Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both views and give your opion.

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important.
Discuss both views and give your opion.

In daily life, an increasing number of people have driven offences. Some people like to strict punishments who dirived offences are made reduce traffice accidents. The opposite opinion is that other solutions can be more effective in improving road safety. In my point of view, effective in improving road safety.
On one of hand, if some person driving offences, they would have an accident. When have been one in some tyle may be have an police and law. Many case is that spending a lot of money. Strict punishments for driving offences is have never stop or range this issue. In some documents in the internet, in the world the number of people was die increase every years (its approxide 8000) die because driving offences. For example, I had car crashes, I went to school, the person who not went correct line and then he made me breaken my leg, he went continue and not strict punishments.
In the other hand, some ones belive that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Vietnam have rules a lot I rememable. Some rule: for instance, if you drink wine and then you will be give a fine a lot of money. Or you driving too fast and then you would make a case report.
In conclusion, in the world have a lot of driving offences and have a lot strict punishments, but I think in now life have more and more effective in improving road safety is stronger than the other one.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In daily life, an increasing number of people have driven offences." -> "In daily life, an increasing number of individuals commit traffic offenses."
   Explanation: "Have driven offences" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Commit traffic offenses" is the correct term and is more precise and formal.

2. "Some people like to strict punishments who dirived offences are made reduce traffice accidents." -> "Some individuals advocate for stricter punishments for those who commit traffic offenses to reduce accidents."
   Explanation: "Like to strict punishments" is awkward and incorrect. "Advocate for stricter punishments" is more formal and appropriate. "Dirived" is a typo and should be "commit." "Traffice" is a typo and should be "traffic."

3. "The opposite opinion is that other solutions can be more effective in improving road safety." -> "The opposing view is that alternative solutions may be more effective in enhancing road safety."
   Explanation: "The opposite opinion" is somewhat informal and vague. "The opposing view" is more precise and formal. "Can be" is replaced with "may be" to indicate possibility, which is more appropriate in academic writing.

4. "In my point of view, effective in improving road safety." -> "From my perspective, effective measures for improving road safety."
   Explanation: "In my point of view" is informal and vague. "From my perspective" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. "Effective in improving road safety" is grammatically incomplete; "effective measures for improving road safety" provides a complete and clear phrase.

5. "On one of hand" -> "On one hand"
   Explanation: "On one of hand" is grammatically incorrect. "On one hand" is the correct phrase.

6. "if some person driving offences" -> "if individuals commit offenses"
   Explanation: "Some person driving offences" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Individuals commit offenses" is grammatically correct and more formal.

7. "When have been one in some tyle may be have an police and law." -> "When an individual is involved in an accident, they may face police and legal action."
   Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised version clarifies the meaning and is grammatically correct.

8. "Many case is that spending a lot of money." -> "Many cases involve significant financial costs."
   Explanation: "Many case is that spending a lot of money" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Many cases involve significant financial costs" is grammatically correct and clearer.

9. "Strict punishments for driving offences is have never stop or range this issue." -> "Strict punishments for driving offenses have not stopped or addressed this issue."
   Explanation: "Is have never stop or range this issue" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Have not stopped or addressed this issue" is grammatically correct and clearer.

10. "In some documents in the internet" -> "In various online documents"
    Explanation: "In some documents in the internet" is awkward and informal. "In various online documents" is more precise and formal.

11. "the number of people was die increase every years" -> "the number of fatalities increases annually"
    Explanation: "The number of people was die increase every years" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "The number of fatalities increases annually" is grammatically correct and more formal.

12. "I had car crashes" -> "I experienced a car accident"
    Explanation: "I had car crashes" is informal and imprecise. "I experienced a car accident" is more formal and specific.

13. "the person who not went correct line" -> "the driver who did not follow the correct lane"
    Explanation: "The person who not went correct line" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "The driver who did not follow the correct lane" is grammatically correct and clearer.

14. "he made me breaken my leg" -> "he broke my leg"
    Explanation: "Breaken" is a typo and should be "broke." This simplifies the sentence without losing meaning.

15. "he went continue and not strict punishments" -> "he continued and did not receive strict punishments"
    Explanation: "He went continue and not strict punishments" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "He continued and did not receive strict punishments" is grammatically correct and clearer.

16. "some ones belive" -> "some believe"
    Explanation: "Some ones" is grammatically incorrect. "Some believe" is the correct form.

17. "Vietnam have rules a lot I rememable" -> "Vietnam has many rules that I remember"
    Explanation: "Vietnam have rules a lot I rememable" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Vietnam has many rules that I remember" is grammatically correct and clearer.

18. "if you drink wine and then you will be give a fine a lot of money" -> "if you drink and drive, you will be fined heavily"
    Explanation: "If you drink wine and then you will be give a fine a lot of money" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "If you drink and drive, you will be fined heavily" is clearer and more formal.

19. "Or you driving too fast and then you would make a case report" -> "Or driving too fast, you would be required to file a report"
    Explanation: "Or you driving too fast and then you would make a case report" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Or driving too fast, you would be required to file a report" is grammatically correct and clearer.

20. "in the world have a lot of driving offences" -> "there are numerous driving offenses worldwide"
    Explanation: "In the world have a lot of driving offences" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "There are numerous driving offenses worldwide" is grammatically correct and more formal.

These changes aim to enhance the clarity, grammatical accuracy, and formality of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 3

Band Score for Task Response: 3

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay does not adequately address the prompt, which asks for a discussion of both views regarding the importance of university education versus experience and soft skills. Instead, the essay focuses on driving offenses and road safety, which is entirely off-topic. There is no mention of university education or the contrasting perspectives outlined in the prompt.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should carefully read and understand the prompt before starting the essay. They should outline the key points related to both views—university education and the importance of experience and soft skills—before writing. Including specific examples and arguments for each perspective will help fulfill this requirement.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear position regarding the topic. While the writer attempts to express their opinion at the end, it is vague and does not clearly align with the prompt. The phrase "effective in improving road safety" appears disconnected from the main argument, leading to confusion about the writer’s stance.
  • How to improve: The writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. This can be done by using clear topic sentences for each paragraph that reflect the writer’s viewpoint and ensuring that all arguments support this position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped and lack coherence. The examples provided, such as personal experiences with car crashes, do not relate to the prompt and fail to support any argument regarding university education or soft skills. Additionally, the reasoning is often unclear and poorly structured.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should focus on developing each argument with clear examples and explanations. Each paragraph should ideally start with a topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples that are relevant to the prompt. Using logical connectors can also help in extending ideas more effectively.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay deviates significantly from the topic, discussing driving offenses instead of the importance of university education versus experience and soft skills. This lack of focus results in a failure to engage with the prompt meaningfully.
  • How to improve: To maintain topic relevance, the writer should consistently refer back to the prompt while writing. Creating an outline based on the prompt can help ensure that all points discussed are pertinent to the question. Regularly checking if each paragraph contributes to answering the prompt will help keep the essay on track.

In summary, the essay needs significant revisions to address the prompt effectively, present a clear position, develop ideas coherently, and stay focused on the topic. By following the suggestions provided, the writer can improve their Task Response score in future essays.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents two opposing views regarding driving offenses and road safety, but the organization is weak. The introduction is unclear and does not effectively set up the discussion. For instance, the statement "In my point of view, effective in improving road safety" lacks clarity and fails to introduce the main argument. The body paragraphs do not follow a clear structure; ideas are jumbled and do not flow logically from one to the next. For example, the transition from discussing strict punishments to personal experience is abrupt and confusing.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, start with a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points to be discussed. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to indicate what that paragraph will cover. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, possibly using linking phrases such as "On one hand," "Conversely," or "In addition."

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but they are poorly structured. The first paragraph mixes ideas about punishments and personal anecdotes without clear separation. The second paragraph introduces the opposing view but lacks a clear topic sentence. This makes it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. Additionally, the conclusion does not effectively summarize the key points discussed.
  • How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single idea or argument. Start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples. For instance, the first paragraph could focus solely on the argument for strict punishments, while the second could discuss alternative measures. Ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main arguments presented in the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which hampers the overall coherence. Phrases like "In the other hand" and "for instance" are used, but they are often incorrectly applied or insufficiently varied. The lack of cohesive devices makes it challenging to follow the progression of ideas. For example, the phrase "In daily life" at the beginning does not connect well to the subsequent sentences about driving offenses.
  • How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "However," and "As a result." These can help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used correctly and in context to enhance clarity.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score, focus on organizing ideas logically, structuring paragraphs effectively, and using a variety of cohesive devices to connect thoughts. This will significantly improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 4

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary. Phrases like "driving offences," "strict punishments," and "improving road safety" are repeated without variation. Additionally, terms such as "some person" and "some ones" are vague and lack specificity. The use of "effective in improving road safety" is also repetitive and does not showcase a diverse vocabulary.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "strict punishments," alternatives like "severe penalties" or "harsh consequences" could be used. Additionally, employing more descriptive adjectives and adverbs could enrich the text. For example, instead of "a lot of money," consider "a significant amount of money."

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. Phrases such as "who dirived offences" and "when have been one in some tyle" are unclear and grammatically incorrect. The term "rememable" is not standard English and does not convey a clear meaning. Moreover, the phrase "the person who not went correct line" is awkward and lacks clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For example, instead of "who not went correct line," a more precise phrase would be "who did not stay in their lane." Additionally, using a thesaurus to find more appropriate words can help clarify meaning. Regular practice in writing and revising sentences for clarity can also be beneficial.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous spelling errors, such as "traffice" (traffic), "approxide" (approximately), "breaken" (broken), and "belive" (believe). These errors detract from the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, perhaps through online exercises or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay after writing can help catch and correct spelling mistakes. Using spell-check tools in word processors can also assist in identifying errors before submission.

By addressing these areas—vocabulary range, precision, and spelling—the writer can significantly improve their Lexical Resource score in future essays. Regular reading and writing practice, along with targeted vocabulary exercises, will also contribute to overall language development.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited variety in sentence structures. Many sentences are simple and lack complexity, which reduces the overall effectiveness of the argument. For instance, phrases like "In my point of view, effective in improving road safety" and "In the other hand, some ones believe that other measures would be more effective" are not only awkward but also indicate a reliance on basic sentence forms. The use of conjunctions and relative clauses is minimal, which constrains the expression of more nuanced ideas.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences, such as those using subordinate clauses (e.g., "Although strict punishments are common, they may not be the most effective solution"). Additionally, varying sentence beginnings and using different grammatical forms (e.g., gerunds, infinitives) can add depth to the writing. Engaging with resources that focus on advanced grammar structures can also be beneficial.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that hinder clarity. For example, "who dirived offences are made reduce traffice accidents" is grammatically incorrect and confusing. The misuse of articles (e.g., "the world have a lot of driving offences") and subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "Many case is that spending a lot of money") are prevalent. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas and periods, contribute to run-on sentences and fragmented thoughts, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on understanding subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Practicing sentence construction and reviewing common grammatical rules can help. Furthermore, proofreading for punctuation errors before submission is essential. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also provide insights into persistent errors and areas for improvement.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant topic and attempts to discuss both sides, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Regular practice and targeted learning in these areas will be crucial for development.

Bài sửa mẫu

In daily life, an increasing number of people commit traffic offenses. Some individuals advocate for stricter punishments for those who commit these offenses to reduce traffic accidents. The opposing view is that alternative solutions may be more effective in enhancing road safety. From my perspective, effective measures for improving road safety are essential.

On one hand, if individuals commit traffic offenses, they may be involved in accidents. When an individual is involved in an accident, they may face police and legal action. Many cases involve significant financial costs. Strict punishments for driving offenses have not stopped or addressed this issue. In various online documents, it is reported that the number of fatalities increases annually, with approximately 8,000 deaths attributed to driving offenses worldwide. For example, I experienced a car accident while going to school; the driver who did not follow the correct lane caused me to break my leg. He continued driving and did not receive strict punishments.

On the other hand, some believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Vietnam has many rules that I remember. For instance, if you drink and drive, you will face heavy fines. Additionally, if you drive too fast, you would be required to file a report.

In conclusion, while there are many driving offenses and strict punishments in place, I believe that there are more effective measures for improving road safety that should be prioritized.