During holidays and weekends, young people spend less time on outdoor activities in natural environments, such as hiking and mountain climbing. Why? What can be done to encourage them to go out?

Nowadays, there have been fewer of the younger generation having a preference for spending their weekends outdoors. Personally, I believe this trend to be caused by the far distance between people’s homes and natural destinations as well as the risky nature of this form of entertainment, but there are several things that governments could do to reverse the tendency.
On the one hand, the factors of geographical distance and danger are the reasons for the population’s low participation in outdoor entertainment options. As a matter of fact, activities in open natural space including hiking and mountain climbing, for instance, often require participants to travel to rural areas, most of which are situated far from cities. For this reason, not only would young urban dwellers have to pay for transport fees, but a great deal of their treasured time would also be wasted. Another concern is the potential danger involved since such pastimes are considered as laborious and physically demanding, meaning that injuries are inevitable, among which bone fractures and muscle problems are the most common. So, if people were unfortunately injured, they would need a long time to heal, which is likely to cause interruptions to their work as well as affect their personal lives.
On the other hand, a number of efforts from governments can help reverse the tendency and encourage people to go out to lead a healthier lifestyle. Firstly, national authorities should try to improve the quality of public transport, upgrading the service and lowering the fares, so that outdoor activities, especially those on the outskirts, would no longer be expensive and unapproachable to a large portion of the population. More importantly, governments should be responsible for enhancing the safety by establishing multiple rescue centers where the activities take place, which aims to provide those in need with medical care and help promptly, thereby lowering the risks of accidents.
In summary, it can be concluded that the social norm in which outdoor weekend activities are less favored by youth is mainly caused by disadvantages related to distance and injuries. However, governments are able to encourage their citizens to enrich their recreational lives by enjoying their weekends outside via the provision of affordable transportation and rescue services. Apart from this, I think that governments could also cooperate with schools to raise the awareness of benefits brought by outdoor forms of entertainment.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"fewer of the younger generation" -> "fewer young people"
Explanation: "Fewer young people" is a more direct and formal way to refer to the younger generation, avoiding the awkward construction "fewer of the younger generation."
"having a preference for" -> "preferring"
Explanation: "Preferring" is a more concise and formal alternative to the phrase "having a preference for," which is slightly redundant.
"the far distance" -> "the considerable distance"
Explanation: "The considerable distance" is a more precise and formal way to describe the extent of the distance, avoiding the vague "far distance."
"risky nature of this form of entertainment" -> "risks inherent in these activities"
Explanation: "Risks inherent in these activities" is more specific and academically appropriate than the vague "risky nature of this form of entertainment."
"the population’s low participation" -> "low participation rates"
Explanation: "Low participation rates" is a more precise and formal term than "the population’s low participation," which is somewhat awkward and unclear.
"a great deal of their treasured time" -> "considerable time"
Explanation: "Considerable time" is more formal and succinct than "a great deal of their treasured time," which is overly colloquial and vague.
"considered as laborious and physically demanding" -> "considered laborious and physically demanding"
Explanation: Removing "as" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formality of the sentence.
"injuries are inevitable" -> "injuries are likely"
Explanation: "Injuries are likely" is a more cautious and academically appropriate expression than "injuries are inevitable," which implies certainty that may not be supported by evidence.
"would need a long time to heal" -> "may require extended recovery periods"
Explanation: "May require extended recovery periods" is more precise and formal than "would need a long time to heal," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"lowering the fares" -> "reducing fares"
Explanation: "Reducing fares" is a more direct and formal way to express the intended meaning than "lowering the fares."
"unapproachable to a large portion of the population" -> "inaccessible to many people"
Explanation: "Inaccessible to many people" is a clearer and more formal expression than "unapproachable to a large portion of the population."
"enhancing the safety by establishing multiple rescue centers" -> "enhancing safety by establishing multiple rescue centers"
Explanation: Removing "the" before "safety" corrects the grammatical error and streamlines the sentence for clarity and formality.
"which aims to provide those in need with medical care and help promptly" -> "aiming to provide immediate medical care and assistance"
Explanation: "Aiming to provide immediate medical care and assistance" is more concise and formal, improving the flow and precision of the sentence.
"lowering the risks of accidents" -> "reducing the risk of accidents"
Explanation: "Reducing the risk of accidents" is grammatically correct and more formal than "lowering the risks of accidents," which is awkward and incorrect.
"enjoying their weekends outside" -> "spending their weekends outdoors"
Explanation: "Spending their weekends outdoors" is a more formal and precise way to describe the activity, replacing the less formal "enjoying their weekends outside."
"cooperate with schools to raise the awareness" -> "collaborate with schools to raise awareness"
Explanation: "Collaborate" is a more formal term than "cooperate," and removing "the" before "awareness" corrects the grammatical error, making the phrase more concise and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt. It identifies reasons for the decline in outdoor activities among young people, specifically citing geographical distance and perceived risks associated with such activities. The second part of the prompt is addressed through suggestions for government interventions, such as improving public transport and enhancing safety measures. The examples provided are relevant and illustrate the points made, demonstrating a clear understanding of the question.
- How to improve: To further enhance the response, the essay could include additional reasons or factors influencing young people’s choices, such as the impact of technology or urban lifestyle changes. Additionally, providing more specific examples or statistics could strengthen the argument and show a deeper analysis of the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that the decline in outdoor activities is due to distance and danger, and that government action is necessary to encourage participation. The use of phrases like "Personally, I believe" establishes a personal stance that is consistently supported throughout the essay. However, the conclusion could be more emphatic in reiterating the main argument.
- How to improve: To reinforce the position, the writer could restate their main argument in the conclusion more forcefully and summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs. This would help to leave a lasting impression on the reader regarding the importance of the issue.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented clearly, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the prompt. The first paragraph discusses the reasons for decreased outdoor activity, while the second outlines potential government actions. The support for these ideas is generally strong, with relevant examples provided. However, some points could benefit from further elaboration, particularly in the discussion of government actions.
- How to improve: The writer could enhance the essay by providing more detailed examples of how improved public transport or safety measures have successfully encouraged outdoor activities in other contexts or countries. This would not only support the argument more robustly but also demonstrate a broader understanding of the issue.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, with all points directly related to the decline in outdoor activities and potential solutions. There are no significant deviations from the topic, and the structure supports a logical flow of ideas. However, the mention of cooperation with schools in the conclusion, while relevant, could be more explicitly tied back to the main arguments presented in the body.
- How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus, the writer could integrate the idea of school cooperation earlier in the essay, perhaps as part of the discussion on government actions. This would create a more cohesive argument and ensure that all points are directly connected to the main thesis.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively communicates ideas. With some enhancements in elaboration and cohesion, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the main points to be discussed, which helps set the stage for the reader. The first body paragraph discusses the reasons for the decline in outdoor activities, while the second body paragraph focuses on potential solutions. This logical progression aids in understanding the argument. However, some ideas could be better connected. For instance, the transition from discussing the reasons to the solutions could be smoother to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the reasons to the solutions. For example, after discussing the reasons for the decline in outdoor activities, a phrase like “In light of these challenges, it is crucial for governments to…” could provide a clearer transition to the proposed solutions.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph has a clear focus: the first addresses the reasons for reduced outdoor activity, and the second outlines government actions to encourage participation. However, the conclusion could be more distinct, as it somewhat blends into the final body paragraph without a clear separation.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion is clearly marked and distinct from the body paragraphs. This can be achieved by starting the conclusion on a new line and using a phrase like “In conclusion” to signal the end of the discussion and summarize the key points more effectively.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as “On the one hand” and “On the other hand,” which effectively signal contrasting ideas. Additionally, phrases like “For this reason” and “More importantly” help guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded; some sentences feel slightly repetitive in their structure and linking words.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using “Another concern is,” you could vary it with “Additionally” or “Furthermore.” This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a broader vocabulary and understanding of cohesion.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving transitions between ideas, clearly marking the conclusion, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "geographical distance," "low participation," and "laborious and physically demanding." These expressions show an ability to discuss the topic in a nuanced way. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "outdoor activities" could be replaced with synonyms like "recreational pursuits" or "nature-based activities" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of synonyms and phrases throughout the essay. Keeping a list of alternative expressions related to common themes in IELTS essays can help in diversifying vocabulary usage.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "the risky nature of this form of entertainment" could be more clearly articulated as "the inherent risks associated with outdoor activities." Additionally, the term "laborious" may not fully capture the intended meaning; "physically demanding" would be more appropriate in this context.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey the intended meaning more accurately. Engaging in exercises that involve paraphrasing sentences or using context clues to determine the best word choice can be beneficial.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with no glaring errors that detract from the overall clarity of the writing. Words like "transport," "injuries," and "government" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a solid grasp of English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should regularly practice writing and proofreading their work. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling patterns. Additionally, focusing on commonly misspelled words in English can be useful for further improvement.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resource with room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling practices. By implementing the suggested strategies, the writer can aim for a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "On the one hand, the factors of geographical distance and danger are the reasons for the population’s low participation in outdoor entertainment options" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "if people were unfortunately injured," showcases the writer’s ability to express hypothetical situations. However, there is a tendency to rely on similar sentence patterns, particularly in the second paragraph, where several sentences begin with "the" or "a number of." This can create a monotonous rhythm.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "the" or "a number of," they could use phrases like "Another significant factor is…" or "Moreover, it is essential to consider…" This would not only diversify sentence openings but also improve the overall flow of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors present. For example, the phrase "there have been fewer of the younger generation having a preference" is somewhat awkward and could be more clearly expressed as "fewer young people prefer." Punctuation is generally well-handled, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses. However, there are instances where clarity could be improved, such as in the sentence "which aims to provide those in need with medical care and help promptly," where the placement of "promptly" could lead to confusion regarding what it modifies.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and clarity, the writer should focus on refining awkward phrases and ensuring that modifiers are placed correctly. For example, revising the aforementioned sentence to "which aims to provide prompt medical care and assistance to those in need" would enhance clarity. Additionally, a thorough proofreading process could help catch minor errors or awkward constructions before submission.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and effectively communicates the ideas, but attention to sentence variety and grammatical precision could elevate the writing further.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, there are currently fewer young people having a preference for spending their weekends outdoors. Personally, I believe this trend is caused by the considerable distance between people’s homes and natural destinations, as well as the risky nature of this form of entertainment. However, there are several things that governments could do to reverse this tendency.

On the one hand, the factors of geographical distance and danger are the reasons for the population’s low participation in outdoor entertainment options. As a matter of fact, activities in open natural spaces, including hiking and mountain climbing, often require participants to travel to rural areas, most of which are situated far from cities. For this reason, not only would young urban dwellers have to pay for transport fees, but a great deal of their treasured time would also be wasted. Another concern is the potential danger involved since such pastimes are considered laborious and physically demanding, meaning that injuries are likely, with bone fractures and muscle problems being the most common. If people were unfortunately injured, they may require extended recovery periods, which is likely to cause interruptions to their work as well as affect their personal lives.

On the other hand, a number of efforts from governments can help reverse this tendency and encourage people to go out to lead a healthier lifestyle. Firstly, national authorities should try to improve the quality of public transport by upgrading the service and reducing fares so that outdoor activities, especially those on the outskirts, would no longer be expensive and inaccessible to many people. More importantly, governments should be responsible for enhancing safety by establishing multiple rescue centers where these activities take place, aiming to provide those in need with immediate medical care and assistance, thereby reducing the risk of accidents.

In summary, it can be concluded that the social norm in which outdoor weekend activities are less favored by youth is mainly caused by disadvantages related to distance and injuries. However, governments are able to encourage their citizens to enrich their recreational lives by enjoying their weekends outdoors through the provision of affordable transportation and rescue services. Apart from this, I think that governments could also collaborate with schools to raise awareness of the benefits brought by outdoor forms of entertainment.