big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. do you agree or disagree?

big salary is much more important than job satisfaction.
do you agree or disagree?

Most people believe that earning a high income is much more vital than happiness at work. I partly agree with this opinion. This essay will first look at the importance of high salary in daily life and benefits when we fulfillment at work.
To start with, people will have enough money to make ends meet if they are well paid. Society is growing resulting items such as sustenance, electronics, tax are more and more costly, so we must pay a lot of money to purchase them. Big remuneration helps workers to pay tuition for their children, who can enjoy classy holidays with their family. High paychecks make people’s life become comfortable then their productivity will increase at work. Furthermore, it makes it clear why it is important to highly paid workers.
Likewise, fulfillment at work influences both mental and physical on laborers, who only work productively if they feel comfortable. Additionally, they will have good decision at working project and work performance. A relax minded help workers concentrated and motivated that lead to complete assignments quickly. For instance, an interesting work environment will bond people with co-workers, leading to improved teamwork and collaboration. Indeed, it is said that job satisfaction can make people more excellent.
To sum up, people should create a satisfied environment work, which helps us energized. Then your valuable is improved that lead the management pay well paid for us.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Most people believe" -> "Many individuals contend"
Explanation: "Many individuals contend" is a more formal and precise way to introduce an opinion, aligning better with academic style by avoiding the colloquial "Most people believe."
"earning a high income is much more vital" -> "achieving a high income is significantly more crucial"
Explanation: "Achieving a high income" is more precise than "earning a high income," and "significantly more crucial" enhances the formality and emphasis over "much more vital."
"I partly agree with this opinion" -> "I partially concur with this perspective"
Explanation: "Concur" is a more formal synonym for "agree," and "perspective" is a more academic term than "opinion," enhancing the formality of the statement.
"This essay will first look at" -> "This essay will initially examine"
Explanation: "Examine" is more specific and academically appropriate than "look at," which is too informal for academic writing.
"benefits when we fulfillment at work" -> "benefits when we experience fulfillment at work"
Explanation: "Experience fulfillment" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the intended meaning, making the sentence more coherent and formal.
"people will have enough money to make ends meet" -> "individuals will have sufficient funds to meet their financial needs"
Explanation: "Individuals" and "sufficient funds" are more precise and formal than "people" and "enough money," respectively, and "meet their financial needs" is a clearer and more formal expression.
"Society is growing resulting items such as sustenance, electronics, tax are more and more costly" -> "Society’s growth has led to increasing costs for items such as sustenance, electronics, and taxes"
Explanation: This revision corrects the awkward and incorrect original phrasing, improving clarity and formality by using a more precise and grammatically correct structure.
"Big remuneration helps workers to pay tuition for their children" -> "Substantial remuneration enables workers to cover tuition fees for their children"
Explanation: "Substantial remuneration" and "cover tuition fees" are more precise and formal terms than "big remuneration" and "pay tuition," respectively.
"who can enjoy classy holidays with their family" -> "who can enjoy luxurious vacations with their families"
Explanation: "Luxurious vacations" is more specific and formal than "classy holidays," and "families" is the correct plural form.
"High paychecks make people’s life become comfortable" -> "Higher salaries contribute to a more comfortable lifestyle"
Explanation: "Higher salaries" is more precise than "High paychecks," and "contribute to a more comfortable lifestyle" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase.
"it makes it clear why it is important to highly paid workers" -> "this underscores the importance of high salaries for workers"
Explanation: "This underscores the importance" is a more formal and precise way to convey the idea, avoiding the awkward and unclear original phrasing.
"fulfillment at work influences both mental and physical on laborers" -> "job satisfaction affects both the mental and physical well-being of workers"
Explanation: "Job satisfaction" is a more specific term than "fulfillment at work," and "affects both the mental and physical well-being of workers" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"good decision at working project" -> "sound decisions in work projects"
Explanation: "Sound decisions in work projects" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal language.
"A relax minded help workers concentrated" -> "A relaxed mindset helps workers concentrate"
Explanation: "A relaxed mindset helps workers concentrate" corrects the grammatical errors and uses more formal vocabulary.
"bond people with co-workers" -> "foster camaraderie among colleagues"
Explanation: "Foster camaraderie among colleagues" is a more precise and formal expression than "bond people with co-workers."
"Indeed, it is said that job satisfaction can make people more excellent" -> "Indeed, it is argued that job satisfaction can enhance employee performance"
Explanation: "Enhance employee performance" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "make people more excellent," which is vague and informal.
"people should create a satisfied environment work" -> "individuals should create a conducive work environment"
Explanation: "Conducive work environment" is a more precise and formal term than "satisfied environment work," which is grammatically incorrect and unclear.
"Then your valuable is improved that lead the management pay well paid for us" -> "This, in turn, enhances our value, leading to higher compensation from management"
Explanation: This revision

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both high salary and job satisfaction. However, it does not fully explore the implications of the statement "big salary is much more important than job satisfaction." The phrase "I partly agree" suggests a nuanced view, but the essay fails to clearly delineate the reasons for this partial agreement. The discussion on salary is more developed than that on job satisfaction, leading to an imbalance in addressing the prompt. For example, the argument about high salaries helping with daily expenses is relevant, but the connection to job satisfaction is less clear.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should explicitly state the reasons for the partial agreement and provide a balanced discussion of both sides. It could benefit from a clearer structure that outlines the importance of salary relative to job satisfaction and includes specific examples or evidence to support each point.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position of partial agreement, but this stance is not consistently maintained throughout. The introduction states a clear position, but the body paragraphs fluctuate between discussing salary and job satisfaction without reinforcing the initial claim. For instance, the transition from discussing salary to job satisfaction lacks clarity, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to the main argument throughout the essay. Using phrases such as "While a high salary is important, job satisfaction also plays a crucial role" can help reinforce the position. Additionally, summarizing the stance in the conclusion would provide clarity and coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about salary and job satisfaction, but the development and support of these ideas are weak. For example, while it mentions that high salaries can lead to increased productivity, it does not provide sufficient evidence or examples to substantiate this claim. The discussion on job satisfaction is also vague and lacks depth, with statements like "job satisfaction can make people more excellent" being overly general and unsupported.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should provide specific examples, statistics, or studies that illustrate the benefits of both high salaries and job satisfaction. Each point should be elaborated upon to demonstrate its significance in the context of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic. For instance, the phrase "people should create a satisfied environment work" introduces a new idea that is not directly related to the prompt. Additionally, the language used is sometimes unclear, which can distract from the main argument. The essay also contains grammatical errors that may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes to the main argument regarding the importance of salary versus job satisfaction. Avoiding tangential ideas and focusing on the prompt will help maintain relevance. Proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will also enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should aim for a more balanced discussion of both salary and job satisfaction, maintain a clear and consistent position, provide specific examples to support their claims, and ensure that all content remains relevant to the prompt. Additionally, addressing grammatical issues will enhance clarity and readability.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument that acknowledges both sides of the debate regarding salary and job satisfaction. However, the organization of ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the importance of a high salary to the significance of job satisfaction lacks a clear connection, making it somewhat abrupt. The introduction states that the essay will explore both aspects, but the flow between paragraphs could be smoother. The first paragraph discusses financial needs, while the second jumps to job satisfaction without a clear linking sentence or transitional phrase.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that summarize the main point of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively. Structuring the essay to first fully explore one aspect before transitioning to the other could also improve clarity.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their effectiveness varies. The first paragraph introduces the topic and presents the writer’s stance, while the second paragraph focuses on job satisfaction. However, the paragraphs could be more distinct in their purpose. The conclusion attempts to summarize the points made but introduces new ideas that were not fully developed in the body paragraphs, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and purpose. The first paragraph should clearly outline the argument for high salaries, while the second should delve into job satisfaction. The conclusion should succinctly summarize the arguments made without introducing new concepts. Consider using a three-paragraph structure: one for the introduction, one for high salaries, one for job satisfaction, and a final paragraph for the conclusion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "To start with" and "Likewise," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some phrases are used incorrectly or awkwardly, such as "a relax minded help workers concentrated." This affects the overall fluency and coherence of the text. Additionally, the use of pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts could be improved.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "In contrast," and "As a result." Additionally, ensure that pronouns are used correctly to refer back to nouns, and consider using synonyms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "workers," you could use "employees" or "staff" to maintain variety and clarity.

By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to the topic of salary and job satisfaction. Phrases such as "high income," "make ends meet," and "big remuneration" show some range. However, the vocabulary is often repetitive and lacks sophistication. For example, the phrase "high paychecks" is used, which could be replaced with more varied terms like "substantial salaries" or "generous compensation."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "high salary," they could use "competitive remuneration," "lucrative pay," or "financial rewards." Additionally, exploring more nuanced vocabulary related to job satisfaction, such as "job fulfillment," "employee engagement," or "workplace morale," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While there are instances of appropriate vocabulary, there are also several imprecise usages that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "fulfillment at work" is somewhat vague and could be better articulated as "job satisfaction" or "workplace fulfillment." Additionally, the sentence "High paychecks make people’s life become comfortable then their productivity will increase at work" lacks clarity and precision in conveying the relationship between salary and productivity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects their intended meaning. They could revise sentences for clarity, such as changing "make people’s life become comfortable" to "enhance individuals’ quality of life." Furthermore, ensuring that phrases like "good decision at working project" are rephrased to "make sound decisions on work projects" would improve the overall precision of the language used.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that affect readability and professionalism. For instance, "sustenance" is correctly spelled, but "classy holidays" is an awkward choice and could be better expressed as "luxurious vacations." Additionally, "relax minded" should be corrected to "relaxed mindset," and "good decision at working project" should be revised for clarity and accuracy.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully or use spell-check tools before submission. Practicing spelling of commonly used academic vocabulary and maintaining a list of frequently misspelled words can also be beneficial. Engaging in writing exercises that focus on correct spelling and usage in context will further aid in improving overall spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to use varied vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences. For example, phrases like "To start with" and "Likewise" introduce ideas but do not lead to varied sentence forms. The sentence "High paychecks make people’s life become comfortable then their productivity will increase at work" is a compound sentence but lacks complexity and clarity due to the incorrect conjunction "then," which should be replaced with "and" or restructured for better flow.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "High paychecks make people’s life become comfortable," the writer could say, "Although high paychecks make people’s lives more comfortable, they do not guarantee job satisfaction." This not only adds complexity but also enhances the argument’s depth.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "Society is growing resulting items such as sustenance, electronics, tax are more and more costly" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. It should be rephrased for clarity, such as "As society grows, items such as sustenance, electronics, and taxes are becoming increasingly costly." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in lists (e.g., "sustenance, electronics, tax") and run-on sentences that affect readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper sentence construction. Practicing the use of commas in lists and after introductory phrases will enhance clarity. Additionally, revising sentences to avoid run-ons by breaking them into shorter, clearer statements will improve overall readability. For example, instead of "A relax minded help workers concentrated and motivated that lead to complete assignments quickly," it could be revised to "A relaxed mindset helps workers concentrate and stay motivated, which leads to quicker completion of assignments."

In summary, to enhance the essay’s grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on varying sentence structures and ensuring grammatical correctness through careful proofreading and revision. Engaging with more complex sentence forms and practicing punctuation rules will significantly improve the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Most people believe that earning a high income is much more vital than happiness at work. I partially agree with this opinion. This essay will first look at the importance of a high salary in daily life and the benefits when we experience fulfillment at work.

To start with, people will have enough money to make ends meet if they are well paid. Society’s growth has led to increasing costs for items such as sustenance, electronics, and taxes, so we must pay a lot of money to purchase them. Substantial remuneration helps workers to pay tuition fees for their children, who can enjoy classy holidays with their families. Higher salaries contribute to a more comfortable lifestyle, which underscores the importance of high salaries for workers.

Likewise, job satisfaction affects both the mental and physical well-being of laborers, who only work productively if they feel comfortable. Additionally, they will make sound decisions in work projects and improve their work performance. A relaxed mindset helps workers concentrate and stay motivated, which leads to completing assignments quickly. For instance, an interesting work environment will foster camaraderie among colleagues, leading to improved teamwork and collaboration. Indeed, it is argued that job satisfaction can enhance employee performance.

To sum up, individuals should create a conducive work environment, which helps us feel energized. This, in turn, enhances our value, leading to higher compensation from management.