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Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary.

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction.

Do you agree or disagree?

Provide relevant examples if necessary.

It is often argued that it is more advantageous to choose a job with high wage, even if it doesn't appeal to you at all. I completely disagree with this opinion and think that job satisfaction is much more important than salary.

First of all, I believe that job satisfaction gives people a sense of fulfillment that no money can guarantee. Even if someone is earning a high salary, but feels tensed and compromises with his conscience, this person won’t enjoy his life. While pursuing one’s interests will always bring pleasure and feeling of satisfaction. For example, a lot of famous researchers made their career choices not because of appealing wages, but because they were passionate about science. That’s why it’s more important to choose the kind of work that makes you happy than to look only at a high salary.

Secondly, doing what you like keeps you motivated and therefore leads to a career growth. In other words, there is a strong relation between job satisfaction and productivity. People who love their jobs can easily excel in their fields of work and achieve better results than those, who put salary on the first place. For instance, Henry Miller decided to leave his everyday job despite a good wage and ventured to become a writer. And after enduring years of ups and downs he became one of the most famous and well-paid authors of the twentieth century. Thus, advantages of jobs that keep you satisfied outweigh the drawback of a low salary in a long-term perspective.

To conclude, I strongly believe that job satisfaction is more beneficial than high salary because it makes people happy and motivated


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is often argued that" -> "There is a common argument that"
    Explanation: Replacing "It is often argued that" with "There is a common argument that" introduces a more formal tone by avoiding the use of the word "often" and using a phrase that is often employed in academic discourse.

  2. "job satisfaction gives people a sense of fulfillment" -> "Job satisfaction provides individuals with a sense of fulfillment"
    Explanation: Substituting "gives" with "provides" and rephrasing the sentence enhances formality and precision in conveying the idea that job satisfaction contributes to a sense of fulfillment.

  3. "money can guarantee" -> "money can ensure"
    Explanation: Replacing "guarantee" with "ensure" elevates the formality of the sentence while maintaining the meaning, creating a more refined expression.

  4. "feels tensed" -> "feels tense"
    Explanation: Changing "feels tensed" to "feels tense" corrects the grammatical error and maintains a more appropriate formal language.

  5. "pleasure and feeling of satisfaction" -> "pleasure and a sense of satisfaction"
    Explanation: Adding "a" before "feeling of satisfaction" improves grammatical correctness and contributes to a smoother flow in the sentence.

  6. "For example, a lot of famous researchers" -> "For example, many renowned researchers"
    Explanation: Substituting "a lot of" with "many" and replacing "famous" with "renowned" enhances the formality and precision of the sentence.

  7. "passionate about science" -> "passionate about their respective fields"
    Explanation: Expanding "passionate about science" to "passionate about their respective fields" adds specificity and sophistication to the sentence.

  8. "makes you happy" -> "brings you happiness"
    Explanation: Replacing "makes you happy" with "brings you happiness" adds variety to the vocabulary and maintains a formal tone.

  9. "doing what you like keeps you motivated" -> "engaging in activities you enjoy keeps you motivated"
    Explanation: Expanding "doing what you like" to "engaging in activities you enjoy" improves clarity and formality.

  10. "leads to a career growth" -> "results in career advancement"
    Explanation: Substituting "leads to" with "results in" and replacing "career growth" with "career advancement" provides a more formal and precise expression.

  11. "there is a strong relation between job satisfaction" -> "there is a significant correlation between job satisfaction"
    Explanation: Replacing "relation" with "correlation" and adding "significant" elevates the academic tone and precision in describing the connection between job satisfaction and productivity.

  12. "advantages of jobs that keep you satisfied" -> "benefits of occupations that provide satisfaction"
    Explanation: Substituting "advantages of jobs" with "benefits of occupations" and "keep you satisfied" with "provide satisfaction" maintains formality and clarity.

  13. "outweigh the drawback of a low salary" -> "outweigh the disadvantage of a lower income"
    Explanation: Replacing "drawback of a low salary" with "disadvantage of a lower income" enhances the precision and formality of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay successfully addresses all parts of the prompt. It provides a clear stance on the issue by stating that job satisfaction is more important than a high salary. The writer supports this viewpoint with relevant examples and arguments.
    • How to improve: The essay is strong in this aspect, offering a well-rounded response to the prompt. To enhance further, consider adding a concise summary statement in the conclusion, reaffirming the stance and summarizing the key points.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a consistent position throughout the essay by firmly stating and supporting the belief that job satisfaction is more important than salary. Examples such as the mention of famous researchers and Henry Miller reinforce the position.
    • How to improve: The essay excels in clarity and consistency. To further strengthen the essay, ensure that each paragraph contributes directly to supporting the central argument and that transitions between ideas are smooth.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It elaborates on the importance of job satisfaction, discussing the sense of fulfillment it brings and the correlation between job satisfaction and career growth. Specific examples, such as famous researchers and Henry Miller, are used to illustrate and support the points.
    • How to improve: Continue to provide specific examples and evidence to support arguments. Consider exploring potential counterarguments briefly and refuting them to strengthen the overall persuasive effect.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of whether job satisfaction is more important than a high salary. There are no significant deviations from the prompt.
    • How to improve: The essay maintains a good focus on the topic. To enhance coherence, ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to the overall argument and that all examples provided directly support the main thesis.

Overall Feedback: The essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt and effectively argues that job satisfaction is more important than a high salary. The ideas are well-developed, and examples are aptly used to support the points. To further improve, consider enhancing the organization and coherence of ideas, and continue to provide specific evidence to reinforce arguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization. The introduction sets the stage for the author’s disagreement with the prompt, followed by two well-structured body paragraphs presenting distinct arguments. However, there is room for improvement in the transitional flow between paragraphs. For instance, a more explicit transition between the discussion of job satisfaction and career growth could enhance coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, phrases like "Building upon this idea," or "Furthermore," can help readers follow the progression of your argument more smoothly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs clear paragraphing with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the transition between the second and third paragraphs could be more seamless. A stronger connection between the impact of job satisfaction on motivation and the overall conclusion would improve the essay’s structural coherence.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph serves a clear purpose in advancing the argument. In this case, reinforcing the link between job satisfaction, motivation, and the long-term benefits in the concluding paragraph would contribute to a more effective structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying these devices. The essay tends to rely on a few common connectors (e.g., "First of all," "Secondly," "To conclude").
    • How to improve: Expand the variety of cohesive devices to enhance the essay’s sophistication. Introduce synonyms for commonly used connectors, such as "Moreover" or "In addition." This not only prevents monotony but also adds depth to the essay’s coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid coherence and cohesion, strengthening the transitional flow between paragraphs, reinforcing paragraph connections, and diversifying cohesive devices will further elevate the organization and structural clarity of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While there are examples of varied word choices, some repetition is evident, and the vocabulary could be more diverse to enhance the overall lexical resource.
    • How to improve: Introduce more synonyms and explore alternative expressions for common words. For instance, instead of frequently using "job satisfaction," consider incorporating phrases like "professional contentment" or "occupational fulfillment" to diversify the vocabulary.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where more precise word choices could enhance clarity. For example, the phrase "feels tensed" might be improved by using "feels stressed" for a more accurate representation of the idea.
    • How to improve: Pay attention to context and choose words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Use a thesaurus to explore alternatives and select words that fit the tone and context of the essay more precisely.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate throughout the essay. However, there are a few minor errors, such as "tensed" instead of "tense." These instances do not significantly impede understanding but should be addressed for a polished final product.
    • How to improve: Proofread the essay carefully, focusing on common areas of error. Consider utilizing spelling and grammar-check tools, but be cautious and review suggested corrections to ensure accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, with room for improvement in terms of diversity and precision. The spelling is generally accurate, but careful proofreading is recommended to address minor errors. To enhance lexical resource, the writer should actively seek out synonyms and refine word choices for greater clarity and impact.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. It uses a mix of simple and complex sentences, incorporating some conditional sentences and providing examples to support the argument. However, there is room for improvement in the diversification of sentence structures. The essay tends to rely on simple sentence structures, and the complexity could be enhanced by incorporating more compound and complex sentences.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating compound sentences, using conjunctions such as "but," "while," or "however" to connect related ideas. Additionally, introduce complex sentences with subordinate clauses to add depth to the analysis. For example, in the third paragraph, you can use complex sentence structures to elaborate on the relation between job satisfaction and productivity.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, with a few instances of errors. For instance, in the first paragraph, there is a minor subject-verb agreement issue: "I completely disagree with this opinion and think that job satisfaction is much more important than salary." The correct form should be, "I completely disagree with this opinion and think that job satisfaction is much more important than a salary." Punctuation is generally accurate, but attention is needed to ensure consistency in the use of commas.
    • How to improve: Carefully proofread the essay to identify and correct subject-verb agreement issues. Pay special attention to the use of articles, ensuring proper placement. To improve punctuation consistency, review the rules for comma usage, especially in complex sentences. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to catch minor errors.

Overall, the essay exhibits a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy. With a focus on incorporating more diverse sentence structures and addressing minor grammatical issues, the essay can further enhance its overall effectiveness.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a common argument that job satisfaction provides individuals with a sense of fulfillment, while money can ensure a higher income. I completely disagree with the notion that a big salary is much more important than job satisfaction.

Firstly, I firmly believe that job satisfaction gives people a sense of fulfillment that no amount of money can guarantee. Even if someone is earning a high salary but feels tense and compromises with their conscience, this person won’t enjoy their life. Pursuing one’s interests will always bring pleasure and a feeling of satisfaction. For example, many renowned researchers made their career choices not solely for appealing wages but because they were passionate about science. That’s why it’s more important to choose the kind of work that brings you happiness rather than focusing solely on a high salary.

Secondly, engaging in activities you enjoy keeps you motivated and, therefore, results in career advancement. In other words, there is a significant correlation between job satisfaction and productivity. People who love their jobs can easily excel in their fields of work and achieve better results than those who prioritize salary. For instance, Henry Miller decided to leave his everyday job despite a good wage and ventured to become a writer. After enduring years of ups and downs, he became one of the most famous and well-paid authors of the twentieth century. Thus, the benefits of occupations that provide satisfaction outweigh the disadvantage of a lower income in the long term.

To conclude, I strongly believe that job satisfaction is more beneficial than a high salary because it makes people happy and motivated.

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