Describe a bad weather experience you have had. You should say: What sort of bad weather it was When it happened Where you were when it happened and explain how it affected you.

Describe a bad weather experience you have had.
You should say:
What sort of bad weather it was
When it happened
Where you were when it happened
and explain how it affected you.

Vietnam is a tropical country, with four seasons: spring, summer, autumn and winter. Every year, the country also experiences different types of weather including hot sun, thunderstorms, storms and floods. Most recently, it is impossible not to mention the storm Yagi that hit Vietnam, causing severe damage.
Just last month, a large storm named Yagi hit the north of Vietnam and greatly affected this area. I was studying in Hanoi, when the storm swept through, the place where I lived also suffered a lot of damage after the storm.
The entire suburbs lost power, the internet was interrupted, many apartment buildings shook, flooded… when the storm hit the capital on the evening of September 7. At that time, I and everyone around me were informed to stay put, not to move on the street during storms because trees could easily break and fall. But as a military school cadet, we were always ready when there was an order for aid.
I am grateful that I am safe after the storm, but there is a lot of damage to people and property outside. Many people in the storm and flood affected areas are still in need of support and sharing… I am very touched and proud that many individuals and groups have donated food, clothes, supplies, and cash… because that shows the spirit of mutual love, camaraderie, and solidarity.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Vietnam is a tropical country, with four seasons: spring, summer, autumn and winter." -> "Vietnam is a tropical country with four distinct seasons: spring, summer, autumn, and winter."
   Explanation: Adding "distinct" before "seasons" clarifies the type of seasons being referred to, enhancing the precision of the description. Also, removing the comma after "country" aligns with formal writing conventions by avoiding unnecessary punctuation.

2. "Every year, the country also experiences different types of weather including hot sun, thunderstorms, storms and floods." -> "The country experiences various weather conditions annually, including hot sun, thunderstorms, storms, and floods."
   Explanation: "Various weather conditions" is more specific and formal than "different types of weather," and "annually" is a more precise temporal indicator than "every year." Additionally, the list should be separated by commas, not "and."

3. "it is impossible not to mention the storm Yagi" -> "it is imperative to acknowledge the storm Yagi"
   Explanation: "Imperative" is more formal and precise than "impossible not to mention," which is awkward and informal.

4. "a large storm named Yagi" -> "a significant storm, known as Yagi"
   Explanation: "Significant" is more specific and formal than "large," and "known as" is more precise than "named," which is typically used for people or places.

5. "I was studying in Hanoi, when the storm swept through, the place where I lived also suffered a lot of damage after the storm." -> "As I was studying in Hanoi, the area where I resided was severely affected by the storm."
   Explanation: "As I was studying in Hanoi" is a more formal way to introduce the context, and "the area where I resided" is more precise than "the place where I lived."

6. "The entire suburbs lost power, the internet was interrupted, many apartment buildings shook, flooded…" -> "The entire suburbs experienced power outages, internet disruptions, and flooding, with many apartment buildings being severely damaged."
   Explanation: This revision clarifies the types of disruptions and uses more formal language, avoiding the informal and vague "shook."

7. "I and everyone around me were informed to stay put, not to move on the street during storms because trees could easily break and fall." -> "I and those around me were instructed to remain indoors during the storm, as trees were susceptible to breaking and falling."
   Explanation: "Instructed" is more formal than "informed," and "remain indoors" is more precise than "stay put." Also, "susceptible to breaking and falling" is a more formal way to express the potential danger.

8. "But as a military school cadet, we were always ready when there was an order for aid." -> "However, as a military school cadet, we were always prepared to respond to emergency orders."
   Explanation: "However" is a more formal transition than "But," and "prepared to respond to emergency orders" is more specific and formal than "always ready when there was an order for aid."

9. "I am grateful that I am safe after the storm, but there is a lot of damage to people and property outside." -> "I am relieved that I remained safe during the storm, although significant damage was inflicted on both people and property outside."
   Explanation: "Relieved" is more formal than "grateful," and "remained safe" is more precise than "am safe." "Inflicted" is a more formal verb than "damage," and "both people and property" is more specific than "people and property."

10. "Many people in the storm and flood affected areas are still in need of support and sharing…" -> "Many individuals in the storm- and flood-affected areas continue to require support and assistance."
    Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "continue to require support and assistance" is more precise and formal than "are still in need of support and sharing."

11. "I am very touched and proud that many individuals and groups have donated food, clothes, supplies, and cash…" -> "I am deeply moved and proud that numerous individuals and groups have donated essential items such as food, clothing, supplies, and monetary support."
    Explanation: "Deeply moved" is a more formal expression than "very touched," and "numerous" is more precise than "many." "Essential items" and "monetary support" are more formal and specific than "food, clothes, supplies, and cash."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by describing a specific bad weather experience (storm Yagi) and mentioning the location (Hanoi). However, it does not fully answer all parts of the question. For instance, while it discusses the storm’s impact, it lacks a clear description of the type of bad weather and fails to explain how it personally affected the writer beyond a general sense of safety. The mention of the storm’s effects on the community is relevant but does not sufficiently address the personal impact on the writer.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should ensure that each part of the prompt is explicitly addressed. This includes providing a more detailed description of the storm itself (e.g., its intensity, duration) and a personal account of how the storm affected them emotionally or physically. Including specific feelings or actions taken during the storm would enhance the personal connection to the experience.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear and consistent position. While it expresses gratitude for personal safety, it shifts focus to the broader community impact without a strong personal narrative. This makes it difficult for the reader to understand the writer’s personal experience and feelings regarding the storm.
  • How to improve: The writer should maintain a clear focus on their own experience throughout the essay. This can be achieved by consistently relating back to personal feelings and experiences, rather than diverting too much to the community’s situation. A strong opening statement about the personal impact of the storm could help establish a clear position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas about the storm and its effects, but these ideas are not well-developed. For example, while the writer mentions the loss of power and the danger of falling trees, these points are not elaborated upon. The discussion of community support is relevant but feels disconnected from the writer’s personal experience.
  • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should provide more specific examples and details. For instance, describing a moment during the storm that was particularly frightening or challenging would help to illustrate the experience more vividly. Additionally, connecting personal feelings to the events described would strengthen the overall narrative.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the storm and its effects. However, it occasionally veers into broader themes of community support, which, while relevant, detracts from the personal narrative that the prompt requires. The focus on community efforts takes away from the personal impact of the bad weather experience.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should prioritize personal experiences and feelings related to the storm. While mentioning community responses is valuable, it should be secondary to the personal narrative. The writer could briefly acknowledge community efforts but should ensure that the primary focus remains on their own experience and feelings during the storm.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed, maintain a clear personal focus throughout, develop ideas with specific examples, and stay on topic by prioritizing personal experiences over broader themes.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents information in a generally logical order, beginning with an introduction to Vietnam’s climate and then moving to the specific event of Storm Yagi. The chronological sequence is mostly maintained, detailing the storm’s impact and the author’s personal experience. However, the transition between the general context of Vietnam’s weather and the specific storm could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing the types of weather in Vietnam to the specific storm feels abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that connect the general context to the specific experience more fluidly. For instance, after introducing the types of weather, a sentence like "Among these, one of the most impactful recent events was Storm Yagi" could serve as a bridge.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, but the division could be clearer. The first paragraph serves as an introduction, while the second discusses the storm’s impact. However, the third paragraph combines personal reflection with broader observations about community support, which could be confusing for the reader. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, separate the personal experience from the community response. For example, create a new paragraph that focuses solely on the aftermath and community support after discussing the storm’s immediate effects. This will help the reader follow your narrative more easily.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "but," "when," and "because," to connect ideas. However, the range is somewhat limited, and some sentences feel choppy or disconnected. For example, the use of "but" to transition between the author’s safety and the damage caused by the storm could be expanded to include more context.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, consider using "in addition," "furthermore," or "consequently" to enhance the connections between sentences and ideas. This will create a smoother reading experience and strengthen the overall cohesion of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, but with some adjustments in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices, it could achieve an even higher level of clarity and flow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to weather and its effects, such as "storm," "thunderstorms," "floods," and "damage." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in the descriptions of the storm’s impact. For instance, phrases like "suffered a lot of damage" and "the entire suburbs lost power" could be varied to enhance the richness of the language.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "storm," alternatives like "tempest," "deluge," or "severe weather event" could be employed. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives (e.g., "devastating storm" instead of just "storm") would add depth to the writing.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the internet was interrupted" could be more accurately expressed as "internet services were disrupted," which conveys a clearer meaning. Additionally, the phrase "the place where I lived also suffered a lot of damage" could be refined to "my residence incurred significant damage," which is more specific.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. Practicing with a thesaurus to find more precise words can be beneficial. Furthermore, reviewing sentences for clarity and specificity before finalizing the essay can help in choosing the most appropriate terms.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with no glaring errors that impede understanding. However, there are minor issues, such as the inconsistent use of "I and everyone around me" which could be better structured as "myself and those around me." While this does not directly pertain to spelling, it highlights a need for careful proofreading.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, perhaps through writing exercises or spelling quizzes. Additionally, using tools like spell checkers or proofreading apps can help catch minor errors before submission. Reading widely can also reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements and conveys the experience effectively, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "I was studying in Hanoi, when the storm swept through" effectively conveys simultaneous actions. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the initial sentences where the list of weather types is presented in a similar format. This reduces the overall variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence beginnings and transitions. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "the storm," try using introductory phrases or clauses, such as "During the storm," or "As the storm approached." Additionally, integrating more conditional or participial phrases could add complexity and interest to the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "the place where I lived also suffered a lot of damage after the storm" could be more clearly expressed. The use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in compound sentences; for instance, "I was studying in Hanoi, when the storm swept through" should not have a comma before "when." Additionally, the ellipsis at the end of "shook, flooded…" is not appropriate in formal writing.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on refining sentence clarity and punctuation rules. Review the use of commas, especially in complex sentences, to ensure they are used correctly. Practicing sentence restructuring can also help clarify meaning. For example, rephrasing "the place where I lived also suffered a lot of damage after the storm" to "the area where I lived suffered significant damage due to the storm" enhances clarity. Lastly, avoid informal punctuation like ellipses in formal essays; instead, use full stops or commas to maintain a professional tone.

Bài sửa mẫu

Vietnam is a tropical country with four distinct seasons: spring, summer, autumn, and winter. Each year, the country experiences various weather conditions, including hot sun, thunderstorms, storms, and floods. Most recently, it is imperative to acknowledge the significant storm known as Yagi, which hit Vietnam and caused severe damage.

Just last month, a large storm named Yagi struck the northern region of Vietnam, greatly affecting this area. I was studying in Hanoi at the time, and the place where I resided suffered considerable damage due to the storm.

The entire suburbs experienced power outages, internet disruptions, and flooding, with many apartment buildings being severely damaged when the storm hit the capital on the evening of September 7. At that moment, I and those around me were instructed to remain indoors, as trees were susceptible to breaking and falling. However, as a military school cadet, we were always prepared to respond to emergency orders.

I am relieved that I remained safe during the storm, although significant damage was inflicted on both people and property outside. Many individuals in the storm- and flood-affected areas continue to require support and assistance. I am deeply moved and proud that numerous individuals and groups have donated essential items such as food, clothing, supplies, and monetary support. This demonstrates the spirit of mutual love, camaraderie, and solidarity among the community.