, the tendency to misbehave in schools is increasing and has become a serious problem." -> "Currently, the incidence of misbehavior in schools is increasing and has become a significant concern."
   Explanation: Replacing "tendency to misbehave" with "incidence of misbehavior" and "serious problem" with "significant concern" refines the language to be more precise and formal, suitable for an academic context.

2. "lack of discipline, flexible rules and internet are the causes for bad behaviour in schools" -> "a lack of discipline, flexible rules, and excessive internet use are contributing factors to poor behavior in schools"
   Explanation: Adding "excessive" before "internet use" clarifies the nature of the issue, and rephrasing "are the causes for bad behaviour" to "are contributing factors to poor behavior" enhances the academic tone by using a more formal phrase.

3. "Some Parents spoil their children substantially and do not show their children how to behave properly in schools" -> "Some parents excessively spoil their children and fail to teach them proper behavior in schools"
   Explanation: Replacing "substantially" with "excessively" and "show their children how to behave properly" with "teach them proper behavior" uses more precise and formal language.

4. "difficulty in giving a birth to a child" -> "difficulty in conceiving a child"
   Explanation: "Conceiving a child" is the correct term, replacing the awkward and incorrect "giving a birth to a child."

5. "having a child is a considerable present when it comes" -> "having a child is a significant consideration"
   Explanation: "A considerable present" is unclear and informal; "a significant consideration" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.

6. "linen, follow child demands and do not told their children off if they are indiscipline" -> "they often cater to their children’s demands and fail to discipline them when they misbehave"
   Explanation: Correcting grammatical errors ("linen" to "often") and replacing "do not told" with "fail to" and "indiscipline" with "misbehave" improves clarity and formality.

7. "TV games like MP3, Wii are also had a negative impact" -> "TV games such as MP3 and Wii also have a negative impact"
   Explanation: Correcting "are also had" to "also have" fixes a grammatical error and improves the flow of the sentence.

8. "he/she would not listen to what parents tend to teach them" -> "they may not heed parental guidance"
   Explanation: Replacing "he/she" with "they" for consistency and "would not listen to what parents tend to teach them" with "may not heed parental guidance" uses more formal and precise language.

9. "organise a schemes" -> "organize schemes"
   Explanation: Correcting "organise" to "organize" for American English consistency and removing "a" before "schemes" as it is a plural noun.

10. "legitimise teachers to punish disruptive children" -> "authorize teachers to discipline disruptive children"
    Explanation: Replacing "legitimise" with "authorize" and "punish" with "discipline" refines the language to be more appropriate for an academic context, focusing on the educational aspect rather than punishment.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the causes (lack of discipline, flexible rules, and the influence of the internet) and effects (negative behavior in schools and its impact on peers) of misbehavior in schools. However, while it identifies these elements, the discussion of effects is somewhat underdeveloped and lacks depth. For example, the mention of how peers imitate negative behavior is a valid point, but it could be expanded to include more specific consequences, such as academic performance or social relationships.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay could benefit from a more structured approach to discussing effects, perhaps by clearly delineating between causes and effects in separate paragraphs. Additionally, providing more concrete examples or statistics could enhance the argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that misbehavior in schools is a significant issue and suggests that both parents and schools need to take responsibility. However, the position could be more consistently articulated. For instance, the transition between discussing causes and solutions is somewhat abrupt, which may confuse readers about the author’s stance on the importance of each aspect.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, reiterating the main thesis in the conclusion can reinforce the position taken throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the causes of misbehavior, such as parental influence and the impact of internet games. However, the support for these ideas is often vague or lacks depth. For example, the assertion that internet games teach violence is made without specific examples or studies to back it up. The solutions proposed are also somewhat general and could be better substantiated.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples or case studies that illustrate the points being made. This could involve citing research on the effects of video games on behavior or providing examples of successful school programs that have addressed these issues.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay stays on topic, focusing on the causes, effects, and solutions related to misbehavior in schools. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly tangential, particularly in the explanation of parental challenges, which could distract from the main focus of the essay.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question. This can be achieved by regularly referring back to the prompt and ensuring that all examples and explanations clearly connect to the causes, effects, or solutions of school misbehavior.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, it would benefit from clearer structure, more detailed support for claims, and a consistent articulation of the main argument. By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the problem and its causes. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, such as parental influence and the impact of internet games. However,the logical flow could be improved. For example, the transition from discussing parental influence to the effects of internet games feels abrupt. The conclusion reiterates the need for collaboration between schools and parents, which is a strong closing but could be better linked to the preceding arguments.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, transitional phrases can help guide the reader through the argument. For instance, after discussing parental influence, a sentence like "In addition to parental factors, external influences such as internet games also play a significant role" would create a smoother transition.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is essential for readability. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct point, such as causes or solutions. However, some paragraphs are overly long and could be split for better clarity. For instance, the second paragraph combines multiple ideas about parental influence and internet games, which may confuse readers.
  • How to improve: Aim to keep paragraphs focused on a single idea or closely related concepts. For example, the paragraph discussing parental influence could be split into two: one focusing on the reasons behind lenient parenting and the other on the consequences of such parenting on children’s behavior. This would enhance clarity and make it easier for readers to follow the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "Moreover" and "To conclude," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences lack clear connections. For instance, the phrase "the consequences are not only to the children who watch these programmes but also their peers at school" could be more effectively linked to the previous sentence for better cohesion.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In contrast," or "As a result." Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one. For example, instead of starting a new sentence abruptly, you could say, "This neglect of moral values not only affects the children themselves but also influences their peers at school." This would enhance the flow and coherence of the argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, focusing on improving logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and expanding the use of cohesive devices will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication in word choice. For example, terms like "misbehave," "bad behaviour," and "indiscipline" are repeated without much variation. While the essay communicates the main ideas, it does not showcase a broader lexical range that could enhance the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "bad behaviour," alternatives like "disruptive conduct," "misconduct," or "unruly behaviour" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases such as "negative influences" or "detrimental effects" can add depth to the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that may confuse the reader. For example, the phrase "the parents are linen" is unclear and likely a typographical error for "lenient." Furthermore, "breeding another child" is an inappropriate choice of words in this context; "having another child" would be more suitable.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should carefully choose words that accurately convey their intended meaning. It is advisable to revise sentences for clarity and correctness. For example, instead of "the parents are linen," the writer could say, "the parents are often lenient," which would clarify the intended meaning.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, "indiscipline" is misspelled as "indiscipline" in some instances, and "organise a schemes" should be "organise schemes." Additionally, "TV games like MP3, Wii" is misleading, as MP3 is not a game but a file format.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Furthermore, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary can enhance overall spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay meets the basic requirements for vocabulary use, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and carefully proofreading for spelling errors, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but many sentences are either overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed. For instance, phrases like "the tendency to misbehave in schools is increasing" are straightforward but lack complexity. Additionally, sentences such as "These parents think that they would not be able to breed another child" use the word "breed" inappropriately in this context, which detracts from the overall clarity and sophistication of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as those that use subordinate clauses or varied conjunctions. For example, instead of saying "The solutions to this problem may be considered according to the reasons that lead to it," the writer could say, "While there are several solutions to this problem, they must be considered in light of the underlying reasons that contribute to it." This not only adds variety but also improves clarity.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder comprehension. For example, the phrase "the parents are linen" appears to be a typographical error, likely intended to be "lenient." Additionally, the sentence "the consequences are not only to the children who watch these programmes but also their peers at school" lacks parallel structure and clarity, making it difficult to follow. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases (e.g., "Currently , the tendency to misbehave…"), also detract from the overall readability.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread their work to catch typographical errors and ensure correct word usage. Practicing sentence structure variety and ensuring subject-verb agreement will also help. For punctuation, the writer should review rules regarding comma usage, particularly in complex sentences and after introductory phrases. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying and correcting these issues.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas and examples, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation will significantly elevate the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, the incidence of misbehavior in schools is increasing and has become a significant concern. The solutions to this problem can be considered in light of the reasons that lead to it; a lack of discipline, flexible rules, and excessive internet use are contributing factors to poor behavior in schools.

Some parents excessively spoil their children and fail to teach them proper behavior in schools. This may stem from difficulties in conceiving a child or a lack of time to devote to parenting. For instance, some women in certain families experience challenges in becoming pregnant, making the arrival of a child a considerable event. These parents often believe they may not have the opportunity to raise another child, which can lead to unfavorable consequences in their child’s upbringing, such as poor behavior and a disregard for school rules. They tend to cater to their children’s demands and do not discipline them when they misbehave.

Moreover, excessive internet use and video games also contribute to this issue, as they can encourage children to neglect the moral values of society. These games often promote violence and a lack of discipline. The consequences extend beyond the individual child; peers at school may imitate each other’s behavior, whether positive or negative. Additionally, TV games like MP3 and Wii can negatively impact children’s behavior, as they may not heed parental guidance.

It is important to organize schemes within schools or through school councils to address this problem. In the UK, for example, despite the presence of many undisciplined children in schools, most institutions have family advisers to tackle any antisocial behavior. The role of these advisers is to work with parents whose children’s ethics need improvement. Initiatives from councils may positively influence parents, particularly those with only one child, to be more strict and less flexible.

To conclude, it is essential to address the antisocial behavior of children in schools through a collaborative effort between schools and parents, as well as to authorize teachers to discipline disruptive children.