Being a celebrity – such as a famous film star or sports personality – brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?
There is a prevailing belief among people that those who have great influence such as actors or sports persons might face both problems and benefits while being so popular. Personally, I believe that every coin has two sides, and being a well-known individual is not an exception.
On the one hand, there are undeniable advantages that one may receive if he/she is a celebrity. Firstly,the most salient benefit of being popular is the affection and fame one receives from the public. When one starts catching on, he/she will have a certain number of loyal fans who are never going to betray or criticize them even if they make a lot of scandals. For example, Justin Bieber, a famous pop singer in the 2010s was accused of using drugs; however, his fans still gave great attention to his newly released album and all the tickets of his concert were sold out in a few hours. Secondly, it is their reputation and influence that open the gate to wealth. National and international brands pay these public figures excessive amounts of money to endorse their products as these figures have considerable influence and their styles or things they use tend to be imitated by people.
On the flip side, fame comes with a cost. One of the biggest concerns of celebrities is the lack of privacy. This is a result of having too much attention from the media and fans; therefore, there is always someone stalking them, jeopardizing their privacy. Similarly, paparazzi will invade the private moments of celebrities and the press may use that to ruin their reputation. Take Jungkook of BTS – the most famous music band at the moment as an example. He is always hunted by paparazzi, who are ready to follow him after stage, enters his hotel room when he is on the world tour; and these actions do scare him. Moreover, there is always a performance pressure on famous people, as if they fail, someone else will take their place. Also, celebrities have to be very careful with the sentiments of people, one mistake can bring harm to their reputation or even ruin their career.
In conclusion, being well-known means that people may have to face problems of lacking privacy and enormous invisible pressure. However, it is notable that there are also many merits that come with fame.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"there is a prevailing belief among people" -> "there is a widespread belief among individuals"
Explanation: Replacing "prevailing" with "widespread" and "people" with "individuals" enhances the formality and precision of the statement.
"he/she is a celebrity" -> "he/she is a public figure"
Explanation: Substituting "celebrity" with "public figure" is a more formal and encompassing term, suitable for an academic context.
"catching on" -> "gaining popularity"
Explanation: "Catching on" is a colloquial expression, while "gaining popularity" is a more formal and precise way to describe the process of becoming popular.
"loyal fans who are never going to betray" -> "devoted fans who are unlikely to betray"
Explanation: The replacement with "devoted" and "unlikely to betray" elevates the tone by using more formal and nuanced language.
"make a lot of scandals" -> "engage in controversial behavior"
Explanation: "Make a lot of scandals" is informal; "engage in controversial behavior" is a more academic way to express the idea.
"considerable influence" -> "significant influence"
Explanation: "Considerable" is replaced with "significant" for a more formal and precise description of influence.
"the flip side" -> "on the downside"
Explanation: "The flip side" is colloquial; "on the downside" maintains a formal tone while conveying a similar meaning.
"fame comes with a cost" -> "fame entails certain drawbacks"
Explanation: Substituting "comes with a cost" with "entails certain drawbacks" maintains formality and provides a more sophisticated expression.
"too much attention" -> "excessive attention"
Explanation: Replacing "too much" with "excessive" adds precision and formality to the description of attention.
"someone stalking them" -> "individuals stalking them"
Explanation: The change from "someone" to "individuals" improves precision and formality.
"ruin their reputation" -> "tarnish their reputation"
Explanation: "Ruin" is replaced with "tarnish" for a more formal and nuanced description of the potential harm to reputation.
"on the world tour" -> "during the world tour"
Explanation: The modification from "on" to "during" enhances the formality of the statement.
"these actions do scare him" -> "these actions do instill fear in him"
Explanation: The substitution of "scare" with "instill fear" contributes to a more formal and refined expression.
"sentiments of people" -> "public sentiments"
Explanation: Changing "sentiments of people" to "public sentiments" is a more formal and precise way to refer to collective feelings.
"bring harm to their reputation" -> "jeopardize their reputation"
Explanation: "Bring harm" is replaced with "jeopardize" for a more formal and nuanced description of the potential impact on reputation.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing the benefits and problems of being a celebrity. It recognizes the dual nature of celebrity status, highlighting advantages such as fame and financial opportunities, as well as drawbacks like privacy invasion and performance pressure.
- How to improve: While the essay covers both sides of the issue, providing more specific examples and elaborating on each point could enhance the depth of the analysis. Encourage the writer to delve into greater detail when discussing the benefits and problems associated with celebrity status.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a neutral stance throughout, stating that being a well-known individual has both positive and negative aspects. There is no strong bias towards either benefits or problems.
- How to improve: While neutrality is generally acceptable, the essay could benefit from a more explicit thesis statement that clearly outlines the author’s position. Encourage the writer to assert their viewpoint on whether the benefits or problems outweigh the other.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas coherently, supporting them with relevant examples such as Justin Bieber’s fan support and the impact of paparazzi on Jungkook of BTS. However, some points could be further developed for a more comprehensive argument.
- How to improve: Suggest expanding on each example by providing additional details and exploring the consequences in more depth. This will strengthen the overall argument and provide a richer understanding of the benefits and problems faced by celebrities.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the benefits and problems of being a celebrity. However, there are instances where the examples, such as Justin Bieber and Jungkook, could be more directly tied to the specific problems and benefits discussed.
- How to improve: Encourage the writer to connect examples more explicitly to the points being made. This will ensure a more focused and relevant discussion, avoiding any potential deviation from the main topic.
In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of the prompt and provides a balanced discussion of the benefits and problems associated with celebrity status. Strengthening specific examples and their connections to the main points, along with a more explicit thesis statement, will contribute to a more comprehensive and well-rounded response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with a clear introduction that sets up the discussion about the benefits and problems of being a celebrity. The body paragraphs follow a coherent structure, discussing benefits first and then transitioning to the drawbacks of fame. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. However, there is room for improvement in the flow within paragraphs. For instance, the shift from discussing benefits to drawbacks in the body paragraphs could be smoother.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure a seamless transition between ideas within paragraphs. Consider using transition words or phrases to guide the reader through the different aspects of the argument. For instance, using words like "Moreover," or "On the flip side," can help signal shifts in focus.
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with clear topic sentences and supporting details. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there is an opportunity to improve the balance between paragraph lengths. The first body paragraph is significantly longer than the second, impacting visual symmetry.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced distribution of content across paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a similar level of detail and development. In this case, consider expanding the second body paragraph to maintain parity with the first, creating a more aesthetically pleasing and balanced essay structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices, such as transitions and pronouns, to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, there is room for improvement in the variety of cohesive devices used. The essay tends to rely on a limited set of transitional phrases, and a more diverse range could enhance coherence.
- How to improve: Introduce a wider variety of cohesive devices to strengthen the connections between sentences and ideas. Include transitional words like "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" to provide a nuanced and sophisticated flow to the essay. Also, consider using pronouns strategically to maintain coherence, ensuring clarity in reference.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong coherence and cohesion, focusing on the specific areas outlined above can contribute to a more polished and refined piece of writing.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly wide range of vocabulary. There is effective use of words and phrases to convey ideas, such as "prevailing belief," "salient benefit," and "considerable influence." However, there are moments where vocabulary repetition occurs, such as the frequent use of "fame" and "reputation" in the latter part of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, try to vary the expressions used, especially when discussing similar concepts. Synonyms or different phrasing can be employed to avoid redundancy.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, but there are instances where words could be chosen more precisely. For instance, the phrase "someone else will take their place" could be specified to maintain the precision in the context of the celebrity domain.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to the specificity of words used. In this case, consider terms that align more closely with the competitive nature of the celebrity world, like "rival" or "competitor."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is mostly accurate, with only a few minor errors (e.g., "these public figures" could be clarified as "those public figures"). However, overall, the essay demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy.
- How to improve: Continue to pay attention to detail in spelling. While the errors are minimal, proofreading before submission can help catch any overlooked mistakes.
Overall, the essay displays a solid understanding and use of vocabulary, with room for improvement in terms of avoiding repetition and refining the precision of certain expressions. The spelling is generally accurate, showcasing a good command of language mechanics.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, the writer effectively employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, enhancing the overall flow of ideas. However, there’s room for improvement in the use of more advanced structures such as conditional sentences, which can elevate the sophistication of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures like conditional sentences (e.g., "If celebrities manage their public image effectively, they can mitigate the risks associated with fame"). This will not only showcase a broader range of language but also contribute to a more nuanced expression of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some instances where subject-verb agreement could be strengthened, such as in "there is always someone stalking them." Additionally, a few minor punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences, are present.
- How to improve: Focus on refining subject-verb agreement to ensure consistency throughout the essay. For example, revise the sentence to read, "there are always people stalking them." Additionally, pay close attention to punctuation, especially in compound sentences. Incorporating commas appropriately (e.g., before conjunctions in compound sentences) will contribute to a more polished and error-free piece.
Overall, the essay displays a strong command of grammatical structures and punctuation, earning it a band score of 7. To enhance the score, consider incorporating a greater variety of sentence structures, including more complex forms, and meticulously addressing minor grammar and punctuation errors.
Bài sửa mẫu
There is a widespread belief among individuals that public figures, such as actors or sports personalities, may encounter both advantages and challenges due to their popularity. Personally, I believe that being a well-known individual has its pros and cons, like a coin with two sides.
On the positive side, there are undeniable advantages that celebrities enjoy. Firstly, the most notable benefit is the affection and fame they receive from the public. As they gain popularity, they develop a devoted fan base unlikely to betray or criticize them, even in the face of controversies. For instance, Justin Bieber, a famous pop singer in the 2010s, faced accusations of drug use; however, his fans continued to show immense support, leading to sold-out concert tickets and high album sales. Secondly, their reputation and influence serve as a gateway to wealth. National and international brands pay these public figures substantial amounts to endorse their products, capitalizing on the considerable influence they wield.
On the downside, fame entails certain drawbacks. One significant concern for celebrities is the lack of privacy resulting from excessive attention from the media and fans. This constant scrutiny leads to individuals stalking them, jeopardizing their personal space. Jungkook of BTS, the renowned music band, is a prime example, constantly pursued by paparazzi invading his private moments during a world tour. These actions instill fear in him. Furthermore, there is always a performance pressure on famous individuals, as the fear of being replaced looms large. Celebrities must tread carefully with public sentiments, as a single mistake can tarnish their reputation or even ruin their career.
In conclusion, while being well-known may expose individuals to challenges such as a loss of privacy and immense performance pressure, it is essential to acknowledge the numerous merits that accompany fame.