Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful, but they are also likely to suffer from negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful, but they are also likely to suffer from negative social consequences.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is assumed that many countries optimize labor utilization by letting them work in longer average working time to achieve economic successes but also facing some serious social repercussions.From my perspective, I totally agree with this statement and in this essay, I will clarify my opinion and provide particular examples.

To begin with, we cannot deny the advantages that working overtime brings for the country ‘s economy. If employees work longer hours, they absolutely can enhance productivity in an organization or factory.For example, Chinese concentrate labor on producing canned foodstuff for domestic consumption and exporting to other countries such as Vietnam. This can help China build a reputation as a country that develops processed food and attracts more consumers. As a result, China will have to increase production to meet consumers’ demands.

However, this problem seems like a form of labor exploitation. Overworked employees may bear numerous consequences related to physical health such as fatigue due to lack of sleep or getting ailment. This directly affects workers morale not only in the workplace but also their daily life and leads to undesirable results. Moreover, spending time for work also means reducing time for yourself and family.For instance, if parents have to work more than 8 hours, their children will lack education from family. Consequently,adolescents completely make some bad friends and engage in immoral behaviors without warning or management. Increasing working time can cause disadvantages for both adults and children in our society.
In conclusion, I reaffirm that working overtime is like a double-edged sword. Although it helps develop the economy, the parallel consequences such as health and family bonds are very worrying.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "optimize labor utilization" -> "optimize labor utilization strategies"
   Explanation: Adding "strategies" specifies the type of labor optimization, enhancing the precision and formality of the phrase.

2. "letting them work in longer average working time" -> "allowing them to work longer hours"
   Explanation: "Allowing them to work longer hours" is more direct and clearer, avoiding the awkward construction of "longer average working time."

3. "to achieve economic successes" -> "to achieve economic success"
   Explanation: "Success" should be singular when referring to a general economic outcome, aligning with formal academic style.

4. "facing some serious social repercussions" -> "facing significant social repercussions"
   Explanation: "Significant" is more precise and academically appropriate than "serious," which can be vague and subjective.

5. "I totally agree" -> "I strongly agree"
   Explanation: "Strongly agree" is a more formal expression than "totally agree," which is somewhat colloquial for academic writing.

6. "clarify my opinion" -> "elucidate my perspective"
   Explanation: "Elucidate" is a more formal and precise term than "clarify," fitting better in an academic context.

7. "employees work longer hours" -> "employees work extended hours"
   Explanation: "Extended hours" is a more formal and precise term than "longer hours," which is somewhat vague.

8. "Chinese concentrate labor" -> "China concentrates labor"
   Explanation: "China" should be used as the subject of the sentence, and "concentrates" should be in the singular form to match the subject.

9. "canned foodstuff" -> "canned goods"
   Explanation: "Canned goods" is a more common and precise term in formal writing than "canned foodstuff," which is less specific.

10. "build a reputation" -> "establish a reputation"
    Explanation: "Establish" is a more formal synonym for "build" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.

11. "attracts more consumers" -> "attracts additional consumers"
    Explanation: "Additional" is more precise than "more," which is vague and informal in this context.

12. "spending time for work" -> "devoting time to work"
    Explanation: "Devoting time to work" is a more formal and precise phrase than "spending time for work," which is awkwardly constructed.

13. "getting ailment" -> "contracting illnesses"
    Explanation: "Contracting illnesses" is a more formal and medically accurate term than "getting ailment," which is vague and informal.

14. "leads to undesirable results" -> "leads to undesirable outcomes"
    Explanation: "Outcomes" is a more formal and precise term than "results" in academic writing.

15. "completely make some bad friends" -> "entirely form negative relationships"
    Explanation: "Entirely form negative relationships" is more formal and precise than "completely make some bad friends," which is colloquial and vague.

16. "engage in immoral behaviors" -> "engage in unethical behaviors"
    Explanation: "Unethical" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "immoral," which can be seen as overly broad and judgmental.

17. "working overtime is like a double-edged sword" -> "working overtime is akin to a double-edged sword"
    Explanation: "Akin to" is a more formal expression than "like," and it maintains the metaphorical quality of the original phrase while enhancing the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both aspects of the prompt: the economic benefits of longer working hours and the negative social consequences. It acknowledges the economic advantages with a clear example of increased productivity in China due to longer working hours. Furthermore, it discusses the social repercussions such as health issues and family neglect, supporting these points with examples.
  • How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, ensure that each point directly ties back to the prompt. Provide a more balanced exploration of both sides (economic benefits vs. social consequences) throughout the entire essay, not just in separate paragraphs.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance throughout by agreeing with the statement that longer working hours lead to economic success but also result in negative social impacts. This position is articulated clearly in the introduction and reaffirmed in the conclusion.
  • How to improve: Maintain clarity by explicitly linking each paragraph’s content back to this central position. Ensure that transitions between paragraphs reinforce rather than undermine the essay’s stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, supporting them with examples (e.g., Chinese canned food production) and elaborating on both economic benefits and social drawbacks. Each point is developed with reasonable detail to illustrate the effects of longer working hours.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the analysis by delving deeper into the examples provided. Connect them more explicitly to the overall argument to reinforce the essay’s coherence and depth.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the relationship between working hours, economic success, and social consequences. However, there are moments where the discussion of economic benefits slightly overshadows the exploration of social impacts.
  • How to improve: Ensure a balanced approach throughout. Allocate equal attention to discussing both sides of the argument in each paragraph to maintain focus on the prompt’s requirements.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt with a clear stance and adequate support, there is room for improvement in achieving greater balance between discussing economic benefits and social consequences throughout the entire essay. By refining the balance and depth of analysis, the essay could potentially reach a higher band score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization by presenting two main viewpoints: the economic benefits of longer working hours and the negative social consequences. Each viewpoint is supported by examples (China’s canned food production and its social impacts on families). The introduction sets up the essay’s structure clearly, followed by two body paragraphs that develop each viewpoint separately. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother, especially between paragraphs.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure that each paragraph clearly links back to the main thesis and connects to the subsequent paragraph. Use transitional phrases (such as "Furthermore," "In addition," "However," etc.) to guide the reader through the essay’s argumentative structure.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into three paragraphs: introduction, body paragraph discussing economic benefits, and body paragraph discussing social consequences. Each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its respective topic. However, the third paragraph, discussing social consequences, could benefit from further subdivision or more distinct organization to separate the impacts on workers’ health from impacts on family life.
  • How to improve: Consider breaking down the third paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing exclusively on health impacts and another on family-related consequences. This will improve clarity and organization, making each point more digestible and impactful for the reader.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices such as "to begin with," "for example," "however," "moreover," and "in conclusion" to link ideas within and between sentences. These devices help to maintain coherence and guide the reader through the argument. However, some transitions between ideas are abrupt or could be more nuanced.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases (e.g., "on the other hand," "despite this," "furthermore," "as a result") to vary sentence structures and improve the flow between paragraphs. Ensure that each transition serves a clear purpose in connecting ideas logically.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides relevant examples to support its arguments, enhancing coherence through smoother transitions and more refined paragraph structure would elevate the essay’s coherence and cohesion to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It includes terms such as "optimize labor utilization," "enhance productivity," "exploitation," "ailment," "immoral behaviors," which are relevant to the topic. However, there is room for improvement in utilizing a broader spectrum of vocabulary to enhance precision and depth of expression.
  • How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating more nuanced vocabulary that is directly relevant to the economic and social contexts discussed. For instance, instead of "immoral behaviors," using specific terms like "antisocial conduct" or "deviant behaviors" would strengthen lexical variety. Additionally, expand on economic terms beyond basic phrases like "enhance productivity" to include terms such as "economic efficiency" or "industrial output," providing clearer distinctions in economic terms.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with moderate precision. For example, "optimize labor utilization" and "exploitation" are used effectively to convey specific ideas. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For instance, "ailment" is used broadly where a more specific term like "fatigue-related ailments" or "stress-related health issues" would be more precise.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, focus on selecting vocabulary that precisely captures the intended meaning. Use terms that are specific to the context and avoid overly general terms that could be interpreted in multiple ways. Review the essay to identify opportunities where more precise vocabulary could be substituted for broader terms, ensuring clarity and specificity in expression.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: Spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with minor errors such as "ailment" instead of "ailments" or "illnesses." These errors do not significantly detract from understanding but indicate a need for closer attention to detail.
  • How to improve: Improve spelling accuracy by proofreading carefully and using tools such as spell-checkers. Pay attention to common errors like pluralization or homophones. Developing a habit of reviewing written work systematically before submission can significantly enhance spelling accuracy.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates competence in vocabulary use and spelling, there is room for improvement in both depth and precision of vocabulary selection, as well as in maintaining consistent spelling accuracy. By refining these aspects, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. It effectively uses complex sentences with subordinate clauses (e.g., "If employees work longer hours, they absolutely can enhance productivity…"), compound sentences (e.g

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely believed that many countries optimize their economic success by allowing employees to work longer hours, despite facing significant social repercussions. I strongly agree with this viewpoint, and in this essay, I will elucidate my perspective and provide specific examples.

To commence, the benefits of extended working hours on the economy cannot be denied. When employees work longer hours, productivity in organizations or factories can increase significantly. For instance, China concentrates labor on producing canned goods for both domestic consumption and export to countries like Vietnam. This strategy has helped China establish a reputation as a leader in processed food production, thereby attracting additional consumers and boosting production to meet rising demands.

However, the practice of working overtime also has its downsides, resembling a form of labor exploitation. Overworked employees often suffer from physical health issues such as fatigue and illness due to inadequate rest. This not only impacts their morale at work but also affects their overall well-being, leading to undesirable outcomes. Moreover, dedicating excessive time to work reduces personal and family time. For example, parents working long hours may struggle to provide sufficient guidance and support to their children, potentially causing them to form negative relationships or engage in unethical behaviors.

In conclusion, while longer working hours can contribute to economic growth, it is crucial to recognize that it comes at a cost. The dual nature of this phenomenon, akin to a double-edged sword, necessitates careful consideration of its implications on both productivity and societal well-being.