Employers should give holidays of at least one month to employees to encourage them to perform better at the workplace. To what extent do you agree or disagree

One school of thought posits that workers are worthy to receive a holiday which lasts at least four weeks annually to enhance their work performance. I believe this opinion is indeed an innovative idea and I strongly support it.

First and foremost, the given occasion can provide employees time to heal their mental and physical. Firstly, this time can increase their mood when they come back to work. This is because an intensive working schedule deprives their family time and makes them exhausted. So, at this time, they can embark on some trips and therefore, they can have more time to relax and strengthen their family bonds. Secondly, some staff can enjoy some outdoor activities to lose weight. In fact, almost of Vietnameses have a 9-to-5 profession and it increases their sedentary time, which results in obesity. In this free time, they can play sports such as football and badminton to enhance their fitness, prepare a better physique to continue working.

Furthermore, this special free time also has a great impact on the company which these employees belong to. One rationale is that provided time creates a favorable opportunity for them to review products and results in past work. This behavior, therefore, can help them to find out mistakes they made from responses from users and thereby, they can suggest solutions to correct their products and attain the desired results. Another justification is that their workers can make up more ideas which are useful for businesses. Indeed, in the time they embark on a host of activities, they have a great exposure to many cultures and they know exactly the need in some specific areas. This, of course, can be implemented in a score of aspects, such as creating a new product or maximizing the effect of advertisement.

In conclusion, I entirely believe that a month without pressures from profession is essential for every individual because it gives staff personal time to recover themselves and also acts as a precursor for the development of companies in the future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"workers are worthy to receive" -> "workers are entitled to receive"
Explanation: "Entitled to" is a more formal and precise term than "worthy to," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in formal writing.
"a holiday which lasts at least four weeks" -> "a minimum four-week holiday"
Explanation: "A minimum four-week holiday" is more concise and formal, avoiding the redundancy of "which lasts at least."
"enhance their work performance" -> "improve their work productivity"
Explanation: "Improve their work productivity" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "enhance their work performance," which is somewhat vague.
"the given occasion" -> "this period"
Explanation: "This period" is more direct and formal than "the given occasion," which is less commonly used in academic writing.
"provide employees time to heal their mental and physical" -> "allow employees to rejuvenate their mental and physical well-being"
Explanation: "Rejuvenate their mental and physical well-being" is a more precise and formal expression than "heal their mental and physical," which is less specific and slightly informal.
"increase their mood" -> "improve their mood"
Explanation: "Improve" is a more formal synonym for "increase" in this context, aligning better with academic style.
"deprives their family time" -> "denies them family time"
Explanation: "Denies them family time" is more direct and formal than "deprives their family time," which is slightly awkward and less commonly used.
"embark on some trips" -> "take some trips"
Explanation: "Take some trips" is a more natural and straightforward expression than "embark on some trips," which is slightly formal but less commonly used in this context.
"almost of Vietnameses" -> "many Vietnamese"
Explanation: "Many Vietnamese" is grammatically correct and more formal than "almost of Vietnameses," which is incorrect and informal.
"9-to-5 profession" -> "traditional 9-to-5 work schedule"
Explanation: "Traditional 9-to-5 work schedule" provides a clearer and more formal description than "9-to-5 profession," which is vague and informal.
"sedentary time" -> "sedentary lifestyle"
Explanation: "Sedentary lifestyle" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic contexts than "sedentary time," which is less specific.
"play sports such as football and badminton" -> "engage in sports such as football and badminton"
Explanation: "Engage in" is a more formal and precise verb choice than "play" in this context, fitting better with academic style.
"make up more ideas" -> "generate more ideas"
Explanation: "Generate" is a more formal and precise term than "make up," which can imply fabrication, which is not intended here.
"a score of aspects" -> "a range of aspects"
Explanation: "A range of aspects" is a more formal and precise phrase than "a score of aspects," which is less commonly used and slightly informal.
"without pressures from profession" -> "without professional pressures"
Explanation: "Without professional pressures" is more concise and formal than "without pressures from profession," which is awkwardly phrased.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear argument in favor of the idea that employers should provide at least one month of holidays to employees. The writer articulates the benefits of such a policy for both employees and employers, thus covering the essential aspects of the question. The first body paragraph discusses the personal benefits to employees, such as mental and physical healing, while the second body paragraph explores the positive impacts on the company. However, the essay could be improved by explicitly acknowledging potential counterarguments or limitations of this viewpoint, which would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, consider including a brief discussion of opposing views or potential drawbacks of extended holidays, such as the impact on productivity during the absence of employees. This would provide a more balanced perspective and strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently supporting the idea that extended holidays are beneficial. The use of phrases like "I believe this opinion is indeed an innovative idea" establishes a strong personal stance. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother to reinforce the position further. For instance, the connection between the benefits for employees and the advantages for employers could be made more explicit.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, use transitional phrases that link the benefits for employees directly to the benefits for employers. This could involve explicitly stating how employee well-being translates into enhanced workplace performance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas, such as the importance of mental health, family time, and physical fitness. Each idea is supported with examples, such as the mention of outdoor activities to combat obesity. However, some points could be elaborated further. For instance, while the essay mentions that employees can review past work during their holidays, it does not provide specific examples of how this might lead to tangible improvements in the workplace.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, consider providing more detailed examples or data to support claims. For instance, citing studies that show the correlation between employee well-being and productivity could add credibility to the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of employee holidays and their benefits. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument without straying into unrelated areas. However, the phrase "almost of Vietnameses" is unclear and could distract from the main argument, as it introduces a specific demographic without sufficient context.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all statements are relevant and clearly articulated. Avoid vague or unclear references, and instead provide context or clarification when mentioning specific groups or statistics. This will help keep the reader engaged and focused on the main argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively argues in favor of the proposed idea. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the writer can enhance the clarity, depth, and balance of their argument, potentially achieving an even higher score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of extended holidays for employees, structured into distinct paragraphs that each address a specific point. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, while the body paragraphs logically follow, discussing the benefits for both employees and employers. For instance, the first body paragraph focuses on the personal benefits of holidays, such as mental and physical recovery, while the second paragraph shifts to the positive impacts on the company. This logical progression aids the reader in understanding the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This would help to explicitly connect each point back to the main argument. Additionally, integrating more transitional phrases between ideas could further clarify the relationships between points. For example, using phrases like "In addition" or "Moreover" can help signal the continuation of thought.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for readability and coherence. Each paragraph is focused on a single aspect of the argument, contributing to a well-structured essay. However, the first body paragraph could benefit from clearer internal organization, as it contains multiple ideas that could be more effectively delineated.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down complex paragraphs into smaller sections when multiple ideas are presented. For instance, the first body paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on mental health and family time, and another on physical health and fitness. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "this is because," and "furthermore," which help to connect ideas and maintain the flow of the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to enhance the overall coherence of the essay. For example, the phrase "in fact" is used, but it could be complemented with other devices like "for instance" or "as a result" to provide more variety.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a wider array of linking words and phrases throughout the essay. This could include using synonyms or alternative expressions for common transitions. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to avoid redundancy. For example, instead of repeating "this time" in the first body paragraph, consider rephrasing to maintain engagement.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, effectively presenting a well-structured argument with logical organization. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it tends to rely on common phrases and lacks variety. For example, the phrases "time to heal," "intensive working schedule," and "outdoor activities" are somewhat repetitive and do not showcase a broader lexical range. Additionally, terms like "workers," "employees," and "staff" are used interchangeably without introducing synonyms or more sophisticated vocabulary that could enhance the essay’s richness.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more varied vocabulary and synonyms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "employees," they could use "staff members," "workforce," or "personnel." Additionally, exploring more advanced terms related to well-being and productivity, such as "wellness," "job satisfaction," or "work-life balance," could elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay conveys its main ideas, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "workers are worthy to receive a holiday" could be more clearly stated as "workers deserve a holiday." Furthermore, the term "almost of Vietnameses" is grammatically incorrect and should be "almost all Vietnamese people." Such inaccuracies can detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that word choices accurately reflect their intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing vocabulary usage in context and considering whether the chosen words convey the desired message. Additionally, using a thesaurus to find more precise alternatives can help improve clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Vietnameses" (should be "Vietnamese") and "a score of aspects" (should be "a variety of aspects"). These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can negatively impact the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help reinforce correct spelling over time. Engaging in regular writing practice can also contribute to improved spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing lexical resource through a wider range of vocabulary, more precise word choices, and improved spelling will contribute to a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "This behavior, therefore, can help them to find out mistakes they made from responses from users and thereby, they can suggest solutions to correct their products and attain the desired results" showcases an ability to connect ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of "this time" and "this special free time," which could be varied further to enhance the richness of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly starting with "this time" or "this behavior," you could use phrases like "In addition to this," or "Moreover," to introduce new ideas. Additionally, integrating more conditional sentences (e.g., "If employees are given a month off, they will likely return more productive") can enhance the complexity and engagement of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "the given occasion can provide employees time to heal their mental and physical" should be "their mental and physical health," as "physical" alone is incomplete. Additionally, the sentence "almost of Vietnameses have a 9-to-5 profession" contains a grammatical error; it should be "almost all Vietnamese people." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are some run-on sentences that could benefit from clearer separation.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For instance, ensure that plural nouns are paired with the correct quantifiers (e.g., "almost all" instead of "almost of"). Additionally, revising run-on sentences into shorter, clearer statements can enhance readability. For example, breaking down complex ideas into two sentences can help maintain clarity and precision. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on specific grammatical structures can also aid in improvement.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the identified weaknesses will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

One school of thought posits that workers are entitled to receive a holiday that lasts at least four weeks annually to enhance their work performance. I believe this opinion is indeed an innovative idea, and I strongly support it.

First and foremost, the given occasion can provide employees time to heal their mental and physical well-being. This period can improve their mood when they come back to work. This is because an intensive working schedule denies them family time and makes them exhausted. So, during this time, they can embark on some trips, allowing them to relax and strengthen their family bonds. Secondly, some staff can enjoy outdoor activities to lose weight. In fact, many Vietnamese have a traditional 9-to-5 work schedule, which increases their sedentary lifestyle and results in obesity. In this free time, they can engage in sports such as football and badminton to enhance their fitness and prepare a better physique to continue working.

Furthermore, this special free time also has a great impact on the company to which these employees belong. One rationale is that the provided time creates a favorable opportunity for them to review products and results from past work. This behavior, therefore, can help them find mistakes they made from responses from users, and thereby, they can suggest solutions to correct their products and attain the desired results. Another justification is that their workers can generate more ideas that are useful for businesses. Indeed, during the time they engage in a host of activities, they have great exposure to many cultures and understand the needs in specific areas. This, of course, can be implemented in a range of aspects, such as creating a new product or maximizing the effect of advertisements.

In conclusion, I entirely believe that a month without professional pressures is essential for every individual because it gives staff personal time to recover and also acts as a precursor for the development of companies in the future.