Đề 1: The majority of news being reported is bad news such as wars, famines, accidents and crime. Why do you think that is? Do you think the news should be a balance of both good and bad news?

Đề 1: The majority of news being reported is bad news such as wars, famines,
accidents and crime. Why do you think that is? Do you think the news should be a
balance of both good and bad news?

In this day and age, the huge number of broadcast news is negative one such as incidents, criminal activities and wars. This essay will put forward the reason, and in my opinion, people ought to strike a balance between good and bad news.
In terms of the reason, reporting bad news can be attributed to the upsurge in revenue. As human nature is biased towards bad and tragic events as well as news, negative news can draw more their attention leading to increased views and reactions, which significantly contribute to generating profits
When it comes to bad news, 2 key benefits are brought thanks to posting them. First and foremost, people can comprehend the problems, thereby maintaining their constant vigilance. For example, TV shows report numerous crimes such as robbery and murder, making residents more cautious when going out. In addition, sharing bad news can protect the victims and call for support. Take the wars between Ukraine and Russia as an example, not only do a number of people all over the world fund for residents living there but other countries such as Germany also assist them in migrating to other safer refuges.
Regarding sharing positive news, it can foster a sense of optimism and beliefs. For example, in Covid 19 pandemics, broadcasting news about the decrease in infected people and vaccines may relieve individuals’ concerns and stress.
From my perspective, the news should be a balance of both negative and positive news. As a result, people can have a comprehensive and holistic view of the world
Inconclusion, I believe that the factor driving people to report bad news is the increased revenue and people need to keep balance between good and bad news, which help individuals have a comprehensive and holistic view

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "huge number of broadcast news is negative one such as incidents" -> "large volume of broadcast news is negative, focusing on incidents"
   Explanation: Replacing "huge number of broadcast news is negative one such as incidents" with "large volume of broadcast news is negative, focusing on incidents" improves clarity and formality by using "volume" instead of "number" and restructuring the sentence for better flow.

2. "In terms of the reason, reporting bad news can be attributed to the upsurge in revenue." -> "Regarding the rationale, reporting bad news can be attributed to the increase in revenue."
   Explanation: "In terms of the reason" is colloquial; "Regarding the rationale" is more formal and precise. "Upsurge" is slightly informal; "increase" is more appropriate in an academic context.

3. "As human nature is biased towards bad and tragic events as well as news," -> "Since human nature inclines towards negative and tragic events,"
   Explanation: "Biased towards" is less formal; "inclines towards" is a more academically appropriate phrase. "As well as news" is redundant and can be omitted for clarity.

4. "which significantly contribute to generating profits" -> "thereby significantly contributing to profitability"
   Explanation: "Generating profits" is correct but "contributing to profitability" is more formal and precise in this context.

5. "When it comes to bad news, 2 key benefits are brought thanks to posting them." -> "When it comes to negative news, two key benefits arise from its dissemination."
   Explanation: "Bad news" can be replaced with "negative news" for more precise language. "Are brought thanks to posting them" is informal; "arise from its dissemination" is more formal and clear.

6. "First and foremost, people can comprehend the problems, thereby maintaining their constant vigilance." -> "Firstly, individuals can grasp the issues, thereby maintaining heightened vigilance."
   Explanation: "Comprehend the problems" is informal; "grasp the issues" is more formal. "Constant vigilance" can be replaced with "heightened vigilance" for a more precise term.

7. "TV shows report numerous crimes such as robbery and murder, making residents more cautious when going out." -> "Television programs report numerous crimes like robbery and murder, prompting residents to exercise caution when outdoors."
   Explanation: "TV shows" is colloquial; "Television programs" is more formal. "Making residents more cautious when going out" is informal; "prompting residents to exercise caution when outdoors" is more formal and clear.

8. "In addition, sharing bad news can protect the victims and call for support." -> "Furthermore, disseminating negative news can provide protection for victims and elicit support."
   Explanation: "Sharing bad news" is informal; "disseminating negative news" is more appropriate. "Call for support" is slightly informal; "elicit support" is more formal.

9. "Take the wars between Ukraine and Russia as an example, not only do a number of people all over the world fund for residents living there but other countries such as Germany also assist them in migrating to other safer refuges." -> "For instance, in the case of the conflict between Ukraine and Russia, not only do individuals worldwide provide funding for residents, but countries like Germany also aid in relocating them to safer havens."
   Explanation: Restructuring for clarity and formality, avoiding casual phrases like "Take… as an example" and "assist them in migrating."

10. "Regarding sharing positive news, it can foster a sense of optimism and beliefs." -> "As for the dissemination of positive news, it can foster optimism and confidence."
    Explanation: "Regarding sharing positive news" is less formal; "As for the dissemination of positive news" is more appropriate. "Beliefs" should be clarified; "confidence" is more precise in this context.

11. "From my perspective, the news should be a balance of both negative and positive news." -> "In my view, news coverage should strike a balance between negative and positive events."
    Explanation: "From my perspective" is informal; "In my view" is more suitable for academic writing. Restructuring for clarity and formality.

12. "Inconclusion," -> "In conclusion,"
    Explanation: "Inconclusion" is incorrect; "In conclusion" is the correct phrase for signaling the end of an essay or argument.

13. "the factor driving people to report bad news is the increased revenue" -> "the primary incentive driving the reporting of negative news is increased revenue"
    Explanation: "Factor driving" is less formal; "primary incentive" is more precise. "Increased revenue" remains unchanged for clarity and relevance.

14. "people need to keep balance between good and bad news, which help individuals have a comprehensive and holistic view" -> "individuals need to maintain a balance between positive and negative news, fostering a comprehensive perspective."
    Explanation: "People need to keep balance" is informal; "individuals need to maintain a balance" is more appropriate. "Help individuals have a comprehensive and holistic view" is informal; "fostering a comprehensive perspective" is more formal and clear.

These improvements enhance the essay’s formality, clarity, and adherence to academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both parts of the question. It discusses the prevalence of negative news and provides reasons for it, then presents a clear opinion on whether news should balance good and bad events.
  • How to improve: To enhance the depth of analysis, consider elaborating more on why bad news tends to dominate media coverage and how this impacts society’s perception. Additionally, ensure that each point made directly relates back to the prompt to strengthen coherence.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position throughout, advocating for a balance between positive and negative news.
  • How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, explicitly state the stance in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, ensure that every paragraph and supporting argument aligns with this central position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, but there is room for improvement in development and support. Examples are provided to support arguments, such as instances of crimes reported in the media and the positive impact of sharing good news during the pandemic.
  • How to improve: To enhance the quality of ideas presented, delve deeper into each example provided and consider offering additional evidence or statistics to bolster the arguments. Additionally, connect ideas more explicitly to the central thesis to strengthen cohesion.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing why bad news dominates media coverage and advocating for a balance between positive and negative news.
  • How to improve: While the essay remains relevant to the prompt overall, there are instances where tangential points are introduced, such as mentioning revenue generation without directly linking it back to the central argument. Focus on maintaining a tight connection between each point discussed and the overarching theme of the essay.

In summary, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear stance, there are opportunities for improvement in depth of analysis, coherence, development of ideas, and relevance to the topic. By expanding on arguments, providing stronger support, and ensuring tighter focus, the essay can achieve a higher band score for Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization by introducing the topic, providing reasons for the prevalence of bad news, discussing the benefits of both bad and good news, and presenting a conclusion. However, there are areas where the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing the reasons for bad news and the benefits of sharing bad news could be smoother to enhance coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, with clear transitions between ideas. Consider using topic sentences to introduce each paragraph’s main point and concluding sentences to summarize key ideas and transition to the next point.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to separate different ideas, but the structure and effectiveness of paragraphing could be improved. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear delineation, leading to potential confusion for the reader. Additionally, the conclusion paragraph could be more distinct to provide a stronger ending to the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on structuring paragraphs around single main ideas to enhance clarity and coherence. Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point, followed by supporting details and examples. Consider revising the conclusion to provide a concise summary of the essay’s main arguments and reinforce the thesis statement.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a limited range of cohesive devices, primarily relying on transitional phrases such as "in terms of," "when it comes to," and "regarding." While these phrases help connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs, the essay lacks variety in cohesive devices, such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional adverbs.
  • How to improve: To enhance cohesion, incorporate a diverse range of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Use pronouns (e.g., "this," "these") to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, conjunctions (e.g., "however," "therefore") to indicate relationships between ideas, and transitional adverbs (e.g., "furthermore," "conversely") to signal shifts in focus or perspective. Varying cohesive devices will improve the flow and coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a sufficient level of coherence and cohesion to achieve a band score of 6, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested strategies, the essay can enhance its clarity, coherence, and overall effectiveness in conveying ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "upsurge," "vigilance," "comprehend," "holistic," and "factor," among others. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity and sophistication of vocabulary choices. For instance, the repetition of phrases like "bad news" and "good news" could be minimized by employing synonyms or exploring nuanced expressions.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider utilizing synonyms or paraphrases for frequently used terms. For instance, instead of consistently referring to "bad news," experiment with alternatives like "negative developments," "adverse events," or "unfavorable occurrences." Similarly, instead of repeatedly using "good news," explore alternatives such as "positive developments," "uplifting stories," or "encouraging events." Additionally, strive to incorporate more specialized or nuanced vocabulary related to the essay topic to enrich your expression.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision, effectively conveying the intended meanings. However, there are instances where vocabulary usage could be more precise. For example, the phrase "huge number" could be replaced with a more specific descriptor, such as "abundance" or "profusion," to enhance precision. Similarly, using phrases like "broadcast news" could be refined to specify the medium, such as "television news broadcasts" or "online news outlets."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, carefully consider the context in which vocabulary is used and select terms that accurately convey your intended meaning. Avoid vague or overly general terms, opting instead for precise and targeted language. Additionally, consult a thesaurus to explore alternative terms that may offer greater clarity or specificity in your expression.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally adequate, with few noticeable errors. However, there are instances where spelling accuracy could be improved. For instance, "pandemics" should be corrected to "pandemic," as it is used in the singular form in the context of COVID-19. Similarly, "Inconclusion" should be revised to "In conclusion" for grammatical correctness.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing strategies such as proofreading carefully before submission, utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools, and practicing regular spelling drills to reinforce correct spelling patterns. Additionally, pay close attention to commonly misspelled words and seek feedback from peers or educators to identify areas for improvement.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences, as well as some complex structures. There is an attempt to vary sentence length, but this could be further improved for greater effectiveness.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as subordinate clauses, relative clauses, and participial phrases. This can add depth and sophistication to your writing, providing a smoother flow and more engaging reading experience.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay displays reasonably accurate grammar and punctuation usage. However, there are several instances of errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement, article usage, and preposition placement. For example, "the huge number of broadcast news" should be "the huge amount of broadcast news," and "people can comprehend the problems, thereby maintaining their constant vigilance" could be clearer with a different structure.
  • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring that verbs match their subjects in number and person. Review the proper use of articles (definite and indefinite) and prepositions to ensure clarity and accuracy in your sentences. Additionally, consider restructuring sentences for better coherence and clarity, especially when expressing complex ideas.

Overall, your essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical structures and punctuation conventions, but there is room for improvement in terms of variety in sentence structures and accuracy in grammar and punctuation. By incorporating more diverse sentence structures and refining your grammatical accuracy, you can further elevate the quality of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary times, a significant portion of broadcast news leans towards negativity, highlighting incidents, criminal activities, and conflicts. This essay will delve into the rationale behind this trend, suggesting that a balance between positive and negative news is imperative.

Regarding the rationale, reporting bad news can be attributed to the increase in revenue. Since human nature inclines towards negative and tragic events, such news garners more attention, consequently boosting viewership and reactions, thereby significantly contributing to profitability.

When it comes to negative news, two key benefits arise from its dissemination. Firstly, individuals can grasp the issues, thereby maintaining heightened vigilance. Television programs report numerous crimes like robbery and murder, prompting residents to exercise caution when outdoors. Furthermore, disseminating negative news can provide protection for victims and elicit support. For instance, in the case of the conflict between Ukraine and Russia, not only do individuals worldwide provide funding for residents, but countries like Germany also aid in relocating them to safer havens.

As for the dissemination of positive news, it can foster optimism and confidence. In my view, news coverage should strike a balance between negative and positive events. This balance ensures that individuals can have a comprehensive perspective on global affairs.

In conclusion, the primary incentive driving the reporting of negative news is increased revenue. However, individuals need to maintain a balance between positive and negative news, fostering a comprehensive perspective.