Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

In recent years, people believe that children are less active in their leisure time than previous generations. This trend raises concern about their fitness and healthy, leading to arguments that sport should be made mandatory in school. I completely agree with this view and I will give my own opinion in this essay.
Many parents think that learning sport lessons are a waste of time. Children should spend all their time to prepare for exams and instead of studying physical activities, they want their children to spend that time on supplementary classes or Olympic competitions. In my opinion that they have an incorrect view of the benefit of studying sports. Children need sport lessons to recharge their batteries after a long and stress studying, and it can help children more creative in their mindset.
Furthermore, the mandatory sport lesson can help solve the problem of sedentary lifestyle. Many children today spend a significant amount of time in front of a television screen, computer or playing video games. Therefore, children are encouraged to participate in physical activities that can improve their fitness level. For example, children who participating in sport lessons regularly can reduce all kind of harmful diseases such as obesity, diabetes, other health related problem.
In addition, sport lesson provide valuable social skills. In particular, team sport can teach children about teamwork, communication or cooperation. These skills are essential in many different aspect of life, including in the future workplace. For example, children who learn to work together on a team in school are likely to carry those cooperative skills or communication skills into adulthood.
To sum up, mandatory sport teaching in school is a positive step to encourage children more active. It not only enhances physical health but also fosters social skills and teamwork. With the right approach, schools can create an environment where every children can benefit from participating in sport.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "people believe" -> "it is widely believed"
   Explanation: "It is widely believed" is a more formal and precise way to express a general opinion or belief, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

2. "less active in their leisure time" -> "less physically active during leisure hours"
   Explanation: "Physically active during leisure hours" is more specific and precise, focusing on the physical aspect of activity, which is more relevant to the context of health and fitness.

3. "This trend raises concern about their fitness and healthy" -> "This trend raises concerns about their fitness and health"
   Explanation: Correcting "healthy" to "health" fixes a grammatical error, and using "concerns" instead of "concern" pluralizes the noun to match the plural subject "trend," improving grammatical accuracy.

4. "sport should be made mandatory" -> "sports education should be mandatory"
   Explanation: "Sports education" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "sport," which is more general and informal. It also clarifies that the focus is on the educational aspect of sports.

5. "I completely agree with this view" -> "I strongly concur with this perspective"
   Explanation: "Strongly concur" is a more formal expression than "completely agree," and "perspective" is a more academic term than "view," enhancing the formality of the statement.

6. "Many parents think that learning sport lessons are a waste of time" -> "Many parents believe that sports education is a waste of time"
   Explanation: "Believe" is more formal than "think," and "sports education" is a more precise term than "learning sport lessons," which is awkwardly phrased.

7. "Children should spend all their time to prepare for exams" -> "Children should dedicate all their time to preparing for exams"
   Explanation: "Dedicate" is a more formal verb than "spend," and "preparing" is grammatically correct compared to "prepare for," which is awkwardly phrased.

8. "instead of studying physical activities" -> "instead of engaging in physical activities"
   Explanation: "Engaging in" is a more precise and formal way to describe participation in activities, fitting better in an academic context.

9. "In my opinion that they have an incorrect view" -> "I contend that they hold an incorrect view"
   Explanation: "I contend" is a stronger, more formal expression than "In my opinion," and "hold" is more appropriate than "have" in this context, referring to the possession of an opinion.

10. "Children need sport lessons to recharge their batteries" -> "Children require sports education to replenish their energy"
    Explanation: "Require" and "replenish" are more formal and precise than "need" and "recharge," and "sports education" is a more formal term than "sport lessons."

11. "can help children more creative in their mindset" -> "can enhance children’s creativity in their mindset"
    Explanation: "Enhance" is a more precise verb than "help," and "children’s creativity" is grammatically correct and more formal than "children more creative," which is awkwardly phrased.

12. "reduce all kind of harmful diseases" -> "reduce various types of harmful diseases"
    Explanation: "Various types of" is a more precise and formal way to describe the diversity of diseases, improving clarity and formality.

13. "other health related problem" -> "other health-related problems"
    Explanation: Adding the hyphen to "health-related" corrects the grammatical structure, and using "problems" pluralizes the noun to match the plural context.

14. "sport lesson provide" -> "sports education provides"
    Explanation: "Sports education" is a more formal and specific term than "sport lesson," and "provides" agrees with the singular subject "sports education," enhancing grammatical correctness.

15. "children who participating in sport lessons" -> "children who participate in sports education"
    Explanation: "Participate" is the correct form of the verb, and "sports education" is more formal and specific than "sport lessons."

16. "all kind of" -> "all kinds of"
    Explanation: "All kinds of" is the correct idiomatic expression, improving the grammatical accuracy of the sentence.

17. "other health related problem" -> "other health-related problems"
    Explanation: Correcting the hyphenation and pluralizing "problems" to match the plural context improves grammatical accuracy and formality.

18. "every children" -> "every child"
    Explanation: "Every child" is grammatically correct and more precise than "every children," which is incorrect in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the necessity of making sports lessons compulsory in schools due to children’s declining activity levels. The introduction clearly states the writer’s agreement with the statement, and the body paragraphs provide relevant arguments supporting this stance. The essay discusses the benefits of sports lessons, such as improving physical health and fostering social skills, which directly relate to the prompt.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include a brief acknowledgment of opposing views, such as the argument that academic subjects should take precedence over physical education. This would demonstrate a more balanced consideration of the topic and strengthen the overall argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The position of the writer is clear and consistent throughout the essay. The writer explicitly states their agreement with the necessity of compulsory sports lessons and reinforces this view in each paragraph. For instance, the assertion that sports lessons help children recharge and improve creativity is well articulated.
  • How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could benefit from a more explicit reiteration of this stance in the conclusion. A stronger concluding sentence that summarizes the main arguments and reinforces the position would enhance clarity and impact.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the health benefits of sports and the development of social skills. Each point is supported by examples, such as the mention of children reducing the risk of obesity and diabetes through regular participation in sports. However, some ideas could be extended further for depth.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples or statistics to support claims, such as citing studies that link physical activity to improved academic performance or mental health. This would add credibility and depth to the arguments presented.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of compulsory sports lessons and their benefits. However, there are minor deviations, such as the mention of parents’ views on sports lessons, which, while relevant, could be more succinctly tied back to the main argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports the argument for compulsory sports lessons. Streamlining the discussion about parental views and linking it more explicitly to the overall argument would enhance coherence and relevance.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggested improvements, the writer can further elevate the quality of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of mandatory sports lessons in schools, structured around several key points. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, such as the benefits of sports for physical health, creativity, and social skills. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition from discussing parental views to the benefits of sports could be smoother. The introduction sets the stage well, but the connection between paragraphs sometimes feels abrupt, which can disrupt the reader’s understanding of how ideas relate to one another.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases (e.g., "Moreover," "In addition," "Conversely") at the beginning of paragraphs can help guide the reader through the argument more fluidly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct point related to the argument. However, some paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. For example, the paragraph discussing the benefits of sports for creativity is shorter and less developed than others, which could lead to an imbalance in the essay’s overall argument.
  • How to improve: Aim for a more uniform paragraph structure by ensuring that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. This will not only improve readability but also strengthen the overall argument. Additionally, consider expanding on points that are underdeveloped to provide a more comprehensive discussion.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "for example," "in addition," and "to sum up." These devices help to connect ideas and provide clarity. However, the essay relies heavily on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For instance, the phrase "sport lesson" is used multiple times without variation, which detracts from the overall cohesion of the text.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms or related phrases (e.g., "physical education classes," "athletic training") to avoid repetition. Additionally, varying the types of cohesive devices used (e.g., conjunctions, adverbial phrases) can enhance the flow of the essay. Practice incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the overall cohesion of your writing.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a stronger overall argument and a potentially higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "mandatory," "sedentary lifestyle," and "teamwork." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive. For instance, the phrase "sport lessons" is used multiple times without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical diversity. Additionally, phrases like "recharge their batteries" and "benefit of studying sports" are somewhat informal and could be replaced with more academic expressions.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or alternative phrases. For example, instead of repeating "sport lessons," you could use "physical education classes" or "athletic training." Incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to health and education, such as "physical activity," "well-being," and "curriculum," would also strengthen the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "incorrect view of the benefit of studying sports" could be more clearly articulated as "misconception regarding the benefits of physical education." Additionally, the term "stress studying" is awkwardly phrased and could be better expressed as "stressful study routines." The use of "participating in sport lessons" is also incorrect; it should be "participating in sports lessons."
  • How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in vocabulary. Review each sentence to ensure that the words chosen accurately convey the intended meaning. Utilize resources like thesauruses or academic vocabulary lists to find more precise terms. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity can also help in this area.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "healthy" (should be "health"), "stress studying" (should be "stressful studying"), and "every children" (should be "every child"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall quality of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Consider using spell-check tools or writing software that highlights spelling mistakes. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and engaging in spelling exercises can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and improving spelling accuracy—the overall quality of the essay can be significantly improved, potentially leading to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For example, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "This trend raises concern about their fitness and healthy," and "In my opinion that they have an incorrect view of the benefit of studying sports." However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and incomplete structures, such as "In my opinion that they have an incorrect view," which should be "In my opinion, they have an incorrect view." The essay primarily relies on simple and compound sentences, which limits the overall complexity and variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences and varied sentence beginnings. For instance, using introductory clauses or phrases can add depth, such as "While many parents believe that…" or "Despite the belief that sports lessons are a waste of time, they serve a crucial role in children’s development." Additionally, varying the length and type of sentences can create a more engaging rhythm in the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, "sport should be made mandatory in school" should be "sports should be made mandatory in schools." The phrase "leading to arguments that sport should be made mandatory in school" lacks clarity and could be rephrased for better understanding. Punctuation errors are also present, such as missing commas in "In my opinion that they have an incorrect view" and "To sum up, mandatory sport teaching in school is a positive step to encourage children more active," where "children more active" should be "children to be more active."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage. Practicing sentence restructuring can also help clarify meaning. For punctuation, the writer should focus on using commas correctly, especially in complex sentences and before conjunctions. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for revisions that enhance clarity and coherence.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and relevant examples, addressing these grammatical and structural issues will significantly improve the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, it is widely believed that children are less physically active during their leisure hours compared to previous generations. This trend raises concerns about their fitness and health, leading to arguments that sports education should be made compulsory in schools. I strongly concur with this perspective and will present my views in this essay.

Many parents believe that sports education is a waste of time. They argue that children should dedicate all their time to preparing for exams, and instead of engaging in physical activities, they prefer their children to focus on supplementary classes or Olympic competitions. I contend that they hold an incorrect view regarding the benefits of sports education. Children require sports lessons to replenish their energy after long and stressful study sessions, and participation in sports can enhance children’s creativity in their mindset.

Furthermore, mandatory sports education can help address the issue of a sedentary lifestyle. Many children today spend a significant amount of time in front of a television screen, on computers, or playing video games. Therefore, it is crucial to encourage children to participate in physical activities that can improve their fitness levels. For example, children who participate in sports education regularly can reduce various types of harmful diseases such as obesity, diabetes, and other health-related problems.

In addition, sports education provides valuable social skills. In particular, team sports can teach children about teamwork, communication, and cooperation. These skills are essential in many different aspects of life, including future workplaces. For instance, children who learn to work together in a team at school are likely to carry those cooperative and communication skills into adulthood.

To sum up, making sports education mandatory in schools is a positive step towards encouraging children to be more active. It not only enhances physical health but also fosters social skills and teamwork. With the right approach, schools can create an environment where every child can benefit from participating in sports.