Conclution why people need reduce single – use in cafeterias’s schools

Conclution why people need reduce single – use in cafeterias's schools

In conclusion, as continuing of greenhouse effect, mitigating using single-use plastics is paramount, especially in educational institutions. Besides the more expensive costs and inconvenience, reducing plastics gains significant advantages not only inhibiting Earth from adverse effects but also improving sustainable lifestyle. Reducing plastic in cafeterias can make the right curriculums in education and remain green lifestyle.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "As continuing of greenhouse effect" -> "As a consequence of the greenhouse effect"
   Explanation: The phrase "As continuing of greenhouse effect" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "As a consequence of the greenhouse effect" is grammatically correct and clearly indicates the relationship between the cause and effect, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

2. "mitigating using single-use plastics" -> "mitigating the use of single-use plastics"
   Explanation: The phrase "mitigating using" is grammatically incorrect. "Mitigating the use of" is the correct form, which is more formal and precise.

3. "especially in educational institutions" -> "particularly in educational institutions"
   Explanation: "Especially" can be replaced with "particularly" to maintain a more formal tone suitable for academic writing.

4. "Besides the more expensive costs and inconvenience" -> "In addition to the increased costs and inconvenience"
   Explanation: "Besides" is somewhat informal and vague; "In addition to" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.

5. "reducing plastics gains significant advantages" -> "reducing plastic use offers significant advantages"
   Explanation: "Reducing plastics" is vague and incorrect; "reducing plastic use" is more specific and accurate. Also, "gains" should be "offers" to correctly use the verb form.

6. "inhibiting Earth from adverse effects" -> "preventing adverse effects on the Earth"
   Explanation: "Inhibiting Earth from adverse effects" is awkward and incorrect. "Preventing adverse effects on the Earth" is grammatically correct and clearer.

7. "improving sustainable lifestyle" -> "promoting sustainable lifestyles"
   Explanation: "Improving sustainable lifestyle" is grammatically incorrect and vague. "Promoting sustainable lifestyles" is grammatically correct and more precise.

8. "Reducing plastic in cafeterias can make the right curriculums in education" -> "Reducing plastic use in cafeterias can enhance the curriculum in education"
   Explanation: "Make the right curriculums" is unclear and grammatically incorrect. "Enhance the curriculum" is grammatically correct and more specific.

9. "remain green lifestyle" -> "maintain a green lifestyle"
   Explanation: "Remain green lifestyle" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Maintain a green lifestyle" is grammatically correct and clearer.

These changes enhance the precision, clarity, and formality of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt regarding the need to reduce single-use plastics in school cafeterias. However, it lacks a comprehensive exploration of why this reduction is necessary. The mention of the "greenhouse effect" and "educational institutions" is relevant, but the essay does not provide specific reasons or examples that would clarify the importance of this issue in the context of cafeterias. The phrase "mitigating using single-use plastics" is vague and does not clearly articulate the problem or the need for action.
  • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the essay should explicitly outline the reasons for reducing single-use plastics in cafeterias, such as environmental impact, health concerns, and educational benefits. Including specific examples or statistics related to the effects of plastic waste in schools would strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position on the importance of reducing single-use plastics, but the clarity and consistency of this position are undermined by awkward phrasing and grammatical issues. For instance, the phrase "as continuing of greenhouse effect" is unclear and detracts from the overall message. The conclusion also introduces new ideas, such as "improving sustainable lifestyle" and "right curriculums," without adequately connecting them to the main argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one and consistently supports the main argument. Using clear and straightforward language will help convey the position more effectively. Additionally, the conclusion should summarize the main points made in the essay rather than introducing new concepts.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the reduction of single-use plastics, but these ideas are not well-developed or supported. The mention of "more expensive costs and inconvenience" is vague and lacks elaboration. There are no specific examples or evidence provided to support the claims made, which weakens the overall argument.
  • How to improve: To improve this area, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. For example, discussing the financial implications of single-use plastics for schools or providing statistics on plastic waste in cafeterias would enhance the argument. Additionally, using examples of successful initiatives in schools that have reduced plastic use could serve as strong support for the ideas presented.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on the topic of reducing single-use plastics in cafeterias, but it occasionally strays into vague statements that do not directly relate to the prompt. Phrases like "remain green lifestyle" are too broad and do not specifically address the context of cafeterias or the educational setting.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence directly relates to the topic of single-use plastics in school cafeterias. Avoiding generalizations and instead focusing on specific aspects of the issue will help keep the essay on track. Creating an outline before writing could also help in organizing thoughts and ensuring that all points are relevant to the prompt.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on clearly addressing all parts of the prompt, maintaining a consistent and clear position, developing and supporting ideas with specific examples, and staying focused on the topic throughout the essay. Additionally, ensuring that the essay meets the word count requirement is crucial for achieving a higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the need to reduce single-use plastics in school cafeterias. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, linking the environmental impact of plastics to educational institutions. However, the logical flow could be enhanced. For instance, the phrase "as continuing of greenhouse effect" is somewhat awkward and could be better integrated into the argument. The connection between the greenhouse effect and the need for reducing plastics could be more explicitly stated to strengthen the overall argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, instead of "as continuing of greenhouse effect," you might say, "In light of the ongoing greenhouse effect." Additionally, ensure that each point builds on the previous one, providing a more cohesive narrative throughout the essay.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks distinct paragraphs, which can hinder readability and the overall structure. A well-structured essay typically includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The current format presents the conclusion as a standalone statement without preceding paragraphs that develop the argument. This makes it difficult for the reader to follow the progression of ideas.
  • How to improve: Introduce clear paragraph breaks to separate the introduction, body, and conclusion. For instance, start with an introductory paragraph that outlines the importance of the issue. Follow this with one or two body paragraphs that explore the reasons for reducing single-use plastics, such as environmental impact and educational benefits. Finally, conclude with a summary that reiterates the main points. This structure will enhance clarity and coherence.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "besides" and "not only… but also." However, these devices are limited and do not fully support the flow of ideas. The use of cohesive devices is crucial for linking sentences and ideas smoothly. The phrase "especially in educational institutions" is a good example of a cohesive device that ties the argument to a specific context, but more variety is needed.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "furthermore," "in addition," or "consequently" to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance cohesion. For instance, instead of repeating "plastics," you could refer to them as "these materials" in subsequent sentences. This will create a more sophisticated and cohesive essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to the topic of single-use plastics and their impact on the environment. Phrases like "greenhouse effect," "mitigating using single-use plastics," and "sustainable lifestyle" indicate a good grasp of relevant terminology. However, the range is somewhat limited, and some phrases are awkwardly constructed, such as "continuing of greenhouse effect" which lacks clarity and fluency.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "reduce" or "reducing," alternatives like "minimizing," "diminishing," or "curtailing" could be employed. Additionally, expanding the vocabulary around educational benefits could strengthen the argument, such as using terms like "curriculum development" or "environmental education."

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "mitigating using single-use plastics" is not a standard phrase; it would be more precise to say "mitigating the use of single-use plastics." Additionally, "the right curriculums in education" is vague and does not clearly convey the intended meaning.
  • How to improve: The writer should focus on clarity and precision in word choice. For example, instead of "gains significant advantages," a more precise phrase could be "offers significant benefits." It is also advisable to ensure that phrases are grammatically correct and commonly used in academic writing. Reviewing common collocations and phrases related to environmental issues could help improve precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some spelling errors, such as "conclution" instead of "conclusion," and "cafeterias’s" which should be "cafeterias." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, creating a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them could be beneficial. Regularly writing and revising essays will also help reinforce correct spelling over time.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to use relevant vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as the use of complex sentences ("mitigating using single-use plastics is paramount") and compound sentences ("reducing plastics gains significant advantages not only inhibiting Earth from adverse effects but also improving sustainable lifestyle"). However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are somewhat awkwardly constructed or unclear. For instance, the phrase "as continuing of greenhouse effect" is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. Additionally, the use of "curriculums" is incorrect in this context; "curricula" would be more appropriate.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Using introductory phrases, clauses, and varying sentence lengths can create a more engaging writing style. For example, instead of starting sentences with the subject, the writer could begin with a dependent clause or an adverbial phrase to add variety. Furthermore, reviewing grammar rules related to subject-verb agreement and noun forms will help in constructing clearer sentences.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "as continuing of greenhouse effect" should be revised to "as a continuation of the greenhouse effect" for grammatical accuracy. The phrase "mitigating using single-use plastics" is awkward and could be more clearly expressed as "mitigating the use of single-use plastics." Additionally, the sentence "reducing plastics gains significant advantages not only inhibiting Earth from adverse effects but also improving sustainable lifestyle" lacks proper punctuation; a comma is needed before "not only" to separate the two clauses effectively. The phrase "remain green lifestyle" is also incorrect; it should be "maintain a green lifestyle."
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence clarity. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify mistakes. Practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will improve the overall readability of the essay. Additionally, revisiting basic grammar concepts and practicing with exercises can reinforce these skills.

In summary, while the essay shows some understanding of grammatical structures, there is a need for greater variety and accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can improve their score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria for IELTS Task 2.

Bài sửa mẫu

In conclusion, as a consequence of the greenhouse effect, mitigating the use of single-use plastics is paramount, especially in educational institutions. In addition to the increased costs and inconvenience, reducing plastic use offers significant advantages, not only preventing adverse effects on the Earth but also promoting sustainable lifestyles. Reducing plastic in cafeterias can enhance the curriculum in education and help maintain a green lifestyle.