Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now ‘one big traffic jam’. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam'.
How true do you think this statement is?
What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?

The trend of owning cars has dramatically developed in the last three decades, leading to numerous cities around the world being considered as “one big traffic jam”. This essay agrees that this trend negatively impacts cities as it encourages traffic congestion, and it can be tackled by increasing fees for cars as well as encouraging public transportation.

It is true that people buying more cars causes traffic congestion to rise. The reason is that, when more cars are bought and used, a greater number of vehicles will together go on roads and streets which remain the same size as before and cause difficulty in moving. Especially when it comes to rush hours, citizens all go to work or school and return home later at the similar hours period. Therefore, traffic jams are undoubtedly created. For instance, in Vietnam, the rate of cars sold is increasing rapidly while roads and streets remain unexpanded, which leads to unavoidable congestion in the morning or late afternoon.

However, governments can take action to discourage people from buying cars by raising the fees that need to be paid for owning cars as well as encourage the use of public vehicles such as buses and trains. To begin with, the difficulty of owning a car should be increased by imposing higher taxes and prices. This is one of the most direct ways for governments that will affect the ability to afford cars for citizens. When cars get more expensive, many people will find them unaffordable while others must reconsider their wish of owning one, which makes them buy less cars. Secondly, public transportation should also be encouraged. This can be done by expanding the routes of buses and trains, since people usually find them inconvenient for their limited track of roads. By expanding routes, public vehicles will be able to reach more destinations, making it more convenient. As a result, they will be used more rather than personal vehicles.

In conclusion, while the increase of car ownership negatively influences cities by creating traffic congestion, it can be solved by governments through raising the fees to own a car as well as encouraging public transportation.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "dramatically developed" -> "significantly increased"
   Explanation: "Dramatically developed" is somewhat vague and informal. "Significantly increased" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing, conveying a clear quantitative change in the trend of car ownership.

2. "one big traffic jam" -> "a significant traffic congestion"
   Explanation: The phrase "one big traffic jam" is colloquial and imprecise. "A significant traffic congestion" is more formal and accurately describes the widespread nature of the issue.

3. "people buying more cars causes" -> "the increased number of cars purchased causes"
   Explanation: "People buying more cars" is informal and vague. "The increased number of cars purchased" is more specific and formal, improving clarity and precision.

4. "a greater number of vehicles will together go on roads and streets" -> "an increased number of vehicles will simultaneously occupy roads and streets"
   Explanation: "Will together go" is awkward and informal. "Simultaneously occupy" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.

5. "citizens all go to work or school and return home later at the similar hours period" -> "citizens commute to work or school and return home during the same hours"
   Explanation: "Citizens all go" is informal and imprecise. "Commute to work or school and return home during the same hours" is more formal and accurately describes the daily routine of citizens.

6. "unavoidable congestion" -> "inevitable congestion"
   Explanation: "Unavoidable" can imply a sense of necessity, which might not be the intended meaning. "Inevitable" better conveys the idea that congestion is a predictable outcome.

7. "raising the fees that need to be paid for owning cars" -> "increasing the fees associated with car ownership"
   Explanation: "The fees that need to be paid for owning cars" is verbose and informal. "The fees associated with car ownership" is concise and maintains a formal tone.

8. "difficulty of owning a car" -> "cost of car ownership"
   Explanation: "Difficulty of owning a car" is vague and informal. "Cost of car ownership" is specific and commonly used in academic and formal contexts.

9. "imposing higher taxes and prices" -> "imposing higher taxes and surcharges"
   Explanation: "Prices" is too broad and informal for this context. "Surcharges" specifically refers to additional fees, which is more precise and appropriate for the discussion of government policies.

10. "find them unaffordable" -> "find them unaffordable for many"
    Explanation: Adding "for many" clarifies that the unaffordability is not universal, which is important for maintaining the accuracy of the statement.

11. "buy less cars" -> "purchase fewer cars"
    Explanation: "Buy less cars" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Purchase fewer cars" is grammatically correct and maintains a formal tone.

12. "will be used more rather than personal vehicles" -> "will be used more frequently than personal vehicles"
    Explanation: "Will be used more rather than" is awkward and informal. "Will be used more frequently than" is grammatically correct and enhances the formality of the sentence.

These changes refine the vocabulary and tone of the essay to better align with academic standards, ensuring clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both parts of the prompt. It acknowledges the statement that cities are becoming "one big traffic jam" due to increased car ownership and discusses measures governments can take to discourage car use.

  • The introduction clearly states the essay’s agreement with the statement about traffic congestion resulting from increased car ownership.

  • The essay provides solutions in the form of increasing car ownership fees and promoting public transportation.

  • How to improve: While the essay covers the main points, it could improve by providing more specific examples or statistics to strengthen its arguments. For instance, citing specific cities or studies could enhance the credibility and depth of the analysis.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, consistently arguing that increased car ownership leads to traffic congestion and proposing governmental actions to mitigate this issue.

  • The thesis in the introduction clearly states agreement with the statement and outlines proposed solutions.

  • Each body paragraph reinforces this stance with coherent reasoning and examples.

  • How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph directly supports the thesis statement. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each argument back to how it contributes to understanding the impact of car ownership on traffic congestion.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: Ideas in the essay are adequately presented and developed. Each main point (impact of car ownership on traffic congestion, proposed government measures) is clearly introduced and expanded upon.

  • The essay effectively explains how increased car ownership contributes to traffic congestion.

  • Solutions (increasing car fees, promoting public transport) are elaborated with supporting arguments.

  • How to improve: To enhance idea development, consider providing more nuanced analysis or counterarguments. Exploring potential drawbacks or challenges of proposed solutions could demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the impact of increased car ownership on traffic congestion and specific government measures to discourage car use.

  • Each paragraph contributes to the discussion of either the problem or the proposed solutions.

  • There are no significant tangents or irrelevant information distracting from the central theme.

  • How to improve: Ensure that all examples and explanations directly relate to the central theme of traffic congestion and measures to discourage car use. Avoid any information that may seem tangential or unrelated to the prompt.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt with a clear stance, well-developed ideas, and a coherent structure. To improve further, the essay could benefit from more specific examples or data to bolster its arguments and a deeper exploration of potential counterarguments. These adjustments could enhance the overall depth and persuasiveness of the essay, potentially raising the score to a higher band level.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure. It begins with an introduction that paraphrases the prompt and states the author’s stance. Each body paragraph addresses a separate aspect of the issue: the impact of car ownership on traffic congestion and the measures governments can take to discourage car usage. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking words between sentences and paragraphs (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition to this," "Consequently"). This would help to better connect ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph contains a topic sentence that introduces its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples.
  • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph maintains a consistent focus on its main idea throughout. Consider varying the lengths of paragraphs slightly to avoid monotony and to provide emphasis where needed, particularly in elaborating on examples.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices such as pronouns ("this trend," "these measures"), transitional phrases ("It is true that," "However," "To begin with," "In conclusion"), and lexical cohesion ("traffic congestion," "public transportation"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay by linking ideas across sentences and paragraphs.
  • How to improve: To further diversify cohesive devices, incorporate more sophisticated connectors such as contrast markers ("On the contrary," "Nevertheless") and causative connectors ("As a result," "Therefore"). This would strengthen the logical progression of arguments and enhance coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a competent level of coherence and cohesion with a clear structure and effective paragraphing, improving the use of explicit linking words and diversifying cohesive devices could elevate the essay’s coherence to a higher band score. These refinements would help ensure that ideas are more tightly connected and the essay flows seamlessly from one point to the next.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. It includes terms such as "traffic congestion," "public transportation," "imposing higher taxes," and "expanding routes," which effectively address the essay prompt. However, there is limited use of more sophisticated or nuanced vocabulary that could enhance the depth of analysis and expression.
  • How to improve: To improve, consider integrating more diverse vocabulary that not only meets the essay requirements but also enriches the discussion. For example, instead of repetitive phrases like "raising the fees," explore synonyms or related terms such as "levying tariffs" or "implementing surcharges." This will demonstrate a more precise and varied lexical resource, potentially elevating the essay’s sophistication.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: Vocabulary usage in the essay generally conveys the intended meaning, but there are instances where clarity and precision could be improved. For instance, phrases like "make them buy less cars" could be more precisely expressed as "reduce car purchases" or "discourage car acquisition." On the positive side, terms like "traffic congestion" and "public transportation" are used appropriately to address the topic.
  • How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that conveys the exact meaning intended without ambiguity. Review each phrase to ensure it accurately reflects the writer’s intent. This can be achieved through careful selection of words and phrases during the drafting and editing process. Additionally, consider using a thesaurus to explore synonyms that might provide clearer and more nuanced expressions where needed.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally acceptable, with no major spelling errors noted throughout the essay. Common words and technical terms related to the topic are spelled correctly, contributing to clear communication.
  • How to improve: To maintain and enhance spelling accuracy, continue practicing proofreading techniques to catch any potential errors. Utilize spell-check tools during the editing phase to ensure consistent correctness. Developing a habit of reviewing spelling while drafting essays will further solidify accuracy in future compositions.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt with a clear stance and relevant content, enhancing lexical variety and precision could elevate the quality of expression and potentially lead to a higher band score. Continuing to expand vocabulary through reading and deliberate practice, alongside refining spelling skills, will support further improvement in future writing endeavors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences (e.g., "It is true that…"), conditional sentences ("when more cars are bought and used"), and compound sentences ("especially when it comes to rush hours…"). These structures contribute to clarity and coherence in presenting ideas.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence types like passive constructions ("are sold," "are increased"), participial phrases ("encouraging traffic congestion"), and relative clauses ("which leads to unavoidable congestion"). This will add depth and sophistication to the essay’s syntax.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, with correct subject-verb agreement ("a greater number of vehicles will…"), appropriate use of articles ("the difficulty of owning a car"), and coherent use of punctuation (commas for clarity in lists and clauses). However, there are some instances where sentence structure could be more refined for clarity and precision.
  • How to improve: Focus on refining sentence structure to avoid occasional awkward phrasing ("when cars get more expensive, many people will find them unaffordable while others must reconsider their wish of owning one"). Simplify complex ideas into clearer, more concise sentences. Ensure consistent use of punctuation marks, particularly commas and periods, to enhance readability and coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a competent range of sentence structures suitable for an IELTS Band 7. To improve further, continue practicing varied sentence construction and meticulous grammar application to achieve higher band scores.

Bài sửa mẫu

The trend of car ownership has significantly increased over the past thirty years, resulting in many cities worldwide being plagued by significant traffic congestion, earning them the reputation of being “one big traffic jam”. This essay agrees with this assessment, highlighting that the surge in car ownership contributes directly to increased traffic congestion in urban areas, especially during peak hours when citizens commute to work or school and return home within the same timeframe.

The primary reason for this congestion is the increased number of cars purchased, which causes a greater number of vehicles to simultaneously occupy roads and streets that have remained the same size. For instance, in countries like Vietnam, where car sales have skyrocketed but infrastructure expansion has not kept pace, inevitable congestion occurs during morning and late afternoon rush hours.

Governments can play a crucial role in alleviating this issue by implementing measures to discourage private car usage. Firstly, they can increase the cost of car ownership by imposing higher taxes and surcharges. This strategy directly affects the affordability of cars, making them less accessible to many potential buyers and prompting others to reconsider their decision to purchase a vehicle. Consequently, fewer cars are bought, easing the strain on urban traffic.

Secondly, governments should actively promote the use of public transportation options such as buses and trains. This can be achieved by expanding the routes and accessibility of public transport networks. By extending these services to cover more areas and destinations, public transportation becomes a more viable and attractive alternative to private vehicles. As a result, more people are likely to opt for public transport, thereby reducing the overall number of cars on the roads.

In conclusion, while the rapid increase in car ownership has indeed led to significant traffic congestion in many cities globally, effective measures such as increasing the fees associated with car ownership and enhancing public transportation infrastructure can mitigate these challenges. By implementing these strategies, governments can foster sustainable urban mobility and improve the quality of life for city dwellers.