Differences between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays all over the world, people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits, TV channels. DO the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

In modern era, the variety in fashions, advertising, brands, diets and TV programs among countries over the world is more vague and less unique. This trend will bring both benefits and outcomes, but the drawbacks of it are more considerable.

On the one hand, the similarity in some aspects among nations has a lot positive effects. Firstly, it promotes tourism which helps economy of a country be sustainable. For example, foreigners, who come to a nation having the same culture, will feel familiar and satisfied. Therefore, they will want to stay for a long time or recommend their friend to visit. Secondly, if people in all countries have the same taste in clothes, eating habits or TV programs, there will be a large number of opportunities for commercial businesses and famous brands to open their branches internationally and expand their market.

On the other hand, this trend also causes many serious disadvantages which outweigh its advantages. First of all, if people in all nations share the same patterns in daily activities, hobbies and cultures, there will be a risk of losing national identity. In Viet Nam, the young generation tend to wear conventional clothes of other countries, such as Hanfu of Korean, Kimono of Japanese and Hanfu of Chinese, rather than Vietnamese traditional costumes, for instance, Ao Tac, Ao Giao Linh, Ao Ngu Than and so on. Additionally, if people access advertising, art works and TV programs from other countries carelessly, their mindset can be spoiled by some unreliable news, depraved works and reactionary information.

In conclusion, sharing the same cultural patterns can bring countries all over the world many significant benefits; however, there are a lot of serious drawbacks threatening the security and national identity of a country that out-shadow them.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In modern era" -> "In the modern era"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "modern era" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with formal academic style.
"the variety in fashions, advertising, brands, diets and TV programs" -> "the diversity in fashion, advertising, brands, diets, and television programs"
Explanation: Using "diversity" instead of "variety" is more precise in this context, referring to the range of options available. Also, "television programs" should be hyphenated as "television" is a compound adjective modifying "programs."
"over the world" -> "worldwide"
Explanation: "Worldwide" is a more concise and formal term than "over the world."
"more vague and less unique" -> "increasingly vague and less distinct"
Explanation: "Increasingly" is more precise than "more" in describing a trend, and "distinct" is a more formal synonym for "unique."
"the drawbacks of it are more considerable" -> "the drawbacks are more significant"
Explanation: "The drawbacks are more significant" is a more direct and formal way to express the increased severity of the disadvantages.
"a lot positive effects" -> "numerous positive effects"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more precise and formal than "a lot," which is too colloquial for academic writing.
"helps economy of a country be sustainable" -> "supports the sustainability of a country’s economy"
Explanation: "Supports the sustainability of a country’s economy" is a more formal and grammatically correct expression.
"who come to a nation having the same culture" -> "who visit a nation with similar cultural heritage"
Explanation: "Visit a nation with similar cultural heritage" is more specific and academically appropriate than "come to a nation having the same culture."
"want to stay for a long time or recommend their friend to visit" -> "are inclined to stay longer or encourage their friends to visit"
Explanation: "Are inclined to stay longer" and "encourage their friends to visit" are more formal and precise.
"if people in all countries have the same taste in clothes, eating habits or TV programs" -> "if people across all countries share similar preferences in clothing, dietary habits, or television programs"
Explanation: "Share similar preferences" is more precise and formal than "have the same taste," and "dietary habits" and "television programs" are more specific terms.
"there will be a risk of losing national identity" -> "there is a risk of compromising national identity"
Explanation: "Compromising national identity" is a more precise and formal expression than "losing national identity."
"the young generation tend to wear" -> "the younger generation tends to wear"
Explanation: "The younger generation" is grammatically correct, and "tends" is the correct verb form for the singular subject "generation."
"Hanfu of Korean, Kimono of Japanese and Hanfu of Chinese" -> "Korean Hanbok, Japanese Kimono, and Chinese Hanfu"
Explanation: Using the specific names of the garments (Hanbok, Kimono, Hanfu) and countries (Korean, Japanese, Chinese) is more precise and respectful.
"Ao Tac, Ao Giao Linh, Ao Ngu Than and so on" -> "Ao Tac, Ao Giao Linh, and Ao Ngu Than, among others"
Explanation: "Among others" is a more formal way to indicate that the list is not exhaustive.
"carelessly" -> "without discernment"
Explanation: "Without discernment" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "carelessly," which is too informal for this context.
"their mindset can be spoiled" -> "their perspectives may be influenced"
Explanation: "May be influenced" is a more formal and less colloquial expression than "can be spoiled," which is too casual for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the trend towards cultural homogenization. The author identifies positive aspects such as promoting tourism and expanding business opportunities, while also highlighting significant drawbacks like the loss of national identity and exposure to unreliable information. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit comparison of the advantages and disadvantages to directly answer whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly state their position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages in the introduction and conclusion. Additionally, providing a more balanced analysis with specific examples for both sides would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, but this stance could be more consistently reinforced throughout the text. While the introduction and conclusion clearly state this viewpoint, the body paragraphs could benefit from stronger linking phrases that emphasize this position, especially when discussing the advantages.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use transitional phrases that reiterate their stance, such as "Despite these advantages, it is crucial to consider…" This would help to remind the reader of the main argument throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the promotion of tourism and the risk of losing national identity. However, some points lack depth and could be better supported with additional examples or explanations. For instance, the mention of Vietnamese traditional costumes could be expanded with more context about their cultural significance.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. This could include statistics on tourism growth due to cultural similarities or a deeper exploration of the impact of losing national identity on society.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the cultural similarities and their implications. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the mention of "depraved works and reactionary information" could be more explicitly tied back to how this affects national identity and cultural integrity.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the advantages and disadvantages of cultural homogenization. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each example back to the main argument and ensuring that all points contribute to answering the prompt.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, there are areas for improvement in depth, clarity, and focus that could elevate the score further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The points made are relevant to the prompt, and the writer effectively contrasts the benefits and drawbacks of cultural homogenization. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother. The phrase "On the other hand" is used, but the connection between the two sections could be more explicitly stated to enhance the reader’s understanding of how these points relate to each other.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could use clearer transitional phrases that indicate the relationship between ideas. For example, after discussing the advantages, a phrase like "Despite these benefits, there are significant drawbacks that must be considered" would create a stronger link between the two sections. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea can help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, with the first discussing advantages and the second discussing disadvantages. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. The first body paragraph is relatively longer and more developed than the second, which may give the impression that the advantages are more significant than the disadvantages.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should aim for a more balanced approach in terms of length and detail. Each body paragraph should ideally contain a similar number of points or examples. For instance, the second paragraph could be expanded with additional examples or elaboration on the points made about the loss of national identity and the impact of foreign media. This would not only balance the paragraphs but also strengthen the overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "On the one hand," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, in the second body paragraph, the transition between the discussion of national identity and the impact of foreign media could be more fluid.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of relying solely on "Firstly" and "Secondly," the writer could use alternatives like "In addition," "Moreover," or "Conversely" to enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help create cohesion within paragraphs. For instance, instead of repeating "people" in the second paragraph, the writer could use "they" or "individuals" to maintain coherence without redundancy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, implementing these suggestions could elevate the clarity and effectiveness of the argument, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "vague," "sustainable," "commercial businesses," and "national identity." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied and sophisticated. For example, the phrase "the same taste in clothes" is somewhat simplistic and could be replaced with "a uniformity in fashion preferences" to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To elevate the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate more advanced synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "same," consider using "homogeneous" or "uniform" to convey the idea of sameness in a more nuanced manner. Engaging with a thesaurus and practicing with varied vocabulary in writing exercises can help broaden lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices. For example, the phrase "the drawbacks of it are more considerable" could be better expressed as "the drawbacks are more significant" for clarity and precision. Additionally, the term "depraved works" may not accurately convey the intended meaning, as "depraved" typically refers to moral corruption rather than the quality of art.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on understanding the connotations of words and selecting terms that accurately reflect their intended meaning. Reading more academic texts and analyzing how authors choose their words can provide insights into precise vocabulary usage. Additionally, practicing paraphrasing sentences can help in developing a more precise vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with few errors. However, there are minor issues, such as "outcomes" which should be "outcomes" when referring to results. The phrase "Ao Tac, Ao Giao Linh, Ao Ngu Than" is spelled correctly, but the writer should ensure consistency in capitalization for terms that refer to specific cultural items.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should make a habit of proofreading their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can further improve spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more advanced vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and focusing on spelling, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences in phrases such as "if people in all countries have the same taste in clothes, eating habits or TV programs, there will be a large number of opportunities for commercial businesses" showcases an ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence openings and the inclusion of more advanced structures, such as inversion or conditional clauses that are less common.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice using different types of clauses and phrases. For example, incorporating more introductory phrases or participial phrases could add complexity. Additionally, varying the length of sentences can create a more engaging rhythm in the writing. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "if," the writer could begin with a dependent clause or use a different structure to present the same idea.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some noticeable errors. For example, in the phrase "the economy of a country be sustainable," the verb "be" should be "to be" to form the correct infinitive structure. Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences, which can affect clarity. For instance, in the sentence "foreigners, who come to a nation having the same culture, will feel familiar and satisfied," the use of commas is correct, but the sentence could be clearer if restructured.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of infinitives. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on verb forms and sentence structure, can be beneficial. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will help enhance clarity. Reading more academic essays can also provide insights into effective punctuation and grammar usage.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there are opportunities for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy. Regular practice and exposure to varied writing styles will contribute to achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the modern era, the diversity in fashion, advertising, brands, diets, and TV programs among countries worldwide is increasingly vague and less distinct. This trend will bring both benefits and drawbacks, but the disadvantages are more significant.

On the one hand, the similarity in some aspects among nations has numerous positive effects. Firstly, it promotes tourism, which supports the sustainability of a country’s economy. For example, foreigners who visit a nation with a similar cultural heritage will feel familiar and satisfied. Therefore, they will want to stay longer or encourage their friends to visit. Secondly, if people across all countries share similar preferences in clothing, dietary habits, or television programs, there will be a large number of opportunities for commercial businesses and famous brands to open their branches internationally and expand their market.

On the other hand, this trend also causes many serious disadvantages that outweigh its advantages. First of all, if people in all nations share the same patterns in daily activities, hobbies, and cultures, there is a risk of compromising national identity. In Vietnam, the younger generation tends to wear conventional clothes from other countries, such as the Korean Hanbok, Japanese Kimono, and Chinese Hanfu, rather than Vietnamese traditional costumes, for instance, Ao Tac, Ao Giao Linh, and Ao Ngu Than, among others. Additionally, if people access advertising, artworks, and TV programs from other countries without discernment, their perspectives may be influenced by some unreliable news, depraved works, and reactionary information.

In conclusion, sharing the same cultural patterns can bring countries worldwide many significant benefits; however, there are numerous serious drawbacks threatening the security and national identity of a country that overshadow them.