Despite better access to education, many adults today still cannot read or write. In what ways are they disadvantaged? What can governments do to help them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Despite better access to education, many adults today still cannot read or write.
In what ways are they disadvantaged? What can governments do to help them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Task 2:
Although access to education has improved over the past years and allows people to enhance their knowledge and skills, many adults still suffer from illiteracy. Being unable to read and write may resulting in significant disadvantages, and this essay will explore those drawbacks and suggest methods that governments can use to solve this problem.
Lack of ability to read and write can prevent people from accessing general knowledge, which can lead to limited job opportunities. Illiterate people cannot comprehend written information such as news, data, resulting in misunderstanding of important subjects is various areas of life, including history, science, culture, current affairs and general trivia. As a result, people may have challenges in searching for jobs as most careers require individuals to have basic literacy skills for effective job performance; Recent surveys indicate that in 2024, unemployment rate in South Africa attributed to illiteracy accounts for nearly two-thirds of total jobless rate in this country.
Nevertheless, there are two solutions that governments can take to handle this problem. Firstly, disadvantaged areas where ethnic groups live should be provided with more modern facilities to improve study conditions for people in there. For example, in Vietnam, the government has encouraged many volunteering organizations to help ethnic children to have better access to education, they conduct fundraising and send donations to poor areas. Secondly, governments can pass new laws, which require adults of a certain age to take test and have degrees of literacy level. This kind of test should be held every year to ensure that the illiteracy rate will decrease.
In conclusion, despite improvements in education access, many adults are still illiterate, leading to limitation of knowledge and job opportunities. I believe that with the solutions mentioned above, governments can diminish illiteracy rate.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "over the past years" -> "over the past years"
   Explanation: The phrase "over the past years" is grammatically incomplete and vague. The correct phrase should be "over the past years" or "in recent years" to provide a clearer temporal reference.

2. "Being unable to read and write may resulting in" -> "Being unable to read and write may result in"
   Explanation: The verb "resulting" is incorrectly used as a gerund. The correct form is "result in," which is the gerund form needed here.

3. "this essay will explore those drawbacks and suggest methods that governments can use to solve this problem" -> "this essay will examine these drawbacks and propose methods that governments can employ to address this issue"
   Explanation: "Explore" is somewhat vague and less formal; "examine" is more precise and academic. "Suggest" is also less formal than "propose," and "solve" is somewhat simplistic; "address" is more appropriate in formal writing.

4. "Lack of ability to read and write can prevent people from accessing general knowledge" -> "Illiteracy can hinder individuals’ access to general knowledge"
   Explanation: "Lack of ability to read and write" is redundant and verbose; "illiteracy" is a more concise and direct term. "Prevent" is also somewhat informal; "hinder" is more precise in an academic context.

5. "resulting in misunderstanding of important subjects is various areas of life" -> "resulting in misunderstandings of various subjects across various areas of life"
   Explanation: "resulting in misunderstanding of important subjects is various areas of life" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The corrected version clarifies the meaning and maintains grammatical correctness.

6. "people may have challenges in searching for jobs" -> "individuals may face challenges in job searches"
   Explanation: "people may have challenges in searching for jobs" is informal and slightly awkward. "Individuals may face challenges in job searches" is more formal and precise.

7. "Recent surveys indicate that in 2024, unemployment rate in South Africa attributed to illiteracy accounts for nearly two-thirds of total jobless rate in this country" -> "Recent surveys indicate that in 2024, the unemployment rate in South Africa attributed to illiteracy accounts for nearly two-thirds of the total jobless rate in this country"
   Explanation: The original sentence lacks a definite article before "jobless rate," which is necessary for grammatical correctness. Adding "the" before "jobless rate" corrects this error.

8. "Firstly, disadvantaged areas where ethnic groups live should be provided with more modern facilities to improve study conditions for people in there" -> "Firstly, disadvantaged areas where ethnic groups reside should be equipped with modern facilities to enhance educational conditions for their residents"
   Explanation: "people in there" is informal and vague; "their residents" is more precise and formal. "Improve study conditions" is also somewhat informal; "enhance educational conditions" is more appropriate for academic writing.

9. "they conduct fundraising and send donations to poor areas" -> "they conduct fundraising campaigns and donate to impoverished regions"
   Explanation: "send donations to poor areas" is informal and imprecise. "Donate to impoverished regions" is more formal and specific.

10. "pass new laws, which require adults of a certain age to take test and have degrees of literacy level" -> "enact new legislation that mandates adults of a certain age to undergo literacy tests and achieve a minimum literacy standard"
    Explanation: "pass new laws" is informal and vague; "enact new legislation" is more precise and formal. "take test" should be "undergo literacy tests" for clarity and formality, and "degrees of literacy level" is awkward and unclear; "achieve a minimum literacy standard" is clearer and more formal.

11. "I believe that with the solutions mentioned above, governments can diminish illiteracy rate" -> "I contend that with the proposed solutions, governments can reduce the illiteracy rate"
    Explanation: "I believe" is somewhat informal for academic writing; "I contend" is more assertive and formal. "Diminish" is less precise than "reduce," which is commonly used in academic contexts to describe decreasing rates or quantities.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by identifying the disadvantages faced by illiterate adults, such as limited job opportunities and lack of access to general knowledge. The mention of the unemployment rate in South Africa provides a relevant example to support the argument. However, the essay could have more explicitly linked the disadvantages to specific areas of life, such as social and economic implications, to fully cover the first part of the question. The second part regarding government solutions is addressed, but the suggestions could be more detailed and varied.
  • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should ensure that each disadvantage is clearly articulated with specific examples. Additionally, offering a wider range of solutions, such as community education programs or partnerships with NGOs, would enhance the response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that illiteracy is a significant issue and that government intervention is necessary. However, the transition between discussing disadvantages and solutions could be smoother. The phrase "Nevertheless, there are two solutions" could imply a contrasting view, which may confuse the reader about the overall stance.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use transitional phrases that reinforce the connection between the disadvantages and the proposed solutions. For example, stating that addressing these disadvantages is crucial for societal progress would strengthen the argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the disadvantages of illiteracy and government solutions, but the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. The example of Vietnam is relevant but could be expanded to illustrate the effectiveness of such initiatives. The essay lacks depth in exploring how the proposed solutions would specifically address the disadvantages mentioned.
  • How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should include more detailed examples and explanations of how each solution can lead to a reduction in illiteracy. For instance, discussing the potential impact of improved facilities on literacy rates would enhance the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the disadvantages of illiteracy and potential government responses. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For example, the mention of "general trivia" feels somewhat tangential and does not add significant value to the argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports the main argument. Avoiding vague references and ensuring that all examples are tightly linked to the central theme of illiteracy will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, it could benefit from deeper exploration of the disadvantages and solutions, clearer transitions, and a more focused approach to maintaining relevance throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing disadvantages and solutions, and a conclusion. The flow of ideas is generally logical; however, the transition between discussing disadvantages and solutions could be smoother. For instance, the shift from the first body paragraph to the second could benefit from a clearer linking sentence that explicitly connects the disadvantages to the proposed solutions.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases such as "In light of these challenges" or "To address these issues" at the beginning of the second body paragraph. This will help the reader understand the connection between the problems discussed and the solutions proposed.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. However, the first body paragraph could be split into two to better delineate the disadvantages of illiteracy. The first part could focus on job opportunities, while the second could discuss the broader implications of not being able to read and write.
  • How to improve: Consider dividing the first body paragraph into two distinct paragraphs. For example, one could discuss the impact of illiteracy on job opportunities, while the other could address the broader societal implications. This will provide clearer focus and allow for more in-depth exploration of each point.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Nevertheless," and "In conclusion." However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be improved for better clarity. For example, the phrase "resulting in misunderstanding of important subjects is various areas of life" contains grammatical errors and lacks clarity, which detracts from cohesion.
  • How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Consequently." Additionally, ensure that sentences are grammatically correct and clearly articulated. For instance, revise the problematic sentence to "This can lead to misunderstandings about important subjects in various areas of life." This not only improves clarity but also enhances the overall cohesion of the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially improving the overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "illiteracy," "disadvantages," "comprehend," and "opportunities." However, the vocabulary usage is somewhat repetitive, particularly with the term "illiteracy" and phrases like "access to education." For instance, the phrase "improve study conditions" could be varied with alternatives like "enhance learning environments" or "upgrade educational facilities."
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "illiteracy," they could use "lack of literacy," "reading and writing deficiency," or "educational disadvantage." Additionally, employing more descriptive adjectives and adverbs can enrich the text, such as using "critical" instead of just "significant" when discussing disadvantages.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its points, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "resulting in misunderstanding of important subjects is various areas of life" is awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity. The term "is" should be "in," and the phrase could be more clearly articulated as "leading to misunderstandings in various important subjects."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on sentence structure and clarity. They can practice rephrasing complex ideas into simpler, more direct expressions. For instance, instead of "this kind of test should be held every year," they could say, "annual assessments should be implemented." This not only clarifies the meaning but also enhances the overall readability of the essay.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "resulting" (should be "result"), "in there" (should be "in them"), and "diminish illiteracy rate" (should be "diminish the illiteracy rate"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, perhaps reading it aloud to catch errors. Additionally, using spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can be beneficial. Regular practice with spelling exercises can also help solidify correct spelling in the writer’s mind.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision, and ensuring correct spelling—the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource category.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, the sentence "Although access to education has improved over the past years and allows people to enhance their knowledge and skills, many adults still suffer from illiteracy" effectively combines clauses to convey a nuanced idea. However, there are instances of repetitive structure, particularly in the second paragraph, where many sentences begin with "Lack of ability" or "Illiterate people," which can lead to a monotonous rhythm.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider using more introductory phrases, subordinate clauses, or varying the sentence openings. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Lack of ability," you could rephrase to use passive constructions or introductory adverbial phrases (e.g., "Due to a lack of literacy, individuals often face…"). This will create a more engaging and dynamic writing style.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, "may resulting in significant disadvantages" should be corrected to "may result in significant disadvantages." Additionally, the phrase "resulting in misunderstanding of important subjects is various areas of life" contains a grammatical error; it should read "resulting in misunderstandings of important subjects in various areas of life." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are run-on sentences, such as "the government has encouraged many volunteering organizations to help ethnic children to have better access to education, they conduct fundraising and send donations to poor areas," which should be split into two sentences or connected with a conjunction.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these concepts. Additionally, pay attention to sentence boundaries to avoid run-on sentences. Reading your work aloud can help identify awkward phrasing or grammatical inconsistencies. Consider using tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers to catch errors before finalizing your essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the highlighted weaknesses will enhance clarity and engagement, potentially raising the band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Task 2:**

Although access to education has improved over the past years and allows people to enhance their knowledge and skills, many adults still suffer from illiteracy. Being unable to read and write may result in significant disadvantages, and this essay will examine these drawbacks and propose methods that governments can employ to address this issue.

The lack of ability to read and write can hinder individuals’ access to general knowledge, which can lead to limited job opportunities. Illiterate people cannot comprehend written information such as news and data, resulting in misunderstandings of various subjects across various areas of life, including history, science, culture, current affairs, and general trivia. As a result, individuals may face challenges in job searches, as most careers require basic literacy skills for effective job performance. Recent surveys indicate that in 2024, the unemployment rate in South Africa attributed to illiteracy accounts for nearly two-thirds of the total jobless rate in this country.

Nevertheless, there are two solutions that governments can take to address this problem. Firstly, disadvantaged areas where ethnic groups reside should be equipped with modern facilities to enhance educational conditions for their residents. For example, in Vietnam, the government has encouraged many volunteering organizations to assist ethnic children in gaining better access to education; they conduct fundraising campaigns and donate to impoverished regions. Secondly, governments can enact new legislation that mandates adults of a certain age to undergo literacy tests and achieve a minimum literacy standard. This kind of test should be held annually to ensure that the illiteracy rate decreases.

In conclusion, despite improvements in access to education, many adults are still illiterate, leading to limitations in knowledge and job opportunities. I contend that with the proposed solutions, governments can reduce the illiteracy rate.