Employers should give its staff at least four weeks of holidays a year to make employees better at their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

In contemporary society, the concept of work-life balance is increasingly gaining attention as humans are not machines. Some individuals, myself included, argue that employees should be granted a month of vacation each year to enhance productivity.
Opponents of giving employees at least four weeks of holidays a years cite that extended holidays can disrupt business operations, especially in small businesses or industries that require constant staffing, which can lead to operational challenges. Nevertheless, they often fail to mention that regular breaks allow employees to recharge, reducing stress and increasing job satisfaction. Longer holidays help prevent employee burnout, which can lead to poor performance and high turnover rates. This is why employers should provide their staff with a minimum of four weeks of vacation annually to prevent burnout.
Moreover, well-rested employees are more productive and focused. A study by the American Psychological Association robustly corroborates this viewpoint, revealing that individuals returning from longer vacations report not only higher levels of energy and motivation but also a deeper sense of job satisfaction. These refreshed employees, invigorated by their time away, are demonstrably more creative and efficient upon their return, evidencing a direct and impactful correlation between well-being and enhanced performance.
Another instance for my belief is that such generous vacation policies significantly enhance employee loyalty and retention, serving as a tangible manifestation of the employer's regard for their staff's well-being and work-life balance. Staff, recognizing this consideration, are more inclined to commit long-term to the company, reducing turnover rates and fostering a culture of mutual respect and appreciation.
In conclusion, business owners should provide their employees with sufficient vacation time to maintain their mental and physical health, as it is crucial for effectively performing their duties

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"humans are not machines" -> "humans are not mere machines"
Explanation: Adding "mere" emphasizes the distinction between humans and machines, enhancing the academic tone by implying a more nuanced understanding of human capabilities and limitations.
"a month of vacation each year" -> "a minimum of one month of annual leave"
Explanation: "A minimum of one month of annual leave" is more precise and formal, aligning better with the context of employment policies and employee benefits.
"a years" -> "a year"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring grammatical accuracy.
"Opponents of giving employees at least four weeks of holidays a years" -> "Opponents of granting employees at least four weeks of annual leave"
Explanation: "Granting" is more formal than "giving," and "annual leave" is the standard term in employment contexts, replacing the less formal "holidays."
"cute that" -> "assert that"
Explanation: "Assert" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "cite," which is typically used for referencing sources.
"can disrupt business operations" -> "may disrupt business operations"
Explanation: "May" is more academically appropriate than "can" as it implies possibility rather than certainty, which is more suitable for discussing potential outcomes.
"which can lead to operational challenges" -> "which may lead to operational challenges"
Explanation: Again, "may" is preferred over "can" for a more cautious and formal tone.
"recharge, reducing stress and increasing job satisfaction" -> "recharge, thereby reducing stress and enhancing job satisfaction"
Explanation: "Thereby" adds a causal connection between the actions and outcomes, enhancing the clarity and formality of the sentence.
"help prevent employee burnout" -> "help mitigate employee burnout"
Explanation: "Mitigate" is a more precise term in this context, suggesting a reduction or alleviation of burnout rather than simply preventing it.
"well-rested employees are more productive and focused" -> "well-rested employees exhibit enhanced productivity and focus"
Explanation: "Exhibit enhanced productivity and focus" is more formal and precise, fitting better in an academic context.
"A study by the American Psychological Association robustly corroborates this viewpoint" -> "A study conducted by the American Psychological Association robustly supports this perspective"
Explanation: "Conducted" is more specific and formal than "by," and "supports" is a more academic term than "corroborates."
"not only higher levels of energy and motivation but also a deeper sense of job satisfaction" -> "not only increased energy and motivation but also a profound sense of job satisfaction"
Explanation: "Increased" and "profound" are more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"invigorated by their time away" -> "reinvigorated by their time away"
Explanation: "Reinvigorated" is more specific and academically appropriate, implying a renewal or restoration of energy.
"Another instance for my belief" -> "Another argument in support of my belief"
Explanation: "Argument in support of" is more formal and precise, clarifying the nature of the statement.
"such generous vacation policies significantly enhance employee loyalty and retention" -> "such generous vacation policies substantially enhance employee loyalty and retention"
Explanation: "Substantially" is a more formal synonym for "significantly," aligning better with academic style.
"Staff, recognizing this consideration, are more inclined to commit long-term to the company" -> "Staff, recognizing this consideration, are more likely to commit long-term to the company"
Explanation: "More likely" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "more inclined," which is somewhat informal and vague.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear argument in favor of granting employees at least four weeks of holidays per year. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs provide supporting arguments, including the benefits of preventing burnout and enhancing productivity. However, while the counterargument regarding potential disruptions to business operations is mentioned, it could be more thoroughly explored to demonstrate a balanced consideration of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could expand on the counterarguments by providing specific examples or data that illustrate the challenges faced by businesses when implementing such policies. This would not only show a deeper understanding of the topic but also strengthen the overall argument by addressing potential objections more comprehensively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, advocating for the necessity of extended holidays for employees. The use of phrases like "this is why employers should provide their staff with a minimum of four weeks of vacation annually" reinforces the writer’s stance. However, the transition between the counterargument and the supporting points could be smoother to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the counterargument to the supporting arguments. For instance, after presenting the opposing view, the writer could explicitly state how the benefits of vacation time outweigh the potential drawbacks, thereby reinforcing their position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly with the use of research from the American Psychological Association to back the claim about increased productivity. The discussion on employee loyalty and retention is also well-articulated. However, some points could benefit from further elaboration or additional examples to deepen the analysis.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer could include more specific examples or case studies of companies that have successfully implemented generous vacation policies and the positive outcomes that followed. This would provide concrete evidence to support the claims made and make the argument more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of employee holidays and their impact on productivity. Each paragraph relates back to the central argument, and there are no significant deviations from the topic. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the importance of vacation time.
- How to improve: While the essay is largely on topic, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the prompt. For instance, when discussing employee loyalty, it could be beneficial to explicitly tie this back to how loyalty can lead to improved performance, thereby reinforcing the main argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the writer could further enhance the clarity, depth, and persuasiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of providing employees with at least four weeks of holidays. The introduction effectively sets the context and states the writer’s position. Each paragraph logically follows the previous one, with the first paragraph addressing opposing views, the second supporting the main argument with evidence, and the third reinforcing the benefits of vacation policies. For example, the transition from discussing the potential drawbacks of extended holidays to the benefits of employee well-being is smooth and coherent.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. This will help guide the reader through the argument more effectively. Additionally, a brief summary of the opposing viewpoint in the conclusion could strengthen the overall argument by acknowledging the complexity of the issue.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each one focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph introduces the topic and presents the writer’s stance, while subsequent paragraphs delve into specific points supporting that stance. However, the essay could benefit from a more structured approach, particularly in the transitions between paragraphs. For instance, the shift from discussing employee burnout to the benefits of vacation policies could be more explicitly connected.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, use transitional phrases at the end of paragraphs to link ideas more explicitly, such as "Furthermore," or "In addition," to enhance the flow of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Nevertheless," "Moreover," and "Another instance for my belief." These devices help to connect ideas and maintain the flow of the argument. However, there is some repetition in the use of certain cohesive devices, which can detract from the overall variety and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Moreover," you could use alternatives like "Additionally," "On the other hand," or "Conversely" to introduce contrasting ideas. This will not only enhance the richness of the language but also improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a compelling argument. By refining the organization of ideas, improving paragraph transitions, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further elevate the quality of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, effectively utilizing terms related to the topic of work-life balance and employee productivity. Phrases such as "work-life balance," "employee burnout," and "operational challenges" show a good grasp of relevant terminology. Additionally, the use of expressions like "tangible manifestation" and "mutual respect and appreciation" indicates an ability to convey complex ideas succinctly.
- How to improve: While the vocabulary is varied, there are opportunities to further diversify word choice. For instance, instead of repeating "employees" multiple times, synonyms such as "staff," "workforce," or "personnel" could be employed to enhance lexical variety. Additionally, incorporating more idiomatic expressions or collocations related to workplace dynamics could enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with a high degree of precision. Terms like "recharge," "job satisfaction," and "high turnover rates" are used appropriately within context. However, there are instances where word choice could be more precise; for example, the phrase "a month of vacation" could be more accurately stated as "four weeks of vacation" to align with the essay prompt and avoid ambiguity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, it is advisable to ensure that all vocabulary directly reflects the context and intent of the argument. For example, replacing "a month of vacation" with "at least four weeks of vacation" would clarify the argument and directly address the prompt. Furthermore, using specific adjectives to describe the type of holidays (e.g., "uninterrupted" or "fully paid") could provide clearer meaning.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with no significant errors that detract from the overall readability. Words such as "contemporary," "psychological," and "satisfaction" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a solid command of English spelling conventions. However, there is a minor error in the phrase "holidays a years," where "years" should be corrected to "year."
- How to improve: To further improve spelling accuracy, it is beneficial to proofread the essay carefully, paying close attention to commonly confused words and pluralization. Utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools can also be helpful. Additionally, practicing writing exercises focused on commonly misspelled words in English could reinforce spelling skills.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resource, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on enhancing vocabulary variety, ensuring precise word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can further elevate their performance in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases such as "Opponents of giving employees at least four weeks of holidays a year cite that extended holidays can disrupt business operations," which effectively conveys nuanced arguments. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, such as "Moreover, well-rested employees are more productive and focused." This variety enhances the readability and engagement of the essay.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, using participial phrases or conditional clauses could enhance complexity. An example could be, "While some argue that extended holidays disrupt operations, it is essential to recognize the long-term benefits of employee well-being." This approach not only adds variety but also deepens the argument’s sophistication.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits strong grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For instance, the phrase "a years" should be corrected to "a year" to maintain singular agreement. Additionally, punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as after introductory phrases. For example, in the sentence "In conclusion, business owners should provide their employees with sufficient vacation time," the comma is correctly placed, but the sentence could be more impactful with a slight restructuring for emphasis.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, careful proofreading is essential. Focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that singular and plural forms are correctly used. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. For example, consider revising sentences to include necessary commas, such as in "Nevertheless, they often fail to mention that regular breaks allow employees to recharge, reducing stress and increasing job satisfaction," where the comma before "reducing" helps clarify the relationship between the clauses.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the sophistication and clarity of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, the concept of work-life balance is increasingly gaining attention as humans are not mere machines. Some individuals, myself included, argue that employees should be granted a minimum of one month of annual leave each year to enhance productivity.

Opponents of granting employees at least four weeks of annual leave assert that extended holidays may disrupt business operations, especially in small businesses or industries that require constant staffing, which may lead to operational challenges. Nevertheless, they often fail to mention that regular breaks allow employees to recharge, thereby reducing stress and enhancing job satisfaction. Longer holidays help mitigate employee burnout, which can lead to poor performance and high turnover rates. This is why employers should provide their staff with a minimum of four weeks of vacation annually to prevent burnout.

Moreover, well-rested employees exhibit enhanced productivity and focus. A study conducted by the American Psychological Association robustly supports this perspective, revealing that individuals returning from longer vacations report not only increased energy and motivation but also a profound sense of job satisfaction. These refreshed employees, reinvigorated by their time away, are demonstrably more creative and efficient upon their return, evidencing a direct and impactful correlation between well-being and enhanced performance.

Another argument in support of my belief is that such generous vacation policies substantially enhance employee loyalty and retention, serving as a tangible manifestation of the employer’s regard for their staff’s well-being and work-life balance. Staff, recognizing this consideration, are more likely to commit long-term to the company, reducing turnover rates and fostering a culture of mutual respect and appreciation.

In conclusion, business owners should provide their employees with sufficient vacation time to maintain their mental and physical health, as it is crucial for effectively performing their duties.