Differences between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world, people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this?

Differences between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world, people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels.
Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this?

Globalization is occurring at a faster rate that deletes many differences between nations, as people nowadays share the same fashions, entertainment, and food habits. While this phenomenon may lead to certain drawbacks, I believe the positive results are more significant.

To begin with, the similarity between cultures allows people to adapt to new countries, especially in the case of studying abroad or traveling. When foreign people can find their old clothes styles and food, or meet the locals who share the same cultures with them in the new area, they can integrate with society more easily. For example, Chinese students can enjoy their time better when they study in Western countries if there is Asian food and fashion. Therefore, globalization eliminates the shock culture.

Another advantage relates to the economic growth of businesses. This is because the company can promote and sell their products internationally instead of nationally or locally like in the past. A typical example of this is MacDonald, a famous fast food brand with numerous branches in different countries while it operated exclusively in America when it was first established. This helps the producers to earn more profits, gain a higher reputation, and thereby enhance the success of the company.

Admittedly, there could be a threat of cultural homogenization as a result of this phenomenon. Some minor traditional costumes, events, and languages can be eroded as people follow the dominant ones, therefore leading to the loss of cultural biodiversity. In fact, many hand-crafted villages in Vietnam, which have existed for a long time, are in danger of being neglected as the young generation in those villages adopt a Western lifestyle and do not inherit their family’s careers. However, if the governments can implement appropriate approaches and organize programs to conserve these traditions, the problems can be diminished.

In conclusion, cultural globalization offers more positive results, as it helps people to settle down in new countries more easily and improves economic growth. Although the loss of some cultures might happen, it can be circumvented by proper actions.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Globalization is occurring at a faster rate that deletes many differences" -> "Globalization is proceeding at a faster rate, thereby eliminating many differences"
   Explanation: The original phrase "deletes many differences" is awkward and incorrect. The revised phrase "thereby eliminating many differences" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances the formal tone by using a more precise verb form.

2. "people nowadays share the same fashions, entertainment, and food habits" -> "individuals currently share similar fashion trends, forms of entertainment, and dietary habits"
   Explanation: Replacing "people nowadays" with "individuals currently" and "fashions, entertainment, and food habits" with "fashion trends, forms of entertainment, and dietary habits" refines the language to be more precise and formal, suitable for an academic context.

3. "the similarity between cultures allows people to adapt" -> "cultural similarity facilitates adaptation"
   Explanation: "Cultural similarity facilitates adaptation" is more concise and academically formal than "the similarity between cultures allows people to adapt," which is somewhat verbose and informal.

4. "foreign people can find their old clothes styles and food" -> "foreign individuals can discover familiar clothing styles and cuisine"
   Explanation: "Foreign people" is vague and informal; "foreign individuals" is more precise. Also, "old clothes styles" is awkward; "familiar clothing styles" is more natural and formal.

5. "When foreign people can find their old clothes styles and food" -> "When foreign individuals discover familiar clothing styles and cuisine"
   Explanation: Replacing "can find their old clothes styles and food" with "discover familiar clothing styles and cuisine" improves the formality and clarity of the sentence.

6. "eliminates the shock culture" -> "reduces cultural shock"
   Explanation: "Eliminates the shock culture" is an unclear and informal expression. "Reduces cultural shock" is a more precise and academically appropriate term.

7. "Another advantage relates to the economic growth of businesses" -> "Another advantage pertains to the economic growth of businesses"
   Explanation: "Pertains to" is a more formal alternative to "relates to," enhancing the academic tone of the essay.

8. "This is because the company can promote and sell their products internationally" -> "This is because companies can promote and sell their products internationally"
   Explanation: Changing "the company" to "companies" broadens the scope and avoids the singular form, which is less appropriate in this context.

9. "A typical example of this is MacDonald" -> "A typical example of this is McDonald’s"
   Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "MacDonald" to "McDonald’s" addresses a basic error and maintains professionalism.

10. "Some minor traditional costumes, events, and languages can be eroded" -> "Certain minor traditional costumes, events, and languages may be eroded"
    Explanation: "Some" is vague; "certain" is more specific and formal. Also, "can be eroded" is less definitive; "may be eroded" suggests a possibility rather than certainty, which is more appropriate in academic writing.

11. "do not inherit their family’s careers" -> "do not continue their family’s traditional occupations"
    Explanation: "Inherit their family’s careers" is incorrect as careers are not typically inherited. "Continue their family’s traditional occupations" is a more accurate and formal expression.

12. "the problems can be diminished" -> "these issues can be mitigated"
    Explanation: "Diminished" is less specific and slightly informal; "mitigated" is a more precise and formal term suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of globalization. The author presents a clear argument that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, which is a direct response to the question. The advantages highlighted include cultural adaptability and economic growth, while the disadvantage of cultural homogenization is acknowledged. However, the essay could have further explored the disadvantages to provide a more balanced view, particularly by offering more specific examples of cultural loss.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should consider expanding on the disadvantages with additional examples or statistics that illustrate the impact of cultural homogenization. This would provide a more comprehensive analysis and strengthen the argument regarding the advantages.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the advantages of globalization outweigh the disadvantages. This stance is consistently supported throughout the essay, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. The examples provided align well with the author’s position, reinforcing the argument. However, the transition between discussing advantages and disadvantages could be smoother to enhance clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity and coherence, the author could use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the advantages to the disadvantages, such as "While there are notable drawbacks, it is important to recognize that…" This would help maintain a clear narrative thread throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas effectively, particularly in the discussion of cultural adaptability and economic growth. The use of specific examples, such as Chinese students studying abroad and the case of McDonald’s, adds depth to the arguments. However, the support for the disadvantages is less robust, as it lacks detailed examples or elaboration on the potential consequences of cultural loss.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author should provide more detailed examples or case studies related to cultural loss. For instance, discussing specific cultural practices or languages that are at risk could enhance the argument’s depth. Additionally, elaborating on how cultural biodiversity contributes to society could provide a more nuanced perspective.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of globalization and its effects on cultural differences. The author does not deviate from the main subject, which is commendable. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. However, some sentences could be more concise to avoid unnecessary repetition.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and improve clarity, the author should review the essay for any repetitive phrases or ideas. Streamlining sentences and ensuring that each one contributes directly to the argument will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and presents a well-supported argument. By expanding on the disadvantages, improving transitions, providing more detailed examples, and refining the focus, the author can elevate the essay to an even higher level of clarity and depth.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. Each paragraph addresses a specific point related to the advantages or disadvantages of globalization, which is crucial for maintaining coherence. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the ease of cultural adaptation, while the second focuses on economic growth. This clear separation of ideas aids the reader in following the argument. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be more explicit, as the shift to the drawbacks feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that signal a shift in focus, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely," when moving from advantages to disadvantages. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can further clarify the main idea being discussed.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph is focused on a single aspect of the argument, making it easy for the reader to follow. The introduction and conclusion are also distinct, framing the argument well. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more internal cohesion, especially in the body paragraphs where examples are provided.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph not only introduces a main idea but also includes a concluding sentence that summarizes the point made. This will reinforce the argument and provide a sense of closure to each paragraph. For example, after discussing the economic growth due to globalization, a sentence summarizing how this contributes to the overall argument would enhance cohesion.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "to begin with," "for example," and "admittedly," which help to connect ideas and provide clarity. These devices effectively guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied connectors and phrases that indicate cause and effect, contrast, or addition.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "Furthermore" or "Moreover" to add information, or "In contrast" to highlight differences, can enrich the text. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to avoid repetition and maintain flow. For example, instead of repeating "globalization," you could use "this phenomenon" or "this trend" in subsequent references.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and fluidity of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of globalization and cultural exchange. Terms such as "globalization," "cultural homogenization," and "economic growth" are appropriately used. However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "food habits" and "clothes styles," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the language.
  • How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeating "food habits," they could use "culinary practices" or "dietary trends." Additionally, introducing more varied adjectives and adverbs could enrich the descriptions, such as using "diverse" or "varied" instead of "different."

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "shock culture" is unclear and may confuse readers; it would be more effective to say "cultural shock." Additionally, the term "MacDonald" should be corrected to "McDonald’s," which is the proper name of the brand.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should ensure that they are using terms that accurately convey their intended meaning. A thorough proofreading process can help catch these errors. Furthermore, using contextually appropriate phrases, such as "cultural adaptation" instead of "shock culture," would clarify the message.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors. The misspelling of "MacDonald" as "MacDonald" instead of "McDonald’s" is a notable error that detracts from the professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in careful proofreading and possibly utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling of commonly used academic vocabulary can help solidify correct usage. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly could also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band 6 for Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement. Expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and ensuring correct spelling will contribute to a higher score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "While this phenomenon may lead to certain drawbacks, I believe the positive results are more significant." This showcases the ability to combine ideas effectively. Additionally, the essay employs conditional structures, such as "if the governments can implement appropriate approaches," which adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of simpler sentence constructions that could be enhanced for greater complexity, such as "This helps the producers to earn more profits," which could be rephrased to incorporate more sophisticated structures.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of stating "This helps the producers to earn more profits," you could say, "By enabling producers to reach a global market, this trend not only enhances profitability but also elevates their brand reputation." Additionally, integrating more varied introductory phrases and transitions can enhance the flow and complexity of the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally showcases strong grammatical accuracy, with few errors. For example, the phrase "globalization is occurring at a faster rate that deletes many differences between nations" contains a grammatical error; it should be "at a faster rate that is deleting" or "at a faster rate, deleting." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are minor issues, such as the lack of a comma before "therefore" in "therefore leading to the loss of cultural biodiversity," which could improve clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to verb tenses and ensure that they are consistently used throughout the essay. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common errors can also be beneficial. For punctuation, reviewing rules regarding the use of commas, especially in complex sentences, can help. For instance, rephrasing sentences to include necessary commas can clarify meaning, such as adding a comma before "therefore" to separate clauses effectively.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a clear argument, but there are opportunities for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. By focusing on these areas, the writer can further enhance the quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Globalization is occurring at a faster rate, thereby eliminating many differences between nations, as people nowadays share the same fashions, entertainment, and food habits. While this phenomenon may lead to certain drawbacks, I believe the positive results are more significant.

To begin with, the similarity between cultures allows people to adapt to new countries, especially in the case of studying abroad or traveling. When foreign individuals can discover familiar clothing styles and cuisine, or meet locals who share the same cultures with them in the new area, they can integrate into society more easily. For example, Chinese students can enjoy their time better when they study in Western countries if there is Asian food and fashion available. Therefore, globalization reduces cultural shock.

Another advantage pertains to the economic growth of businesses. This is because companies can promote and sell their products internationally instead of nationally or locally like in the past. A typical example of this is McDonald’s, a famous fast food brand with numerous branches in different countries while it operated exclusively in America when it was first established. This helps producers earn more profits, gain a higher reputation, and thereby enhance the success of the company.

Admittedly, there could be a threat of cultural homogenization as a result of this phenomenon. Some minor traditional costumes, events, and languages may be eroded as people follow the dominant ones, leading to the loss of cultural biodiversity. In fact, many hand-crafted villages in Vietnam, which have existed for a long time, are in danger of being neglected as the younger generation in those villages adopt a Western lifestyle and do not continue their family’s traditional occupations. However, if governments can implement appropriate approaches and organize programs to conserve these traditions, these issues can be mitigated.

In conclusion, cultural globalization offers more positive results, as it helps people settle down in new countries more easily and improves economic growth. Although the loss of some cultures might happen, it can be circumvented by proper actions.