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Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for countries where governments spend a lot of money on museums and landmarks.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for countries where governments spend a lot of money on museums and landmarks.

It is true that some governments use a lot of tax income for museums and landmarks. Some people believe that this amount of money should be used for services like schools and hospitals. In my view, this has both good and bad points.
On the one hand, governments use taxes to preserve our rich cultural life. Even though these may be designed to attract tourists, it also available for local visitors to enjoy. This happens because local authorities recognize the value of historical buildings and monuments. As a result, this historical buildings are restored and protected in museums, this also create a huge amount of income which benefits for the tourism. For example, people in Vietnam and tourists usually visit Vietnam National Museum of History in Independence day to understand their history and appreciate it by both tourists and local people. Besides, landmarks also attract enormous amount of travellers because it is provide a place for people who seek for peace or just want to take a picture of them with it.
On the other hand, the more money in museums and landmarks they invest, the less money on educations and facilities they spend. Some developing countries have to choose between landmarks and schools. If that country is lack of schools or hospitals, many children can not go to school and many patient can not have treatment in time. As a result, many individuals find the exit of their country, and this can make nation’s economy falls down dramatically .
In conclusion, there are advantages and disadvantages of use tax income to preserve museums and landmarks. Although it is a good idea, I think services like healthcare and school are more essential.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "a lot of tax income" -> "a substantial portion of tax revenue"
    Explanation: Replacing "a lot of tax income" with "a substantial portion of tax revenue" adds formality and precision to the statement, conveying the idea that a significant amount of tax money is involved.

  2. "Some people believe that" -> "It is argued by some that"
    Explanation: Substituting "Some people believe that" with "It is argued by some that" introduces a more formal and objective tone, commonly used in academic writing.

  3. "good and bad points" -> "advantages and disadvantages"
    Explanation: Changing "good and bad points" to "advantages and disadvantages" aligns with a more formal and academic vocabulary, enhancing the sophistication of the expression.

  4. "Even though these may be designed to attract tourists, it also available for local visitors to enjoy." -> "While these endeavors may be aimed at attracting tourists, they are also accessible to local visitors."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains clarity but uses more formal language, replacing "Even though" with "While" and improving the structure for a more academic tone.

  5. "local authorities recognize the value of historical buildings and monuments." -> "local authorities acknowledge the significance of historical edifices and monuments."
    Explanation: The substitution of "recognize" with "acknowledge" and the use of more formal terms like "edifices" contributes to a more academic language style.

  6. "this historical buildings are restored" -> "these historical buildings are restored"
    Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement by changing "this" to "these" ensures grammatical accuracy in the sentence.

  7. "this also create a huge amount of income" -> "this also generates a substantial income"
    Explanation: Replacing "create" with "generates" and using "substantial income" instead of "huge amount of income" enhances the formality and precision of the expression.

  8. "which benefits for the tourism" -> "which benefits the tourism industry"
    Explanation: Adjusting the phrase to "which benefits the tourism industry" provides a more precise and formal description of how income generated contributes to tourism.

  9. "For example, people in Vietnam and tourists usually visit Vietnam National Museum of History in Independence day" -> "For instance, both locals and tourists often visit the Vietnam National Museum of History on Independence Day."
    Explanation: The revision improves sentence structure, adds clarity, and uses more formal language, such as "For instance" instead of "For example."

  10. "landmarks also attract enormous amount of travellers because it is provide a place for people who seek for peace or just want to take a picture of them with it." -> "Landmarks also attract a significant number of travelers as they provide a space for individuals seeking tranquility or simply wanting to capture a moment with them."
    Explanation: The changes enhance the formality and precision of the sentence, ensuring clarity and academic appropriateness.

  11. "the more money in museums and landmarks they invest" -> "the greater the financial investment in museums and landmarks"
    Explanation: The revision replaces colloquial language with more formal expressions, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

  12. "the less money on educations and facilities they spend" -> "the less money they allocate to education and facilities"
    Explanation: Using "allocate" instead of "spend" and restructuring the sentence improves precision and aligns with a more formal style.

  13. "If that country is lack of schools or hospitals" -> "If that country lacks schools or hospitals"
    Explanation: Correcting the grammatical error by changing "is lack of" to "lacks" ensures proper syntax and maintains a formal tone.

  14. "many children can not go to school" -> "many children cannot attend school"
    Explanation: The corrected form improves grammatical accuracy by replacing "can not" with "cannot" and maintains formality.

  15. "many patient can not have treatment in time" -> "many patients cannot receive timely treatment"
    Explanation: Similar to the previous suggestion, this change enhances grammatical accuracy and formal language use.

  16. "individuals find the exit of their country" -> "individuals seek opportunities outside their country"
    Explanation: Substituting "find the exit" with "seek opportunities outside" improves the formality and clarity of the expression.

  17. "this can make nation’s economy falls down dramatically" -> "this can lead to a dramatic decline in the nation’s economy"
    Explanation: The revised version employs more formal language, replacing colloquial terms like "falls down" with "decline" for a more academic tone.

  18. "there are advantages and disadvantages of use tax income" -> "there are advantages and disadvantages to using tax income"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence and replacing "of use tax income" with "to using tax income" improves clarity and aligns with a more formal style.

  19. "Although it is a good idea" -> "While the concept is commendable"
    Explanation: The suggested change introduces a more formal expression, replacing "Although it is a good idea" with "While the concept is commendable."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of governments spending money on museums and landmarks. The writer mentions the preservation of cultural heritage, tourism benefits, and the potential impact on education and healthcare.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, provide more specific examples of countries facing the dilemma of choosing between investing in landmarks and education or healthcare. Additionally, consider elaborating on the importance of balancing cultural preservation with essential services.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is reasonably clear throughout the essay. The introduction and conclusion express a preference for prioritizing essential services like healthcare and education, while acknowledging the cultural and tourism benefits of landmarks and museums.
    • How to improve: To strengthen clarity, consider explicitly stating the position in the introduction and reinforcing it in the body paragraphs. This will help readers follow the author’s stance more easily.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, with examples such as the Vietnam National Museum of History. However, some points lack depth and could benefit from more elaborate explanations. The connection between cultural preservation, tourism income, and the impact on education and healthcare could be developed further.
    • How to improve: Extend each supporting point by providing more specific details, examples, or data. This will enrich the essay and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but could improve in maintaining focus. The discussion on tourism benefits and local appreciation is well-linked, but the shift to the impact on education and healthcare is somewhat abrupt.
    • How to improve: Ensure a smoother transition between points by using transitional phrases. Additionally, provide a more explicit link between the positive aspects of landmarks and museums and the potential drawbacks to create a more cohesive argument.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively addresses the advantages and disadvantages of governments spending on museums and landmarks, it can be improved by enhancing specificity in examples, strengthening the clarity of the author’s position, deepening the development of ideas, and ensuring a smoother flow between points.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs presenting both sides of the argument, and a concise conclusion. However, there are instances where the connection between ideas could be strengthened. For instance, the transition from discussing the positive aspects of preserving cultural landmarks to the potential negative impact on education is somewhat abrupt.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases to smoothly guide the reader from one point to the next. For instance, phrases like "On the contrary" or "However" could be employed to signal shifts between advantages and disadvantages.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but their structure could be improved for better coherence. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a specific aspect of the argument, but some paragraphs in this essay address multiple ideas, affecting clarity.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. For instance, separate the discussion of advantages and disadvantages into distinct paragraphs to enhance clarity. Additionally, consider varying sentence lengths and structures to create a more engaging and readable text.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices, such as linking words (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand") and pronouns (e.g., "this," "it"). However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the use of cohesive devices to create a more seamless and connected text.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices, including synonyms for commonly used linking words and phrases. Additionally, pay attention to the consistent use of pronouns to avoid ambiguity. For example, replace ambiguous pronouns with specific nouns to enhance clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. While it includes some relevant terms such as "tax income," "cultural life," and "historical buildings," there is room for improvement in diversifying vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely and vividly.
    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical variety, consider incorporating specific terminology related to cultural preservation, tourism, and economic impacts. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "historical buildings," employ synonyms like "architectural heritage" or "cultural artifacts" to add richness to the expression.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The use of vocabulary is generally precise, with appropriate terms like "restore" and "protect." However, there are instances of repetitive language, such as the frequent use of "tourists" and "local people," which could be diversified for a more nuanced expression.
    • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by avoiding redundancy. For instance, instead of repeating "tourists" and "local people," vary your language with terms like "visitors" or "residents." This not only adds diversity but also demonstrates a more nuanced understanding of your audience.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with minimal errors. However, there are a few instances where grammatical errors, such as missing articles ("it is provide" should be "it provides") and subject-verb agreement issues ("this historical buildings are restored" should be "these historical buildings are restored"), are present.
    • How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to grammatical details during the proofreading stage. Reading the essay aloud can help identify and rectify such errors. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-check tools to enhance overall accuracy.

Overall, while the essay successfully conveys the pros and cons of government spending on museums and landmarks, refining vocabulary by incorporating a broader range of terms and ensuring grammatical precision will elevate the lexical resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences are predominantly used, with some instances of complex sentences. For example, the opening sentence is simple, and the subsequent sentences mostly follow a similar pattern. There is a need for more complex structures, such as the use of relative clauses or varied sentence beginnings, to enhance overall sentence variety and sophistication.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating relative clauses, inverted sentences, and varying sentence lengths. For instance, instead of consistently starting sentences with subjects, experiment with different sentence beginnings to create a more engaging and varied prose.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay displays a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement is not consistent, such as in "this also create a huge amount of income," where "create" should be "creates." Additionally, there are a few awkward phrasings, like "this historical buildings are restored," where the plural form of "building" should be used. Punctuation is generally accurate, though there are a few places where it could be improved for clarity.
    • How to improve: Focus on maintaining consistent subject-verb agreement throughout the essay. Proofread for awkward phrasings, ensuring correct pluralization and verb forms. Pay attention to punctuation, particularly in places where a clearer delineation of ideas could be achieved with well-placed commas or other punctuation marks.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and punctuation, but refinement in sentence structure variety and meticulous proofreading for accuracy would contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued by some that a substantial portion of tax revenue is allocated by certain governments to the preservation of museums and landmarks. Some people argue that these funds should be directed towards essential services like schools and hospitals. In my opinion, there are both advantages and disadvantages to this practice.

On one hand, the investment of tax money in museums and landmarks serves the purpose of preserving our rich cultural heritage. While these endeavors may be aimed at attracting tourists, they are also accessible to local visitors. This is because local authorities acknowledge the significance of historical edifices and monuments. Consequently, these historical buildings are restored and protected in museums, generating a substantial income that benefits the tourism industry. For instance, both locals and tourists often visit the Vietnam National Museum of History on Independence Day. Landmarks also attract a significant number of travelers as they provide a space for individuals seeking tranquility or simply wanting to capture a moment with them.

On the other hand, the greater the financial investment in museums and landmarks, the less money may be allocated to education and facilities. Some developing countries find themselves in a dilemma, having to choose between investing in landmarks and supporting schools. If a country lacks schools or hospitals, many children cannot attend school, and patients may not receive timely treatment. Consequently, individuals seek opportunities outside their country, leading to a dramatic decline in the nation’s economy.

In conclusion, there are advantages and disadvantages to using tax income for the preservation of museums and landmarks. While the concept is commendable, it is crucial to strike a balance, recognizing the importance of essential services like healthcare and education in tandem with cultural preservation.

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