Do you agree that the advantages cars bring outweigh the disadvantages?

In the contemporary era, having a car has become a significant issue for the general public. While some people agree with the opinion that cars bring benefits overshadow the drawbacks, others contend that it also creates challenges. From my perspective, the advantages that cars bring to humans outweigh the disadvantages. This essay will discuss both views regarding the pros and cons of these type of transportation and my personal opinion on this idea.

First and foremost, it is incontrovertible that traveling by cars can lead to more serious air pollution. It means that cars need to use fuel such as gasoline or diesel to drive, so that these substances are the cause of some air pollution and noise pollution issues. A classic demonstration of this is in Hanoi – the leading city in the world in terms of air pollution. This phenomenon is the result of a significant increase in car usage in this city and the citizens in this city are suffering from a lot of health problems and shorter life span. Moreover, people can suffer from more traffic congestion. In rush hour, a huge number of people choose driving a car after working; therefore, there are more traffic jams in large cities nowadays. Additionally, having personal cars needs to charge more expensive costs such as: cost of car service and cost when people buy a car.

On the other hand, in addition to the weaknesses of this problem, there are some significant strengths. First of all, having a car allows people to travel more destinations in a longer distance. A prime illustration of this point is if people living in Hanoi city, they are viable to travel to Hai Phong city – a place that takes 2 hours by car. Furthermore, this transportation can create a more convenient atmosphere for people to travel in severe conditions. For instance, people can easily travel to other places in a big storm or in high temperatures. Last but not least, traveling by own ride helps people to avoid being exposed to fine dust. In some powerful nations such as China or India, people can buy cars to protect their health from air pollution.
In conclusion, the aforementioned facts have created a dilemma when people evaluate the impact of this issue, and it remains a controversial problem. As far as I am concerned, I emphasize that the advantages of cas to humans are more significant than the drawbacks of these types of transportation. People should give further consideration to this issue.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"having a car has become a significant issue for the general public" -> "the ownership of cars has become a significant issue for the general public"
Explanation: The phrase "the ownership of cars" is more precise and formal than "having a car," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.
"cars bring benefits overshadow the drawbacks" -> "cars bring benefits that outweigh the drawbacks"
Explanation: The phrase "overshadow" is incorrect in this context; "outweigh" is the correct term for comparing the relative importance of two things.
"this type of transportation" -> "this mode of transportation"
Explanation: "Mode of transportation" is the correct term in formal and academic contexts, whereas "type of transportation" is less specific.
"incontrovertible" -> "undeniable"
Explanation: While "incontrovertible" is correct, "undeniable" is more commonly used in academic texts to describe facts that cannot be disputed.
"It means that cars need to use fuel such as gasoline or diesel" -> "Cars require fuel such as gasoline or diesel"
Explanation: "Require" is more direct and formal than "need," which is somewhat informal for academic writing.
"A classic demonstration of this is in Hanoi – the leading city in the world in terms of air pollution." -> "A notable example is Hanoi, which is often cited as one of the most polluted cities globally."
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and imprecise. The suggested revision clarifies and formalizes the statement.
"the citizens in this city are suffering from a lot of health problems and shorter life span" -> "the citizens of this city experience numerous health issues and a shorter lifespan"
Explanation: "Experience" is more formal than "are suffering from," and "numerous health issues" is more precise than "a lot of health problems."
"having personal cars needs to charge more expensive costs" -> "owning personal cars incurs higher costs"
Explanation: "Incur" is the correct verb for describing the financial consequences of owning something, and "higher costs" is more formal than "more expensive costs."
"cost of car service and cost when people buy a car" -> "maintenance costs and purchase costs"
Explanation: "Maintenance costs and purchase costs" are more specific and formal terms than the vague "cost of car service and cost when people buy a car."
"having a car allows people to travel more destinations in a longer distance" -> "owning a car enables travel to more distant destinations"
Explanation: "Enables travel to more distant destinations" is more precise and formal than "allows people to travel more destinations in a longer distance."
"people can easily travel to other places in a big storm or in high temperatures" -> "people can easily travel to other locations during severe weather conditions"
Explanation: "Severe weather conditions" is a more formal and encompassing term than "big storm or high temperatures."
"traveling by own ride" -> "traveling by their own vehicle"
Explanation: "Their own vehicle" is grammatically correct and more formal than "own ride," which is colloquial.
"cas to humans" -> "cars to humans"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, replacing "cas" with "cars."
"the drawbacks of these types of transportation" -> "the drawbacks of this mode of transportation"
Explanation: Consistency in terminology is maintained by using "mode of transportation" throughout the essay, rather than "types of transportation."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of cars, which is essential for a balanced response. However, the phrasing in the introduction could be clearer. The statement "cars bring benefits overshadow the drawbacks" is awkward and may confuse readers. The essay does present both sides, but the discussion of disadvantages is more detailed than the advantages, which could lead to an imbalance in addressing the prompt.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are discussed in a more balanced manner. Specifically, the introduction should clearly state that the essay will argue that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Additionally, expanding on the advantages with more examples and details would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer states their position clearly in the introduction and reiterates it in the conclusion. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the body paragraphs. For instance, while the disadvantages are presented with strong examples, the advantages could benefit from more robust support to reinforce the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should explicitly link each point made back to the central argument that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This could be achieved by concluding each paragraph with a sentence that ties the discussion back to the main argument, thereby reinforcing their position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to both the advantages and disadvantages of cars. However, the support for the advantages is less developed compared to the disadvantages. For example, while the discussion of air pollution and traffic congestion is detailed, the advantages such as convenience and health protection from dust are mentioned but not sufficiently elaborated upon.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations for the advantages of car ownership. For instance, they could discuss how cars provide flexibility in travel plans or enhance personal safety compared to public transportation. Including statistics or studies could also strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the advantages and disadvantages of cars. However, some sentences could be more focused. For example, the mention of "fine dust" in the context of health protection could be better connected to the overall argument about the advantages of cars.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the advantages or disadvantages of cars as outlined in the prompt. They could also avoid introducing tangential ideas that do not directly support their argument, ensuring that each point contributes to the overall discussion.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, it could benefit from a more balanced discussion of advantages and disadvantages, stronger support for ideas, and improved clarity in linking points back to the main argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the disadvantages and advantages is somewhat abrupt. The first paragraph discusses the negative aspects of car usage, while the second paragraph jumps to the positive aspects without a clear linking sentence or transition that guides the reader through the shift in focus.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly indicate a shift in perspective, such as "Conversely," or "On the other hand." Additionally, restructuring the essay to discuss all disadvantages in one cohesive section followed by all advantages could create a more logical progression of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. For example, the first body paragraph mixes multiple disadvantages without clearly delineating them, which can confuse the reader. The second body paragraph also lacks a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of the paragraph.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. For instance, in the first body paragraph, a topic sentence could state, "Despite the conveniences cars offer, they also contribute significantly to environmental and social issues." This would provide a clearer framework for the details that follow. Additionally, consider breaking down complex ideas into separate paragraphs to enhance clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "on the other hand," and "last but not least." However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and their use can feel repetitive. For instance, the phrase "first of all" is used to introduce advantages, while "moreover" is used to add information, but there is little variation in how ideas are connected.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "in addition," "furthermore," or "conversely" to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can enhance cohesion without repetitive phrasing. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "cars," you could use "this mode of transport" or "personal vehicles" to maintain variety.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improving the logical flow, paragraph structure, and variety of cohesive devices will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "contemporary era," "incontrovertible," and "traffic congestion" showcasing an attempt to use varied language. However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or basic, such as the repeated use of "cars" and "people." The phrase "the advantages that cars bring to humans" could be expressed more succinctly and effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should consider using synonyms and more varied phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "cars," alternatives like "vehicles," "automobiles," or "personal transport" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary related to the topic, such as "environmental impact," "mobility," or "urban planning," would strengthen the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the advantages cars bring outweigh the disadvantages" is slightly awkward and could be misinterpreted. Additionally, the term "this phenomenon" is vague and could be better defined. The phrase "having personal cars needs to charge more expensive costs" is grammatically incorrect and unclear.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and grammatical accuracy. Instead of "having personal cars needs to charge more expensive costs," a clearer expression would be "owning a personal car incurs significant expenses." Furthermore, ensuring that terms are contextually appropriate will enhance the overall clarity of the arguments presented.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "cas" instead of "cars" in the conclusion, which detracts from the overall professionalism of the writing. Additionally, "type of transportation" should be "types of transportation," indicating a lack of attention to detail in spelling and grammar.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or grammar-checking software can help identify and correct errors. Additionally, reading the essay aloud can help catch mistakes that may be overlooked during silent reading.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary, enhancing clarity, and ensuring spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "While some people agree with the opinion that cars bring benefits overshadow the drawbacks, others contend that it also creates challenges." However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "In the contemporary era, having a car has become a significant issue for the general public" could be rephrased to enhance variety.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases, use conditional sentences, and employ passive voice where appropriate. For instance, instead of starting sentences with "Having a car," the writer could begin with a dependent clause, e.g., "Although having a car has its advantages, it also presents significant challenges." This would add complexity and interest to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay has a generally good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "cars bring benefits overshadow the drawbacks" should be corrected to "cars bring benefits that overshadow the drawbacks." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the incorrect use of a colon in "such as: cost of car service and cost when people buy a car." The correct form would be "such as the cost of car service and the cost of buying a car."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to sentence construction and ensure that clauses are correctly linked. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and the use of conjunctions, would be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors before submission can help catch mistakes that may have been overlooked.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, having a car has become a significant issue for the general public. While some people agree with the opinion that cars bring benefits that overshadow the drawbacks, others contend that they also create challenges. From my perspective, the advantages that cars bring to humans outweigh the disadvantages. This essay will discuss both views regarding the pros and cons of this mode of transportation and my personal opinion on this idea.

First and foremost, it is undeniable that traveling by car can lead to more serious air pollution. This is because cars require fuel such as gasoline or diesel to operate, and these substances are the cause of some air pollution and noise pollution issues. A classic demonstration of this is in Hanoi, which is often cited as one of the most polluted cities globally. This phenomenon is the result of a significant increase in car usage in this city, and the citizens of this city are suffering from numerous health problems and a shorter lifespan. Moreover, people can suffer from more traffic congestion. During rush hour, a huge number of people choose to drive a car after working; therefore, there are more traffic jams in large cities nowadays. Additionally, owning personal cars incurs higher costs, such as maintenance costs and purchase costs.

On the other hand, in addition to the weaknesses of this problem, there are some significant strengths. First of all, having a car allows people to travel to more distant destinations. A prime illustration of this point is that if people live in Hanoi, they can travel to Hai Phong city—a place that takes 2 hours by car. Furthermore, this mode of transportation can create a more convenient atmosphere for people to travel in severe conditions. For instance, people can easily travel to other locations during a big storm or in high temperatures. Last but not least, traveling by their own vehicle helps people avoid being exposed to fine dust. In some powerful nations such as China or India, people can buy cars to protect their health from air pollution.

In conclusion, the aforementioned facts have created a dilemma when people evaluate the impact of this issue, and it remains a controversial problem. As far as I am concerned, I emphasize that the advantages of cars to humans are more significant than the drawbacks of this mode of transportation. People should give further consideration to this issue.