Describe the graph above in at least 150 words.

The bar chart compares the rates of young residents who engaged in higher education in 4 specific countries from 2000 to 2010.
Overall, except for countries A, whose figure documented a stability throughout the period, the remaining countries have increased percentage of student pursuing higher learning. Moreover, the proportion of tertiary education engagement of country D was the highest among the countries surveyed.
In 2000, there are 45% of students in country D enrolled in higher education, towered over that of other countries. After 10 years, the figure for country D increase significantly to 60% and maintained the first rank in rate of tertiary learning involvement. It followed by country A, whose data marked the lowest percentage in the first year surveyed (35%), but remarkably climbed to 58% in 2010, showed a minimal gap of 2% with that of country D.
The statistic for country C showed a moderate rise of 5% from 2000 (43%) to 2005 (48%) before stabilizing for the next 5 years. There are two fifths of young people in country B in higher education and this rate stayed unchanged through the period surveyed.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the rates of young residents who engaged in higher education" -> "the rates of young residents participating in higher education"
Explanation: "Engaged in" can imply a more casual involvement, while "participating in" conveys a more formal and active role in higher education.
"except for countries A, whose figure documented a stability throughout the period" -> "except for country A, which exhibited stability throughout the period"
Explanation: "Whose figure documented a stability" is awkward and vague. "Which exhibited stability" is clearer and maintains a formal tone.
"the remaining countries have increased percentage of student pursuing higher learning" -> "the remaining countries have experienced an increase in the percentage of students pursuing higher education"
Explanation: "Increased percentage" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "an increase in the percentage." Additionally, "higher education" is a more precise term than "higher learning."
"the proportion of tertiary education engagement of country D was the highest among the countries surveyed" -> "the proportion of tertiary education participation in country D was the highest among the surveyed countries"
Explanation: "Engagement" is less precise than "participation," and "in country D" flows better than "of country D."
"there are 45% of students in country D enrolled in higher education" -> "45% of students in country D were enrolled in higher education"
Explanation: "There are" is informal and unnecessary; stating "45% of students… were enrolled" is more direct and formal.
"towered over that of other countries" -> "significantly exceeded that of other countries"
Explanation: "Towered over" is informal and figurative; "significantly exceeded" is more precise and maintains an academic tone.
"the figure for country D increase significantly" -> "the figure for country D increased significantly"
Explanation: "Increase" should be in the past tense "increased" to match the past context of the sentence.
"maintained the first rank in rate of tertiary learning involvement" -> "maintained the highest rate of tertiary education participation"
Explanation: "First rank" is less formal; "highest rate" is clearer and more appropriate in an academic context.
"It followed by country A, whose data marked the lowest percentage" -> "This was followed by country A, which recorded the lowest percentage"
Explanation: "It followed by" is grammatically incorrect; "This was followed by" corrects the structure. "Whose data marked" is less formal than "which recorded."
"remarkably climbed to 58% in 2010, showed a minimal gap of 2% with that of country D" -> "remarkably climbed to 58% in 2010, demonstrating a minimal gap of 2% compared to country D"
Explanation: "Showed" is less formal than "demonstrating," and "with that of country D" is awkward; "compared to country D" is clearer.
"The statistic for country C showed a moderate rise of 5% from 2000 (43%) to 2005 (48%) before stabilizing for the next 5 years" -> "The statistics for country C indicated a moderate rise of 5% from 2000 (43%) to 2005 (48%) before stabilizing over the subsequent five years"
Explanation: "Statistic" should be pluralized to "statistics" since it refers to multiple data points. "Indicated" is more formal than "showed," and "over the subsequent five years" is more precise than "for the next 5 years."
"There are two fifths of young people in country B in higher education" -> "In country B, 40% of young people were enrolled in higher education"
Explanation: "There are" is informal and unnecessary; stating "In country B, 40% of young people were enrolled" is clearer and more direct.
"this rate stayed unchanged through the period surveyed" -> "this rate remained constant throughout the surveyed period"
Explanation: "Stayed unchanged" is informal; "remained constant" is more precise and formal. "Throughout the surveyed period" is also more academically appropriate than "through the period surveyed."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but it does not fully extend the key features. For example, the essay states that "the proportion of tertiary education engagement of country D was the highest among the countries surveyed," but it does not provide any specific details about the proportion. The essay also presents some irrelevant details, such as the fact that "there are two fifths of young people in country B in higher education." This detail is not relevant to the main trends in the data.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the key features of the data. For example, the essay could state that "the proportion of young people in country D who engaged in higher education was 45% in 2000 and increased to 60% in 2010." The essay could also be improved by removing irrelevant details. For example, the essay could remove the sentence "there are two fifths of young people in country B in higher education."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression. However, while it uses cohesive devices effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved, leading to some mechanical or awkward phrasing. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped or sequenced for clarity.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more naturally, ensuring that transitions between ideas flow smoothly. Additionally, organizing paragraphs to group similar ideas together and clearly defining the central topic of each paragraph would improve clarity and logical progression. Finally, avoiding repetitive phrases and ensuring varied sentence structures can contribute to a more engaging and coherent essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "engaged," "proportion," and "stabilizing," but there are inaccuracies in word choice and some awkward phrasing, such as "towered over" and "maintained the first rank." Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "increase" instead of "increased" and "whose data marked" instead of "which marked." While these errors do not completely impede communication, they do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes ensuring correct verb forms and improving collocation. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and varying sentence structures can help convey meanings more fluently and flexibly. Finally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will further strengthen the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some grammatical errors and issues with punctuation, they do not significantly hinder communication. For instance, phrases like "the remaining countries have increased percentage of student pursuing higher learning" contain grammatical inaccuracies that affect clarity. Additionally, the use of "there are 45% of students" is awkward and could be rephrased for better grammatical accuracy. Overall, the essay shows an attempt to use varied structures, but the frequency and nature of the errors indicate a need for improvement.

How to improve: To achieve a higher score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and refining sentence structures. This can be done by practicing complex sentence forms and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation and clarity will help reduce errors and improve overall coherence. Engaging with more varied vocabulary and sentence structures will also contribute to a more sophisticated writing style.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart compares the rates of young residents who engaged in higher education in four specific countries from 2000 to 2010. Overall, except for country A, whose figure remained stable throughout the period, the remaining countries experienced an increase in the percentage of students pursuing higher education. Moreover, the proportion of tertiary education engagement in country D was the highest among the countries surveyed.

In 2000, 45% of students in country D were enrolled in higher education, significantly surpassing that of the other countries. After ten years, the figure for country D increased significantly to 60%, maintaining the top rank in the rate of tertiary learning involvement. This was followed by country A, which recorded the lowest percentage in the first year surveyed at 35%, but remarkably climbed to 58% in 2010, showing a minimal gap of 2% with country D.

The statistics for country C showed a moderate rise of 5% from 2000 (43%) to 2005 (48%) before stabilizing for the next five years. In country B, two-fifths of young people were in higher education, and this rate remained unchanged throughout the period surveyed.