EX 1: The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment.What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?(22/12/2021)

It can be seen that the number of consumer goods produced is increasing each day. This is causing heavy pollution and great destruction to the natural environment. There are several reasons leading to this phenomenon, which necessitates timely action from both governments and business to tackle it.

There are several resulting in damage to the environment.One of them is manufacturers only produce disposable consumables that cannot be recycled. In order to gain high profits, companies produce non-recyclable items due to the fact that producing those items will save more costs than using environmentally friendly products.Therefore, instead of being recycled, the amount of waste is thrown away, causing additional environmental problems Another main reason is the serious lack of awareness of the people. Nowadays, some consumers are too carefree, not thinking about the consequences. They throw plastic items into canals, lawns or even burn old clothes, plastic materials and also believe that helps protect the environment .

There are many measures that can be implemented that can address this issue. The government should issue fines for companies that continue to use environmentally harmful materials. Hence, manufacturers will use paper ,boxes made from bagasse… will help users feel secure in recycling without worrying about harming the environment. Furthermore, localities need to launch awareness campaigns and understand the current level of pollution for people. For example, people often tend to throw away clothes they no longer wear. Instead the locality should organize a charity session to donate items to disadvantaged households and children in remote areas.This is not only humane but also contributes to reducing waste.

In conclusion, the natural environment being destroyed due to increasing consumer demand for production is always an issue that needs attention but there are still some solutions to this problem

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Errors and Improvements:

"It can be seen that the number of consumer goods produced is increasing each day."
-> "It is evident that the production of consumer goods is increasing daily."
Explanation: Replacing "It can be seen that" with "It is evident that" improves clarity and removes the passive construction, which is often less direct in academic writing.
"This is causing heavy pollution and great destruction to the natural environment."
-> "This trend is leading to significant pollution and environmental degradation."
Explanation: "Heavy pollution" and "great destruction" are somewhat colloquial. "Significant pollution" and "environmental degradation" are more precise and formal alternatives.
"There are several reasons leading to this phenomenon, which necessitates timely action from both governments and business to tackle it."
-> "Several factors contribute to this issue, requiring prompt action from governments and businesses."
Explanation: "Necessitates timely action" can be simplified to "requiring prompt action." Also, "business" should be pluralized to "businesses" to maintain grammatical correctness.
"There are several resulting in damage to the environment.One of them is manufacturers only produce disposable consumables that cannot be recycled."
-> "Several factors contribute to environmental damage. One of them is that manufacturers produce only disposable consumables that cannot be recycled."
Explanation: The original sentence is incomplete and lacks a clear structure. The revised version improves clarity and readability.
"due to the fact that producing those items will save more costs than using environmentally friendly products."
-> "because producing these items saves more costs than using environmentally friendly products."
Explanation: "Due to the fact that" is simplified to "because," which is more direct and suitable for formal writing.
"Therefore, instead of being recycled, the amount of waste is thrown away, causing additional environmental problems"
-> "As a result, rather than being recycled, the waste is discarded, causing additional environmental problems."
Explanation: The revised version improves readability and uses more formal language.
"Another main reason is the serious lack of awareness of the people."
-> "Another significant reason is the lack of public awareness."
Explanation: "The serious lack of awareness of the people" is simplified to "the lack of public awareness," which is more concise and appropriate for formal writing.
"Nowadays, some consumers are too carefree, not thinking about the consequences."
-> "Today, some consumers are indifferent, disregarding the consequences."
Explanation: "Too carefree" is replaced with "indifferent" for a more formal and precise tone.
"They throw plastic items into canals, lawns or even burn old clothes, plastic materials and also believe that helps protect the environment."
-> "They dispose of plastic items in canals or lawns, or even burn old clothes and plastic materials, believing it helps protect the environment."
Explanation: The revised version corrects the sentence structure and improves clarity.
"There are many measures that can be implemented that can address this issue."
-> "Numerous measures can be implemented to address this issue."
Explanation: The repetition of "that can be implemented" is removed for better flow and clarity.
"The government should issue fines for companies that continue to use environmentally harmful materials."
-> "The government should impose fines on companies that continue to use environmentally harmful materials."
Explanation: "Issue fines for" is replaced with "impose fines on" for a more formal tone.
"Hence, manufacturers will use paper ,boxes made from bagasse… will help users feel secure in recycling without worrying about harming the environment."
-> "Therefore, manufacturers using paper and boxes made from bagasse will encourage users to recycle without concern for harming the environment."
Explanation: The original sentence is fragmented and lacks coherence. The revised version clarifies the meaning and improves readability.
"Furthermore, localities need to launch awareness campaigns and understand the current level of pollution for people."
-> "Furthermore, local authorities need to launch awareness campaigns and educate the public on current pollution levels."
Explanation: "Localities" is replaced with "local authorities" for a more formal and precise term. "For people" is replaced with "the public" for clarity and formality.
"For example, people often tend to throw away clothes they no longer wear."
-> "For example, individuals often discard clothes they no longer wear."
Explanation: "People" is replaced with "individuals" for formality and specificity.
"This is not only humane but also contributes to reducing waste."
-> "This not only promotes compassion but also helps reduce waste."
Explanation: The revised version uses more formal and precise language.
"In conclusion, the natural environment being destroyed due to increasing consumer demand for production is always an issue that needs attention but there are still some solutions to this problem."
-> "In conclusion, the ongoing destruction of the natural environment due to increasing consumer demand for production is an issue that requires attention, but solutions exist."
Explanation: The revised version is more concise and maintains a formal tone.

These improvements enhance the essay’s clarity and formality while maintaining academic appropriateness.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt by discussing the causes of environmental damage due to increased consumer goods production and suggesting potential solutions. It acknowledges the reasons behind environmental degradation, such as the production of non-recyclable items and lack of public awareness, and proposes measures involving government intervention and community awareness campaigns.
- How to improve: While the essay does cover all parts of the question, there’s room for improvement in providing more specific examples or data to support the arguments made. Additionally, ensuring a clearer structure with distinct paragraphs for each aspect of the prompt could enhance the essay’s overall coherence.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance throughout, advocating for governmental and community action to mitigate environmental damage caused by consumer goods production. The position is evident from the introduction to the conclusion.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, the essay could explicitly state the proposed solutions in the introduction and reiterate them in the conclusion for emphasis. This would reinforce the essay’s stance and enhance coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the causes of environmental damage and solutions to address the issue. However, some ideas lack development and support. For instance, while it mentions fines for companies and community awareness campaigns, it could elaborate further on their implementation and potential effectiveness.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the essay could provide more in-depth analysis and examples for each proposed solution. This could include discussing successful initiatives from other regions or illustrating how similar measures have been effective in the past.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by focusing on the causes of environmental damage linked to consumer goods production and suggesting solutions. However, there are minor instances of tangential discussion, such as briefly mentioning charity sessions without directly connecting them to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that all points directly contribute to the central argument. Tangential discussions should either be expanded upon to establish relevance or omitted to maintain coherence and relevance.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the key components of the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in providing more specific examples, further developing ideas, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic. Strengthening these aspects could elevate the essay’s clarity, depth, and overall effectiveness in conveying the intended message.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to organize information logically by presenting causes of environmental damage followed by proposed solutions. However, the coherence is weakened by the lack of clear transitions between ideas and the repetition of points without substantial development. For instance, the essay mentions the lack of awareness twice without providing new insights or elaboration.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay should introduce a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for causes and solutions. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that outlines the main idea and then provide supporting details and examples. Additionally, using transition words and phrases like "Furthermore," "Moreover," and "In conclusion" can improve the flow between ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs but falls short in effectively structuring them. Each paragraph addresses a separate point, but the lack of clear topic sentences and transitions makes the progression of ideas disjointed. Additionally, some paragraphs contain repetitive information, such as the repetition of the lack of awareness in different parts of the essay.
- How to improve: Effective paragraphing involves organizing ideas around a central theme and presenting them cohesively. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, introduced by a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples. To improve, the essay should revise paragraphs to eliminate redundancy and ensure a smooth transition between them.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, primarily relying on repetitive phrases like "one of them is" and "there are many measures." While some attempts are made to use cohesive devices like pronouns ("they"), conjunctions ("Furthermore"), and transitional phrases ("In conclusion"), they are not consistently applied, leading to a lack of coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion, the essay should incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, transitional phrases, and synonyms to connect ideas within and between sentences. Using cohesive devices consistently and purposefully can improve the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, varying sentence structures and introducing parallelism can contribute to smoother transitions between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with varied lexical choices used throughout the text. For instance, phrases like "disposable consumables," "recyclable items," "environmentally friendly products," and "awareness campaigns" contribute to a diverse vocabulary. Additionally, terms such as "bagasse" showcase the writer’s ability to employ specific vocabulary related to environmental sustainability.
- How to improve: While the essay exhibits a broad lexical repertoire, there’s room to incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary to further enrich the content. Introducing nuanced terminology related to environmental conservation and economic factors could enhance the depth of analysis. For instance, instead of using generic phrases like "heavy pollution," employing terms like "environmental degradation" or "ecological deterioration" would elevate the lexical sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary effectively, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "manufacturers only produce disposable consumables" could be refined by specifying the types of consumables being produced. Similarly, the statement "some consumers are too carefree" might benefit from a more precise descriptor to convey the extent of consumer behavior accurately.
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, strive to select terms that precisely convey the intended meaning. Instead of generic terms, opt for specific vocabulary that delineates the nuances of the discussed concepts. For instance, replacing "disposable consumables" with "single-use products" and refining "carefree" to "indifferent" or "apathetic" would sharpen the clarity and impact of the essay’s arguments.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of spelling accuracy, with minimal errors detracting from overall readability. However, there are some instances of misspellings and grammatical inaccuracies that could be addressed for improved coherence. For example, "bagasse" is misspelled as "bagass," and there are minor punctuation errors throughout the text.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider employing proofreading techniques such as spell checkers and manual review to identify and rectify errors. Additionally, focusing on grammatical conventions and punctuation rules can contribute to the refinement of written expression. Practicing regular writing exercises with an emphasis on correct spelling and grammar can aid in cultivating precision and fluency in written communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, "It can be seen that…" (complex), "There are several reasons leading to this phenomenon, which necessitates timely action…" (complex), and "Instead of being recycled, the amount of waste is thrown away…" (compound-complex). These structures generally help convey ideas effectively.
- How to improve: To further enhance the essay’s grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures consistently throughout the essay. This could include more advanced conditional sentences (e.g., second and third conditionals), passive voice constructions, and inversion for emphasis. This will contribute to a more sophisticated expression of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses correct grammar and punctuation. However, there are areas where errors affect clarity, such as: "There are several resulting in damage to the environment." This sentence lacks a subject and is grammatically incorrect. Additionally, there are inconsistencies in punctuation usage, such as missing commas before introductory phrases and in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To improve accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Review and revise for proper punctuation, including the use of commas and periods in compound and complex sentences. Specifically, focus on correcting run-on sentences and fragments to improve overall coherence and readability.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of sentence structure variety, though more complex structures could be utilized. Grammatical accuracy is generally solid, but careful attention to sentence clarity and punctuation consistency is advised to further enhance overall fluency and precision in communication.

This feedback provides a comprehensive analysis of the essay’s strengths and areas for improvement based on the provided IELTS Task 2 checklist and final band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is evident that the production of consumer goods is increasing daily, leading to significant pollution and environmental degradation. Several factors contribute to this issue, requiring prompt action from governments and businesses.

One of the main reasons for environmental damage is that manufacturers produce only disposable consumables that cannot be recycled. They opt for non-recyclable items to maximize profits, as these are cheaper to produce than environmentally friendly alternatives. Consequently, instead of being recycled, the waste is discarded, exacerbating environmental problems.

Another significant reason is the lack of public awareness. Nowadays, some consumers are indifferent, ignoring the consequences of their actions. They dispose of plastic items in canals, lawns, or even burn old clothes and plastic materials, believing it helps protect the environment.

Numerous measures can be implemented to address this issue. The government should impose fines on companies that persist in using environmentally harmful materials. Encouraging manufacturers to use paper and boxes made from bagasse will promote recycling without harming the environment.

Furthermore, local authorities need to launch awareness campaigns and educate the public about current pollution levels. For instance, instead of discarding clothes they no longer wear, individuals could participate in charity sessions to donate items to disadvantaged households and children in remote areas. This not only promotes compassion but also helps reduce waste.

In conclusion, the ongoing destruction of the natural environment due to increasing consumer demand for production is an issue that requires attention, but solutions exist.