Every year several languages die out (biến mất, tuyệt chủng). Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this option?

Every year several languages die out (biến mất, tuyệt chủng). Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this option?

It would be argued by some that the fewer languages in the world, the more easier for human life when some rare languages are extinction every year. In my opinion, however, I believe that the diversity of languages is more beneficial for humanity.

On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why some think that life will be easier with fewer languages. First, more languages will create some communication barriers. People can only express their ideas in a dialog if they use the same language. My personal experience in China is an example; during my visit to China, I found it challenging to communicate with a monolingual taxi driver due to the language barrier. The second reason is the knowledge barrier. People who can not learn a new language except their mother tongue can not access the endless knowledge sources all over the world that are presented in different languages. This can lead to inequality in education for countries which not use English – the most popular language as a native language. Vietnamese people, for instance, study very hard and spend a long time, about 12 years, in general education to learn English, while American students do not need it and take it for granted .

On the other hand, I would argue that it is better if many differences languages are co-exist in the world. First, the native language is vital for maintaining cultural identity and heritage. The diversity of language are symbolised for the richness of human civilization. One example is Vietnamese folk music, which are inherited from thousand of years, containing many traditional experiences of our ancestors, such as how to culture, how to harvest rice, how to rise catlle … This cultural richness and heritage, preserved through our native language, is something we should all take pride in. Moreover, speaking one's native language fosters closeness and instant connection people who speak the same language. For instance, the French feel an immediate bond with a French-speaking person among people of other nationalities.

In conclusion, although some people think that fewer languages may be more convenient, but the co-existing of many languages are greater and should be protected.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "more easier" -> "easier"
   Explanation: "More easier" is redundant as both words convey the same meaning. "Easier" alone suffices to convey the intended comparison without unnecessary repetition.

2. "extinction every year" -> "becoming extinct every year"
   Explanation: "Extinction every year" lacks grammatical clarity. "Becoming extinct every year" provides a clearer and more precise description of the process of languages disappearing over time.

3. "I believe that" -> "I contend that"
   Explanation: "I believe that" is common but lacks the assertiveness and formality often desired in academic writing. "I contend that" conveys a stronger stance while maintaining a formal tone.

4. "some think" -> "some argue"
   Explanation: "Some think" is too informal for academic writing. "Some argue" is a more appropriate and assertive phrase for presenting differing viewpoints in a scholarly manner.

5. "more languages will create some communication barriers" -> "the proliferation of languages can create communication barriers"
   Explanation: "More languages will create some communication barriers" lacks precision and formality. "The proliferation of languages can create communication barriers" offers a clearer and more academically appropriate expression of the idea.

6. "dialog" -> "dialogue"
   Explanation: "Dialog" is less common in formal writing than "dialogue." Using "dialogue" enhances the formal tone of the sentence.

7. "People who can not learn" -> "Individuals unable to learn"
   Explanation: "People who can not learn" is grammatically incorrect; "cannot" should be written as two separate words. Additionally, "individuals unable to learn" is a more formal and precise phrase.

8. "except their mother tongue" -> "besides their mother tongue"
   Explanation: "Except their mother tongue" is awkward in this context. "Besides their mother tongue" conveys the intended meaning more naturally.

9. "endless knowledge sources" -> "a myriad of knowledge sources"
   Explanation: "Endless knowledge sources" is somewhat informal. "A myriad of knowledge sources" maintains formality while enriching the vocabulary.

10. "countries which not use English" -> "countries that do not use English"
    Explanation: "Countries which not use English" lacks grammatical correctness. "Countries that do not use English" is a more precise and grammatically correct expression.

11. "take it for granted" -> "take it for granted"
    Explanation: "Take it for granted" is an idiomatic expression that may be considered informal in academic writing. Consider revising to a more formal phrase such as "regard it as a given" or "do not appreciate its significance."

12. "differences languages" -> "diverse languages"
    Explanation: "Differences languages" is incorrect; "diverse languages" is a more precise and grammatically correct alternative.

13. "are co-exist" -> "coexist"
    Explanation: "Are co-exist" is redundant. "Coexist" is the correct verb form in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges both perspectives, arguing against the notion that fewer languages would make life easier and advocating for the importance of linguistic diversity.
  • The introduction clearly presents the writer’s opinion against the idea of fewer languages making life easier.
  • The body paragraphs provide reasons why some may believe in the convenience of fewer languages, such as communication and knowledge barriers, while also presenting counterarguments emphasizing the significance of linguistic diversity.
  • The conclusion reaffirms the writer’s stance that the coexistence of many languages is preferable and should be preserved.
  • How to improve: While the essay adequately covers all parts of the question, there could be further development of the counterarguments in the body paragraphs to strengthen the overall argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently advocating for the importance of linguistic diversity.
  • The introduction clearly states the writer’s opinion against the idea of fewer languages making life easier.
  • Each body paragraph presents arguments supporting the preservation of diverse languages.
  • The conclusion reiterates the writer’s stance on the topic.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the central argument and avoids any ambiguity in language or perspective shifts.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas with relevant examples and explanations.
  • Examples, such as the experience with a monolingual taxi driver in China and the educational challenges faced by non-English speaking countries like Vietnam, bolster the arguments.
  • The essay extends the discussion by emphasizing the cultural significance of native languages and the sense of connection they foster.
  • Each argument is supported with logical reasoning and specific instances.
  • How to improve: To further strengthen the essay, consider incorporating additional examples or expanding upon existing ones to provide a richer context for the arguments presented.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, focusing on the importance of linguistic diversity and responding to the prompt’s query regarding the significance of fewer languages in the world.
  • The introduction sets up the discussion by addressing the prompt directly.
  • Subsequent paragraphs maintain relevance by discussing both sides of the argument and providing reasoning.
  • The conclusion reinforces the central theme without introducing new ideas.
  • How to improve: While the essay remains largely focused, ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to the discussion of linguistic diversity and its implications, avoiding tangential points that may detract from the coherence of the argument.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a coherent argument against the idea of fewer languages making life easier and advocating for the preservation of linguistic diversity. To further enhance the essay, consider refining the development of counterarguments, maintaining clarity throughout, enriching examples, and ensuring strict adherence to the central theme.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a coherent organization of ideas. It begins with a clear introduction that outlines the two opposing views regarding the importance of language diversity. Each body paragraph presents a distinct viewpoint supported by examples and reasoning. The essay concludes by summarizing the arguments and restating the author’s position. This logical organization enhances the clarity and coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: To further improve logical organization, ensure that each paragraph’s topic sentence clearly introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Additionally, consider incorporating transitional phrases to smoothly guide the reader through the essay’s flow.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to organize its content. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument and is adequately developed with supporting examples and reasoning. The introduction presents the topic and the author’s stance, while the body paragraphs delve into the reasons supporting each viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points.
  • How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, consider varying the length and structure of sentences within each paragraph to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph maintains coherence by focusing on a single idea or argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and enhance coherence. Transition words and phrases such as "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "first," "second," and "in conclusion" effectively guide the reader through the essay’s structure and arguments. Additionally, pronouns and demonstratives are used appropriately to refer back to previously mentioned concepts.
  • How to improve: To further diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a variety of conjunctions, such as "however," "furthermore," "moreover," and "nevertheless," to indicate contrasting or additional points. Additionally, pay attention to parallelism in sentence structures to maintain consistency and clarity throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating diverse lexical choices to convey ideas effectively. For instance, phrases such as "communication barriers," "endless knowledge sources," and "cultural richness" showcase a breadth of vocabulary usage.
  • How to improve: While the essay displays a strong vocabulary, enhancing the sophistication of lexical choices could further elevate the quality of expression. Encourage the writer to explore synonyms and idiomatic expressions to add nuance and depth to their writing.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally utilizes vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas and arguments. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "more easier" could be replaced with "easier," and "differences languages" could be revised to "diverse languages" for greater accuracy.
  • How to improve: Encourage the writer to pay close attention to word choice to ensure clarity and precision. Suggest utilizing a thesaurus or consulting language resources to find more precise alternatives for common expressions.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally maintained throughout the essay, with only minor errors observed (e.g., "biến mất, tuyệt chủng" instead of "biến mất, tuyệt chủng"). Overall, the essay reflects a solid level of spelling proficiency.
  • How to improve: To further enhance spelling accuracy, recommend proofreading techniques such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools to catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, encourage the writer to review commonly misspelled words to strengthen their spelling skills.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. Simple sentences are used for straightforward statements, while compound sentences connect related ideas. Complex sentences are employed to express more nuanced thoughts and arguments. For instance, in the introductory paragraph, the writer uses a complex sentence: "It would be argued by some that the fewer languages in the world, the more easier for human life when some rare languages are extinction every year." This sentence structure effectively introduces the topic and presents a viewpoint, showcasing proficiency in syntax variation.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more advanced sentence patterns such as parallelism, conditional sentences, and inverted sentences. Additionally, aim for a balance between short and long sentences to maintain coherence and readability throughout the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong grasp of grammar and punctuation overall. Most sentences are grammatically correct, with only a few minor errors observed. For instance, there are slight inaccuracies in subject-verb agreement ("some rare languages are extinction") and article usage ("the more easier"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences ("For instance, the French feel an immediate bond with a French-speaking person among people of other nationalities.").
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage to ensure sentences are structurally sound. Proofreading for punctuation errors, especially comma usage in complex sentences, can help enhance clarity and coherence. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to identify and correct errors more effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is contended by some that life would become easier if fewer languages existed, as some rare languages are becoming extinct every year. However, I contend that the proliferation of languages is more beneficial for humanity.

On one hand, some argue that life would be easier with fewer languages. Firstly, the presence of numerous languages can create communication barriers. Effective dialogue can only occur when individuals share a common language. For instance, during a visit to China, I encountered difficulty communicating with a monolingual taxi driver due to the language barrier. Secondly, there is the issue of knowledge accessibility. Individuals unable to learn languages besides their mother tongue may face challenges accessing a myriad of knowledge sources available in different languages. This can result in educational disparities, particularly in countries that do not use English as a primary language. For example, Vietnamese students devote considerable time and effort to learning English, whereas English-speaking students may take this skill for granted.

On the other hand, I maintain that the coexistence of diverse languages is preferable. Firstly, native languages play a crucial role in preserving cultural identity and heritage. The diversity of languages symbolizes the richness of human civilization. Vietnamese folk music, for instance, embodies centuries-old traditions and experiences, including agricultural practices and cultural rituals. Preserving these traditions through our native language is a source of pride. Additionally, speaking one’s native language fosters connections and camaraderie among speakers. For instance, French speakers often share an immediate bond, irrespective of nationality.

In conclusion, while some argue for the convenience of fewer languages, I contend that the coexistence of diverse languages is more beneficial and should be safeguarded.