Differences between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world people share the same advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of these fashions?

In this day and age, people are confronting an unprecedented growth of integration and globalisation which can pose both advantages and challenges to humanity. Hence, it is argued that people all around the world have identical exposure to advertising, brands, dietary patterns, and TV channels due to the blurred boundaries between countries these days. From my perspective, although this tendency has a certain level of benefits, its potential drawbacks are more significant.

On the one hand, this propensity indeed offers some merits for people. The most important one is that it can lead to a better experience overseas. Because of having relatively the same living habits and media-related experiences, people can form identical lifestyles, thoughts, and beliefs. This can help them integrate better when they travel overseas, work, and live in a different country as well as deter these people from culture shock due to the yawning cultural gap between each nation. Furthermore, by sharing the same exposure to advertisement, brands can facilitate people’s consumption and shopping as they can make a purchase on their habitual day-to-day items regardless of geographical location.

On the other hand, I believe these aforementioned virtues of this trend are perhaps eclipsed by its downsides. Specifically, having the same lifestyles irresponsible of daily life, media, and consumer products can render people lukewarm and ignored in terms of preserving the uniqueness and values of their cultures. This impact can contribute to the deterioration of indigenous cultures, not least for those which are endangered or rare, which take a toll on the effort of attempting to protect the cultural diversity of many individuals and relief organisations. More importantly, perpetuating this propensity can even also result in cultural homogenisation. This grave repercussion can make the next generations of jeopardised or lost cultures disregard their legacies, and ancestral roots which contribute tremendously to the moral regression and ingratitude to their forebears.

In conclusion, it is true that sharing the same style of living, media, and shopping in all parts of the world can prevent people from cultural shock when they travel globally as well as enable convenient shopping regardless of their locations. However, I argue that this inclination’s disadvantages are more substantial since it plays a big role in threatening cultural multiplicity and even spawning cultural uniformity.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "In contemporary times"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is somewhat colloquial and vague. "In contemporary times" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"people are confronting" -> "individuals are facing"
Explanation: "Confronting" can imply a more aggressive or confrontational stance, which may not be the intended meaning here. "Facing" is more neutral and appropriate for describing challenges or situations.
"unprecedented growth of integration and globalisation" -> "unprecedented growth of integration and globalization"
Explanation: "Globalisation" should be spelled as one word in formal English, following the standard term used in academic and professional contexts.
"people all around the world have identical exposure" -> "individuals globally have similar exposure"
Explanation: "People all around the world" is informal and slightly redundant. "Individuals globally" is more concise and formal.
"blurred boundaries between countries these days" -> "increasingly blurred national boundaries"
Explanation: "These days" is informal and vague. "Increasingly blurred national boundaries" provides a clearer and more formal description of the phenomenon.
"a certain level of benefits" -> "some benefits"
Explanation: "A certain level of benefits" is redundant. "Some benefits" is more direct and maintains the formal tone.
"having relatively the same living habits" -> "sharing similar living habits"
Explanation: "Having relatively the same" is awkward and verbose. "Sharing similar" is more concise and natural.
"deter these people from culture shock" -> "reduce the likelihood of culture shock for these individuals"
Explanation: "Deter" is less precise in this context. "Reduce the likelihood of" is more accurate and formal.
"irresponsible of daily life" -> "irresponsible in daily life"
Explanation: "Irresponsible of" is grammatically incorrect. "Irresponsible in" corrects the preposition and maintains the formal tone.
"render people lukewarm and ignored" -> "render people apathetic and indifferent"
Explanation: "Lukewarm and ignored" is an unusual and unclear combination. "Apathetic and indifferent" are more precise and commonly used terms in academic writing.
"not least for those which are endangered or rare" -> "particularly for endangered or rare cultures"
Explanation: "Not least" is informal and less precise. "Particularly" is more appropriate for emphasizing specific examples in formal writing.
"take a toll on the effort" -> "affect the efforts"
Explanation: "Take a toll on the effort" is slightly informal and imprecise. "Affect the efforts" is more direct and formal.
"jeopardised or lost cultures" -> "jeopardized or lost cultures"
Explanation: "Jeopardised" should be spelled as "jeopardized" in American English, which is commonly used in academic texts.
"plays a big role in threatening" -> "plays a significant role in threatening"
Explanation: "Big" is too informal and vague for academic writing. "Significant" is more precise and formal.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the global convergence of lifestyles and media. The introduction sets the stage for this discussion, and both sides are explored in detail. The writer mentions specific advantages, such as easier integration for travelers and uniform shopping experiences, while also highlighting significant disadvantages, including the erosion of cultural uniqueness and the risk of cultural homogenization. This balanced approach demonstrates a thorough understanding of the question.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could provide more specific examples or case studies that illustrate the points made. For instance, mentioning particular brands or cultural practices that have been affected by globalization could strengthen the argument and provide clearer evidence for the claims.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that while there are benefits to globalization, the drawbacks are more significant. This stance is consistently reinforced in both the body paragraphs and the conclusion. The use of phrases like "I believe" and "I argue" helps to clarify the writer’s perspective.
- How to improve: To further solidify the position, the writer could explicitly restate their viewpoint in the topic sentences of each body paragraph. This would help to remind the reader of the overarching argument and ensure that the position is unmistakably clear at all times.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in discussing the merits and drawbacks of cultural convergence. The points made about the advantages of shared lifestyles and the potential for cultural loss are relevant and logically structured. However, some ideas could benefit from deeper exploration. For example, while the writer mentions "cultural shock," they could elaborate on how shared media experiences specifically mitigate this issue.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to extend their ideas further by providing more detailed explanations and examples. This could involve discussing specific cultural practices that are at risk due to globalization or providing statistical data on cultural diversity trends. Such elaboration would enhance the depth of the analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the prompt directly and avoiding tangential discussions. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument regarding the advantages and disadvantages of global cultural convergence.
- How to improve: To maintain this focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Occasionally revisiting the prompt in the body paragraphs could help reinforce this connection and ensure that all arguments are tightly aligned with the task.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of the Task Response criteria, effectively addressing the prompt with a clear position and well-supported ideas. To achieve an even higher band score, the writer should consider incorporating specific examples, extending their ideas further, and reinforcing their position throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, maintaining a coherent flow of ideas. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the advantages of globalization, while the second paragraph addresses the disadvantages, creating a balanced argument. The use of transitional phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively signals shifts in perspective, aiding the reader’s understanding of the argument’s progression.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow further, consider providing clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that encapsulate the main idea. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that explicitly states the advantages of globalization before delving into specific examples. This would reinforce the main point and guide the reader more effectively through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs explore advantages and disadvantages separately. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer internal organization, as it presents multiple ideas that could be more effectively broken down into sub-points.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, consider breaking down the second body paragraph into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the cultural impacts of globalization and the other on the implications for cultural diversity. This would allow for a more thorough exploration of each point and enhance the overall clarity of the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "because of," "furthermore," and "more importantly," which help to connect ideas and maintain coherence. These devices contribute to the overall readability of the essay. However, there is some repetition of certain phrases, which can detract from the overall cohesiveness of the text.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "this can" or "this impact," you could vary your language with alternatives such as "this phenomenon" or "this situation." Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "in contrast" or "consequently," could enhance the sophistication of the essay and improve the logical connections between ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a solid range of vocabulary, with terms like "unprecedented growth," "integration," "globalisation," and "cultural homogenisation" showcasing the writer’s ability to use varied and sophisticated language. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more diverse. For example, the repeated use of "lifestyles" and "cultural" could be enhanced with synonyms or related terms to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "lifestyles," alternatives like "ways of life," "habits," or "cultural practices" could be used. Additionally, exploring more specific terms related to the topic, such as "consumerism" or "cultural identity," could enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "having the same lifestyles irresponsible of daily life" is awkward and unclear. The intended meaning seems to be that people are adopting similar lifestyles without regard for their cultural backgrounds, but the wording does not effectively convey this idea.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and coherence in their word choices. Rephrasing the problematic sentence to something like "adopting similar lifestyles without consideration for their cultural backgrounds" would enhance clarity. Additionally, ensuring that phrases are commonly understood will help avoid confusion.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy overall, with only minor issues. However, the term "advertisement" is used incorrectly as "advertisement" instead of "advertising" in the context of discussing shared exposure to media. Such errors can detract from the professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly confused words and ensuring they are used correctly. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch these errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with the correct forms of frequently used terms in academic writing can prevent such mistakes.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band 7 for Lexical Resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring clarity in word choice, and carefully proofreading for spelling, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "Because of having relatively the same living habits and media-related experiences, people can form identical lifestyles, thoughts, and beliefs" effectively convey intricate ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures like "if they travel overseas" showcases the writer’s ability to manipulate grammatical forms to express nuanced meanings. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence openings, particularly with phrases starting with "this" or "these," which could detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence beginnings and transition phrases. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "this" or "these," the writer could use phrases like "Moreover," "In addition," or "Conversely," to introduce new ideas. Experimenting with different sentence lengths and types, such as using more compound sentences or rhetorical questions, could also enrich the essay’s structure.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "having the same lifestyles irresponsible of daily life" contains a misuse of "irresponsible," which should be "irrespective." Additionally, punctuation is mostly correct, but there are a few instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which contribute tremendously to the moral regression and ingratitude to their forebears," where a comma after "roots" would clarify the sentence structure.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread for word choice and ensure that terms are used correctly in context. Additionally, practicing the use of commas in complex sentences can help clarify meaning and improve readability. Engaging in exercises focused on common grammatical pitfalls, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of prepositions, may also be beneficial.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a Band Score of 8. By addressing the noted areas for improvement, the writer can further enhance the sophistication and clarity of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, people are confronting an unprecedented growth of integration and globalization, which can pose both advantages and challenges to humanity. Hence, it is argued that individuals all around the world have identical exposure to advertising, brands, dietary patterns, and TV channels due to the increasingly blurred boundaries between countries these days. From my perspective, although this tendency has a certain level of benefits, its potential drawbacks are more significant.

On the one hand, this propensity indeed offers some merits for individuals. The most important one is that it can lead to a better experience overseas. Because of having relatively the same living habits and media-related experiences, people can form identical lifestyles, thoughts, and beliefs. This can help them integrate better when they travel overseas, work, and live in a different country, as well as reduce the likelihood of culture shock due to the yawning cultural gap between each nation. Furthermore, by sharing the same exposure to advertisements, brands can facilitate people’s consumption and shopping, as they can make purchases on their habitual day-to-day items regardless of geographical location.

On the other hand, I believe these aforementioned virtues of this trend are perhaps eclipsed by its downsides. Specifically, having the same lifestyles, irresponsible in daily life, media, and consumer products can render people apathetic and indifferent in terms of preserving the uniqueness and values of their cultures. This impact can contribute to the deterioration of indigenous cultures, particularly for those which are endangered or rare, which takes a toll on the efforts of attempting to protect the cultural diversity of many individuals and relief organizations. More importantly, perpetuating this propensity can even result in cultural homogenization. This grave repercussion can make the next generations of jeopardized or lost cultures disregard their legacies and ancestral roots, which contributes tremendously to moral regression and ingratitude towards their forebears.

In conclusion, it is true that sharing the same style of living, media, and shopping in all parts of the world can prevent people from culture shock when they travel globally, as well as enable convenient shopping regardless of their locations. However, I argue that this inclination’s disadvantages are more substantial since it plays a significant role in threatening cultural multiplicity and even spawning cultural uniformity.