Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can is better for their overall skills development and creativity than reading. To what extent do you agree?

In recent years, the issue of participating in fun activities has been debated as a way to help children develop their skills and creativity more than reading. In my opinion, I would contend that children's creative and skilled abilities can thrive through activities they enjoy.
Without a shadow of a doubt, engaging in exciting activities such as following pursuits and taking up sports is a good option for the young to grow. There is a first justifiable reason to note that sometimes, children cannot comprehend proper words and phrases. Instead, parents can encourage them to follow their pursuits to make them more comfortable. To be specific, painting can be cited as an outstanding instance, which is one of the hobbies can enhance their imagination. By doing this, it provides the children a sense of comfort when following their hobby, but it can also improve their concentration on details while drawing. However, reading is also helpful if parents support their child to select suitable kinds of books.
A second reason for this is that sport is an enjoyable and healthy way for young people to develop their emotional maturity and gain self-esteem. For example, children can take up physical activities like playing football or badminton, which not only improve their health but also help them unwind after a long studying day at school. Hence, it is necessary for the young to enjoy their favorite activities.
In conclusion, engaging in activities that a child enjoys, particularly toddlers, helps to develop their talents and creativity more than reading, and they also remain physically fit and develop skills.
In recent years, the issue of participating in fun activities has been debated as a way to help children develop their skills and creativity more than reading. In my opinion, I would contend that children's creative and skilled abilities can thrive through activities they enjoy.
Without a shadow of a doubt, engaging in exciting activities such as following pursuits and taking up sports is a good option for the young to grow. There is a first justifiable reason to note that sometimes, children cannot comprehend proper words and phrases. Instead, parents can encourage them to follow their pursuits to make them more comfortable. To be specific, painting can be cited as an outstanding instance, which is one of the hobbies can enhance their imagination. By doing this, it provides the children a sense of comfort when following their hobby, but it can also improve their concentration on details while drawing. However, reading is also helpful if parents support their child to select suitable kinds of books.
A second reason for this is that sport is an enjoyable and healthy way for young people to develop their emotional maturity and gain self-esteem. For example, children can take up physical activities like playing football or badminton, which not only improve their health but also help them unwind after a long studying day at school. Hence, it is necessary for the young to enjoy their favorite activities.
In conclusion, engaging in activities that a child enjoys, particularly toddlers, helps to develop their talents and creativity more than reading, and they also remain physically fit and develop skills.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"participating in fun activities" -> "engaging in recreational activities"
Explanation: "Engaging in recreational activities" is a more formal and precise term that better fits the academic context, replacing the more casual "participating in fun activities."
"develop their skills and creativity" -> "enhance their skills and creativity"
Explanation: "Enhance" is a more precise verb than "develop" in this context, suggesting a more specific and intentional improvement in skills and creativity.
"Without a shadow of a doubt" -> "Undoubtedly"
Explanation: "Undoubtedly" is a more concise and formal alternative to the idiomatic expression "Without a shadow of a doubt," which is less suitable for academic writing.
"a first justifiable reason" -> "a primary justification"
Explanation: "A primary justification" is more formal and academically appropriate than "a first justifiable reason," which is awkwardly phrased and informal.
"children cannot comprehend proper words and phrases" -> "children may struggle to understand vocabulary"
Explanation: "May struggle to understand vocabulary" is a more precise and less judgmental way to describe the potential difficulties children may face with language comprehension, avoiding the absolute and somewhat pejorative "cannot comprehend."
"following pursuits" -> "pursuing interests"
Explanation: "Pursuing interests" is a more natural and precise phrase than "following pursuits," which is awkward and unclear in this context.
"taking up sports" -> "participating in sports"
Explanation: "Participating in sports" is a more formal and commonly used phrase in academic writing than "taking up sports," which is somewhat informal.
"sport is an enjoyable and healthy way" -> "sports are an enjoyable and healthy means"
Explanation: "Sports are an enjoyable and healthy means" corrects the grammatical error and uses "means" to generalize the statement, which is more appropriate in formal writing.
"young people to develop their emotional maturity and gain self-esteem" -> "young individuals to develop emotional maturity and enhance self-esteem"
Explanation: "Young individuals" is a more formal term than "young people," and "enhance" is preferred over "gain" for a more precise description of the development of self-esteem.
"they also remain physically fit and develop skills" -> "they also maintain physical fitness and develop skills"
Explanation: "Maintain physical fitness" is a more precise and formal way to describe the ongoing state of physical health, replacing the less formal "remain physically fit."
"engaging in activities that a child enjoys" -> "participating in activities that children enjoy"
Explanation: "Participating in activities that children enjoy" corrects the grammatical error and broadens the scope to include all children, not just toddlers, as intended.
"helps to develop their talents and creativity more than reading" -> "facilitates the development of their talents and creativity more effectively than reading"
Explanation: "Facilitates the development" is a more precise and formal way to describe the role of activities in enhancing skills and creativity, and "more effectively" is a more academic way to compare the effectiveness of activities versus reading.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by arguing that enjoyable activities are better for children’s skills development and creativity than reading. The author provides examples of activities such as painting and sports, which support the claim. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion that explicitly acknowledges the value of reading, as it only briefly mentions reading as a supportive activity without fully engaging with its potential benefits.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should explicitly compare the benefits of enjoyable activities with those of reading. This could involve discussing specific skills or aspects of creativity that reading develops, thereby providing a more nuanced argument that addresses both sides of the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author presents a clear position that enjoyable activities are superior to reading for children’s development. This stance is maintained throughout the essay, with consistent references to the benefits of activities. However, the introduction could be clearer in stating the extent of agreement with the prompt, as the phrase "to what extent do you agree?" is not directly addressed.
- How to improve: The author should clarify their position in the introduction by explicitly stating whether they fully agree, partially agree, or disagree with the statement. This will help set a clear framework for the argument and ensure that the position is evident throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the benefits of enjoyable activities, such as enhancing imagination and emotional maturity. However, some points lack depth and could be better developed. For instance, the discussion on painting could include more details on how it specifically fosters creativity, and the mention of sports could elaborate on the social skills developed through team play.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. This could involve discussing how specific activities lead to particular skills or creative outcomes, thereby providing a richer analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of enjoyable activities for children’s development. However, there are moments where the relevance to the prompt could be clearer, particularly when discussing reading. The brief mention of reading feels somewhat tacked on rather than integrated into the overall argument.
- How to improve: The author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central argument of the essay. This could involve linking the discussion of reading more explicitly to the benefits of enjoyable activities, perhaps by contrasting the two in terms of skill development and creativity. Additionally, avoiding repetition of phrases and ideas will help maintain focus and coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, addressing the suggestions above will help elevate the response to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument that engaging in enjoyable activities is beneficial for children’s skills development and creativity compared to reading. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs follow a logical progression. However, the organization within the paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing painting to reading lacks a smooth connection, which can confuse the reader about the relationship between the two ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next by employing linking phrases that clarify how the ideas relate. For example, after discussing the benefits of painting, a transition could be made to reading by stating, "While painting fosters creativity, reading also plays a crucial role in a child’s development."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs themselves could be more effectively structured. The first paragraph lacks a clear focus, as it introduces multiple ideas without fully developing any of them. The conclusion, while summarizing the main points, does not add any new insights or reinforce the argument effectively.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea, supported by examples and explanations. For instance, the first body paragraph could be dedicated solely to the benefits of creative activities like painting, while the second could focus on sports. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by reiterating the main argument and suggesting implications or further considerations regarding the topic.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for example," "however," and "hence," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "there is a first justifiable reason to note" is awkward and could be replaced with a more straightforward transition.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "furthermore," "on the other hand," and "conversely." This will help to clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately and enhances the clarity of the argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance its coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "engaging," "pursuits," "emotional maturity," and "self-esteem." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "engaging in activities" and "children cannot comprehend proper words and phrases," which could be varied for better impact. The use of "outstanding instance" is somewhat awkward and could be expressed more naturally.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "activities," alternatives like "pastimes," "hobbies," or "engagements" could be used. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to child development and creativity could elevate the essay’s sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "following pursuits" is vague and could confuse readers about what specific activities are being referred to. The phrase "one of the hobbies can enhance their imagination" lacks clarity and grammatical correctness, as it suggests that "one of the hobbies" is a subject but does not specify which hobby.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that vocabulary choices are clear and contextually appropriate. For instance, instead of "following pursuits," it would be more precise to say "engaging in creative hobbies." Additionally, restructuring sentences for clarity, such as "painting is a hobby that can enhance children’s imagination," would improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no major errors noted. However, there are some minor issues, such as the phrase "can is better," which is grammatically incorrect rather than a spelling error. This indicates a need for careful proofreading.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling and grammatical accuracy, the writer should develop a habit of proofreading their work. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or grammar checkers can help identify errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, practicing writing more frequently can help solidify spelling and grammar rules.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in the range, precision, and accuracy of language. By incorporating varied vocabulary, ensuring clarity in word choice, and proofreading for grammatical correctness, the writer can enhance their lexical resource score significantly.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "Without a shadow of a doubt" and "To be specific" adds some sophistication. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "There is a first justifiable reason" and "A second reason for this." This repetition limits the overall range of structures and can detract from the essay’s fluency and coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that combine clauses effectively. For example, instead of starting with "A second reason for this is," the writer could say, "In addition to the benefits of engaging in creative activities, participating in sports also plays a crucial role in developing emotional maturity." This approach not only varies the sentence structure but also improves the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few noticeable errors. For example, the phrase "which is one of the hobbies can enhance their imagination" is awkward and grammatically incorrect; it should be rephrased to "which is one of the hobbies that can enhance their imagination." Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in longer sentences where they could help clarify meaning. For instance, "By doing this, it provides the children a sense of comfort when following their hobby, but it can also improve their concentration on details while drawing" could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate ideas more effectively.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on sentence clarity and structure. Reviewing the use of relative clauses and ensuring proper conjunctions are used can help. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding commas and conjunctions, will enhance the overall readability of the essay. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify areas where punctuation may be lacking or where sentences may need rephrasing for clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, the issue of participating in fun activities has been debated as a way to help children develop their skills and creativity more than reading. In my opinion, I contend that children’s creative and skilled abilities can thrive through activities they enjoy.

Undoubtedly, engaging in exciting activities such as pursuing interests and taking up sports is a good option for young individuals to grow. There is a primary justification to note that sometimes, children may struggle to understand proper words and phrases. Instead, parents can encourage them to pursue their interests to make them more comfortable. To be specific, painting can be cited as an outstanding example, as it is one of the hobbies that can enhance their imagination. By doing this, it provides children with a sense of comfort when engaging in their hobby, but it can also improve their concentration on details while drawing. However, reading is also helpful if parents support their child in selecting suitable kinds of books.

A second reason for this is that participating in sports is an enjoyable and healthy means for young people to develop emotional maturity and enhance self-esteem. For example, children can take up physical activities like playing football or badminton, which not only improve their health but also help them unwind after a long day of studying at school. Hence, it is necessary for young individuals to enjoy their favorite activities.

In conclusion, engaging in activities that children enjoy, particularly toddlers, facilitates the development of their talents and creativity more effectively than reading, and they also maintain physical fitness and develop skills.