Computers are becoming an essential part of school lessons. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, computing machines are becoming vital devices for education in schools. Despite the beliefs of its benefits, it may cause many problems. This essay will discuss both negative and positive aspects and give my outlook.

On the one hand, computers have many strengths that help pupils to study at school. These digital devices allow students to search for broader knowledge about lessons and then relate it to what they have learned. Another advantage is that teachers can open small competitions to test students’ levels or review what they have studied. For instance, teachers use apps such as Quizziz or Kahoot to make competitions, then pupils can join it. As a result, instructors can assess learners.

On the other hand, digital devices have weaknesses when students use them at school. The most important one is that it is not easy to manage students using computers. For example, pupils can play games, watch movies, or chat together on their devices. Therefore, they don’t focus on the lesson that teachers are teaching. Another disadvantage is the students' health when they use it for too long. it can lead to their myopic and physical health. That is the reason why many schools do not want pupils to use personal computers.

Although computing machines have both pros and cons, I strongly believe that students can use computers at the academy with the teachers' management. The schools should have rules of time and activities that pupils can use this device and pupils must comply with them.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"computing machines" -> "computers"
Explanation: "Computing machines" is an overly formal and somewhat archaic term. "Computers" is the standard, more contemporary term used in academic and educational contexts.
"beliefs of its benefits" -> "perceptions of its benefits"
Explanation: "Beliefs" can imply a personal or subjective perspective, whereas "perceptions" is more neutral and appropriate for an academic discussion of general attitudes.
"give my outlook" -> "express my perspective"
Explanation: "Express my perspective" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "give my outlook," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"These digital devices" -> "These devices"
Explanation: The adjective "digital" is implied by the context of computers, so it is redundant and can be removed for clarity and conciseness.
"search for broader knowledge" -> "access a broader range of information"
Explanation: "Access a broader range of information" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better than the more casual "search for broader knowledge."
"relate it to what they have learned" -> "connect it to their prior learning"
Explanation: "Connect it to their prior learning" is more specific and academically precise than the more general "relate it to what they have learned."
"open small competitions" -> "organize small competitions"
Explanation: "Organize" is a more formal and precise verb than "open" in this context, which is more commonly used for opening physical spaces.
"test students’ levels" -> "assess students’ proficiency"
Explanation: "Assess students’ proficiency" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "test students’ levels," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"join it" -> "participate in it"
Explanation: "Participate in it" is more formal and specific than "join it," which is too casual for academic writing.
"instructors can assess learners" -> "instructors can evaluate student performance"
Explanation: "Evaluate student performance" is a more specific and formal way to describe the assessment process than the more general "assess learners."
"digital devices have weaknesses" -> "the use of digital devices has drawbacks"
Explanation: "The use of digital devices has drawbacks" is more precise and formal, focusing on the action rather than the devices themselves.
"it is not easy to manage" -> "it is challenging to manage"
Explanation: "It is challenging to manage" is a more formal and precise expression than "it is not easy to manage," which is somewhat colloquial.
"pupils can play games, watch movies, or chat together" -> "pupils may engage in gaming, watching movies, or chatting"
Explanation: "May engage in" suggests possibility and potential misuse, which is more appropriate than the definitive "can," and "gaming" is a more formal term than "play games."
"don’t focus on the lesson" -> "fail to focus on the lesson"
Explanation: "Fail to focus" is a more formal and precise way to describe the lack of attention, compared to the contraction "don’t."
"it can lead to their myopic and physical health" -> "it may contribute to myopia and physical health issues"
Explanation: "May contribute to" is a more cautious and academically appropriate phrase than "can lead to," and "myopia and physical health issues" is a more precise and formal way to describe the potential health effects.
"computing machines have both pros and cons" -> "the use of computers has both advantages and disadvantages"
Explanation: "The use of computers has both advantages and disadvantages" is a more formal and specific way to discuss the benefits and drawbacks of computers in an educational context.
"students can use computers at the academy with the teachers’ management" -> "students can utilize computers in the classroom under teacher supervision"
Explanation: "Utilize computers in the classroom under teacher supervision" is more specific and formal, emphasizing the controlled environment and teacher involvement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of using computers in school lessons. The author presents clear points for each side, such as the ability to access broader knowledge and the potential for distraction. However, the discussion could be more balanced; the advantages section is slightly more developed than the disadvantages, which could lead to an impression of bias.
- How to improve: To enhance the balance, the author should aim to provide equal depth in discussing both advantages and disadvantages. This could involve adding more examples or elaborating on the disadvantages, such as discussing long-term impacts on learning or social skills.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author states a clear opinion in the conclusion, advocating for the use of computers with proper management. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For instance, while the advantages are discussed, the connection to the author’s opinion is not explicitly stated until the conclusion, which may confuse readers about the overall stance during the discussion.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should integrate their opinion more explicitly within the body paragraphs. For example, after discussing an advantage, they could briefly mention how this supports their overall belief in the necessity of computers in education, despite the drawbacks.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of competitions and the drawbacks of distractions. However, some points lack sufficient development. For example, the mention of health issues related to prolonged computer use is introduced but not fully explored or supported with examples or statistics.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the author should aim to elaborate on each point with more detail and examples. Including specific studies or statistics about health impacts or educational outcomes could provide stronger support for the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the role of computers in education. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper. For instance, the mention of "many schools do not want pupils to use personal computers" could be better tied back to the main discussion about the advantages and disadvantages.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the prompt. This could involve rephrasing or expanding on ideas to explicitly connect them to the advantages or disadvantages of using computers in education, ensuring that every sentence contributes to the overall argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, addressing the areas for improvement could elevate the score further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized into two distinct sections: one discussing the advantages of computers in education and the other addressing the disadvantages. This logical separation helps the reader follow the argument. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt. For instance, the phrase "On the other hand" is effective, but a more explicit transition could enhance the flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that not only indicate a shift in perspective but also summarize the previous point. For example, after discussing the advantages, a sentence like "While these benefits are significant, there are also notable drawbacks that must be considered" could provide a clearer connection between the two sections.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction, advantages, disadvantages, and conclusion are clearly delineated. However, the body paragraphs could benefit from more internal organization. For instance, the second body paragraph discussing disadvantages presents two points, but they could be more clearly separated with topic sentences or clearer transitions between the two ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraph structure, start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. In the disadvantages paragraph, for example, a topic sentence could be: "Despite the advantages, the use of computers in schools presents significant challenges." This would help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand," "on the other hand," and "for instance." These devices help to connect ideas and provide examples. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "that is the reason why" is somewhat informal and could be replaced with a more academic transition.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "another advantage" and "another disadvantage," consider using "in addition" or "furthermore" for advantages and "conversely" or "in contrast" for disadvantages. Additionally, ensure that all cohesive devices are used appropriately and enhance the clarity of the argument rather than detract from it.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and paragraphing. By focusing on smoother transitions, clearer topic sentences, and a broader range of cohesive devices, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "computing machines," "vital devices," and "digital devices" being used appropriately. However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with the use of "computers" and "devices." Phrases like "broader knowledge" and "small competitions" are effective, but the overall lexical variety could be enhanced.
- How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "computers," alternatives like "technology," "digital tools," or "electronic devices" could be employed. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to education, such as "educational technology" or "interactive learning," could elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its intended meaning, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "it is not easy to manage students using computers" could be clearer. The term "myopic" is also used incorrectly; it should be "myopia" when referring to the condition.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "it is not easy to manage students," a more precise phrase could be "it can be challenging to supervise students’ computer use." Additionally, reviewing vocabulary related to health issues could help clarify terms like "myopia" and ensure correct usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "myopic" (should be "myopia") and "it can lead to their myopic and physical health" (which is awkwardly phrased). The phrase "pupils can join it" is also vague and could be more clearly articulated.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and familiarizing oneself with educational terminology can enhance overall spelling proficiency.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of computers in education, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases such as "Despite the beliefs of its benefits" and "Although computing machines have both pros and cons" showcases an ability to construct more complex sentences. However, there are instances where sentence variety is limited, particularly in the second paragraph where several sentences begin with "Another advantage is…" and "For example…" This repetition can detract from the overall flow and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more introductory phrases or clauses, such as "In addition to this," or "Moreover," to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, varying the placement of subject and verb can create more engaging sentences. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Another advantage," the writer could combine ideas into a single, more complex sentence, such as "In addition to facilitating broader knowledge acquisition, computers also enable teachers to create engaging competitions that assess students’ understanding."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with most sentences being clear and understandable. However, there are notable errors that affect clarity and professionalism. For instance, the phrase "it can lead to their myopic and physical health" should be corrected to "it can lead to myopia and other physical health issues." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the lack of capitalization at the beginning of the sentence "it can lead to their myopic and physical health," which should start with a capital "I."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that all sentences begin with a capital letter. It would be beneficial to proofread the essay for common grammatical errors, such as the misuse of articles and prepositions. Furthermore, practicing sentence combining and restructuring can help reduce the occurrence of awkward phrasing and improve overall clarity. Engaging in exercises that focus on common grammatical pitfalls could also be beneficial in reinforcing correct usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical structures and a commendable range of vocabulary, focusing on enhancing sentence variety and addressing grammatical and punctuation errors will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, computers are becoming vital devices for education in schools. Despite the perceptions of their benefits, they may cause many problems. This essay will discuss both the negative and positive aspects and give my perspective.

On the one hand, computers have many strengths that help pupils study at school. These digital devices allow students to search for a broader range of knowledge about lessons and then connect it to what they have learned. Another advantage is that teachers can organize small competitions to assess students’ proficiency or review what they have studied. For instance, teachers use apps such as Quizziz or Kahoot to create competitions, and then pupils can participate in them. As a result, instructors can evaluate student performance.

On the other hand, digital devices have weaknesses when students use them at school. The most important one is that it is challenging to manage students using computers. For example, pupils may engage in gaming, watching movies, or chatting together on their devices. Therefore, they fail to focus on the lesson that teachers are teaching. Another disadvantage is the impact on students’ health when they use them for too long; it may contribute to myopia and other physical health issues. That is the reason why many schools do not want pupils to use personal computers.

Although computers have both advantages and disadvantages, I strongly believe that students can utilize computers in the classroom under teacher supervision. Schools should have rules regarding the time and activities that pupils can engage in with these devices, and pupils must comply with them.